“We need to keep our eyes on him,” I muttered under my breath in agreement, “before he replaces all of us.” I don’t know how he managed to turn it into a boy’s song, but in his royal blue tights and his baby-blue tunic, even a line like “I enjoy a tender pass by the boss of Boston, Mass” landed with a reverberating crack on the guys’ side of the slate. Mrs. Packer was positively stupefied. (“Should I have considered non-traditional casting??”) I’m sure it’s no coincidence that two other boys in the ninth grade have been courageous enough to come out since Thanksgiving, because when you’ve got a pioneer like Augie Hwong blazing the trail, what’s there to be afraid of??
INSTANT MESSENGER
AugieHwong: Do you think I overdid it?
AlePerez: Honey, if he won’t marry you after that, he doesn’t deserve you.
We had just enough rehearsal time left for a tech run-through of “So in Love With You Am I” before we broke for the afternoon—and since I’d never had a chance to sing it in my rose-gelled spotlight before, I gave it everything I had. (The only notable difference in my delivery was that I performed the entire song to Anthony without bothering to pretend otherwise. Theoretically, this constituted a breach of Lee’s and my rule about not flirting with boys—but neither of us had taken into account the prospect of a boy who’d have me talking to a llama.) To be entirely frank, I’ve done so much better in the past, it was with some measure of embarrassment that my fade-out on the tag—“so in love with you, my love, am I”—resulted in an impromptu standing ovation by the entire company.
“I’m mortified,” I muttered to Lee as we made our way to our dressing room. “I didn’t deserve that.”
“Then check this out,” she replied laconically, pointing to the back of the house. To my absolute horror, seated in the back row were my brother and my parents. Carlos was wearing a suitably smug grin, Mamita was beaming, and a thoroughly subdued Papa was numbly fielding staccato-like questions from Mrs. Packer and Mr. Disharoon, one of which clearly contained the phrase “promising career.” However, as optimistic as developments appeared from the safe distance of twenty rows away, it was only my brother’s “thumbs-up” that prevented a cardiovascular seizure on the spot and assured me that I’d at least won the first round. Which is as much as I could have reasonably hoped for. After all, even you had to wear down the Banks family by degrees before you could teach Jane and Michael all they needed to learn about their hearts.
“Mr. Banks, on second thoughts, I believe a trial period would be wise. I’ll give you one week. I’ll know by then.”
Mary Poppins, if Hucky ever outgrows you, you’re welcome to come live with me.
Fondly,
Alejandra
UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE
WASHINGTON, D.C.
CLINT LOCKHART
AGENT
Dear Princess:
I’m enclosing Augie’s birthday present to Anthony: Two field box seats at Fenway Park, Aisle 44, Row D, Seats 101–102 (four rows behind the plate) for the September 26 home game versus the Yanks. On the house. The Red Sox owed the CIA a favor. You don’t want to know why.
xoxo,
Clint
Alé,
Was I not supposed to notice the hand-holding with T.C.?
—Lee
Lee,
You were allowed. It’s an open secret.
—Alé
Alé,
Not anymore. Everyone’s talking.
—Lee
Lee,
How did “everyone” find out?
—Alé
Alé,
I told Kathy Fine. Now it’s on the UPI ticker.
—Lee
WASHINGTON, D.C.
THOMAS J. HIRASAWA
STATE OF CALIFORNIA
Dear Ms. Perez and Mr. Keller:
Rep. Ruth Mellick passed along your press release to my office, and I was most impressed that two high school freshmen care so deeply about an injustice that occurred so long ago.
As a third-generation Sansei, I had grandparents in both the Manzanar and Heart Mountain internment camps—my grandfather, in fact, pitched for the Manzanar Gophers—so I’d be most willing to assist your efforts in any way that I can in order to restore the baseball diamond at Manzanar. Please feel free to contact me at your convenience.
Very truly yours
Thos. J. Hirasawa
D-California
INSTANT MESSENGER
TCKeller: Now THAT’S progress. I told you we could count on Aunt Ruth.
AlePerez: You think it means a congressional committee?
TCKeller: At least. See what you started?
AlePerez: See what you finished? Where do you want to eat?
TCKeller: Well, Love Actually is playing all over, but the seats are always better at the Cineplex in Harvard Square. Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking about the rigatoni at Uno Chicago Pizza on JFK Street (an address that ought to appeal to you). Trust me on this?
AlePerez: I’ll trust you on this.
Dear Ms. Poppins,
It finally happened—and without any tricks. Maybe it’s because we’ve shared more in four weeks than we ever did during the semester we wasted flirting like children (God, did I really endorse that idiotic National Recovery Act just to get under his skin?)—but the way we spontaneously locked eyes across a geography classroom last Friday made it clear that you don’t plan falling in love the way you plan a formal dinner for twelve. And don’t ask me what an archipelago is, because it could never matter again.
Your movie doesn’t tell us whether or not you ever had a boyfriend, though it certainly seems obvious that you’ve got some pretty tender feelings for Bert. (Watching you cover them up with a reserved chuckle is positively darling—especially when he’s trying to dance like a penguin for your benefit.) So it’s just possible that I may be turning into more of an authority than you are in this arena. For instance:
1. Boys Are Thorough. It took Anthony three days to ask me out on our first no-other-excuses-to-cover-it-up date. First he had to conduct the appropriate research, for which he used Augie and Lee to run interference. “Find out whether she likes comedies, dramas, or those ginky art movies with titles like Green Plant Facing Southwest.” “How does she feel about Hugh Grant?” (I used to find him adorable—until I met Anthony.) “Does she have a problem with Italian food?” Once he’d collected all of the pertinent data, it was time to be spontaneous.
INSTANT MESSENGER
TCKeller: Hey, I still haven’t seen Love Actually yet, and it’s not going to be around much longer. Want to go? I might have a free night this week before you get tied up with Kiss Me, Kate.
2. Boys Are Predictable. “The seats are always better at the Cineplex in Harvard Square.” The seats at the Cineplex in Harvard Square are indistinguishable from the seats at the Copper Creek Cinema in Des Moines, Iowa, or—for that matter—from the seats at the Coolidge Corner Theatre right here in Brookline. Harvard Square is also a twenty-five-minute ride on the T, assuming that the changeover to the Red Line at Park Street isn’t held up because the tracks have frozen again. What the Cineplex in Harvard Square actually has going for it is that it’s located on Church Street, just off of Mass Ave—the same corner where Anthony’s parents kissed for the first time 25 years ago. So it hardly required a degree in sociology to figure out where the evening was supposed to lead. Did he really think I wouldn’t pick up on it??
3. Boys Are All Talk. For somebody who first introduced himself to me by means of a form letter, the prospect of our first kiss evidently had him terrified. Despite the fact that Uno Chicago Pizza has a four-star Zagat rating, he didn’t even touch his rigatoni—and his dinner conversation was so fractured, I gave up trying to follow his train of thought. Among the things he chattered about were the invention of ball bearings, Johnny Peacock’s batting average in 1938, and why the Netherlands is two-thirds under water.
“Is anything wrong?” I asked as he paid the cashier and dr
opped his wallet on the floor.
“I’m—I’m fine,” he stammered, following a quarter across the checkered tile. “I sway-ah.”
By the time the previews were over, his forehead was covered with sweat and he’d actually started to shake. I got him to calm down a little by feeding him Life Savers—but even so, if you’d asked him what the film was about, you’d have been just as likely to get the plot of The Magnificent Seven.
4. Boys Are Precious. At 9:15, we walked silently up Church Street to Mass Ave. He’d forgotten to put on his wool cap, so I had a chance to add “red ears” to the list of things I already loved. (I slotted it in between “soft brown hair” and “eyebrows fretted with worry.” This is a catalog that’s updated regularly.) But he was still shivering, and it wasn’t the cold. Go easy on yourself, Anthony. We’re going to survive this! When we finally reached the inevitable corner, I would have done anything to let him off the hook. But it was already too late.
“Alé,” he mumbled quietly, as the light changed from amber to red. I turned to face him, thoroughly prepared to take charge myself, but the moment I saw the dimple in his chin (#6 on my list), my knees began to tremble. What’s happening to me?? Without any spoken preliminaries, he let me brush the bangs out of his eyes first—and then he leaned in and kissed me. It was just that simple. So simple, in fact, that I burst into tears.
“Are you okay?” he asked gently, touching his forehead to mine in genuine concern. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“I’m fine,” I wailed. “I sway-ah.” Then he kissed me again, and I really was fine.
One word of advice, Mary Poppins: Give Bert a chance.
Fondly,
Alejandra
Subject: URGENT!!!
From:
[email protected] To:
[email protected] I’m attaching an article in today’s Globe. If we work it right, it’s going to be Anthony’s birthday present to Anthony.
We’ve got just 72 hours to map out a plan, and you’re the brains in this department. So drop everything, including Kiss Me, Kate. This takes priority.
THEATRE
ANDREWS AND GOULET
TOGETHER AGAIN
Julie Andrews and Robert Goulet will be co-hosting this year’s Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS benefit at the Shubert Theatre in New York this Sunday evening, February 15—heading an all-star cast of Broadway and Hollywood luminaries and marking the first time these two musical legends will have appeared together publicly since their Guenevere-Lancelot onstage romance in 1960’s Camelot.
Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS is a not-for-profit corporation that has been funding AIDS research through New York’s theatre community since 1992.
www.augiehwong.com
PRIVATE CHAT
AugieHwong:This is going to be a Mame Dennis cakewalk. I know the layout of the Shubert Theatre like the back of my hand. Once you get past the stage doorman, there’s a couple of steps that lead down to this big room under the stage, right off the orchestra pit. Lots of corners to hide in during the show, but look like you belong there anyway in case anyone notices you. Then—
TCKeller: Wait. What about the “once you get past the stage doorman” part?
AlePerez: Yeah, you kind of glossed over that, didn’t you?
AugieHwong: That’s because it’s a no-brainer! He’ll be on the lookout for gatecrashers, so kids won’t even register on his scope. All you have to do is tell him that you’re Blake Edwards’s nephews Kevin and Seth, and that your aunt forgot to leave your tickets at the box office.
TCKeller: Who’s Blake Edwards?
AugieHwong: Her husband, you gink!
AlePerez: Does he even have nephews?
AugieHwong: How should I know?? And trust me—if I don’t know, the doorman’s not going to know either. Just ask him if he can go get Aunt Julie for you. He can’t, because he’s not allowed to leave his post. So he’ll wave you in and tell you where her dressing room is. (If it looks like he’s getting suspicious, just have Hucky pretend to cry. Even the bottom-lip thing should push it over the top.) But do not bother her before the show. Hide out until it’s over, when she’ll have time to be Mary Poppins for him.
TCKeller: This is the worst idea you ever had.
AugieHwong: Come up with a better one. I dare you. Pop already thinks you’re staying over for the whole Kiss Me, Kate weekend—Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Mom and Dad thought “weekend” just meant Friday and Saturday. So without lying to anybody, we wound up with a Sunday when nobody expects to see you. It’s a gift from God.
AlePerez: I got the train tickets. It’s part of my birthday present. You leave from Back Bay on the Sunday afternoon Acela at 2:15 and come back on a 12:15 A.M. train that gets in at 5:30 in the morning.
AugieHwong: Which is when the Brookline Café opens, so you can hang there with Hucky until it’s time to take him back to the Residence at 8:00. Then just meet us at school.
TCKeller: This is never going to work.
AugieHwong: Tick, you’re the one who believes in magic. So prove it.
Dear Mama,
Now I know how it was so easy for Lucy to talk Ethel into capers like stealing John Wayne’s footprints. When you plan it out ahead of time, somehow it all makes sense. It’s only when it’s all over that you get to find out whether you’re a crackpot or not.
A couple of things I know for sure.
1. I could never lie to Pop. But Augie’s right. When we made our plans for this weekend, Pop and I both figured I’d be staying at Augie’s on Sunday too. So everything is still honest, isn’t it? I mean, my itinerary just changed, that’s all. Not telling him about it doesn’t count as lying.
2. Pop lets me fly on the shuttle by myself to visit Aunt Babe and Aunt Ruth in Washington, as long as I have my cell phone so he can check up on me. So two ginky train rides between New York and Back Bay Station (which is practically down the street from us anyway) shouldn’t be a big stretch, should it? Once we get there, we can take a cab to the theatre and another one back to the train afterwards. It’s not like we’d be walking the streets—and it isn’t much different than spending a whole Saturday at the Pru. Maybe even safer too.
3. I trust Augie with everything, and he trusts me back the same way. He and Mom and Dad were at a party backstage at the same theatre for the Tommy Awards a couple of years ago, so if Augie says it’s do-able, then it is. He’d never let me get into trouble. Come to think of it, he’s always the one who keeps me out of it.
4. Telling Pop won’t work. Even if he came to New York with us, he wouldn’t go along with pretending that we were Kevin and Seth Edwards who had a famous Aunt Julie. Which is the only way we’re ever going to get inside to meet her. Hucky and I can pull this off by ourselves, but Pop wouldn’t be able to.
5. Hucky needs this, Mama. He doesn’t look out the window for Mary Poppins as much as he used to, but that could also mean he’s giving up on her. And I can’t let him stop believing in things when he’s only six.
I love you,
T.C.
P.S. Remember back in the fall when Lori got on my case about x + y, and Pop said that algebra was supposed to help me solve problems? What’s up with that?
x + y = ?
(Hucky needs Mary Poppins) + (Mary Poppins is in New York)
=
(Take Hucky to New York if Pop will let you)
or
(Take Hucky to New York even when Pop says no)
or
(Take Hucky to New York without asking first)
or
(Ask an adult to handle it)
STUDENT/ADVISER CONFERENCE
Lori Mahoney/Anthony C. Keller
T.C.:
I have an urgent question about algebra.
LORI:
Then you should probably ask Mrs. Fitzpatrick.
T.C.:
This is different. She’s not dating my father.
LORI:
Anthony, I’m not actually ?
??dating” him.
T.C.:
Are you going places together and having dinner together and showing up in Vermont by accident?
LORI:
Well, yes, but—
T.C.:
Then I have an urgent question about algebra.
LORI:
Go ahead.
T.C.:
What happens when you add x plus y but there are a couple of different answers?
LORI:
That’s impossible. X has a specific value and so has y. They can only add up one way. Unless there’s a third variable you’re not telling me about.
T.C.:
No, there should only be two. And that’s what I needed to find out.
(Hucky needs Mary Poppins) + (Mary Poppins is in New York)
=
(Take Hucky to New York without third variables)
Dear Mama:
I could never be a bank robber or a hit man, because they can go to sleep the night before their crimes and not wake up once. All I’m doing is kidnapping a six-year-old for fifteen hours to take him to New York for a play date with Mary Poppins—and I had to use a night-light for the first time since I was seven. Is this fair?
INSTANT MESSENGER
AugieHwong: Tick, keep your cell phone charged and don’t forget to take the extra battery. Except for 8:00-9:15 and 9:30-10:15 (when I have my audience to consider), I’m here. Don’t worry, this will work. Nobody in the world could pull this off but my big brother.
INSTANT MESSENGER
AlePerez: Anthony, once we put you and Hucky on the train, it’s in your hands. And if you even think of getting cold feet, just remember that I’ll know it. And you so don’t want to go there.
The only thing that kept my imagination from winding up on a three-state All-Points Bulletin was Kiss Me, Kate. Opening night was Friday, and we had the whole third row reserved just for us: Me and Hucky, Pop and Lori, Mom and Dad and Grandma Lily, Phyllis and her kids (Darius even flew in from Cornell for this), Carlos, and Alé’s parents. I wound up missing the overture because there was an emergency backstage that Mrs. Packer needed my help with.