Nowhere but Here

  “Really?” I had to shout over the painful sounds coming from the speakers.

  “No, we serve a few other wines here.” He laughed. “Some of our neighborhood friends.”

  “I see,” I said, smiling. The winery really was becoming a magical and friendly place in my mind.

  He walked over and said something to the guy manning the karaoke equipment.

  When he came back, he leaned down toward my ear. “It’s so on.” I laughed and dove into my dinner. I drank three full glasses of wine while Jamie sipped his tiny portion.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk so you can show me up?”

  “Yes, that’s my strategy.”

  “But we’re doing a duet. I could make you look really bad and tarnish your precious reputation.”

  He smirked. “I’m thinking of it more as a duel than a duet.”

  I leaned in toward him and deadpanned, “Bring it.”

  A moment later, the karaoke guy announced, “Captain Fantastic and Super Girl, you’re up!”

  Jamie grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stage. “That’s us,” he shouted. I laughed and then my stomach dropped through the floor when I realized I was about to sing to a room full of strangers. Karaoke guy handed Jamie and me our mics, and then we stepped up onto the small rectangular stage. Jamie never looked over at me. He put his head down like he was about to deliver Hamlet’s monologue to a room full of thespians. He clearly took his karaoke seriously. I had to play along, so I quickly choreographed a few steps in my mind.

  When the music came on, I got the pleasure of singing the first line. “Tramp!” I coated it with a thick Southern accent and then jetted my arm out, pointing at Jamie as I spoke the word.

  Still with his head down, his right shoulder began bouncing to the beat as we exchanged the famous back-and-forth between Otis Redding and Carla Thomas. When it was time to sing, Jamie lifted his head, spun around, and slid across the floor, dropping to his knees in front of me as he delivered the line “I know, I’m a lovererererer.” He held his empty fist out and pounded his chest as he sang before winking at me and then hopping to his feet. He sang up to the ceiling dramatically during the second verse, which garnered him a lot of cheering from the audience, mostly from the women, but it was when he went out into the crowd to sing the last verse that he truly lived up to his reputation. He hovered around the ladies who had sung “Vacation,” and I watched as they fanned themselves and laughed like schoolgirls.

  When we were through, he grabbed my hand and held it all the way to the door while yelling back “Thank you!” to the crowd. We both bowed and then he said, “We’ll be back next Wednesday for the encore.” Everyone cheered loudly.

  Once outside, he turned to me, “You were awesome.” His eyes were gleaming.

  “You’re already promising I’ll be back next week? Pretty confident of you, isn’t it? I doubt I’ll still be here next Wednesday. I’m on a serious budget with the paper.” The idea of going back to reality in Chicago made my stomach hurt.

  He drove his hands into his pockets, looked down at his feet, and shrugged. “Wishful thinking, I guess.”

  I was doing the same thing, hoping that there would be some reason to stay longer, to get to know Jamie better. “Well you, my friend, were truly fantastic in there, especially with those ladies.”

  His face went expressionless. “I had to work at that, Kate. It didn’t come easily.”

  We both burst into laughter. I looked up at the sky and saw a hundred million stars shimmering brightly. We quieted, but I stayed where I was, staring at the sky, transfixed. I wondered if I had been at the winery for years. That’s what it felt like. I couldn’t believe I had only known Jamie since the day before. I knew so little about him but I didn’t care because, when I was with him, I didn’t feel alone.

  “Kiss me,” I said strongly. He took a staggering step back and then scanned my face but didn’t respond. “You heard me.”

  “Is that how you ask nicely?” One side of his mouth lifted.

  “Please kiss me.”

  “You have a boyfriend.”

  I didn’t hesitate for a second. “Not anymore.”

  And then his lips crushed mine.

  We kissed eagerly, clutching at each other. My hands went to his neck, tangling my fingers in his soft hair. His hands ran upward from the small of my back. His lips were softer than they looked and he took his time, moving from my mouth to my neck and then up my jawline to my ear, trailing tiny kisses before coming back to my lips. I could have kissed him like that for days. When he finally slowed, his fingers ran up my spine to my neck, and I shivered. When he let go, I stumbled to the side, not completely in control of my body. He braced me by the elbows. His eyes were wide and bright, and I could tell he was waiting for me to say something.

  “That was nice,” I said, still stunned.

  “Nice?” he said in mock offense.

  “Wondrous?”

  “Mind-blowing,” he came back quickly.

  “Spine-tingling.”

  “Exploding stars.”

  “Intoxicating.”

  “Christmas morning.”

  “Chocolate lava cake.”

  “Potassium chlorate and gummy bears.”

  I squinted sharply. “What?”

  “It’s chemistry. Google it.” He took my hand in his and pulled me along into the darkness.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Let’s watch the stars.”

  We lay down on some blankets in the back of his truck, which was still parked in the main parking lot. We watched the stars, talked, and laughed as we heard the drunken ladies pouring out of the restaurant, talking about Captain Fantastic.

  As the parking lot fell quiet, I decided to get personal. “Tell me your story, Jamie.”

  He didn’t move for a few moments. “What do you want to know?”

  “Tell me about your life and what brought you to this place.”

  “Well, I was adopted by two of the greatest people to walk this earth. I was their only child. I grew up on the West Coast, not too far from here, and aside from the diabetes, I had a truly idyllic childhood. When I was eighteen, I found my birth parents. They were married and had another child, whom I’ve never met because a month after I reconnected with my birth parents, they tried to steal money from me.” I squeezed his hand, but he continued without pause. “I cut off all ties to them, not that there were many to begin with. I went to college on the East Coast and then came back to California for a couple of years. Before I found the winery, I traveled a lot and tried my hand at a few different things. I met Susan when I was going through a rough time, and she brought me to this place.” He paused for just a second. “Your turn.”

  It seemed like Jamie was uncomfortable talking about himself or his life. I didn’t get the feeling that he didn’t want to share certain things with me; I just got the impression he was a live-in-the-moment kind of guy and didn’t dwell on the past. Still, something about the way he described his life reminded me of my own, and the solitude I felt in it. I thought dreamily for a moment about how it seemed like Jamie and I were two lost and lonely souls finding each other in the vast wasteland of adulthood.

  “No rebuttal questions?”

  “I want to know about you, Katy.”

  “Well, I was raised in Chicago by my mother. I never knew my father. I don’t even know his name, so I’ll never find him. When I was eight, my mother died of cancer. After that, I went to live with her best friend, Rose. I have no family that I know of, my grandparents are dead, no siblings, no aunts or uncles. I was shy growing up so I didn’t have a lot of friends. I came out of my shell when I went to college, but didn’t have many lasting relationships from that, either. I’ve worked at the Chicago Crier for five years. I live alone.” In that moment I wondered if I was scaring Jamie away, b
ut he just continued listening and nodding every few seconds, so I went on. “I’m good friends with Beth, a writer at the paper. I’m pretty sure she’s a closeted lesbian. I also have a pretty good relationship with Jerry, the editor you talked to yesterday. Let’s see, what else? Oh, my ex, Stephen, just basically told me he never loved me and that he had been unhappy for a long time. So, that’s my story. Pretty pathetic, huh?”

  “He’s an idiot,” he said up to the sky. We were both lying flat on our backs, holding hands.

  “Who, Stephen?”

  Jamie just nodded.

  “I can think of a few stronger words for him. We broke up last night and he was already at breakfast with another woman this morning.”

  “You deserve better,” he said and then brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “Where is Rose now?”

  “She’s dead. She died nine months ago,” I said, flatly. He turned his whole body toward me.

  “Kate, I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t want to talk about her. It’s too hard.”

  “I understand. Let’s change the subject. What shall we talk about?”

  “Um, what kind of music do you like?”

  “A little bit of everything. Mostly indie rock, folk, that kind of thing.” We lay on our sides, facing each other.

  “Same here.”

  “So why’d you ask me to kiss you?”

  I swallowed and made a loud gulping sound. “I . . . er . . . uh, did you not want to kiss me?”

  “Are you kidding? Let me think . . .” He scratched his chin. “I’ve wanted to kiss you pretty much every second I’ve spent with you since we met, but that wasn’t my question.”

  My heart was racing. I felt momentarily paralyzed with fear that I might accidentally blurt out that Jamie was the single hottest guy I’d ever been alone with. “I wanted you to kiss me,” I said, shyly.

  He touched his index finger to my bottom lip and tugged down on it. “I know, but why?”

  “You know why.”

  “Was it my amazing karaoke skills?”

  “No.”

  His face went expressionless. “Was it to get back at your ex?”

  “No.”

  “Then what was it?”

  I smiled giddily and tried unsuccessfully to stop. Finally giving in, I laughed and said, “I like you, okay?” I felt like the biggest dork in the world.

  He smiled, kissed me on the nose, and then said, “I like you, too.”

  • • •

  Later that night, Jamie walked me all the way to the door of my room. I opened it and asked in a confidential whisper, “Do you want to come in?”

  “Yes . . . but I’m not going to.” He took a step toward me, reached his tattooed arm out, and wrapped his hand around my neck, pulling me toward him, my mouth meeting his. He kissed me softly and slowly and breathlessly. “First, I want to take you on a real date tomorrow. I’ll show you the city. There’s somewhere special I want to take you.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Then we’re set. What are your plans during the day tomorrow?”

  “I was going to work on the article, and then unless I get an itinerary . . . I’ll just be hanging around.”

  “Okay, I’ll come and get you around four.” He lowered his voice. “If I don’t see you before then.”

  After he walked out, I looked down at my sneakers and my stupid college sweatshirt and laughed. I hadn’t thought about fitting in or how I looked when I was with Jamie. He made me feel beautiful and alive. I decided to call Beth. I knew Beth liked to write into the wee hours of the night. She usually got to the office later than me but would proceed to brag to everyone about how many words she wrote the night before.

  She picked up on the second ring. “Kate?” She sounded groggy.

  “Oh my god, did I wake you?”

  “No.” She perked up. “I just busted out three thousand words.”

  “Nice.”

  “What’s up? Are you bummed about Stephen, the jackass?”

  “Actually, I was calling because I wanted to tell you that I met someone here.”

  “Man or woman?”

  “Seriously, Beth? A man. I’m straight.”

  “I was just asking. I mean, I wouldn’t blame you, with your history with men and all.”

  “My history? You’ve known one guy that I’ve dated.”

  “I was just sayin’, I wouldn’t blame you. That’s all, geez, settle down. Tell me about the dude.”

  “Don’t tell Jerry.”

  “I don’t tell Jerry shit.”

  “Okay, it’s this guy who works at the winery. He’s gorgeous, but totally not what I’m used to. He’s tall and thin but really muscly. His hair is kind of grown out and sometimes he slicks it back. He has a scruffy light beard and tattoos. Oh my god, his tattoos!”

  “Whoa, Kate. Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do?”

  “That’s the thing. He’s not. He’s really sweet and sensitive, but confident and sexy as hell—and smart, too. I don’t know what the hell he’s doing here picking grapes.”

  “Get his history,” she said urgently.

  “I did. He told me all about his childhood and everything. He had a totally normal upbringing, besides the fact that he was adopted.”

  “I meant get his sexual history before you drop your panties for him.”

  I laughed. “What is it with you and Jerry? You guys think I’m some kind of slut.”

  “Do you know what a dental dam is?”

  “I’m changing the subject.”

  “Get his history, that’s all I’m trying to tell you. If you’re going to have your little winery fantasy, then get the details.”

  “Now you really sound like a journalist. I’ll let you go.”

  She got quiet for a few moments. “Kate, I’m happy for you. Seriously. Enjoy yourself for once. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Lying on the bed, I wondered where my little fantasy could take me. I had a life in Chicago, plants in my apartment that needed watering, and a career. There was Just Bob on the train waiting to give me some life-changing advice, and then there were Beth and Jerry. I thought about all of it, but when I added it up together, sadly it didn’t amount to much. I loved Beth and Jerry, but they were colleagues. I could write anywhere; I could live anywhere. I wondered if Jamie liked me enough to see where things would take us or if he was looking at me as a fling, something temporary.

  I thought about what it would be like to upend my life and move to California, but the idea of losing my rent-controlled apartment scared me. Then I thought about the holiday train. Every year the transit people decorate one train. They completely deck it out—even Santa Claus rides on it. My entire life, all I had ever wanted to do was ride the holiday train, but I’d never been able to catch it. When people would talk to me about how rad it was to ride the holiday train, I wanted to kick them in the face.

  I was trying to convince myself, while lying on that bed, that I had enough reason to stay in Chicago because, hey, I hadn’t ridden the holiday train, but I fell asleep thinking about Jamie and what his rough hands would feel like on my bare skin.

  Page 8

  * * *

  Exposition

  Three knocks startled me out of bed. I glanced at the clock—9:01 a.m. I had never slept in that late. I bolted to my feet and headed for the entryway, wearing only a tight black crewneck T-shirt and black lace panties. I hid my lower half behind the cracked door and peeked out to find a smiling female member of the waitstaff holding a metal carafe.

  “Hello, Ms. Corbin. I have coffee for you. And this.” She handed me a folded-up piece of paper that had the word Itinerary written across it in messy handwriting. I opened the door wide and let her pass into the room. She set the coffee on the corner table and I scrambled into the bathro
om, threw on a white terry robe, and came out, not bothering to tie it.

  “Hi, um . . . ?”

  “Lydia.”

  “Hi, Lydia. I’m having some issues with the Wi-Fi. I think I need a new code?”

  “Okay, I’ll check on that for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “There’s frittata and fresh fruit and muffins and scones in the dining room when you’re ready to come down. I’ll be right back with that code.” She passed me and headed out the door.

  I stood near the entry and started to unfold the itinerary when the three knocks came again. Wow, she’s fast. I opened the door wide to find Jamie on the other side, looking charming. I glanced down at myself and realized my robe was still hanging open.

  “Good morning,” he murmured distractedly. I didn’t move. His eyes skimmed down my body and back up again. He put his hand over his heart and then turned around to walk away but quickly turned back and stood his ground in the doorway. He was trying to collect himself. He looked up at the ceiling and then back at me. When his eyes met mine, he smiled.

  “See something you like?” I asked, using his line on him.

  He cleared his throat. “You have no idea.”

  “I haven’t read my itinerary yet so I don’t know why you’re here.” I batted my eyelashes and smiled innocently.

  “It’s not about that. Although, right now, I’m wishing I’d made breakfast plans with you.”

  “I have work to do, young man.”

  He looked down at his feet and chuckled. “I just wanted to let you know that the rental company replaced your car.” He pulled the black square key from his pocket. “It’s in the parking lot if you want to go exploring today. Just be careful.”

  “Thank you. At first I thought you were Lydia at the door. I asked her to find out about the Wi-Fi for me. Maybe you can help?” He shook his head. “You don’t know how the Wi-Fi works here?”

  “No, I don’t use it, but I can find out for you and send someone up if you want?” He rocked back onto the heels of his work boots a couple of times. It seemed like an impatient gesture.

  “That’s okay. I think Lydia will take care of it.”