Abuse

  “Why?”

  “It feels really good, but I especially love the thought of you using my body to get yourself off.”

  “Ahh,” he says, and now begins sexy friction—slow, steady rhythm against me with his heated cock. He rubs it between my buttocks while still toying with my saturated folds and clit.

  Mindless with arousal as I am right now, I have a sudden realization.

  I remember him explaining that when he focuses on me, it enables him to enjoy himself without triggering his feelings of guilt, shame or panic. Grant is humping my butt, but he’s doing it to make me feel good. That’s what gets him off.

  My pleasure is what he needs in order to heal.

  This is all about me.

  The sensation of his hard cock thrusting against my ass, the tugging and fondling of my aching breasts, his hot breath whispering against my neck, the sexy growl of his voice, his erotic tormenting of my sex, combined with the insight that everything he’s doing is all for me—blows my mind.

  It’s suddenly all too much.

  “I have to come! I’m gonna come!” I cry out suddenly, as the threat of my imminent orgasm overtakes me.

  “Good girl, come for me,” he bites out in a voice that doesn’t sound human. It’s almost a snarl. “Come now.”

  I’ve been holding back for so long, it surprises me when I don’t instantly climax. I’m there though.

  I’m right on the edge.

  Grant’s thick, heavy shaft is pumping against my buttocks, stimulating my sensitive anus. One of his hands pinches my nipple, while his other hand squeezes my clit between his finger and thumb.

  Two of his thick digits wedge themselves deep inside of me and I cry out in bliss. Driving all the way in, their reach is only stopped by the thickness of his hand—but he doesn’t stop there. Those blunt fingers inside of me begin to twist and turn, stretch and explore.

  My clit and my core are so sensitized! The relief I feel as he stretches my inner walls elates me.

  Sexual tension has turned into almost unbearable agony. Grant filling the emptiness I feel inside is pure, unadulterated bliss. My inner muscles begin to pulse.

  Uncontrollably, my hips arch up against his hand, desperately trying to get more of his touch.

  “Yes! Good girl! Fuck my hand!” Grant commands me. “Do it! Ride my fingers! Ride me until you come!”

  “Grant,” I scream out on a half-sob, urgent in my need to obey him—frantically craving my own release.

  I’m shocked by the maelstrom of erotic sensation. My body bowed, my heart hammering, I begin to ride his hand with ruthless, frenzied motion, bucking against his fingers as if my life depends on it.

  I scream his name as I violently erupt when my climax finally rips through me.

  Instinct compels me, combined with the desire to please and obey Grant. I continue to hump against his fingers frantically, but he doesn’t hold them still. He helps me fuck them, slamming into me with exactly the fierce and punishing force I need.

  “Fucking amazing,” Grant growls approvingly. “Your cunt squeezes so tight. You’re so fucking hot!” He’s making loud, primal male sounds of lust and passion.

  Waves of ecstasy overwhelm my senses in rhythmic pulses. My body viciously clenches and relaxes, clenches and relaxes, again and again and again.

  I can’t stop coming.

  Long and intense, my climax seems endless.

  Grant swears under his breath in a litany of muttered curses. He’s not angry, he’s impressed. I’ve pleased him and I know it.

  It gives me a warm feeling inside.

  “That’s right, darlin’,” he murmurs huskily. “You’re so wet, so hot. You drive me crazy, woman. I'll never get enough of you, but I won’t mind if I die trying. You gushed when you climaxed, did you know that?

  Nope, but I’m too blissed out to answer him.

  He sighs with satisfaction. “Fuck, I love the feel of your tight sexy cunt. You gripped me so hard you crushed my fingers. It felt unbelievable—so I’m going to make you come on my fingers again!”

  I love the sound of his voice. This gorgeous man is talking, yet I don’t feel the need to respond. Lost in sensation, I’m not even sure if I understand what he’s saying.

  Hard tremors continue to wrack my frame. I’m utterly shattered. Did I lose consciousness? Everything is black inside, outside—the whole world is empty.

  There’s nothing in my universe right now, except for Grant.

  He’s everything I need.

  When I finally finish climaxing, I feel boneless and I twitch with aftershocks. Sweating and shredded, I pant raggedly, attempting to regain my breath. I hang suspended in Grant’s arms, weak and wrung out, yet joyous in the afterglow. He holds me up, supporting my weight.

  Grant is my foundation.

  I realize then—I’d feel utterly lost without him.

  Chapter 44.

  “There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”

  — Leonard Cohen

  ~~~

  Renata Koreman

  I lay in the dark, my head, torso and one arm cuddled onto Grant’s broad chest. We’re both still struggling to catch our breath.

  Any minute now, I may even be able to uncurl my toes.

  My tits and my pussy are so sensitive, still pulsing with blood. My whole body is deliciously sore, I feel as though I’ve had a vigorous workout.

  And I have.

  Grant had positioned my boneless body; head, chest and shoulders face down on the bed, with pillows beneath my knees on the carpet. My butt up in the air and my legs spread wide apart, he then proceeded to lave, suck and finger me into another two orgasms.

  I don’t know what’s gotten into him; but whatever it is, I hope it’s here to stay!

  He tormented me with pleasure until I shamelessly begged him to fuck me. Finally, he did, taking me doggy style. The memory of what we just did together replays, pounding through my mind—just as he pounded himself into my body.

  I moan, writhing and breathless with anticipation when Grant’s scorching hot cock teases my entrance. My back arches as I reach toward him. I’m desperate to feel him inside of me, my molten core aches. Tears of overwhelming emotion run down my cheeks—I’ve needed him for so long!

  Grant’s hands firmly grip my hips, while his every touch leaves a trail of fire. “How do you want it?” he breathes into my ear. “Rough? Soft?”

  “Hard and fast!”

  In instant response, Grant plunges his cock inside of me, driving inside me with such force and fury he leaves me gasping.

  Ball’s deep, his powerful cock stretching and filling me, he pauses. “Too hard?” he grunts huskily.

  “No! God, no. Harder!”

  He pulls back and brutally surges forward again and again, the sound of his hips slapping loudly against mine. My breasts bounce with the impact of each thrust. In, out, in, out, in a steady, urgent pace. The man is a jackhammer and he feels divine!

  “I’m going to come,” he growls, after a long series of punishing thrusts. “Come with me.”

  The moment his fingers reach down to vigorously rub against my clit—I explode. Such intense pleasure feels almost like pain. Blinded with exquisite ecstasy, I scream his name.

  Talk about, ‘I want to fuck you like an animal!’ I suspect that ‘Nine Inch Nails’ lyric was written about Grant.

  Jesus, he worked me over so thoroughly. My sex twitches with the memory. I’ll never, ever forget it.

  The feel of his large hands holding me tightly in place, exactly as he wanted me was such a turn-on. His big solid body covering mine, his heavy balls banging against my pussy, stimulating my swollen clit as he hammered himself inside of me was exquisite.

  It was the sweetest agony.

  Grant slammed into me so hard and so fast, I’m surprised my eyes didn’t fly out of my head with each stroke.

  My clitoris was so swollen by then. Between the feeling of his balls hitting me in a fast and furious
rhythm, and the friction of the sheets rubbing against my sensitive flesh, as well as the feel of him filling me… well. I'm surprised I didn't come at his first thrust.

  We managed to climax simultaneously, which blew us both away. If I had to guess, I’d say we reached orgasm in less than a minute. However, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover Grant got in sixty hard, fast strokes during that time!

  Talk about pistoning like a pile driver! What a machine!

  This entire day has been unbelievable. A romantic walk, thoughtful conversation and great sex, except Grant is still reluctant to kiss me.

  Never mind, we’ll get there. I smile when I imagine all of the things we need to practice, such as kissing, having sex with the lights on and me going down on him. I know Grant is still hiding shameful sexual fantasies. Eventually, he’s going to tell me exactly what his fantasies are.

  Then I’m going to act them out with him. In time, with a little encouragement, Grant will give in to every dirty, disgusting and filthy sexual act he can conceive of. How hot will that be?

  The thought excites me like crazy.

  I’m so bad!

  Sometimes Grant seems such a Boy Scout, it’s difficult to imagine what he could be hiding. On the other hand, what he did tonight was the work of an expert. The man set me on fire. I like him so much, almost anything he did would get me hot. Yet, there was some real skill evident here. Where did that come from?

  Pulling my hair? Biting, kissing my neck and shoulder, not to mention everything he did when he got between my legs. Whew! Grant rocked my world.

  I make a mental note to ask him how he did it later.

  Smiling against the smooth skin of his chest, I take a few moments to consider what kind of dark sexual fantasies might interest him. Unless he wants to tie me up and beat me, which I very much doubt, I can’t foresee any problems.

  ‘Relax, it’s just sex,’ is the motto I live by.

  Fear, anger, hate, temptation, even an inability to forgive—everyone has something they have trouble dealing with. André says, unless it’s a sin, in order to defeat such unwanted attitudes and emotions is to give in to them. He thinks it’s best to be willing to experience anything.

  That’s why André wanted to dominate me. If I make a choice to be held down—if I decide to re-experience my fears, then perhaps I can get over them. Unfortunately, I just can’t do it. I’m afraid I’ve disappointed André, although he doesn’t show it.

  Feeling trapped, combined with the possibility of punishment terrifies me.

  Grant strokes my hand, where it rests against his chest. “You are so beautiful,” he murmurs, and his sweet, warm breath fans over my face.

  After all those orgasms, I have just enough brain cells left to reject his statement. “It’s completely dark in here, so how would you know?”

  “I don’t need eyes to see your beauty.”

  “Aww,” I say, melting like a marshmallow too near a campfire at hearing his sugar sweet words. “Wow, Romeo, you’re pretty smooth.”

  “That was pretty smooth,” he agrees, with a chuckle.

  “Are you comfortable enough to keep touching if we turn on a light?”

  “Sure,” he says, and switches on the lamp that sits upon the bedside table.

  I blink a few times, getting my vision back. When I can see him clearly, I take in his colorful tattoos and sculpted maleness. Hard and fit, he really is gorgeous.

  Grant looks me over, studying me intently. “Yep,” he says. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  “Thank you.” I grin. “You’re no slouch yourself, handsome.” Grant ignores my compliment, so I add, “I just want to say, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

  A smile transforms his face. “Is that right?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I look at him with playful suspicion. “You seem to have learned some new things since the last time we had sex.”

  A slight hint of red colors his cheeks. He shifts and then sits up, leaning against the headboard. I bite my thumbnail, hoping I haven’t screwed up his easy-going mood.

  Grant’s eyes lock on mine. “I’ve spent the last two weeks reading books and watching YouTube videos about sex. I specifically wanted to know how to please a woman in bed.”

  “Really?” I say surprised, inching up in order to sit beside him.

  “Really.”

  I lean over and kiss his cheek. “And I thought the swing set was your best idea ever. No one has ever given me such a thoughtful gift. But, when you compare it to what you learned through your research…” I sigh.

  His eyes narrow as he studies me, waiting to hear what I’ll say next.

  “Well, I’m not kidding. Nothing can top what you did to me tonight. It was epic.”

  Grant raises his eyebrows and smiles. “I have every intention of topping that.”

  “You do?” I grin. “Better than what you’ve done already? Then I’m a very lucky girl.”

  He shrugs off my compliment, but I can tell I’ve pleased him. His gaze meets mine. “What we did tonight was the most fun I’ve ever had in my entire life. I didn’t know anything could feel that good.”

  “Me too. Let me know when you’re ready and we’ll go again.” My eyes widen when I look down at the sheet that covers us. “Oh, look at that! You’re making a tent.”

  Grant snorts. “I’ve had a constant hard-on ever since I met you.”

  A bubble of laughter escapes me. “So, I’ve noticed.”

  He rolls his eyes. “You would,” he accuses me, with a playfully, pained expression.

  I laugh. “True, but then I try to never let beauty, in all its forms, escape me.”

  Grant smiles.

  “Your cock is particularly gorgeous. The fact you’re hard for me, flatters the hell out of me.”

  Grant takes my hand, raises it to his lips and kisses my knuckles. Totally buzzed, we smile at each other while energy, chemistry, electricity, biology—in fact, an entire library of invisible, sexy, scientific stuff flashes between us.

  “I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” I say.

  “OK,” he says, as he releases his grip on my hand.

  “Do you remember that first night at your house, when we played Truth or Dare?”

  “How could I forget?”

  “After you made me come—which was incredibly hot, by the way—we had a conversation. We were sitting at the kitchen table, having graham crackers and milk.”

  “Yes.”

  “You climaxed and I climaxed, and then you told me you didn’t feel the need to run away. Do you remember? “

  “Of course I do.”

  “Tell me more about what you realized then,” I say. “You said something about pleasing me, what did you mean by that?”

  He opens his mouth and then shuts it again, pursing his lips.

  He’s thinking, but it’s different this time. I can almost read his mind by observing his body language. A powerful cascade of thoughts are rushing through his brain. I see he wants to tell me something important, and yet, at the same time, he also doesn’t want to tell me—or he doesn’t know how.

  Either way, his inner battle is obvious to me.

  “For me, sex was a necessary evil,” Grant finally says, without looking at me. “It was all about my urges, my cock, my release, me.”

  “I understand.”

  A long period of silence passes while Grant gathers his thoughts. He still won’t look at me.

  “Something happened when we were together,” he eventually says, with a slight shake of his head. “I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I think I do now. Sex has always seemed shameful and self-serving. I’ve come to understand my father was an egotistical, yet charming sociopath. I was only a child, but I loved him. It tore me up to discover he’d been selfishly using me.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I murmur. “That kind of betrayal hurts deeply. It also makes trust nearly impossible. You must have come away doubting ev
eryone and everything.”

  “Yes,” he says, frowning. “I never wanted to be like my father.”

  I instantly want to reassure Grant he could never be like his asshole of a father, yet I manage to keep my mouth shut.

  André’s warning echoes through my mind: Your attention must be on him! Your focus on him! Listen, look and learn from him.

  Telling Grant what I think would be the wrong thing to do.

  Right now, Grant is distracted. He’s sorting through his thoughts and experiences and trying to get things straight in his mind. A good therapist would recognize these signs and wouldn’t interrupt this process.

  I’m not a faultless therapist, but I do have my moments. Consequently, I calmly look at Grant with mild, attentive interest.

  And say nothing at all.

  Chapter 45.

  “Courage doesn’t happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life.”

  ― S.L. Alder

  ~~~

  Renata Koreman

  “My father loved sex,” Grant finally says, exhaling slowly in a long breath.

  “Oh?” I say, encouraging him to tell me more. I’m not exactly sure where he’s going with this, not yet, at any rate.

  “Well, don’t you see, Renata?” he says, sitting up straighter and turning toward me. “I was so confused. I jumped to all the wrong conclusions because of the fucked up lessons I learned from him. To my mind, sex equaled selfishness, equaled dirtiness, equaled sin, humiliation, secrets and shame. I equated all of these things as one, grouping them together in my mind.”

  His fingers gently cup my face, caressing along the line of my jaw before dropping back down to my hand, where he lightly traces designs that feel lovely on my skin. He pulls away suddenly and looks up at me.

  I can barely meet his gaze, his captivating eyes are filled with reverence, awe and wonder.

  “It’s not like that with you,” he says in a low voice. “I care about you, so very, very much. When I’m with you, it’s completely different. There’s no sin in sex and no shame either.”

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Thank you. I’m so glad you feel that way,” I manage to choke out.