The Last Resort

  “We need Viktor,” Ankh said. “He’ll know what to do. I’ll go – we can’t afford for the guests to see you, Skully, so maybe you should stay and look after Harriet. And Callie…”

  “The guests!” Callie yelped. The others looked at her expectantly. “Well,” she explained, “it’s nearly dinner time.”

  “That’s hardly important at a time like this,” Ankh pointed out.

  “No, she’s right,” Skully said. “The guests can’t know anything bad has happened. We have to run business as usual. I’ll get down to the kitchen and start cooking. Callie can stay with Harriet.”

  “What about me?” Hayden asked. The others looked at him, startled. They’d forgotten he was there.

  #

  This is getting ridiculous, Swizelsticks thought, as he poured out drink after drink, attempting to calm the restless guests. It was getting late and there was no-one to take their dinner orders. Where were Violetta and Edgar? Where was the band, for that matter?

  “Listen,” Albert Fisher was saying to him now, pointing a stubby finger in his face. “I’ve been out to the reception desk to make a complaint, and there’s no one there. There’s no one anywhere. There’s just you.”

  “Yes sir?” Swizelsticks said warily.

  “Yes. So, I’ll have the steak, the wife will have the chicken, and my son will have the lamb.”

  “Oh,” said Swizelsticks. “Yes, alright.” Hearing this seeming-acceptance of his new-found role as a waiter, several other guests placed their orders too. Swizelsticks tried to remember it all as best he could, then walked through to the kitchen. The kitchen was empty of people and empty of dinner preparations, but full of dirty lunch dishes. This was not a good sign. Swizelsticks bit his lip and tugged at his goatee.

  #

  Lisa had checked the dining hall, the library and several rooms marked “Staff only,” but had been unable to find any sign of Viktor or Craig. Next, she headed for the reception desk. Finding no one there, she stole behind the desk and into the office, gasping when she saw Violetta tangled in a silver net exactly like the one that had ensnared Harriet. Unlike the werewolf, however, the silver had not sapped the vampire’s strength. She was struggling violently, and was even bleeding in places where the net had cut into her skin. Some of the blood had smeared around her mouth. Lisa didn’t like this arrogant vampire very much, but they needed all the help they could get, so she kneeled beside her and began to release her. Violetta stopped her struggling and stared at her rescuer.

  #

  “There was a human eyeball in my drink!” Dan suddenly announced. The room went silent as other guests turned to stare at him. “They tried to cover it up, but it was there, staring at me!”

  “And they tried to cover up the fact that a snake bit me!” Peaches added, before Doreen could stop her.

  Beryl, who had finally been convinced by her friends that she had merely experienced a bad dream, now had second thoughts. “There was a dead arm in the shower, and it touched me!” she said. “Something weird is going on here.”

  Everyone began to murmur at once. Rachel looked over at her husband, who was suddenly very pale. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,’ she said.

  “I think I might have,” he whispered.

  #

  Ankh flung open the door to the reception office just as Violetta was finally released from her bonds. “This young lady must have told you – there’s an intruder in the castle,” he said. “I can’t find Viktor anywhere. I think he must be in his chamber, and of course, I can’t access it. Harriet’s unconscious, so you’ll have to do it.”

  Violetta stared at the mummy in disbelief. An intruder? He didn’t know!

  a fool, she thought. Not bothering to speak to either of them, she strode out of the room. Ankh trotted after her. She was standing in the middle of the entrance hall, scowling in concentration and delicately sniffing the air. “Violetta?” said Ankh. “Aren’t you going to release Viktor?”

  She turned her almond eyes to him and smiled, baring her teeth. “My darling cousin can wait his turn. I’ve a traitor to deal with first.”

  As she exited the castle through the side door, Ankh stood staring after her, flummoxed. “What does she mean, a traitor?”

  “She must mean Ken Trepid,” Lisa said. “He’s the one, doing this, not an intruder.”

  “Ken Trepid? That nice young man? But he was helping me out!”

  “Um… didn’t he tie you up in bandages?” Lisa reminded him.

  Suddenly embarrassed that he’d been tricked, Ankh changed the subject. “Without Harriet,” he said, thinking aloud, “we can’t get to Viktor. The only other way to check on him would be to ask the sisters, since ghosts can go anywhere, but they’re trapped too, and we don’t know where they are.” He scratched his bandaged head in frustration.

  Lisa thought about the problem. “But isn’t there another ghost?”

  #

  Barbara shambled into the beauty salon, muttering and fuming, Amy trailing behind her. “I can’t do anything to Ken Trepid,” she said to Callie, then spat on the floor, much to the gorgon’s disgust. “He’s put some sort of binding spell on my magic. Even those confusion bombs I made won’t work against him.”

  “Then maybe you can do something to help Harriet,” Callie suggested. “A healing spell, perhaps?”

  Barbara regarded the unconscious woman. She laid a cracked and calloused hand on Harriet’s forehead, and murmured a charm. As the welts on Harriet’s face began to heal, growing smaller and paler, wrinkles began to reappear around Barbara’s eyes, and her blonde hairs turned back to grey. Amy watched her, wide-eyed. After a while, Harriet’s skin was back to normal, but she had yet to regain consciousness. “Can’t you do any more?” Callie asked her.

  Barbara cackled. “Get the wizard,” she said. “He’ll bring her round.”

  #

  As Violetta followed the scent trail of Sergio down to the pier, Sergio was entering the stables. Sir Osis was laying there, his body sunken halfway into the floor, his head in his lap, singing an irreverent little song about Queen Elizabeth the First and hiccupping merrily as he drained the essence of the latest smashed whiskey bottle. Sergio smiled at the sight. He wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have captured Osis too, but really, there wasn’t much of a market for type two ghosts, especially ones as messed up as this so-called riding instructor. He wasn’t worth more that a couple of hundred thousand – small change for Sergio. The ghost horse, on the other hand was an interesting novelty that Sergio wouldn’t mind for his own collection. He didn’t have the equipment on hand, unfortunately, but maybe he could come back to the island later. It wasn’t as if it was going to be occupied!

  Suddenly, Sergio heard voices. This was unexpected, and so he hid himself in a closet in the tack room, squeezing in amongst the bridles hanging there. He was astonished when the mummy walked in, accompanied by the woman Sergio had earlier seen snooping. “Reginald!” Ankh said when he saw the ghost. “Get up!”

  “Go away!” the ghost slurred. “I’m bussssy.”

  “It’s an emergency,” said Lisa. “And we need you!”

  “Meh,” Reginald replied, taking another swig.

  “ARISE, SIR OSIS!” Ankh commanded, his eyes beginning to glow red.

  “Alright, alright,” Reginald said, awkwardly dematerialising and then re-materialising in an upright position. “Hold your horses.” Then he began to giggle.

  The mummy, the woman and the ghost left the tack room, and Sergio emerged from his hiding place, wiping sweat from his forehead. This was not good. If Ankh had escaped, had he also released others? It seemed likely that he would have discovered the gorgon and the werewolf next door. If it was just those three loose, Sergio knew he could regain the upper hand. The deal would still go ahead. But first he had to ensure his own safety. He still had the mirrored sunglasses, so that was okay, but the werewolf would be able to scent him. It was time for some evasive manoeuvring. Sergio moved throu
gh into the stables, approached one of the zombie horses, and grimacing, poked at a virulent green festering wound, which squirmed with maggots. Creamy pus welled up from below. Retching, Sergio spread the foul-smelling goo all over his clothes.

  #

  When Skully had entered the kitchen, he had found a forlorn and lost-looking bartender standing at the fridge, staring at the contents in confusion. “Skully! Thank goodness,” Swizelsticks said. “The guests are desperate for dinner. It’s a disaster out there!”

  “It’s worse than you think,” Skully said, as he began to assemble ingredients. He outlined the scenario to an increasingly shocked Swizelsticks.

  “I have to go to her,” Swizelsticks said, as soon as Skully had finished relating the situation.

  “Who?” Skully asked him.

  “Harriet, of course!” Swizelsticks yelled, rocketing out the kitchen and up the main staircase. Barbara was standing in the upstairs corridor. She saw the look in the wizard’s eye and smiled, knowing it was unnecessary to explain anything. Harriet would be just fine.

  #

  Trembling with fury, Violetta followed Sergio’s scent as far as the stables, but here she lost him. The stench of rotting horse flesh was overwhelming.

  #

  Ankh and Lisa raced into the kitchen, Reginald drifting behind them, his head tucked into his armpit, a dopey grin on its face. “We need to make coffee,” Lisa said to Skully. “Lots of it.” Skully was up to his elbow joints in a mixing bowl, but he pointed out the coffee percolator. Soon the mummy and the woman were preparing and then smashing cup after cup of strong black coffee, forcing the ghost to catch and drink the essence. Finally he seemed more alert, and Lisa explained the situation to him.

  “So, you want me to look for the boss?” he said.

  “Yes!” Ankh and Lisa replied.

  Reginald faded from view and Lisa was worried he had flaked out on them, but after a moment, he reappeared. “Viktor’s in a chamber under the stairs, in a coffin, bound by silver chains. He’s not too happy about it either.”

  “Well, didn’t you let him out?” Lisa said, exasperated.

  “Can’t,” Reginald replied. “Can’t touch stuff.”

  “But the ghost sisters knocked over a vase in front of me,” Lisa said.

  “Ah,” Reginald nodded. “They’re type one ghosts. I’m type two. They think they’re so clever, what with their matter interaction. Think they’re better than me…” he began to rant.

  “The sisters!” Lisa said. “They can let Viktor out. Please, Sir Osis, can you go find them?”

  Reginald looked dubiously at Lisa. “They don’t like me, you know.”

  #

  Hayden sat in the playroom in one of its undersized chairs, staring at Amy. Amy stared back. Both of them were annoyed that they had been left out of the action – Hayden babysitting, Amy being babysat. Finally, Amy held out her hand. There was an egg in it. “Want to see a trick?” she said.

  #

  Swizelsticks suggested that Callie go and check on the guests, leaving him alone with Harriet. He stood over her waving his hands in a healing charm. After a moment, he looked over his shoulder to check that no one was watching, bent down and kissed Harriet on the lips. It was a strange sensation to kiss someone with a beard fuller than his own, but not unpleasant. After a few enjoyable moments, Swizelsticks realised that Harriet was growling, a low dog-like rumble. He jumped away from her. Harriet sat up, and snarled. “Violetta!”

  “Um,” said Swizelsticks. “Swizelsticks, actually. Sorry.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Reginald Osis whizzed through the castle, plunging through walls, ceilings and floors, searching for any sign of spiritual energy which might indicate where the three sisters were hidden. All of the whizzing about, on top of the whiskey, was making him woozy. Finally, having exhausted all possibilities, Osis returned to the kitchen to report back to Ankh and Lisa.

  “Are you sure you looked everywhere?”

  “Everywhere I could get to – and they simply aren’t there. I guess they…”

  “Wait a moment,” Lisa interrupted him. “You just said ‘everywhere I could get to’! Was there somewhere you couldn’t get to?”

  “Yes – a bedroom on the second floor, near the stairs.”

  “Ken Trepid’s bedroom, no doubt. That’s where they will be.”

  #

  Sergio bolted for the castle, gun drawn and held in his left hand, a silver crucifix held in the right. He went in through the back door, and turned to the east passage, choosing one of the spiral tower staircases in order to avoid traffic on the main stairs. If there were monsters loose, he had to get to his room and stock up on weaponry. Too much was at stake for him to abandon his plans. As he ran, dripping rotten horse pus, he thought furiously. His first option was to recapture as many of the loose monsters as he could. Failing that, he would bail out of the castle, taking the lighter and most valuable of the cargo – the ghost sisters would fit in a backpack, and Violetta he could probably drug and sling over his shoulder. It would be a shame to leave the others – the last thing he wanted was a castle full of angry creatures wanting revenge, but he consoled himself that only Violetta knew who he truly was. He almost chuckled, thinking about the real Ken Trepid who was currently on a trek deep in the Congo and unaware that his name had been appropriated. He wondered if the monsters would track down the poor idiot and make him pay.

  Sergio had almost reached his bedroom door when the mummy and the woman appeared at the top of the stairs. Everyone froze, staring at each other. Then the mummy opened his mouth to speak, but at the same time, Sergio raised the gun and pointed it straight at Lisa. “No curses, please doctor. Or I’ll have to supply you with a new patient to look after. And I’m not sure scarab beetles can cure gunshot wounds in a human.” The doctor’s eyes glowed, but he closed his mouth.

  Lisa, meanwhile, desperately thinking of what they could do, felt around inside her pockets. Her hands closed on one of the eggs – a confusion bomb! At once, she pulled the egg out and threw it at Sergio. As it landed wetly on his chest, blossoming into a splat of yellow goo, Sergio automatically squeezed the trigger, only just managing to pull his arm wide of the mark as he did so. He didn’t want to shoot the woman. Monsters Sergio could cope with, but the human police were a different matter. Having Interpol on his tail was something he wanted to avoid.

  So the shot missed Lisa, but Lisa didn’t know that Sergio had deliberately missed. Terrified, she threw up both of her hands and stared at the man, waiting for further reaction. Was she going to die?

  Surprisingly, the man laughed. He still held the gun on Lisa, but with his other hand he was unlocking his door. “Was that egg supposed to be one of the witch’s special tricks?” he asked. “Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless!” Then he was inside his room, and Lisa heard the door lock.

  She looked at Ankh. “We need a new plan,” said the mummy.

  #

  With Amy and Hayden safely out of the way, and Swizelsticks tending to Harriet, Barbara and Callie had moved into the staffroom to discuss what they should do next. Now, hearing the gunshot, Barbara, Callie, Swizelsticks and Hayden all appeared in the hallway, faces pinched with concern. Lisa reassured everyone that she was alright, and then Harriet appeared too, her face pale but her eyes steely. Sir Osis, also alarmed by the sudden bang, materialised next to her.

  “We need a council of war,” Harriet announced, leading them all back into the staffroom.

  #

  Finding herself alone in the playroom, Amy began to practice her spells. She thought it would be fun to make chicken feathers erupt from her brother Christopher’s mouth.

  #

  Violetta was infuriated when she lost the trail at the stables. The scent of rotting horseflesh was so overpowering that she knew at once what Sergio had done in order to mask his own fragrance. That meant that he knew he was being followed. Where would he go if he felt threatened? He’d want to stock up on weapons, s
he realised. He’d hole up in his room.

  #

  “Violetta is behind this,” Harriet explained, wasting no time in getting to the point. “She brought in this Ken Trepid character – although I expect he is really someone else – and I think she must have planned it all along. I don’t think any of this has anything to do with Hugo Dixon, Big Jim, or Trevor Romanoff. It has to do with Violetta, and with her feelings towards Viktor. There’s a lot of bad blood there. Oh, do pardon the pun.”

  The others exchanged looks. None of them had liked Violetta very much. She was rude, snobby and demanding, and yet, due to her condition, they had accepted her as one of their own. Her betrayal hurt. Lisa bit her lip, and raised her hand. Harriet looked at the young woman, eyebrows raised. “I just let Violetta go,” she said, sheepishly. “She was tangled up in a silver net – like the one that got you. She was really mad, and she stormed off, saying she had a traitor to deal with. I’m sorry,” she added.

  Harriet rubbed the long hairs on her chin thoughtfully. “In that case, “Ken” must have double crossed her. Good. That means their forces are divided. Oh, and don’t beat yourself up about letting her go,” she said to Lisa. “She had us all fooled. Alright. Here’s the plan. First up, Hayden, you go look after Amy again.” Hayden scowled, as Harriet turned to the others and continued. “We will need Viktor to deal with Violetta, and possibly also to deal with “Ken”, since Viktor should be able to turn to mist and simply flow under his door. Otherwise, Norm might be handy – he’s not particularly affected by bullets. Barbara, do you think you could release Norm? It might take some magic… he’s weighted down in the dun…gymnasium.” Barbara nodded. “Good. I’ll get Viktor. Osis, I need you to keep trying to access Ken’s bedroom. We need the sisters. Who else is missing? Edgar and the Professor and the band?”

  “I can go and look for Edgar and the Professor,” Lisa said, determined to go look for Craig at the same time.

  Harriet bit her lip. “I’m not comfortable with you knowing what we are, let alone helping us deal with this terrible situation. We shouldn’t be putting guests in this position.”

  Swizelsticks smacked himself on the head. “Oh my word! The guests!” he said.

  Harriet narrowed her eyes. “What?”