The Last Resort

  He moved slowly towards them, keeping the gun level. In his peripheral vision he saw the door to the gymnasium open, and Norm, Barbara and Blake stepped into the entrance hall, freezing when they beheld the scene. Moments later, the door to the dining room opened, and Harriet and Callie stepped out on their way to the kitchen. “Hold it,” Sergio said to them, raising a second gun. Callie groaned when she saw that he was still wearing his mirrored glasses. She ached to turn this horrible man to stone. Harriet began to feel the metamorphosis come upon her and fought to resist. As a dog, she was unable to reason properly, and she needed to think. Snapping jaws were not the solution – they had failed her twice already.

  “Alright. Here’s what’s going to happen. All of you are going to go down to the pier with me. You will board the boat waiting there, and allow yourselves to be restrained for the voyage. If you resist in anyway, I will begin killing hostages. First, the Professor, then the hunchback, then the old witch. I know the gorgon and the fish-man are not invulnerable to bullets, and I also have some made of silver if the werewolf wants to make trouble. So. Start marching.”

  Everyone except the Professor exchanged wordless glances, and then they all nodded in acquiescence. The Professor didn’t take his eyes off Sergio, but he did utter a small cough. Immediately following this, Sergio felt a tap on his left shoulder. Without turning around, and in one swift move, Sergio holstered the gun that was in his right hand, reached over his back to grab his assailant’s wrist, and bent forward to flip the person onto the ground. The martial arts technique was a good one, but it didn’t work if your assailant didn’t have wrists – or even a body, for that matter. And Sergio’s didn’t. It was, in fact, one of the Professor’s disembodied helping hands. It hit the floor and began to scuttle away, but Sergio brought up the gun in his left hand, and shot it. It somersaulted over and over, then lay, palm up, twitching. As Sergio stared at it in confusion, a dozen other hands appeared, as if from nowhere, scurrying towards him. Sergio shot at a few, even as Barbara hurled protective spells over them, but others snatched at his clothes, tied his shoelaces together, even launched themselves at his throat. Sergio shook them off, still firing shots wildly. Harriet ducked and pulled Callie down with her, and then the two of them motioned Blake, Norm and Barbara to do the same. Only Blake got the message.

  Drawn by the gunfire, Skully came out of the kitchen, holding a frying pan, and was immediately clipped by a bullet, which sent a chip of his scapula flying. He dropped into a crouch next to Harriet. At the same time, Ankh came out of the reception office, his bandages bloodied. As soon as he took in the scene, he began to formulate a curse against Sergio. In the office, Viktor strained to hear what was happening. He had already picked up the gist of the events, but while he was attached by medical tubing to Craig, it was impossible for him to move. Lisa got up from her chair to investigate, but Viktor stopped her from going out, placing a hand on her arm. She looked into his dark eyes, nodded and sat down again.

  In the dining hall, the band had abruptly stopped playing at the first gunshot. All of the guests had got to their feet, and were demanding to know what was going on. Swizelsticks wondered too, but, desperate to maintain normality at all costs, was physically blocking the door and muttering calming spells at the guests, which were having little effect.

  Sergio had now flung away all the helping hands and raised the gun again. “That was a bad move, old man,” he said, and pulled the trigger. As the bullet left the barrel of the gun, the synapses in Norm’s brain finally fired at an appropriate speed, and he launched himself in front of the Professor, catching the bullet squarely in the chest, and being flung flat onto the floor by the force of the impact. Sergio howled in frustration. He whipped around and took in his audience, realising that at least three of them – Skully, Ankh and Norm – would not be intimidated by bullets. And there was no telling when the two vampires would appear. When they did, he would really be in trouble. It was time to run. Taking advantage of the confused scene, Sergio sprinted for the side door of the castle, running full tilt for the boat which was waiting for him.

  Rather than pursuing him, the residents of the castle gathered around Norm, to make sure he was really alright. A point-blank bullet might still do irreparable damage, even to a long dead torso. Edgar began to examine the helping hands, crying out in triumph when he realised that one of them had recovered the philosopher’s stone from their assailant’s pocket. Viktor appeared then, the sleeve rolled up on his arm, a swab of cotton wool pressed to the inner elbow, and looked on in concern. Lisa followed, since Craig’s colour was returning, and his breathing had stabilised. Lisa now transferred her anxiety to Norm. Hayden and Amy also came out sheepishly from their hiding place. “Remarkable,” the Professor said, looking down at Norm. “Just a collection of nerves and impulses in dead tissue, and yet its leg muscles fired at just the right moment to save me. What a coincidence!”

  At this, Norm growled, and climbed to his feet, to a rousing cheer from the others. “Hey!” Skully said. “I got shot too!”

  In the distance, they suddenly heard a diesel engine start up – Sergio’s boat, no doubt. “He’s made it to the boat then. Good riddance,” Harriet said, sighing.

  “I don’t know,” Callie said. “He would have made a fine statue.”

  “It’s a good thing he got away,” Viktor said. “I, for one, would have been seriously tempted to violate my principles if I had got my hands on him.” The others agreed.

  “Alright – there’s still a lot to be done,” Harriet said. “We need to calm the guests down – we’ll need a good cover story. We need to tidy up in here – where are the sisters? Oh, and we’ll need to discuss what to do about Violetta.”

  “Violetta is my concern,” Viktor said. “You leave her to me.”

  Suddenly Reginald Osis materialised. “I’m so sorry,” he said, holding his head in his hands – literally. “I should have got to you before, but I got dispersed when I ran into Violetta, and it’s taken me forever to pull myself together. It’s about the sisters. Boo, Sue and Lou. That Ken Trepid fellow’s got them. They are each in tiny mirrored iron boxes. I think he’s going to take them with him, so we have to stop him!”

  Everyone stared at Osis, and then at each other in disbelief. “Osis, Ken Trepid has gone! Please go and check the bedroom once more. Are the boxes still there?”

  Osis vanished, and then reappeared almost at once. The mournful look on his face told them all they needed to know.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Harriet could have kicked herself. The residents of the castle were all sensitive about the way society perceived them – so much so that they had been too squeamish to do harm to a man who really deserved it. And now, because of their reticence, they had lost three valuable members of their community. What terrible afterlives would the sisters experience, kept in captivity by collectors? It didn’t bear thinking about.

  “We could chase them in the ferry,” Skully suggested.

  “I could swim after them. I know I can go that fast,” Blake said at the same time.

  “My mechanical houseboat would easily convert to a warship,” the Professor added.

  Harriet shook her head. “Who knows what weaponry they’ll have on board? We can’t risk losing any more people!”

  Suddenly, the door to the dining hall flew open and smashed into the wall with considerable force. Swizelsticks was swept out into the entrance hall by a tide of anxious and angry guests. The Fisher family led the way, closely followed by Dan and Mike, Peaches, the three travel agents, Phil, Rachel and finally the two old ladies. “What on Earth is going on?” Albert Fisher roared. “Never in my life have I experienced such poor service and… uh…” He stopped, jaw hanging slack, gaping at the assembled staff. One by one, each of the other guests caught sight of the assembly and gasped. They didn’t know where to look first. Callie’s head was alive with snakes, writhing and snapping. Norm’s skin was avocado green, there were livid scars a
round his wrists and forehead, and a massive hole in his chest. Blake was naked, had pale blue rubbery skin, gills, and webbed feet. Ankh was dressed head to toe in blood-covered bandages, and his eyes were faintly glowing. Viktor was also covered in blood. But, most disturbing of all were the skeleton and the apparently headless man. As one, the guests began to respond, each in their own way. Some screamed, some clutched at each other, some tried to rationalise what they were seeing.

  Viktor opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again with an abrupt snap. The massive wooden door at the front of the castle was slowly opening. The panicked hubbub died away to a murmur as Violetta swaggered in. She moved so confidently that the guests immediately quieted down, to hear what she had to say, hoping she would reassure them. The residents, on the other hand, were shocked by her gall. How could she, the orchestrator of their downfall, dare to set foot back in the castle? As she moved closer, the crowd saw that her mouth and the front of her blouse were drenched in blood. She smiled, exposing her thickened canine fangs.

  “Sergio – or Ken Trepid to you – has been permanently dealt with,” she said. “And his boatman is in my thrall. He’s fired up the engines and is waiting to take me to the mainland. So, I’ll be leaving now. I’ve just come back for my cat.”

  Harriet couldn’t help it. Even though she knew the guests were watching, her hackles lifted up, her muzzle lengthened, she dropped to all fours and lunged forward, snapping and snarling at the woman who had betrayed them all. Viktor put out a hand and restrained Harriet, grabbing at the scruff of her neck.

  Violetta smirked and sauntered over to Viktor. “This is my castle, Viktor,” she said quietly, so that only he could hear. “It was my mother’s, not your father’s. But even if that wasn’t the case, I’d still deserve it more. I am a real vampire, not a pathetic excuse like you, scared of his own power. When you killed that villager it was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you didn’t even realise it. It should have liberated you, but instead it made you weak. Well, this world belongs to the strong. I’ll be back. This resort is going to fail. You can’t cover up what you are anymore.” She turned to the others, and raised her voice. “You’re freaks. Monsters. And these people know it,” she said, pointing at the guests. “So you’re finished. The castle will pass to Trevor Romanoff, and when it does, I’ll be back, to deal with him the way you should have. The way a real vampire would. Goodbye Viktor.”

  She snapped her fingers, and Ebony the cat suddenly appeared and leapt onto her shoulders. “Oh, and one more thing,” Violetta said. “I have something that belongs to you.” She put her hand in her pocket and removed three small iron boxes, untwisting the catch on each one, then hurling it to the ground. At once a multicoloured stream of particles fountained from each of the boxes, along with ghostly sighs and groans. The particles turned into floating apparitions of three elderly Victorian ladies, which hovered in the air a moment, before vanishing, as Boo, Sue and Lou realised they were being watched by the guests. Violetta chuckled. “Try explaining that away, dear cousin.” Then she turned, walked out of the castle and was gone.

  Everyone froze, unsure what to say or do. The majority of the guests seemed to be in shock. Christopher in particular looked ready to wet his pants, much to Amy’s delight. “It’s all over,” Harriet said, in a small voice. “Violetta is right. We can’t explain any of this away. We’re finished.” Viktor stared back at her, his eyes dull, and nodded. He had failed them – all of the residents of the castle would become homeless, simply because he had so desperately wanted to reconcile with his cousin, to believe she had changed. What a fool he had been.

  #

  Suddenly, in the shocked silence, the castle rang with the sound of applause. Harriet looked around in confusion and saw Lisa walking into the centre of the entrance hall, clapping wildly, whooping and whistling. After a moment, Craig, looking fit and healthy, pushed his way past Harriet and Viktor and stood next to his sister, also applauding. Soon Hayden and then Amy joined in. Now that four people were clapping, the guests began one by one to join in, like sheep following the leader, although many of them were still looking bamboozled.

  Once the applause died away, Lisa spoke. “Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know about you, but that was the most amazing display of special effects I’ve ever seen. When I first received my invitation to a special theme week at a haunted castle, I expected the usual cheesy effects – plastic spiders and fake blood, but this group of actors has certainly surpassed my expectations. The makeup and costumes are so realistic,” she continued, pointing at Norm and Blake. “The performances are spot on,” she added, gesturing to Barbara and Edgar. “And, as I said, the special effects! How about those ghosts? And the living skeleton? And the werewolf transformation effect? Absolutely outstanding! Let’s have another round of applause for our hosts!” And she began once more to clap and cheer.

  This time the audience joined in more enthusiastically. Lisa heard a few snippets of conversation. The old ladies were saying that of course Blake was always a superb actor, and who better to play the role of an aquatic man? Albert Fisher was complaining that his invitation hadn’t said anything about a haunted theme, but also grudgingly admitted that the special effects were excellent. Phil was saying over and over, “So I’m not going crazy!” Christopher was trying to convince his little sister that he had known it was a trick all along and hadn’t been scared, until Amy, tired of hearing him talk, waved a feather in his face and chanted a little incantation. After that, Christopher was strangely silent. Everyone else was talking though, gushing about Callie’s amazing animatronic snake wig, Reginald’s outrageous costume, and Edgar’s dedication to his role. After a while, almost all of the residents shuffled sheepishly together into a line and, encouraged by Lisa, took a bow. Only Viktor hung back, contemplating Lisa, a speculative look in his dark eyes, and the twitch of a smile on his lips.

  Harriet decided to run with it. “Um…thank you all for your support. I would like to explain a few things. The…uh… show you just witnessed is still in the production phase. We intended to perform last night, but had a few technical hiccups.”

  “The script needs work too,” Albert Fisher interrupted her. “Your show looked great, don’t get me wrong. But it didn’t make much sense. Was Violetta supposed to be the baddie?”

  “Yes…” Harriet agreed. “It’s a work in progress. Also, I’m afraid some of you were sent the wrong invitations – ones that didn’t mention the haunted theme here at the castle. What you must have been thinking when you encountered some of our more unusual special effects props – massaging arms in the showers,” she said, nodding at Beryl, “eyeballs in your drink,” she added, turning to Dan, “or even ghost horses,” she smiled at Phil, “well, I just can’t imagine! And so we apologise for any distress. But now, all the kinks have been worked out, and dinner is ready, so please if you will move back into the dining hall, our resident zombie band will be pleased to entertain you!”

  The guests filed back in, chatting animatedly about what they had just witnessed. Harriet rushed over to Hella and the band and whispered hurried instructions to them. Shrugging, they all discarded their disguises and blinked as the spotlight was turned on them, revealing their gloriously decayed bodies. They started with an old rock and roll number and the crowd cheered. “I was working in the lab, late one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight…” Hella sang. “For my monster, from his slab began to rise… and suddenly, to my surprise…”

  “He did the mash!” the guests yelled. “He did the monster mash!” Norm, the Professor and Edgar began to do the twist together on the dancefloor. Blake twirled the two old ladies, Barbara boogied with Amy, and Craig jived next to Hayden. Swizelsticks poured out drink after drink, juggling and levitating the bottles, while Harriet, perched on a barstool, watched him and stroked her beard thoughtfully. Lou and Sue waltzed together around the chandeliers, but Boo was too busy getting to know Reginald at a candlelit table in the corner. Skull
y bopped from table to table delivering meals, enjoying the sight of guests savouring his cooking. Ankh and Callie sat together watching the proceedings and shaking their heads in amazement. Every guest was smiling – even Peaches.

  #

  Viktor sat at a quiet table in a far corner with Lisa. “I’d like you to consider a proposal,” he said. Lisa, wide-eyed, took a large swig of her whiskey and soda. “Everyone here at Castle Romanoff has been highly impressed with your bravery, and your quick-thinking saved us all from financial ruin. I have a vacancy now that Violetta has gone. But not just for a receptionist. I’d like you to be co-manager of the resort. Harriet will handle the housekeeping, and you’ll take care of the tourism.” In the flickering candlelight his eyes were very deep and very dark. Without consciously thinking about the offer, Lisa felt herself slowly nodding.

  “Wait,” she said, suddenly. “You’re not putting me in thrall are you?”

  Viktor’s perfect moustache twitched. “The thrall doesn’t work if you know what I am,” he said. Then he reached out and tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. “I’ve know you’re a keen student of history,” he went on. “What better place to be? You can hear about daily life in Ancient Egypt or Greece, straight from Ankh and Callie. Osis can tell you what an Elizabethan court was truly like. I myself can tell you about the past few centuries.” He placed his hand over hers. “You’ve made a big impression on everyone here, Lisa. Everyone.” Then he leaned over and kissed her.

  “Viktor,” Lisa replied. “Just how old are you?”

  Viktor frowned. “Well I died at twenty nine,” he said, “but technically, I’m well over three hundred.”

  “I’m twenty four. That’s quite an age difference,” Lisa said. “My mother’s not going to be pleased.” Then she squeezed his hand. “Alright,” she said. “You’ve got a deal.”