The Education of Alice Wells

  “I’m not that brave.”

  “You came here, didn’tcha? To this party? I saw you with your friend when you first came in. It ain’t exactly your scene, but you came anyway. For her. That’s real brave. And nice of you.”

  I snort. “I’m not nice.”

  Ranik laughs, that warm sound wedging roots into my resolve to drive him off.

  “I think you are, princess. You can pretend to be frozen all the way through. But you ain’t. There’s some soft in ya.”

  The compliment catches me off guard. No one has ever called me nice. Angry? Yes. Bitter? Definitely. But never nice.

  I watch Ranik’s face. And that’s when it hits me.

  I’ve had many brilliant ideas before, but none are as brilliant as this one. Nor as risky. But the potential payoff is enormous, and far outweighs those risks.

  “You are experienced with women,” I say. “You know how attractive women act, and what makes them attractive.”

  He smirks. “Don’t wanna be modest, but, uh, hell yeah.”

  “But you are failing your classes.”

  “Fantastically.”

  “I am terrible at being attractive. But I am very good at classes.”

  Ranik’s gold-green eyes narrow. “Terrible? Shit, I wouldn’t call you terrible at all. You’re just different. In a good way.”

  “No,” I correct him. “I’m terrible. This isn’t a debate, this is a fact.”

  “Nah. But I won’t argue with ya on something you’re convinced of.” He sighs. “Whatreya getting on about, Princess?”

  “There’s a guy I happen to like.”

  Ranik’s brow quirks high into his hairline. “Oh yeah? Who’s the lucky bastard?”

  “That’s none of your concern. I need to…become more attractive. I need him to notice me, and quickly, before it’s too late.”

  “Why? Some other hussy got her claws in him?”

  “Again, those are details you don’t need to know.”

  “Okay, fine, so you wanna seduce this guy –”

  “Attract him.”

  “- same thing,” He waves it off. “And you think I can teach you how to do that.”

  “Can you not?”

  “Oh, I totally can. I’ve had the best of the best, the crème de la crème. I could make you into the sweetest piece of ass this side of the Mississippi. I know the tricks, what works and what doesn’t, shit, I know how to get his head spinnin’.”

  Ranik leans in, eyes darkening with the telltale sheen of lust I’ve seen so often directed at other girls.

  “But what’s in it for me, huh? What’re you gonna give me in exchange?”

  I hold up my phone and Spanish app directly in his face and he pulls back, startled.

  “Classes,” I say. “You know my GPA - I can promise you straight A’s.”

  He screws his face up. “So I teach you how to be a hot trampy lady, and you do my homework? Why not just tutor me or somethin’?”

  “That would take too long,” I say. “I’m able to complete your homework much faster. Taking the time to tutor you would only waste both our time.”

  “And me teachin’ you how to seduce ain’t wasting my time?”

  “You need good grades more than I want this particular boy.”

  “Hah. I seriously doubt that, Princess.”

  “It’s a fair trade.”

  “Yeah, but it’s kinda fucking missing the whole point. You obviously like this guy a lot if you’re willin’ to make a deal with me, a dude you obviously don’t like. If I teach you to be someone you ain’t, and he falls for you, it won’t be the real you he falls for! And that’s a bad start to a relationship. And you want it to be good, ya know, since you like him so much.”

  “Your expertise is what I’m interested in, not your far-reaching concerns.”

  He stares at me long and hard, like he’s testing the dedication in my eyes. Finally, he sighs.

  “I hope you know what you’re doing, Princess.”

  “Is that a yes?”

  “Yeah. Shit, I’m gonna regret this. But yeah. Let’s, I dunno, shake on it. Make it official.”

  He extends a hand to me.

  “I will draw up a contract, and we will sign it jointly, with a witness. That is more legally binding.”

  “Princess, nothin’ about this is gonna be legal. You’re doing my homework for me. That’s sort of minor fraud against the school.”

  I frown. I hadn’t thought of it like that.

  “Still wanna go?” Ranik grins. “Call it off now, or never.”

  I think of Theo – Theo, the only boy with enough courage to approach me, to speak to me like an equal instead of a disdained alien or a piece of meat. Theo, the only boy to ever smile at me, to compliment me with true sincerity.

  The only boy to ever make me blush.

  I reach out and slide my hand into Ranik’s, his every callous meeting my palm and imprinting an unfamiliar roadmap of a life much harder than my own. Ranik shakes it, his grin broadening. A drop of rain hits the parched pavement, and another, and another. Ranik stands and stretches, cracking his neck.

  “Alright, rain’s breaking up the party. C’mon, I’ll give you a ride back to campus. And we can start there.”

  I text Charlotte to let her know I got a ride back as Ranik leads me to his beat-up black Toyota. The rain suddenly explodes from the clouds, and the distant barbeque crowd shrieks. Ranik laughs, shaking his head in the water as he fumbles with his keys, and I stamp my drenched foot.

  “Can you hurry it up?”

  “Yeah yeah, don’t twist your panties,” He unlocks the passenger door and I jump in, shaking water off my shoulders. The car smells faintly of cinnamon and pine and smoke. Ranik gets in. “Speaking of, what kind of panties do you wear?”

  I fix him with my best icy gaze. “I hardly think that’s relevant.”

  “Well it is now. Starting today, I get to ask real intimate questions.”

  “That’s an invasion of –”

  “Look, do you wanna get this kid in your bed or not?”

  I reluctantly shut my mouth. He starts the car and pulls out.

  “That’s what I thought. So spill. Panties?”

  “Whatever I can find at Target.”

  He flinches. “What? No. Like, those package underwear deals? One red, one white, one blue, one gray?”

  “And black. I have black underwear,” I say proudly.

  “Yeah, fuckin’, black granny underwear. Look,” He rummages behind his seat when we hit a red light and pulls out a skimpy pair of green, lacy underwear. “This is the shit you want.”

  “Oh, gross. How long have those been in here?”

  “Or this, even!” He pulls out a separate pair, a more modest bikini-cut with blue stripes and a little white ribbon. “See that ribbon? Fucking adorable. Much better than parachute-pants.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” He splutters and hits the gas as the light turns green. “Common sense – dudes like seeing skin. More skin equals more boners.”

  “I can already tell I’ve made a huge mistake.”

  “We can stop right now. Your call.”

  I think about Theo’s kindness. He’s the only boy in the world who smiles instead of frowns at my attempts at humor, who cares about me enough to ask if I’m alright.

  Well, Ranik asked that too. But he doesn’t count.

  “No,” I set my jaw. “We’re doing this.”

  “That’s my girl,” Ranik smirks. “Let’s shoot this boy in the heart with a fat-ass Cupid’s arrow. What’s his name?”

  “I can’t give you a name.”

  “You better give me a name.”

  “I don’t see the point.”

  “The point is, Princess, I’m gonna stalk him.”

  My mouth drops open.

  “Friendly-like stalking,” Ranik insists. “Figure out what he digs and what he disses, what kind of dude he is and what he’s into. We can’t just apply the broad strok
e for every boy-o. We’re all different.”

  “Very well. Theo,” I say. “Theo Morrison.”

  Ranik’s eyes spark. “Ah, golden-boy, eh? You picked a real vanilla winner.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means this’ll be easy, alright? I know him already – beers on the weekend, videogames every night, likes Neutral Milk Hotel and other trash hipster bands, missionary style his whole life, dated the same girl all four years in high school, Asian porn, wants a manic pixie dream girl to make him whole, the end.”

  “That’s…disturbingly specific.”

  “I got people, okay? My ears are everywhere, so I get some details, but mostly I just know his type. You ain’t it.”

  “Obviously.”

  “No I mean, shit, sweetheart. You really ain’t it.”

  My heart twists uncomfortably. “Why is that?”

  “You’re too strong, too smart, too independent. Too old.”

  I bristle. “He’s only one year older than me!”

  “Nah, I mean in the heart. You got an old heart. Hard to explain.”

  “Oh, so, old as in ‘dry and boring’.”

  “No, that’s not what I said, is it? I said it’s hard to explain. It just means you’re…different. Practical, mature. You’re way beyond his level.”

  “That makes absolutely no sense.”

  “Right, it wouldn’t to you, because you’ve never dated anyone.” He shoots a look at me. “Uh, right? You’ve never dated anyone? I’m just assuming things here.”

  I almost flinch at how pathetic it sounds coming out, but compose myself.

  “I’ve never dated anyone.”

  “Kissed?”

  “No.”

  “Fucked?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. He gives me an ‘I gotta ask for this to work’ look.

  “No.”

  “Like, not even a handjob?”

  “I’ve never touched a penis.” I try to maintain a modicum of maturity, but my cheeks flush.

  “Dry-humping then?”

  “No! Lord in heaven, no, no, no. Nothing!”

  “Hrmmm.” He concentrates on the road. “Held hands?”

  “No. Not even that. I’m truly pathetic.”

  “Hey, don’t sound so down on yourself. Shit happens and it drags us through the mud so hard sometimes we don’t get to the better things in life. Gimme your hand.”

  He opens his not-driving palm between our seats. His long fingers wait like the spines of a venus flytrap.

  “What am I supposed to do with that?” I ask. Ranik rolls his eyes.

  “Just put your damn hand in mine.”

  “Why will this help?”

  “Are you always so goddamn chock full of questions? You gotta get used to touching boys, first off. So c’mon.”

  “I’ll get used to it with Theo.”

  “Suit yourself,” He says, but leaves his hand open. “How’re you gonna hold his hand – the guy you like - when you can’t even hold mine – a guy you hate? We ain’t gonna get very far, I can tell already.”

  “You’re not supposed to use this as an excuse to get me in bed,” I snarl.

  “Whoa, hold up.” Ranik pulls over on the shoulder lane and looks at me sternly, a vast change from his usual genial countenance. “Is that what you think I’m doing? It’s hand holding, Princess, not fuckin’.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just that you have a mild reputation for bedding anything that moves. And why do you call me Princess all the time? It’s exceedingly annoying.”

  “Because that’s what you are! You never fucked, or kissed, or touched nobody. You walk around school like you’re in a different world than the rest of us, you’re all scary-smart and tall and pretty and regal. People are straight intimidated by you. If that ain’t a princess, I dunno what is.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but I’m too shocked. Is that really how people see me? Ranik huffs.

  “Look I’m not – shit, I’m not trying to get you into bed. You gotta believe me – I’ve got lots of girls willing and ready, don’t need you for that shit, okay? I’m gonna do my best to do this professionally, but I still gotta teach you. Teaching is about experience. Authentic experience.”

  I nod. “Learning has been proven in lab trials to be most effective and long-lasting with hands-on kinesthetic exposure.”

  “Alright. Glad we’re in agreement. So now, I know you don’t like me, you think I’m stupid or gross or skanky or whatever, but you gotta trust me. That same skankiness is what’s gonna get you Theo, okay? So work with me, Princess. Please.”

  “Then promise.”

  “Promise what?”

  “Promise you won’t try to bed me.”

  He sighs. “I promise. You aint even my type, okay?”

  “Good. You aren’t mine, either.”

  He smirks and starts the car up, pulling back onto the road. “Looks like we found three things in this universe we agree on. Whodathunk.”

  After four exits and the radio blaring classical opera until Ranik turns it off with vibrant swearing, I reach out and put my palm tentatively in his. My skin is cool compared to his blazing warmth. I feel every callous on his palm, every indent and line. This is so different from our handshake.

  “So, hands are real sensitive, right?” Ranik says, eyes still on the road. “Touchin’ people’s palms is a more powerful turn-on than you’d think. Mostly though, hands are for holding, and squeezing. If you like him, don’t be too obvious about it. But you don’t wanna be flimsy, either. Grab my hand.”

  I do, and he shakes it and repositions.

  “No, no. Too hard. You wanna be gentle but firm, like this.”

  He reaches out and slides his palm perfectly into mine, our thumbs locking around each other’s.

  “See? Now you try.”

  I try to slide as suavely as he did, but my thumb gets caught on the stick and I get so panicked I pull it back slightly into park. The car makes a screaming noise and the smell of burning tar wafts in, but Ranik quickly repositions the stick, and it stops.

  “I’m…I’m so sorry –”

  Ranik just smirks. “Hah, lookit your face. Priceless.”

  “I’m glad my utter terror at our imminent demise is amusing you,” I snap.

  “Relax. I’ve been drivin’ since I could reach the wheel, little bumps like that ain’t nothing. I’m just giving you a bit of shit. It’s nice to see you make a face, yanno? A real expression, not that lonely, sad look you got on most every other time.”

  Lonely? Sad? I glance in the side-view mirror. My face is perfectly normal.

  “Anyway,” Ranik clears his throat. “You almost had it. Try again. This time without casually tryna kill us.”

  My heart’s pounding at the possible near-death experience, but I slide my hand in his again, and breathe a sigh of relief when our thumbs come together.

  “There’s hope for you yet,” His eyes crinkle and his fingers move, wiggling between mine and locking. “This is a little more, uh, intimate. Pretty much means you guys are a thing. Like, in love. Usually love. So you might wanna save that for later down the line.”

  “I see,” I muse, staring at our interlocked fingers. “I had no idea hand holding could have so many different meanings.”

  I can feel him staring at my face, but when I look up he looks back at the road and clears his throat, pulling his hand from mine.

  “Anyway, that’s lesson one. You passed. Congrats. Remind me not to give you the next lesson in a two ton truck goin’ seventy miles an hour.”

  “We’ll need a private space for further lessons. How about my dorm? Or yours.”

  “I live off-campus,” he says. “So mine would be a better option. But, shit, I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

  “Again, your concern for my well-being is very unnecessary. You’re my teacher, not my mother.”

  “Pftt. Whatever. I just want you to be comfortable so you’ll learn quick and we
’ll get this over with. So. Your place. Text me when your roommate’s gone and we’ll go for lesson two, okay?”

  He gives me his number, and when I offer mine, he shakes his head.

  “This is your show, Princess. You call the shots. Guy like me don’t got any business having your number in my phone.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  He sighs. “It means I don’t want you risking that squeaky clean royal reputation of yours by bein’ seen in my phone, is all. I’m private with it but, you know. Word gets out fast and accidentally. And you’re destined for better things than shitty rumors, I think.”

  I frown. He seems down on himself. But Ranik just laughs.

  “Also, shit. We really can’t risk it if you want Theo, okay? He’s not the type of guy who’d be down with a girl who was rumored to sleep with me, true or not. We gotta be careful. I’ll do my best not to be seen comin’ in and out of your place.”

  “It sounds like you know him better than you’re letting on,” I say as I get out and slam the door. Ranik shrugs.

  “We’ve got history, is all. I’ll see you around. With a nice fat stack of homework for you to ace, Ace.”

  He salutes me facetiously, and guns off down the road.

  And I can’t help but feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.

  Chapter 3

  “You got a ride home with Ranik Mason?” Charlotte practically screeches. A few people at the cafeteria tables look at us. I slap my hand over her mouth.

  “Shut. Up.”

  I remove it slowly, and her eyes light up.

  “I – I can’t believe…out of all the dudes on campus, Ranik?”

  “If you don’t lower your voice right now I will do horrible things to your eyeballs.”

  “Okay, jeez, grumpy-pants” She whispers. “But Al, Ranik is really not a nice guy. He’s more the bang ‘em kick ‘em out type. Giselle in Trig 101 told me he kicked her out of his apartment the second they were done. And it was raining!”

  “He’s hideous,” I agree. “But it was raining at the bus stop, and he offered to drive me home. That should count for something.”

  She grabs my hands and gets a serious look. “Promise me you’ll be careful. Please. The last person you need to sleep with is Ranik, okay? I’ve heard the rumors and they’re all bad. So please –”