Crashing Into Destiny

Cash ran out, telling me he’d be right back. I got off his bed and wandered the room a bit. I didn’t want to snoop, just kind of look around. His model cars seemed glued together pretty well. Judge had told me sometimes the nights were long. Was this what Cash did to pass time?

  The music still played softly, and I listened as a woman lamented the death of her lover. I rubbed my arms, trying not to feel all her pain. A strange memory hit me. When I’d been a little girl, Uncle Dane had told my mom he thought I felt everything acutely, much more than most people did. I remember that was the moment I’d realized how completely odd I was. I must have been about eight. We were on our way from Earth to Mars Station. I didn’t want to feel everything, and I determined I’d somehow get it under control. I wouldn’t let them all know how everything affected me all the time.

  I rubbed my eyes. Was that when I’d shut my feelings off? Decided I could do without? At eight? Even when I hadn’t talked between the ages of three and five, I’d apparently been a pretty happy child. My mom said I’d mostly seemed as content as I could possibly be.

  I really didn’t know. I wasn’t set up for this kind of self-examination. Most of the time, I had to get through the day, and that took all my energy. Between Judge and Cash, I was having an awful lot of time to think.

  On one of Cash’s shelving units was a picture. I recognized Cash right away. He was young, maybe twelve years old. His mother and father stood behind him, his mom smiling. Cash got his good looks from his mother’s side of the family. She was dark like him. His father wore glasses and had a serious expression on his face, as though he was at a different event than Cash and his mom.

  The door opened and closed. I turned around to see Cash holding plates in his hands. I gawked at him. “You’re serious? More food? You’re going to make me fat.”

  “I doubt that.” He rolled his eyes at me. “This is fruit and salad. It’s lunch time. Three meals a day. Keeps the metabolism up.”

  Cash sat and patted the floor next to him. I sat and took the plate from his hands. He’d told me not to thank him, so I didn’t. We ate together, and when I was done, I didn’t feel overstuffed from the whole thing. He wanted to hear if I liked the things he did, and he also wanted the truth, which meant I couldn’t simply lie and say I enjoyed something if I didn’t. I chewed my bottom lip. It might get complicated keeping Cash happy.

  Or maybe it was the easiest thing in the world.

  “I overdid it with lunch, didn’t I?” He smirked and shook his head. “I have this whole idea of how I want to take care of you.”

  I leaned my head on his shoulder. “It was yummy. After that breakfast, I wouldn’t have eaten until dinner. Tell you what? How about if I promise to tell you if I’m hungry? I swear I can take care of myself.”

  He put my hand in his lap. “I know you can. Probably better than me. I’ve never had to live alone in a black hole, hide out in an old ship by myself, make it all okay. I’ve never done anything like what you’ve done. I thought maybe I could coddle you a little bit.”

  “No one ever has. Not since I was a little girl.” I put his arm around me, and I found a place where I seemed to fit, with my head and arm on his chest. “Tell me about you. Where are you from? What have you done? How did you get here?”

  “We’re back to question time.” He kissed the top of my head. “You smell so good. Like strawberries. All about me, huh? Okay. I saw you looking at that picture up there. So, my family is super-rich. We are a long line of doctors. Even during the days of Damian’s crazy aunt and before that, we never had problems like the rest of the world. The men in my family have a history of being in the right place at the right time. My father got in with Evander early. My entrance was easy.”

  “That’s great.” I kissed his cheek. “And you wanted to be a doctor, too?”

  “I did, actually. That was never the problem. Um, my father was a real asshole. He made a political marriage to my mother. Her father sat on Evander’s board. The problem is, as far as I can figure it, she was in love with him. He didn’t care for her all that much, and after I was born, he’d take his temper out on her pretty badly.”

  I was so close to him I could hear his breathing speed up. “By that, you mean he beat her?”

  “Badly. All the time. Unless I was doing something spectacular to keep him happy. I did my best. I’m smart. I’m not going to lie. I’m good at medical research. I develop things. I save lives. I love it. Eventually, she died. About a year after that picture was taken. Not because of him. She was struck crossing the street. Bam. A transport bus took her right out.” He pursed his lips for a second. “About six years ago, the old guy decided I needed to get married. He started presenting these potential brides to me. These women.” He shook his head.

  So Cash had had choices. He could’ve had a bride and happily lived out the rest of his life in civilization. I knew his work was important. Still, how had he ended up out here? “What was wrong with the women?”

  “They knew exactly the right things to say at the right moments.” He threw his hands in the air. “When to say yes, when to say no, like they’d been briefed on me. Maybe they had been. I don’t think one of them spoke her mind, ever. I’d make these outrageous statements just to see, and they’d agree with me.”

  I tucked my knees up to my chest. I don’t know why I suddenly became intimidated. Maybe it was seeing Cash as someone else, wealthy and in touch with a lot of girls. His genius hadn’t intimidated me. So why did his connection to Evander make me suddenly feel small and insecure?

  He continued. “One time I suggested the key to fixing the problems of the universe was to sterilize the rodent population on every planet. The woman agreed with me like I was some kind of genius for thinking of it. Hey, are you okay?”

  “Yes.” I didn’t lie. I really was fine. He arched an eyebrow at my response. “Fine. I’m nervous all of a sudden.”

  His face fell. “With me? Why?”

  “Because you’re connected with Evander. I mean, I know you all are. But your corporation could … try to send me away from here … and they scare me, to be honest.”

  “Oh, no, Boo.” He hugged me tightly. “Let me finish my story. I make Evander a lot of money. And they hate me. It’s a mutual dislike society. I’m never going to … what? Pick them over you? Send you to them? No.”

  “I got scared. I don’t know why.” It made little sense to me. I had to get control over whatever was happening with me. I was too open, too out there with my feelings. I needed the cover of …

  Cash kissed my cheek. “To make the rest of the story short, I ran for my life. Turned down all of their offers for jobs until I could get one all the way out here where I can really do some good. I love it. I’m using my brain. I wish it was going better. I begged Damian to bring me here. I wasn’t his first choice. I know that. I basically sold him on taking me. I’d be okay without ever going back. My father died a year ago. There’s all this money and property and just stuff out there waiting for me to do something with it. I won’t touch it.”

  His whiskers rubbed my skin, and I loved the feeling. I sighed. “Forgive me for my little freak out. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t know what it is. I’m … experiencing a ton of things emotionally. I didn’t think of myself as being shut off before. For some reason, I’m …”

  Cash sighed in my ear. “You’re letting yourself bond to us like we are to you. It couldn’t have been easy to tell me you’re scared of me. Thank you for your trust. I won’t forget it.”

  He hauled me up. I wrapped my legs around him, assuming he wanted to kiss me again like he had before. Only nothing about this was like before. He laid me down on the bed, and his mouth was on me like he owned me and had the right to me exactly as he wanted me. I had no objections. I wanted him.

  Crazy as it seemed, I wanted him to belong to me.

  His tongue pushed through my lips, finding mine, and they danced together. I moaned against him. Frustration was my middle name. This
wasn’t going to end with his penis inside of me, no matter how much I wanted it.

  His mouth moved down, kissing my neck, and one of his hands found my breast, messaging it through my shirt. I squirmed on the bed. God, this was really hard. Like sweet torture.

  “Can I make you come?” His voice was low, his eyes hungry.

  “Yes. I promise to return the favor when I can.”

  He grinned as he slid down my body. “I’ll hold you to that.”

  Cash crawled down my body, kissing me while he removed my clothing. I was completely naked in front of him. His voice was low, and his eyes appreciated me. “Put your hands on the bars of my headboard and don’t let go.”

  “Oh?” I slid up so I could do as he instructed. “This is how you like it?”

  “When I’m in the fake space, in the US, it’s the one thing I let the machine do for me. I do like it. There won’t be any finishing today, obviously, for me. I’d still like to be able to close my eyes and think of you like this. Unless you detest the idea.”

  I gripped the headboard. “I have no idea what I like or what I don’t like. I’ve never had sex. Let’s give it a try. We’ll see what I like. You and me.”

  “And just like that my heart …” I don’t know what he would have said because he didn’t finish, and his finger massaging my clit. The bundle of nerves was swollen and ready for him. My hips bucked, and I held onto the headboard for dear life.

  “So responsive.” He kissed the inside of my thigh. “One might think you want me, Boo.”

  “Pretty much from the second I saw you. Well, maybe the second time. I was terrified the first time. Woke up in a strange place, and you came in kind of angry.”

  He shook his head, stroking me slowly. “Try, ‘Terrified of the gorgeous girl with the eyes that saw right through me.’”

  After that we were done talking, Cash played my body like it was an instrument he was learning. Eventually, he found a spot I couldn’t get enough of. He seemed to get lost in what he was doing, and soon I shouted his name while my body exploded around his tongue.

  I panted, and he moved until he held me close to him against his chest. Cash pulled the covers around us. I wasn’t tired, just having a hard time getting my heart to slow down.

  “Best moment of my life.” He kissed the back of my neck over and over. “Thank you for coming here, Diana. Thank you for coming to this planet.”

  We spent the rest of the afternoon listening to music. He introduced me to this band or that one. Some of them I liked, some of them I didn’t. When I told him I enjoyed one, we listened to more of them. We didn’t move. Cash had me wrapped so close against him I could feel his heart beat.

  “Not this one. Seems like the drummer is trying too hard. Bang. Bang. Bang.”

  Cash didn’t answer me, and I adjusted until I could see his face. He was asleep. Dark lashes covered his even darker eyes. He was beautiful and untroubled. We had an hour until dinnertime. I took the tablet from his hand, his fingers opening easily. He was lost to sleep. I turned down the music a little bit and hit the button to listen to the next song at a lower volume. I’d have loved to nap; my lack of sleep from the night before wore on me. If I understood the ways things worked, we needed to be at dinner as a group every night.

  I didn’t dare fall asleep and have both of us sleep through dinner. On my second day figuring this out, I wouldn’t already screw up a routine that worked for them.

  I got through about ten more songs before it was ten minutes until dinner time. I knew I didn’t like to have to wake up and rush places, better to have a little time. I rolled over, stroking my hand down Cash’s face. “Time to wake up, Champ.”

  He didn’t move, and I pressed my lips to his. “We’ve got to go eat dinner.”

  His eyes fluttered open, and he took in a long gulp of air before a smile crossed his face. “Did I fall asleep?”

  “You work really hard. I bet you never nap. You must have needed it.”

  Cash groaned. “I pass out on a first date.”

  “Yeah … well. I liked being wrapped up in your arms. I thought about going to sleep, too.”

  He sat, stretching his arms over his head. “Why didn’t you?”

  “I was afraid we’d both sleep through dinner, and I wasn’t sure, but I thought that might be a no-no.”

  “You’re right.” He rubbed his eye. “Damian takes a long time preparing the meal. Much more than he needs to. Truth is, the other four of us would eat just about anything. He says he likes doing it. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. He’d never say anything.”

  I got up, looking for my clothes that had been thrown to the side when Cash had been loving my body. His gaze followed me, and I tried not to indicate I’d notice. Nudity outside of the comfort of his bed was uncomfortable.

  “Diana, Boo. Hold up.” I’d almost stepped into my underpants. His arms came around me, hauling me against him. “I want to hold you for one more minute. Okay? In here? You and me, alone.”

  I didn’t point out we’d have the whole night in my bed. I’d never say no to Cash holding me. He breathed me in deeply before he spoke. “Did you pick this song?”

  It was operatic sounding. The last one I’d selected before I woke him up. “I did. I really like it. Do you?”

  His grin was infectious. “My favorite, actually. I was getting to it. You found it on your own, and you like it.”

  I wondered if I’d passed some kind of test I knew nothing about.

  Cash let me finish getting dressed.

  ****

  Dinner tasted amazing. I sat with Cash on my. Lewis and Sterling sat across from me. Judge took the head of the table and Damian took his seat across from Judge. I went to serve myself, only Cash had already done it for me. He was big on food as a sign of affection. No one blinked at the action.

  Damian hadn’t used any meat for the evening’s meal. He had pasta, butternut squash, zucchini and a red sauce he’d made from scratch. He’d also created a green salad.

  “Damian, this is so good,” I told him after my second bite. “I love this. I just adore it.”

  He steepled his hands and grinned. “Thanks. I actually made it thinking of you. I can see you like meat, but somehow I also thought you wouldn’t object to a really good vegetarian meal.”

  “That’s right.”

  Judge set down his fork. “I have to tell you all Diana was entirely right. She solved the glass problem.”

  Five gazes landed on me. Cash cleared his throat. “How could she have done that? She was with me all day. Unless you snuck out, Boo. Did you?”

  “No.” I kicked him lightly under the table, and he grinned.

  Judge rolled his eyes. “Last night before we went to bed. And I slept all night. I didn’t get up once.”

  Lewis sat back in his chair. “Did you drug him?”

  “No.” I wasn’t going to tell any of them, not even Judge at this point, what I did to keep him asleep. It was personal, for now anyway.

  “What was the problem with the window?” Sterling sipped his water.

  “They didn’t send me the right parts.” He pointed the fork at Damian. “That’s right. Evander wrapped the parts in the right packing. I thought I was getting what I asked for. I didn’t. They faked it.”

  Damian held his hands up. “Going to stab me with that fork?”

  Judge looked at the fork like he realized what he’d been doing. He set it down. “Sorry.”

  “First off.” Damian set down his own silverware. “I didn’t do that, know that, or even suspect that would happen. I hope you’re not blaming me for it.”

  “I’m not.” Judge shook his head. “Or I shouldn’t be. I’m sorry. If Archie Peterson were here, I’d blame him directly.”

  Damian looked tired. I wasn’t sure how I knew, only that I did. He was downright exhausted. “And since the head of Evander is so far away that news of our deaths would take six months at least to reach him, you thought you’d take it out on me sin
ce I’m the company guy. Is that it?”

  Judge narrowed his eyes. “I pointed a fork at you. I didn’t tie you up and beat you.”

  “Okay, I’m not even going down that road. You’re worked up. I get it. For five years you’ve wanted to know what’s wrong. I’m glad you figured it out. Are we still safe with what we have? Can you fix it? Shall I write to Evander and demand the right stuff immediately?”

  Judge shrugged. “It’s not as safe as I would have wanted it. The glass is still impossible for the Zombies to break. My preferred poly-glass would have taken a nuclear bomb to explode. This one will shatter under extreme conditions. I can’t imagine having those conditions. Let’s not worry. Don’t bother Evander. I don’t want them extra-poking into our business.”

  Wasn’t anyone going to ask him? “What are the extreme conditions?”

  “Lightning would have to hit it twice in a row. The first one to short out the secondary systems and the second to actually break through the three panels of glass.” He laughed. “So we’re good. The Infected can’t break through, Di.”

  I knew so little about weather. “I grew up on a space station. Lightning doing that would be a weird thing, right?”

  “Weird is a good word.” Cash knocked his shoulder into mine gently. “Don’t fret.”

  I helped Damian clean up dinner. We did so in silence, and when we were about halfway through, he smiled at me. “Thanks.”

  “You shouldn’t be cleaning at all. You made it.”

  He shrugged. “I like to do it. I at least know where everything gets put away.”

  “Must be an ordeal finding everything you need every night.”

  Damian sighed. “After all this time, I kind of generally know there are three or four places where what I need is likely to be.”

  I put my hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”

  “Why do you ask?” He stopped moving.

  “You seem really exhausted, and Judge should not have acted like you knew about the glass. I don’t know you well. You seem … you seem like a person with a lot of integrity.”

  Damian leaned against the counter. “Thank you for saying that. You gave me maybe the best compliment of my whole life. I understand Judge. I always have. Does it feel good he took his fork and pointed it at me like he was accusing me of taking part in the great glass debacle? No. Will I get over it? Sure. Eventually. I am tired. I’m not sleeping well for some reason. I feel kind of … out of sorts.”