Moonlight the twilight poetry of coldones

11

  EDWARD’S STORY:

  NEW MOON

  “I AM SO SORRY”

  “Bella, you are my life now

  You are the cause of my existence

  Only to you my heart does bow

  But there is still this restlessness

  I never wanna lose control with you

  No matter how hard it may be

  But I am not good for you

  You are wasting your life with me

  I have always feared to lose you

  But whenever, I look at you

  I feel I am being selfish to you

  I feel I am doing wrong to you

  I am damned forever

  I am surely destined to hell

  I can want this for you? Never!

  Your soul is far more precious, I can tell

  With me, you are always in danger

  I tried my best to protect you

  12

  But first James now my brother

  In danger, I can no more put you

  Bella, I have to leave you

  I am so sorry

  But still my heart only belongs to you

  Everything will be alright, don’t worry”

  I had been thinking

  All these thoughts

  But I could surely

  Tell you not

  For then you won’t let me go

  You will fight to stay with me

  Which is bad for you, I know

  So these thoughts, to myself I will keep

  “This is the last time you ever see me

  It would be as if I had never existed

  You won’t do anything reckless, promise me

  I am sorry, our fate is just twisted”

  “You don’t belong in my world

  I don’t want you,”

  Ah! The biggest lie of the world

  I said because I had to

  13

  It was unimaginably hard for me

  To say such things to my life

  But how quickly she believed me

  As if these weren’t just lies

  That was the hardest thing

  I had ever done, I’ll ever do

  That was an unforgivable sin

  That I forcibly had to do

  During those moments

  The look on your face

  Will haunt the rest of the moments

  Of my existence, what a fate!

  I gave her my last kiss

  I quickly had to move away

  Her heartbeats then, how could I miss?

  Which always gave her away

  Her heart was stopping

  Her breathing was frantic

  Inside she was breaking

  I could no more take it

  I quickly left the forest

  Leaving her standing there all alone

  Everything was gone, all of my rest

  My peace, my life, on the whole

  14

  I had never imagined how

  A little drop of blood could change our lives

  But I realized it now

  That was the doom of our lives

  Every shred of my existence ached

  The pain was unbearable

  Any peace could not be gained

  The loneliness was intolerable

  I hoped that she would forget me

  While I could never

  I hoped she would move on without me

  While I could never

  I clearly remember that day

  Of my fragile human

  It was eighteenth birthday

  But she craved away from fun

  Her mind was always a mystery to me

  She had forbidden me to give her any present

  But how could I not give her a gift when for me

  She was the life’s most beautiful present

  I had composed her a lullaby

  She was the inspiration for it

  In it I had promised to never say goodbye

  To spend with her eternity

  15

  But how could I know

  That the very next day

  She would be standing alone

  Because I could not stay

  I had spent in darkness

  Over 90 years of my existence

  No hope, no light, no happiness

  It was all beyond tolerance

  I had always thought

  That someone deprived of soul

  Someone who with himself fought

  Could have any ray of hope?

  My existence was purposeless

  I was a hideous monster

  I was for sure destined to hell

  On world I was a burden

  I loathed myself

  I felt angry

  I hated myself

  Sad for eternity

  I seldom smiled

  No happiness ever touched my heart

  How I used to hear people’s minds

  The rhythmic beat of alive hearts

  16

  How their hearts were

  Full of passion

  How their souls were

  With hope brightened

  From life, I always ran away

  There was nothing for me

  I was always nothing for anyone anyway

  There was nobody there for me

  So why I should live

  Such a hollow life?

  So why I should breathe

  In a world so wild?

  But then you came

  Like hope, like light

  And you became

  The core of my life

  Now I found my purpose

  Why I had been created

  It was for your protection

  Only for you I existed

  I had promised myself

  That I will forever love you

  I will devote myself

  Completely to you

  17

  I was trying to fulfill this promise

  As hard as I could

  But this incidence so easily broke my promise

  A thing I never imagined to do

  My initial thoughts were right

  I was indeed a monster

  To exist I had no right

  I was completely cursed

  So cursed to hurt that person

  Who gave me all my happiness

  So damned to leave that person

  Without whom there was just emptiness

  I don’t know what

  Life wants from me

  Why it gave me love

  When happiness is forbidden for me?

  But I don’t care about myself

  I just care about you, Bella

  Life isn’t fair, why? I cannot tell

  But what I have done to you is completely unfair, Bella

  I can never forgive myself

  In the very first place

  I should have stopped myself

  On that first day

  18

  I don’t know why

  I couldn’t resist, Bella

  I don’t know why

  I couldn’t stop myself, Bella

  I knew I was dangerous

  I knew I was bad for you

  I knew I was cursed

  I shouldn’t have come to you

  But I badly craved

  For your company

&nb
sp; I badly cared

  About your safety

  When your weren’t in sight

  I used to become utterly anxious

  I just couldn’t think right

  When you were not near

  I always feared

  That you will get hurt

  Whenever you were near

  Peace drowned my heart

  I fell in love with you, Bella

  I don’t know when

  I couldn’t stay away from you, Bella

  All my rules, I had broken

  19

  Your warmth, your smile

  Your fragrance

  Sweetened my life;

  My existence

  I just wanted to live

  Every moment with you

  And after your life would end

  I would kill myself, too

  But see our fate, Bella

  After all my promises

  That I made to you, Bella

  I shattered your heart to pieces

  That last look that I saw on your face

  In that damn wild forest

  Will haunt me forever, alas!

  Will take away all my rest

  How would you endure this, Bella?

  I have shattered you to pieces

  I know you always wanted one thing, Bella

  To spend every waking hour with me

  You were most afraid

  That I would leave you one day

  I was helpless because that

  Was inevitable on that unfortunate day

  20

  I know you loved me

  The way I never deserved

  I hope you will learn to hate me

  Because this is what I really deserve

  I have read Jacob’s mind, Bella

  He will take good care of you

  But I will always be there, Bella

  In shadows, waiting, ready to protect you

  Humans have this great blessing

  The power of oblivion

  You may one day forget me

  Your past; I will become

  But I will suffer forever

  With fresh pain everyday

  Because your memories can dim? Never!

  Instead they become sharper everyday

  The sound of your heart beat

  Is most significant sound for me

  And to pass time without hearing it

  Is sucking the life out of me

  I am sorry, I was weak, Bella

  I should never have come near you

  But you are strong, my love Bella

  You will move on, I hope for you

  21

  I miss every moment spent with you

  Our taking classes together

  Sitting in cafeteria with you

  Why couldn’t these moments last forever?

  Driving you home in my Volvo

  Sneaking into your room

  Through your opened window

  Why did this all end so soon?

  Your laughter, your bright smile

  Your voice, your fragrance, your heartbeat

  Your honest eyes, your inability to lie

  It’s only you every moment, anywhere I see

  Humming to you my lullaby

  Watching you talk in your sleep

  You used to call my name, in a way so lovely

  A way to live without all this, I just cannot see

  An eternity has passed since

  I last held you in my arms

  Since last our lips locked in kiss

  How sweet were those lovely hours

  You know what

  I would trade absolutely anything

  To become a human

  And live with you, honey

  22

  Someone take away from me

  My strength, my beauty, my immortality

  I want nothing of this for me

  I just want to spend with you eternity

  There is autumn in our little meadow, Bella

  My house is silent like coffin without you

  I have become intolerably hollow, Bella

  I have lost everything since I left you

  My heart hadn’t beat for over 90 years

  But this time it was entirely different

  Hollow, like it had never been there

  My everything with you, I had left

  I am the most loath able creature

  In this entire universe

  I hurt the one who gave me life, who was my redeemer

  Any crime cannot be any more worse

  Time will pass for both of us

  Though it is passing slowly

  It is passing for even me, love

  Who is not even alive truly

  .

  .

  .

  .

 

  23

  What are you thinking? Rose…

  What are these pictures in your mind?

  When did Alice saw this? Rose

  This can’t be, I must be losing my mind

  Rose, stop! Don’t say these words out loud!

  This can’t be; she had promised me

  She can’t give her promise such wound

  She jumped off a cliff? Don’t tell me!

  I just can’t believe it, Bella

  How could you do this!

  When you had promised me, Bella

  I couldn’t even imagine this

  I only had a least bit

  Of satisfaction remaining in my heart

  That you were safe, alive without me

  Although I had broken your heart

  That I was breathing in the same air

  That you were breathing in, love

  Now you have gone to Heaven and here

  I will now go to hell, my love

  I don’t know how farther apart

  Hell and Heaven are from each other

  But I assure you that in my heart

  I will keep you forever

  24

  Oh! Can’t I go into past

  And change everything

  The decision to leave you in my past

  Had caused this everything

  Shall I get to go back

  I will never ever leave you

  I will take my words back

  Said in the forest to you

  My decision worked out, sadly

  Neither for you nor for me

  Everything turned on badly

  On both you and me

  Had you been alive

  I know I would have returned

  Someday, somehow, some night

  Through your window you always leave opened

  I would have begged you

  To reaccept me

  I would have begged you

  To marry me

  I know you would never

  Ever forgive me

  But to live with you forever

  Was the perfect Heaven for me

  25

  But now nothing can be done, nothing!

  I am sorry, Carlisle, forgive me, Esme

  That like this my life is ending

  But there is no other way, to survive this news for me

  Isn’t it possible that Alice might be wrong

  I should once ask Charlie about it

  “Hello, Is Charlie
at home?” I asked on phone

  There was Jacob on the other side of it

  “No, he is not. He is at the funeral.”

  And the line on my side was cut

  Charlie was on my beloved’s funeral

  Now alas! Alice’s vision was confirmed

  My love wasn’t breathing anymore

  I must stop my breathing too

  I can’t take in that air anymore

  Which is deprived of her life’s proof

  In the plane there were humans

  Some going to their homes, some leaving them

  Half were excited, half sadness-laden

  But not even nearly as empty as me was any of them

  Because I was again that lonely person

  That I was before, only more worse

  Because I was that unfortunate person

  Who had lost with his own hands his love

  26

  I so very clearly remember that day

  When I had first told you about the Volturi

  You were so scared by my same planning as was of today

  Only then James was about to kill you and now you were killed by me.

  You had forbidden me to think

  Any such idea again

  But now inevitable it is

  For death, I can no more wait

  Only one image is stuck in my mind

  Trembling, shaking, breathing frantically, helpless you

  When I had told you that you weren’t anymore mine

  How severely and brutally I must have tortured you

  I can’t say in words the torture, the pain I had felt

  When I was forced to say those cruel, hollow words to you

  But I am a vampire, you are human, I can’t tell

  Who was in more pain, may be in same, both me and you

  I should never have been saved

  When I was destined to give

  To my beloved the worst possible pain

  I have committed that crime which no one can forgive

  At last, Volterra, I have arrived

  I will ask Aro to kill me

  Tell him that you had died

  27

  He will agree after hearing my story

  Ah! What was I expecting?

  And what Aro planned

  He was all the time imagining

  Me joining his hideous clan

  But no one can stop me from dying

  I will force them to kill me

  A backup plan I had been planning

  If they refused to kill me