Diary of a Human Target (Book One) - Tainted Youth
Saturday, 30th September 1978
Thank God, there aren't many of last year's schoolmates in my class, now that I am in the first class of lyceum (senior high school). For the time being, I don't think I'll have a problem.
This morning more pupils appeared, some of whom I thought I would never see again: Vanda was the first to turn up. She treated us to lollipops, she told us jokes and we had a laugh. By the way, isn't she one of those who failed to move up last year?
A little later, Mary Tripis came to join us. She greeted us in a friendly way and then she asked me smiling:
“Do you remember me?”
“Yes, I remember you,” I replied.
How could I ever forget you?
The nightmare of last year's C4 seems to be only a sad memory now, but I feel I have already been stigmatized somehow. Nadia, a new pupil, came and talked to me right after the bell had rang for the first break. She appears to be a nice, quiet girl. I think we'll get along well. However, when I mentioned that I don't have many friends here, she was taken aback: “Doesn't anyone talk to you?” she asked, almost frightened.
And a really nasty surprise: Only this evening did I find out that as a lyceum pupil I could have enrolled in any school I wished! This means I could have chosen the lyceum of Glyfada but I didn't, because I thought I weren't allowed to. Therefore, I've lost all possibility of seeing George again -but I guess he won't be attending that lyceum either...
Monday, 2nd October 1978
As soon as I got to school, I looked for my new friend, Nadia. She didn't seem happy to see me. From the very first moment she treated me with frigidity and displeasure. I had to screw every word out of her.
“Shall we join Nina's party?” I suggested finally.
“No, they are having a discussion now!” she said sharply.
I stayed with her until the bell rang and I was bored to death. I don't intend to run after her any more.
Gregory and his parents were our guests for dinner this evening. I don't know why, but it was impossible for me to fight a certain feeling of isolation. Even Gregory, my childhood friend, kept chatting with Alice about a girl he likes at school. My sister offered to help him by asking her on the phone, pretending she were a classmate of hers.
“This is an old, good trick,” she assured Gregory, who smiled happily.
“Hey, Yvonne, you see how clever your sister is?” he told me, giving me a meaningful look.
Aunt Pauline hastened to express her admiration too: “Alice is a live wire! She will never hesitate over anything!”
“Yes, right!” I said (couldn't bottle it up). “And when we say ''anything'', we mean anything!”.
“No, I didn't mean that,” she mumbled embarrassed.
Wednesday, 11th October 1978
In spite of the expected difficulties, I do my best to become more popular at school. I often press myself to join certain parties of girls, trying to look cheerful and sociable. However, as soon as I approach them, they stop talking at once and they go away within a second.
This morning, as soon as I arrived at school, I took a deep breath and decided to join a circle of classmates. I saw them watching me with an enigmatic look, but I kept going. When I got near, I suddenly slipped on something very slippery and fell down flat, before everybody's legs. I heard smothered laughter and whispering, but none of them did anything to help me stand up. Only Vanda spoke to me in an ironic tone: “The bad thing about you is that you are too tall and when you fall down you take up too much space!” Nevertheless, I smiled and stayed in the circle, which broke up within seconds.
Tuesday, 21st November 1978
This year I'm sitting at the second desk together with a new pupil, whose name is Virginia. However, most of the time I sit alone, because Virginia is in the habit of changing desks almost every day. To be more precise, whenever a girl is absent, Virginia goes and takes her place until the other one comes back to school.
“Do you mind if I sit with Nina today?” she asked me this morning.
“No, I don't; I have got used to it!” I answered.
Besides, I can no longer ignore the fact that I am isolated again, despite all my efforts for socialization. The only ones who tolerate my presence are two boring girls, fat Lena and religious Kate: All they do during the breaks, is hide in a corner and say the lesson to each other again and again; I just look at them bored stiff and wish I were in some other, more joyful party of girls.
In the afternoons I usually meet my cousins, Jenny and Niki, who left Cefallonia this summer. Now they live in their house in Glyfada, together with their parents. They have come to live here because Jenny intends to get into the medical school of the university of Athens. We meet almost every day, we drink tea, we go for long walks, we watch movies at the local cinema, we have a good time. We get along very well, especially with Jenny, with whom we discuss many interesting subjects such as men, marriage, feminism, our future careers etc.
Saturday, 23rd December 1978
There was a Christmas celebration at school today. First we watched a funny theatrical play organized by my class. All the “actors” performed very well, except Alex Tellos who seemed to suffer from stage-fright and his voice could hardly be heard. Then we had a big party. Everyone was dancing except me and Dora, who has lost her father lately. I was feeling very uncomfortable, sticking out like a sore thumb. I wanted so much to dance and have fun like all the other pupils but it was impossible for me; I had a strange impression, as if my whole body was tied up to heavy stones. I wish I had never been in that party...
Thursday, 25th January 1979
As time goes by, mockery and gossip against me are getting worse and worse, though not so evidently as last year. More often than not, I have to endure ostentatious laughs and askance looks. Sometimes I can sense a strong wave of derision in the air, coming mostly from the boys in my class. Especially after the breaks, when we are in class but the master hasn't entered yet, there is always an execrable hubbub of howls and catcalls around me. I usually refuse to admit I am its target, maybe because I feel totally unable to react anyhow. Sometimes I can't even listen clearly to what they say, as if I were deaf.
This morning, though, the low-voiced comments of the girls near me made me more suspicious. All at once, I heard Nadia shouting: “Stop it now! Whenever she is in, you keep howling at the poor girl!”
“Oh, no, we don't!” said Haribdis ironically.
“But... how is it possible that she doesn't understand a thing?” I heard Lena wonder behind me. A little later, she found the opportunity and flung at me: “It seems to me that you are a sleepyhead!”
Thursday, 22nd March 1979
Today we went on a day trip to Delphi. We set off at 9:30 in the morning. I didn't like it at first. How could I? Nobody deigned to talk or sit next to me in the coach. Yet, the journey was wonderful. As soon as we arrived, we visited the museum and the archaeological site. The ancient temple of Apollo is a magical place, full of energy. The landscape of the green mountains surrounding the site is just amazing. I was feeling wonderful, all my sorrows and concerns were gone, my soul was serene. I wished I could stay there for ever.
Unfortunately, we stayed at Delphi only for one hour and then we left for the city of Itea, where we had lunch in a seaside taverna. Alex and Nina fell into the sea, they both got wet and everybody laughed. We had a nice time there, too. After a couple of hours we got on the coach and took the way back home. Quite unexpectedly, Antonia came and sat next to me. “Why should Yvonne be sitting all by herself?” she said to some others who looked at her in wonder.
Soon there was a party in full swing: The cassette player was on full blast and all pupils were clapping their hands to the rhythm of the music. Me too. After a while, I could feel by hands burning. Taking turns, we rose from our seats and danced to the music. The driver didn't mind at all; on the contrary, he seemed to be having a good time too. The highlight of the evening was when I danced a blues with Alex Tellos. Some pupils als
o told jokes and funny stories, everybody was happy, it was a cock-up!
We arrived at school at 9:30 in the evening. Many parents were standing outside, waiting for their children. I really had a terrific time today. It was a rare experience for me...
Wednesday, 9th May 1979
I was greatly surprised when Nina Fokas, one of the best pupils in our class, phoned me this afternoon and informed me about the newly established pupils' club, which is not far from our school, and the important meeting of today. I was happy to hear her but I also wondered about her interest in me; we hardly talk at school, we just say “hello”.
When we got there, I saw numerous pupils from all three classes of our lyceum gathered in a spacious room. The atmosphere was friendly and positive. We mostly discussed the creation of various activity groups, such as music, dance, painting, cinema etc.
However, I don't know why, but I didn't manage to feel really comfortable with all those people; nor was I interested in any of the suggested activities, although I can play the organ quite well, I can paint portraits and I like cinema too. I can't tell what exactly put me off; maybe the frequent repetition of “there is a lot of work to be done by all members”. Don't we have enough homework already? In the end, we were asked to raise hands and enter ourselves for any of those groups; I didn't do so, not even once.
“Aren't you interested in any of these activities?” asked Nina.
“They are all fine, but I'm not good at anything, neither at music, nor at dance; and I seldom go to the cinema,” I replied hastily.
I don't know what happened with that club finally, but I never heard anything about it again...
Thursday, 17th May 1979
This afternoon, my cousin Annita and her mother paid us a visit. After a while, my sister suggested we go to the local park. It sounded like a nice idea and we agreed at once.
No sooner had we arrived and sat on the swings, when a dozen of teenage boys rolled up, some of them on bicycles, and surrounded us in a rather aggressive manner. I don't know what they wanted exactly; they just kept glaring at us, shouting rigmaroles and guffawing like lunatics.
A few minutes later we left the park, very annoyed. However, very soon we realized that we were being dogged by the gang. They kept jeering, wailing, swearing at us continuously, all the way home. They disappeared only when my mother answered the door and we got into the house.
Chapter 12: Class B Lyceum