Out of the Fire

  *****

  When I returned Tiffany and the boys were already at my house just relaxing against Chuck’s faded blue truck talking and laughing. I let out a long breath as I drove up past them and parked a little further up than Chuck. Steven didn’t look away from my truck as I drove up, and he walked around and came to my driver’s side door and opened it for me. I felt a small blush hit my cheeks “thanks” I said without wanting to make eye contact, even though I had my sun glasses in between us it felt very thin as he extended his hand for me.

  It felt like Hamlet for a moment to-take-his-hand or not-to-take-his-hand, but I didn't want to be rude and when I grabbed his hand all of the emotions that he caused me came flooded back as my heart began to race. His hand was so much larger than mine and so warm. I stepped out and he closed my door for me and he interlaced our fingers as we walked around to the bed of my truck where Tiffany and Chuck already were, which made me feel like a teenager.

  Chuck seemed to know what he was doing as he pulled things out of the bed of my truck and made certain piles of the supplies and we all got to work. Tiffany was on the inside sanding and tiling. I climbed on the roof to try to help out but Chuck kept asking for things so I would climb down and get it for him and climb back up only to have the cycle continue.

  The fifth time that he requested a tool, that wasn't even for roof work that’s when I threw in the white towel “Alright, alright I’ll be inside” as Chuck looked at me through his dark sunglasses with his black beater on and jeans and his Chevy hat, a smile on his face that said I'm-so-glad-you-finally-surrender-but-I-could-of-continued. Steven laughed as he drank from a water bottle with a gloved hand, a pair of wrangler jeans and a matching black beater. He looked so appetizing but I was annoyed as I scowled at both of them as I headed down the last time with both boys chuckling.

  I decided to help Tiffany work inside and my focus was on my bathroom so I don't have to step on plywood anymore and be able to find a place to relax. As I was taking a garbage bin up to the second floor to place all the debris in, I looked out the window that was against the wall on the opposite side of the stairs and saw Steven. My eyes grew big watching him; he was no longer wearing a shirt. I felt my chest get tight and a tingling began to spread on my skin and the warmth in my belly grew, which felt different from the night before. I never felt like this with Gabe, even when we did all the kinky stuff that he wanted to do, it didn't compare to the anticipation of just seeing Steven.

  I licked my lips and just kept starring. His six pack and his muscles in his chest and arms was gleaming from his sweat from the sun and heat. He had a small patch of dark hair on his chest and a trail of dark hair from his belly button that went down and disappeared by his jeans. His skin was an even tan as he looked like a golden God. He muscles bunched from his movement and he looked strong as I remembered his chest underneath my palms. I wanted to explore his body more than ever, to feel him and I felt irrational frustration as I blamed him for doing this on purpose. To causing me to be hot and bothered with him just standing there and looking like… that!

  I was in a trance of thought of walking up to him and pressing my body against his. To feel his strong body around me, in me… to feel his lips on mine. I was so busy having my fantasy that I didn’t hear Tiffany come up next to me “Ah, enjoying the eye candy” I jumped and looked over at Tiffany who burst out into laughter from my startled reaction. I looked back out the window and Steven must have heard her laughter and was looking at us. I knew when we made eye contact through his glasses because he smiled his male model smile and had a cocky how-you-doin' grin on his face. I felt a blush come into my cheeks and I hurried and looked away and went back to my task as I hurried down the hallway with Tiffany in tow.

  “I told you that you would like him” she said as she clapped her hands behind her back and leaned forward with a-I-told-you-so smile on her face.

  “I never said I wouldn’t” I defended myself as I tried to keep the same mistake I made with Gabe. I sighed and set the bin down and leaned into it and clenched my hands against the rim. Tiffany’s eyebrows came together and a puzzle look came across her face.

  She leaned into me “You’re afraid of something” she said in a hush voiced. I sighed and shook my head and stopped leaning and stood up straight and looked her in the eye.

  “It’s nothing” I told her, but Gabe felt like he was in the room with us and my skin was crawling like snakes were slithering all around me.

  “It’s not nothing! You're scared!” She paused and leaned her head closer to me. “Are you scared of Steven?” she whispered.

  “No!” I shook my head “well… no” As the fear of a relationship and Gabe's face kept coming into view. “I just don't want to make the same mistake twice that’s all.” I told her as I hurried and started sweeping up the garbage in the dust pan. Her puzzled look didn’t go away.

  “What mistake?” She never looked away from me as I lifted the full dust pan and dumped it in the garbage.

  I gave her a small smile “It's nothing” as I did a small laugh to try to ease the awkwardness of this conversation.

  “No, there is something that always seems to be on your mind. When we talk you suddenly get a distance look on your face. What is wrong?”

  I took a deep breath and leaned my head back and briefly looked at my ceiling before turning my head to look over at her. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw and took a few breaths before opening them and looking at her. Her eyes were defiant with a deep blue hue and I knew she wasn’t going to let it go. A bubbling feeling of just to let it all out and finally let someone in was finally coming to the surface; I know I needed to tell someone. I took a breath for courage and I looked her straight in the eye.

  “You know how I told you about my travels right? From place to place?”

  “Ya?” she said as she stood in the doorway not moving.

  “Well, I didn't tell you why I started taking those trips.” She shifted her feet and crossed her arms over her chest and waited for me to continue.

  “A little over two years ago I was living with my boyfriend at the time. His name was Gabe. We were together for almost a year and a half.” I stopped to take a breath but as I spoke the memories were coming down as flood waters do when a damn breaks right after a rain storm. I felt my eyes get teary and I closed my eyes and shook my head.

  “The first time he hit me… I truly thought it was an accident that he had a bad day and he truly didn’t mean it”. I opened my eyes and looked at Tiffany; her eyebrows had a crease of worry on them. “When it happened the second time… and then the twelfth time… I just figured that’s who he was and I still loved him. That it wasn’t that often and that one day he will stop and change.”

  I felt tears filling my eyes as I blinked and few fell down my cheeks and my throat was closing as I felt my body start to shake and a desire to sob. I took a few deep breaths until my tears ceased and my body stopped trembling. Tiffany was still silent but her skin had gone pale.

  “One day he came home and he was so enraged,” the tears fell from my eyes and I looked up at the ceiling and shook my head in disbelief of the events of the memory “His face was a deep beet purple. He stormed up to me and just punched me so hard I fell to the ground. When I fell he climbed on top of me started choking me,” my voice was beginning to mix with crying as I continued to tell Tiffany.

  “He was putting so much effort into choking me his lips curled back and his teeth looked so white against his purple face”. I let my body rack from the memory as I wiped my nose and eyes with the back of my hand. “He wasn't stopping, I tried to unclench his hands from my throat but he was so strong,” a small sob escaped me “I tried to hit and scratch his face but he just choked harder. I got so scared, he was going to kill me” I closed my eyes and sniffled as my voice grew lower “I reached blindly around me, to grab onto anything, to help me. I than felt our lamp which I guess fell sometime during the fight. I grabbed it and I swung and hit
him as hard as I could on the side of the head. He paused for a moment and loosened his grip and I hit him with as much strength as I had and he toppled over with blood streaming down the side of his face as I was choking for air” I sniffed a sob.

  I closed my eyes, let out a breath and continued. “I thought I killed him” I than looked back at Tiffany. Horror was in her eyes but she remained quiet. “But I didn’t want to touch him; I just grabbed my belongings and ran. I heard nothing on the news and no cops came looking so I assumed he was fine. But after that I was scared he would come after me. I moved place to place for the past two years of trying to out run him.” I stopped and waited for her to speak, which felt like forever when it was only a few seconds.

  “That's why your shy around Steven isn't it?” Tiffany finally spoke. I just nodded my head in agreement.

  “Oh, honey,” she paused “I can’t even imagine the terror you went through.” She walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “Seven, he is a sweet man. He is nothing like… your past boyfriend” I knew she didn’t want to say his name. “And he will protect you, which I don’t think that man will come looking for you.” She pulled back her hug and I wiped my tears and nose and did a small laugh and nod. “You will have Steven and me and Chuck here.”

  “I know. But I feel so broken. I want Steven so bad” I gave a small laugh. “But when I think that, Gabe’s face just pushes in my mind and I don't trust my judgment anymore.” Tiffany did an understanding nod.

  “The best way to get rid of the bad is to replace it with good, right?” Tiffany asked as I looked at her.

  “Then take a chance, be free” she said with a smile. “If you can't trust your judgment than trust mine” I smiled at her and I took a breath of air that seemed to fill my loosened lungs. A weight has been lifted.

  Chapter 3