Tainted Butterfly

  “You will if the doctor says you have to,” his mother snapped, which was unusual for her. She was normally so lighthearted and nice. Always had a smile on her face for her son.

  I had never doubted how much she loved Sin or how far she would go to protect him. I had been jealous of that when my own mother had been alive. But, now, I had Alicia and I got to have that kind of love from a woman who was ten times better to me than I could have hoped my mother to be.

  Right then, Mrs. Sinclair looked frazzled, her hair falling from its ponytail on one side, her face gray and tense.

  For a minute, I wondered how Sin’s parents were going to afford the trip to the hospital. They didn’t have insurance because Mr. Sinclair had been laid off from the factory in Abingdon, where he had worked since before Sin was born. Money was even tighter at his house now, but he had tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.

  Now, with the look on his mother’s face so tight, I wondered if it was a bigger problem than he had made it sound.

  The paramedics moved fast, as if they thought Sin would change his mind. Knowing my friend, he might have, but I doubted that his mom would have let that happen with the mood she was in right then. One paramedic closed the door on Sin, his mom, and the other paramedic before climbing into the driver’s seat. As soon as the emergency vehicle was out of sight, I looked at my aunt.

  “Sin’s dad got laid off,” I told her, hoping she could do something to help them out.

  She lifted a hand and rubbed it over my hair before smiling. “I know, buddy. Don’t worry about him though. As soon as I get finished with the dog’s owners, they will be putting him through Ivy League college. Okay?”

  If anyone could do that, it was Alicia. She wasn’t the assistant district attorney anymore, but the actual district attorney. The dog’s owners were going to pay for not containing their dangerous animal.

  “Miss St. Charles.” One of the cops cautiously came up to us. “The dog catcher is ready for us, ma’am.”

  Alicia’s smile disappeared, her eyes growing cold when she looked at the house. “Gray, honey, take Kassa home. I don’t want her to be anywhere near that dog when they bring him out.”

  For the first time since I had gotten there, Kassa lifted her head from my shoulder. “What’s going to happen to him?”

  Alicia pressed her lips together, and instinctively, I knew what was going to happen to the dog. He had bitten someone, had drawn and tasted blood. That would make him even more dangerous now.

  I felt cold inside when I remembered how much blood had been soaking through Sin’s bandage. What if the dog had bitten Kassa? Would he have only bitten her on the arm? Or would he have gone for her throat? Would she have even survived if the dog had attacked her?

  What if she had been alone?

  I tucked her head back down onto my shoulder. “Don’t worry about the dog, little caterpillar. He’s not going to ever bother you again. Okay?”

  “But what’s going to happen to him?”

  “That’s up to a judge, sweetie,” Alicia told her. “But I think the safest thing for everyone is if he is put down.”

  “What does that mean?” she whispered, but I felt how tense she was, so I knew she suspected the truth.

  “It means he will be given something to make him go to sleep forever,” I told her, trying to explain it in a way that wouldn’t scare her.

  “You mean kill him,” she whispered, a small catch in her voice, tears spilling from her blue eyes.

  Alicia bent to press a kiss to the back of her head. “Yes, sweetie. That’s exactly what it means.”

  “Miss St. Charles,” the only guy not in a cop’s uniform called over to her. “We’re just waiting on you, ma’am. You have the court order?”

  She nodded as she stepped back. “Just give me a moment, please.” Turning back to us, she gave me a smile and sighed tiredly. “Go on home now, you two. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

  Kassa

  I didn’t want to do my homework when we got home, but Gray made me. I couldn’t concentrate on it though. All I could see was the dog biting Sin, refusing to release him, tearing his arm, and causing blood to drip onto the ground.

  He had been in so much pain by the time Gray had come that the paramedic had offered him a shot of morphine, but he had said no. He was so brave; he hadn’t even cried, even though it had been so scary.

  And, now, the dog was going to die. I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t like the thought of anyone dying, but he was a dangerous dog. And his owners weren’t exactly great pet parents. I didn’t want them to kill the mutt, but I was scared he might bite someone else—that he might bite me next time.

  I was so confused about what I was feeling that I just sat at the kitchen table, staring down at my spelling homework but not seeing the words I needed to learn to spell. From the family room, I could hear Gray talking to someone on the phone. He said he was going to call Kale, but they never talked for long, yet he had been on the phone for nearly half an hour.

  The back door opened into the kitchen and Jace came in, tossing his baseball gear into the mudroom off to the side of the kitchen before going to the fridge for something to drink. He was still in his baseball uniform, his hair was sweaty, and he had dirt on his knees. He was smiling, though, when he sat at the table with me.

  “Hey, Kas,” he said with a tired but warm smile, putting his bottle of water and a bag of apple slices on the table. When I didn’t respond, his smile slowly faded. “You look upset. What’s wrong, baby sis?”

  I dropped my pencil onto my notebook, unable to hold my tears back anymore. “The neighbor’s mean dog bit Sin, and now, they are going to kill him!”

  My brother just sat there for a long moment, his face scrunched up as he took in what I had just said. “Sin got bit by that mutt?”

  I nodded.

  “Where you with him?”

  I nodded again.

  “Where the hell was Gray?”

  “He had detention. Sin was walking me home.” I scrubbed my tears away only for more to fall. My nose was all snotty now, which made me sniffle loudly. “He’s at the hospital.”

  He scooted his chair back and came around the table to crouch beside me. “It’s okay, Kas. I’m sure Sin will be fine. Don’t cry.”

  “But…the dog is going to die now.”

  “You don’t know that,” he said, trying to console me. “Maybe they will just make him wear a muzzle or take aggression classes or something. It will be fine.”

  I shook my head, the tears flowing faster. “No, Jace. He bit Sin hard. There was a lot of blood.”

  His face paled. “And you’re sure you didn’t get hurt? The dog didn’t touch you?”

  I shook my head. “Sin protected me. He was really brave.”

  “I don’t want you to be upset, Kassa, but I think it might be best if the dog does get put down.”

  Guilt made my stomach hurt. “But I don’t want it to die. It was because of me it was so mean. It wouldn’t have bit Sin if I wasn’t bad.”

  “How were you bad? You never did a thing to that stupid dog. He was aggressive toward you because he’s a mean dog and his owners didn’t try to train him or even discipline him.” He wiped my tears away, a stern look on his face.

  Even though he was only thirteen, he sometimes acted like a dad to me. He had always looked after me, kept me safe when we had been living with our parents and they would have parties with our house full of strangers. I didn’t remember most of our time with our real mom and dad, but what I did remember made me glad I’d had Jace there to protect me.

  “It’s already been put down,” Gray said in a quiet voice as he walked into the kitchen. His face was tense, his hands balled into fists at his sides.

  “How do you know?” I whispered, my heart breaking even as relief made me breathe a little easier. I hadn’t wanted the dog to die, was so sorry it was dead, but at the same time, if it was dead, then I was safe. It couldn’
t try to hurt me again.

  “I just talked to Alicia,” Gray informed us. His face was white, his eyes kind of glazed, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking right then, my tears making it hard to see clearly. “When they went into the owners’ house, the dog was hiding. But, when the owner and Alicia started arguing, he came out, and before the dog catcher could restrain him, it nearly took a chunk out of her. One of the deputies shot it on reflex.”

  “Oh no,” I whispered and buried my face in my hands. Alicia had nearly gotten hurt.

  Jace hugged me against his chest, patting me on the back. “How is Sin?”

  “I talked to his mom at the hospital after I talked to Alicia. They did some tests. He has a fractured ulna and he had to have forty-six stitches.”

  Even as hard as I was crying, I felt how tense my brother suddenly got. “The dog broke his arm?”

  “Fractured it. Mrs. Sinclair said there is a difference, but yeah. It fractured it pretty good. He’s going to have to wear a cast and have physical therapy.” Gray let out a long, harsh breath. “And the bite might have bacteria in it, so that means expensive medicine to keep Sin from getting sick.”

  “Damn,” Jace muttered. “What about the owners? Are they in trouble?”

  “Alicia didn’t say. She just told me to watch Kassa since it might be late before she gets home. We get to order pizza for dinner though. What you want on it?”

  I couldn’t listen to them anymore. I pushed back from the table and ran out of the kitchen then upstairs to my room. I couldn’t think about pizza or homework or anything else. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t care if my teacher got mad at me or not. My adopted mom had almost gotten hurt, and Sin was more hurt than I had thought. The dog deserved to die, but I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want to feel relieved that his life was over. I wanted things to be different. I wanted it to be better.

  I fell down on my bed and pulled one of my favorite fuzzy, purple pillows to my chest, holding it against me as I cried until my throat hurt.

  Gray

  I could still hear her crying. Each sob she took broke something inside me a little more. I didn’t like it when she cried. If it were up to me, Kassa would never have to cry again. But it wasn’t up to me. I couldn’t stop every little thing that hurt her, even if I did wish I could.

  I pushed her bedroom door open and glanced inside. Her head was buried in her pillows while she held the fuzzy, purple one I had given her for her birthday the year before against her chest like it could protect her from the outside world. It was getting dark out, and I had tried to give her time to sort out what she was feeling on her own, as Alicia would have told me to do, but I couldn’t keep listening to Kassa cry and not lose my mind.

  She didn’t move as I closed the door behind me and then crossed the room to her bed. After climbing up beside her, I turned on my side and pulled her head onto my chest. She released the death grip she’d had on her pillow and wrapped one arm around me, burying her face in my shirt as she cried harder. I rubbed my fingers up and down her back, trying to soothe her, afraid I couldn’t make her tears stop.

  Minutes passed, but eventually, her sobs turned to small hiccups, but I wasn’t sure that was any better. Those little whimpers were twisting something in my chest that only she had the ability to twist.

  I gave her a gentle squeeze but didn’t stop rubbing her back. “Alicia is fine,” I told her in a quiet voice. “The dog didn’t get her. And Sin is on his way home now. Everyone is okay now, little caterpillar.”

  “But the dog is dead,” she whispered in a broken voice.

  “Yeah, he is.” I lifted my head so I could look down at her. “But that isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault but the dog’s owners. Having a dog is like having a kid, and they weren’t very good dog parents. It didn’t know any better when it was a puppy, but they didn’t teach it right from wrong.”

  She sniffled loudly and let out a shuddery little breath. “I’m sorry it died.”

  “Me too, Kas. Me too. But I’m just glad that you didn’t get hurt.” I wiped the tears still running down her face, streaking it.

  She lay there for a minute, her little mind working overtime as she stared at something over my shoulder. Then her blue eyes closed and her chin trembled. “I was scared. I thought it was going to kill Sin.”

  I put my head back down beside her and tucked her close, not wanting her to see how scared I had been too. I didn’t want to think what might have been, what could have happened to her. “It’s okay to be scared. But, right now, there isn’t anything to be afraid of. I’m here, and I won’t ever let anything hurt you. Okay?”

  She nodded against my shoulder, her tears soaking into my shirt. Without realizing I was doing it, I started humming the song I had made up for her. It wasn’t a typical lullaby, but she had always liked it. There were no words, just the soft humming that she had always said was pretty and soothing. I could feel the tension slowly leaving her, could feel the change in her breathing, and knew she was falling asleep. I tightened my arm around her and tucked her closer.

  “Everything will be better tomorrow,” I promised. “You’ll see.”

  “Love you, Gray,” she said with a sleepy sigh.

  “Love you more, Kassa.”

  FOUR

  Gray

  Gray age 22

  Kassa age 17

  Being offered a contract to perform weekly at one of the hottest new clubs in California should have had me howling at the moon. From the moment Harris Cutter had introduced himself, I had known that my band was actually going somewhere. Being offered a year contract on the spot by the son of OtherWorld’s drummer, knowing the contacts and connections he was offering us—those were things dreams were made of. Shit like that just didn’t happen—not to me, at least.

  Yet he had. It was real. We were going to Los Angeles to give it a try, to let the rock world get a taste of what Tainted Knights could offer.

  But I hadn’t counted on one thing.

  Saying goodbye to Kassa. Having to leave her behind, not getting to see her every day. Not waking up to her beside me the mornings after neither one of us could sleep and we had spent the night talking and laughing until we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer.

  It was killing me to think about being so far away from her. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I had to. If Jace could break up with Kin so he could leave and focus on our music, I could say goodbye to my little caterpillar.

  Right?

  I glanced across the back seat of Alicia’s car at her. Jace and I were flying out to Los Angeles today, and so far, Kassa had kept a brave face on, but I could see how tight her smile was. See the glitter of tears in her eyes before she would blink them back. Every time her pretty blue eyes glazed over with moisture, something tightened painfully in my chest, which made it impossible to breathe for a second or two.

  From the front passenger’s seat, Jace shot a glance back at his sister, his face just as tense as mine as concern darkened his eyes. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?” he told her for what was probably the fifth time that day.

  She nodded, her smile perfectly in place, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Okay,” she murmured, but there was no strength behind it.

  I took her hand, folding her fingers into a fist and covering it with my own. “I miss you already,” I told her honestly and saw the hold she had on her tears start to crack. “But one call is all it will take to get me back here if you need me. Okay?”

  A single tear spilled from her eyes, floating down her cheek and tearing my heart into shreds.

  “Kassa,” I groaned and undid her seat belt before pulling her across the bench seat and into my arms.

  She tucked her head under my chin and buried her face in my shirt. The first sob seemed to be forced from her throat, making her entire body shake. If the military had heard those noises coming from her throat right then, they would have found a way to have them weaponized be
cause they were doing a damn good job of annihilating me. I pressed my lips to the top of her head, fighting back the lump in my throat that was growing bigger and bigger with each passing mile.

  Jace gave me a look that let me know he was just as torn up as I was over having to leave her. For once, we could agree on something. Leaving this girl behind was the hardest thing either of us had ever had to do.

  “Kassa, you know this is a good thing,” Alicia tried to reason with her, no better at handling her when she was so emotional like this than the rest of us were. She was blinking furiously in an attempt to keep her own tears held back. “Jace and Gray are going to rule the rock world after they fulfill their contract with First Bass.”

  “I-I kn-kn-know,” she sobbed, her hands twisting in my shirt as she clung to me.

  I was at a loss for words that would console her, and even if I’d had them, I wouldn’t have been able to speak them. Feeling helpless, I just held her. With each passing mile, the pain in my chest only increased more and more until I had to fight for each breath I took.

  No one spoke until Alicia was pulling up outside the airport in the drop-off section. Leaving the car on, she got out with Jace, but I stayed where I was for the moment. Alone in the car, I cupped Kassa’s chin in one hand and forced her head up so I could see her pretty eyes. As I looked down into them, I noticed for the first time that her eyes were three different shades of blue. How had I never noticed that before?

  “I’ll call you every day. Don’t get annoyed with me though, okay?”

  She gave me a trembling smile, trying to calm herself but failing. “O-kay,” she whispered hoarsely.

  “And we’ll see each other at Christmas. You and Alicia are flying out to visit and I promise I’ll have a hundred different presents for you.” I mopped up some of her tears with my shirt.

  “That’s months from now.” More tears fell. “I wish I could come with you.”

  “As soon as you graduate, you can move in with me and Jace,” I promised, aching for this school year to go by as quickly. She had just started her summer break before her senior year though, and it was going to be almost a year before she could come live with us.