In the Face of Darkness

“You look beautiful” Endora was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. Endora had been turned during Victorian England, and she still held herself with the pose and grace of that era. Her hooded emerald eyes shown with approval; her pale blonde hair fell to her waist, undone as always. She was wearing a dress with a neckline that showed off her cleavage; I had never seen her wear pants. Like me she was young when she was turned into a vampire, but she had an elegance about her that gave her an ageless look.

  “She does clean up nicely” Tino said taking a lock of my hair and running it thru his fingers. I wanted to pull away, but I knew that would only let him know he was getting to me. Instead, I smiled sweetly at him. Tino held on to his old fashioned views of women and Endora held on to her warped Victorian modesty. I wondered what I would hold on to after the world had changed from what I knew.

  “Where are we going tonight” I asked after we all got into Tino's favorite black BMW. We would travel faster without the car, but Endora liked to arrive in style.

  “Jackson” Tino said.

  Jackson was where we went when Endora wanted to kill. If people started going missing in Laurel everyone would notice, but the much higher crime rate in Jackson would cover our tracks. Normally we didn’t kill because killing draws attention, and we didn’t need to kill to survive. Tonight would be different. Not only would someone be killed, but I knew I would be doing the killing.

  Vampires didn't need to kill to survive, but it did serve as a vampire rite of passage, like a vampire bar mitzvah. Older vampires didn't accept a young vampire into their society until that first kill. Most young vampires made their first kill early on, but Endora hadn't seen the need for me to make a kill until recently.

  Before I knew it, the car was pulling up to the curb in front of the dive bar that was a popular vampire hunting ground. “This is where you get out” Tino said when I hesitated.

  “I hadn’t realized that we were here” I said in a tone that I hoped sounded like I didn’t care.

  “Take your time” he added in a bored mocking tone. I stepped onto the curb and Tino peeled out as he drove off.

  The bar was busy for a Tuesday night. There was a live band playing loudly in the background. I made my way to the bar; I can’t drink alcohol, but it would look odd if I was in a bar and not drinking. I heard someone else order a vodka cranberry, so I ordered the same. It was a vibrant pink and I wondered what it would taste like. I wondered what it would feel like to be in this bar for fun and not for killing.

  I scanned the room. The sooner I found an unsuspecting victim the sooner this night would be over. I tried not to think too hard about it. It wasn’t like I had a choice. All I had to do was pick out a victim and kill them. In this world it was kill or be killed. I had always known this night would come, but I had hoped when it did I would be ready. I didn't feel ready. I wished I hadn't seen Matthias. I wished he hadn't made me remember a part of my human life that I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget that I was ever happy as a human.

  Then I saw him watching me from across the bar. It was Matthias. I quickly looked away. When I looked back he was gone. I didn't know how he found me again. He couldn't be here; not tonight. Maybe I imagined him, I thought.

  “Dance with me” the words fell on my ears like a caress. I turned and saw round warm brown eyes with specks of gold.

  “That’s not what I’m here for” I told him.

  “I know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun” he said. I wondered if he knew I was here to kill someone. I wondered what he would think of me then. Would he still want to save me?

  I knew I should move away, but I didn't want to. I wanted to dance with him. I wanted more than anything to be the girl I used to be one more time. But, maybe just for one song I could be that girl and let myself dance. With my choice made I turned and walked to the dance floor knowing that he would follow. I could feel the hard beat of the music radiate thru body. His hand lightly touched my waist as he pulled me closer into his embrace.

  I had danced with men at this club before. I knew how to hint and tease just enough for them to follow me out to the alley behind club. Tino would make sure they left with a memory of a good time after we fed off them. I had yet to develop the skill of altering the memories of humans. Even if I did have the power to change memories it would be hard to give someone a memory of something I knew nothing about.

  The hands moving on my hips brought me back to the moment and the man I was dancing with. I turned so that I was facing him. I wanted to run my hands thru his thick auburn hair, but I resigned myself the only resting my hands on his chest. He had always smelled of warmth with a subtle sweetness. As a human I had barely noticed it, but now the scent was overwhelming.

  “I told you I didn’t want to see you again” I said.

  “Are you going to kill me now?” he asked with a smile. He wouldn't think it was funny if he knew why I was here.

  “I haven’t decided” I said. I should kill him though. He wasn't going to give up. I thought for a moment that I could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. I asked myself if I could kill him, but I knew the answer was no. I couldn't kill him, but if he didn't stop following me it wouldn’t matter because Endora would kill him anyway.

  “You don’t have to do this” he whispered. He didn't know how deep the words cut. He just thought I was here to feed.

  “Yes, I do” I said more to myself then Matthias. I did have to do this. I couldn't let him make me believe otherwise.

  “You could come with me now; I can take you away” he said.

  “Endora would just come after me, and you would get hurt in the process” I told him.

  “I know of a place where she can’t find you” he said.

  “I can’t” I said.

  “Sooner or later you will go with me” he said.

  “I still don’t understand why you are doing this; I don't know why you care. Like you said, the girl you loved died. I'm just a vampire who looks like her” I told him. “I should be going…” I said not knowing why I was wasting time dancing when I had a job to do.

  “I’ll leave you as soon as you agree to meet me again” he gripped my arm lightly but firmly. I could have pulled away, but I would have made a scene and the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention.

  “I can’t” I said.

  “Tomorrow night, two hours before sunrise in the graveyard, if you change your mind” he said.

  “I won’t” I said. I wanted to go with him, but I knew it would just end in pain for both of us. As much as I wanted to believe he was still in love with me I knew there had to be another reason. He released my arm and vanished as quickly as he had arrived..

  I slowly made my way back to the bar. As I approached the bar, I saw a man sitting alone. I slid my glance towards him. He held my gaze long enough for me to see that he had large blue eyes that were as cold as ice. His coffee-colored hair was short and spikey. He had a thin, boyish build and a strong chin. He was wearing loose fitting jeans and a black t-shirt.

  “Do you live around here?” I asked because out-of-towners made better victims.

  “No, I’m just passing by on my way to the coast. I thought I would stop in here for a drink. I’m Blake; what’s your name?” he smiled at me, and I wished he hadn’t told me his name. I looked around the room and I knew he was the best target I was going to find. He was alone and from out of town which meant that no one would miss him for a few days. Endora and Tino would start to get worried if I waited any longer. I didn’t have a choice, I reminded myself.

  “Lily, so what’s at the coast?” I asked, but I really didn’t want to know. The less I knew about this man the better.

  “Nothing really, just needed a break from life” he said. He was going to get more than a break, I thought.

  “It’s really loud in here. Do you want to go somewhere quiet? I know a
place up the street with great pie” I said, and it wasn’t a lie; the place up the street did have great pie. I wished I could take Blake for pie instead of killing him.

  “Yeah, let’s go” he said as he slid off the bar stool and turned to the front door.

  “Let’s go out the back way; people know me here and I don’t want them to see me leave with strange man” I said with a smile. That was only a partial lie. The people here did know me, but since most of them knew this was a hunting ground for vampires they didn’t ask questions. As long as they weren’t the ones on the menu no one seemed to care.

  “Lead the way” he said. I led him out the back door where Tino and Endora would be waiting for me.

  Tino smiled when he saw Blake follow me into the alley. “What is this?” Blake asked backing out of the alley. He didn’t make it far before Tino caught him. Tino was good at mind intrusion. and he used it to make Blake stop fighting him.

  “You should feed first” he said as he pushed Blake towards Endora. Endora caught Blake he fell to the ground. Then she took him in her arms in a gesture that looked loving and motherly. I watched as Endora sank her sharp fangs into the soft flesh of Blake’s neck. She was delicate even when she fed. As she raised her head from his neck, she gently licked the blood from her lips and looked as if nothing had happened.

  “You’re turn” Endora told Tino. I was thankful that Endora and Tino were draining most of his blood so that I wouldn’t have to drink much to kill him. I was hoping Tino would drink too much and accidentally kill him so that I wouldn’t have to. I knew I would have to kill, but now that the moment was here I just didn’t want to do it. I reminded myself what Endora had said about my humanity leaving me. I would feel better and I wouldn't think about Matthias or my human life. All I had to do with kill a man who was dead anyway.

  “It’s time for you to finish him” I heard Endora say, and I realized the Tino had finished. The time was here.

  I looked into Blake’s blurry blue eyes, the results of Tino’s mind intrusion. I turned his head to expose his neck as I relaxed my jaw to let my fangs drop. The soft flesh at his neck gave easily as the blood filled my mouth. It always surprised me how easily my fangs sank into soft flesh. I drank his sweet blood; I marveled at how easy it would be to drink every drop. Then I remembered his name “Blake”; someone had given him that name. Someone loved the man I was about to kill. I thought about Matthias. I thought about what he would think of me if I did this. I couldn't do it; I couldn’t take his life. I pulled away from him. I knew Endora would not be happy, but in that moment I didn’t care what happened to me. All I knew was that I couldn’t take the life of this man.

  “I can’t…” I said in a voice so low I barely heard it.

  Endora finished drinking the last of Blake’s blood. As she let his lifeless body fall the ground, I wondered what it was all for. I hadn’t killed him, but he had died anyway. Did it make anyone less dead if I didn’t kill them? I asked myself. We drove back to Langley house in silence.

  “Lily, maybe you should go to your room and I’ll come up to talk to you later” Endora said once we arrived back at the Langley house. I felt like a naughty child being sent to their room, but if I was honest I did want to go up to my room.

  Once inside my room I changed out of the tight, uncomfortable clothes and into my sweat pants and cotton tank. I took the silver brush from my vanity. Endora had given it to me when she turned me. I started to brush out the long red mass that was pretending to be my hair. Soon, I would crawl under the pink covers of my big canopy bed. I technically didn’t need to sleep, but I still did it out of habit. It was nice to fade into oblivion once in a while.

  I didn’t know why Matthias wanted to me to go with him or where he thought he could take me to be safe. I wanted to believe that he could take me away, but I knew that I would never be free from Endora. This was my life now.

  I had gone to the graveyard hoping to feel something, but I had felt more than I wanted. I didn’t want to still have feelings for Matthias. I had thought that part of my life was over. I hadn’t thought about Matthias for years, but now he was all I could think about. I knew I had to find a way to put him out of my mind. I had to focus on making my first kill.

  “Can I come in?” Endora’s sing song voice came from the door of my room.

  “Yes” I wondered to myself what she would say if I didn’t let her come in.

  “I know tonight was hard, but you can’t keep doing this” Endora said as she sat on the corner of my bed. “I know you haven’t embraced this life, but you are suited to it in ways you don’t yet understand.” Endora gave me a look that reminded me that no matter how many centuries I lived everyone would always see me as a teenager. “You can’t truly be one of us until you have made your first kill. You can’t be a vampire and still cling to your humanity” Endora said.

  “I know… I’m trying…” I said. I was trying. All I wanted to do was make my first kill. “I tried to kill that man, I wanted to, but…” I wanted to lose my humanity, and I had been ready to kill until I had seen Matthias. I cursed Matthias. I hated that I cared what he thought of me. I knew if I killed Blake I would change more than I already had, and then Matthias would hate me more than he already did. I was ready to kill. I wanted to kill. I wanted my humanity to leave so that I could be happy like Endora and Tino.

  “You will need to try harder. Once Castor is here he will expect you to make a kill. I won’t be able to protect you” she said. Castor was the vampire who had made Endora a vampire. We were back in Laurel to meet with Castor.

  “Can’t you just force me?” I asked. Endora held control over both Tino and I. I remembered the way Endora had forced Tino to stop touching her when I had watched them in her room. It would be so much easier to kill if it wasn’t my choice, I thought. I knew that if it came to kill or be killed I would kill to save myself.

  “The bond between a sire and a vampire has limits. If I were to use my power to force you to do something against who you are our bond would break. This is something you have to do on your own” she said.

  “If you force me to kill then you’ll break our bond?” I asked.

  “Most likely not. In order for a bond to be broken I would have to ask you to do something that you would rather die than do. I don’t think you would have chosen the life of that boy tonight over your own. I could have forced you to kill him, but the first kill is more than just the action of killing. You have to realize how fragile and pointless human life is” she said. I didn’t think human life was pointless. I thought it was wonderful. I envied them; they got to die. Human’s looked at their lives and saw decades of happiness; I looked at my life and saw centuries of pain and longing.

  “I’ll try” I said. I knew I couldn’t tell Endora what I thought, but I didn’t think I could see human life the way she wanted me to.

  “One day you will have a victim in front of you and something in your nature will take over. It will be over before you even know it has happened”.

  “What was your first kill like?” I asked.

  “It was a man I had known when I was human. He told me we were going to be married, but instead he ruined me by marrying someone else. My father found out about the affair and realized an unmarriageable daughter wasn’t useful to him. He cast me out. Castor found me living on the streets. He saved me and he let me have my revenge on the man who jilted me” she said. “I didn’t ask for this life anymore then you did, but now it is the only life I could ever want. I want you to have that feeling” she said. “Don’t worry; I know you won’t let me down again. Next time you will kill” Endora said. Her voice was reassuring, but the words told me that I didn’t have any more time. I either made a kill or Castor killed me.

  “Yes, I will” I said and I meant it. I was tired of being a vampire with humanity and I wanted it to end. “I want to make my first kill. I’m
not sure what stopped me” I said.

  “I know you won’t let me down again” Endora said.

  “Maybe it was because he told me his name” I said.

  “Well, now that is the problem. Next time you feed off a human the only thing you should think about is how good they taste and let your instinct take over. Don't think about their name” she said. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I’ll take care of this” she said. “Oh, and tomorrow night I will need you to pick up a few things”.

  “A few things?” I asked.

  “Some humans” she said. “Castor will need to be entertained” she said.

  “And these humans, do they know that they are going to be the entertainment?” I asked and Endora smiled.

  “I’m sure they think they are coming for a different type of entertainment” she said. “Try not to think about it too much. You are going to have to kill one of them, because if you don’t, even I won’t be able to help you” she said. “I’ll let you rest now” she rose from the bed and left the room.

  A soft thud took my attention from my thoughts. It came from my open window. I looked outside, and saw that the rain was still falling with a vengeance. Then I heard the soft meow. The cat was soaked to the bone and was shivering. I went to my bathroom and retrieved a towel to dry the cat. Once it was warm and dry, it curled up on my bed and purred. I had always had a soft spot for cats. My dad had been allergic so I’d never been able to have one as a pet.

  I looked outside and noticed that the rain had slowed. It would be daylight soon. I closed the window and covered it with the heavy curtain used to keep the sunlight out. Then I curled into bed with the purring cat. I wished I could keep the cat. It's soft head burrowed into my chest. I wondered how this little creature could love so unconditionally. It was as if the cat knew I needed comforting, and he had showed up just in time.

  CHAPTER 3