We Are US...

  "If something bad does happen you have an entire support system for you. But I don't believe that will be needed this time. I really believe everything is going to be okay, and I really want you to believe that too. Could you try? For just a few more weeks- the last few weeks. Could you try to be excited and happy and as ready as possible? Because I don't want you to miss a thing when this little one is born."

  Walking to me Mack doesn't even pause before he hugs me tightly to his chest. Exhaling for the last time, I snuggle in, thank him, and just wait out the seconds until I'm well enough to pull away.

  "I'm sorry, Z," I whisper as Mack stays beside me with his hand on my back.

  Looking so sad, Z replies, "Don't be. I've felt and thought all the same things, Suzanne. I've talked to Mack about it all as well," he finishes as Mack nods beside me. "We're just going to have to believe everything will be okay as Mack said because I'm tired of being afraid of this little bugger," he adds huffing and I totally get what he means.

  This little bugger has been torturing us for months and I wish it would just come out already so I can hold him or her.

  "Ah, what do I do now?"

  Holding out my purse to me, Z says simply. "You fix your makeup and get the hell out there before the Kaylas start a riot in Marty's restaurant. The men are leaving for 2 hours, and then I'll be back to get you and all the presents for home. And that's it. No one expects anything of you, they just wanted to be here for you."

  "Lucia?" I kind of question embarrassed.

  "Loves me, and since you two spoke last year, she thinks you're great. Plus I love you, so she would love you anyway."

  "Why is she here though? She didn't fly all the way here just for this, did she?" God, I hope not. What a colossal disappointment for her if she did.

  "Not entirely. She and Stephano wanted to come back to the US anyway for a trip, so she made a side trip here for your shower."

  "Ugh. No pressure though," I giggle uncomfortably.

  "She's only met you twice love. And both times you freaked out, so I'm thinking she's just going to assume you're a nutter and get over it. She is Italian, Suzanne, so she knows a little something about drama," he laughs as I do.

  10 minutes later I finally make my way back to my baby shower. Remake-upped and as stable as I can be, I slide in behind my 2 Kayla's talking to the others and hug their necks from behind. Whispering I'm sorry, Kayla shakes her head, and other Kayla squeezes my hand around her neck.

  "Thank you for my party."

  "You're welcome. Now come get some cheesecake before that one eats it all," Chicago Kayla points her fork at Tonia who laughs with a mouthful.

  "Um, thank you all for coming. This was a wonderful surprise though my entry suggests otherwise," I giggle. "And thank you Lucia for side tripping it to New York for this. I can't even imagine what you're thinking of me. Again," I smirk as she claps her hands with a quick laugh. "But I really appreciate you coming."

  "I'm happy to be here, Suzanne. Stephano wanted to see the Christmas of New York and I want to shop of course," she beams as I nod. God, she's nice and friggin gorgeous.

  "We soooo get that," I smile at my nodding Kaylas. "So what do we do?" I plop down between Kayla and her mom Mrs. Rinaldi.

  "Well, Kayla had stupid games for you to play," she continues past Kayla's 'hey!' “But I figure we could just open presents and eat. Open mine first!" Chicago yells hopping up and I relax totally when Tonia pushes the cheesecake at me grinning and Mrs. Rinaldi hands over a plate.

  "Thank you all for being here. Truly. I really didn't know who would be here but these 2, so you just made my baby shower very special for me."

  Smiling at Veronica, I force myself to not think of what her husband witnessed, or of what she must really think of me. I mean she's here right? So unless Kayla threatened her, which she would totally do, Veronica chose to be here anyway for me which is very kind.

  After opening Kayla’s thousands of gifts, ranging from baby clothes and tons of baby paraphernalia, she finished my gifts with an awesome carseat baby buggy in multiple pastel colors. Sitting back looking at all the gifts from her I’m stunned she spent so much money on me. Then again, she’s had months of shopping so I can totally see her over doing it.

  Veronica’s gift is a beautiful frame for ‘Mommy’s first picture with me’, and more generic, genderless clothing. Dee’s gift is a gift certificate to her hair salon, and after Kayla pipes up I’m gonna need it after the baby, everyone laughs and starts talking about how hard it is to even get a shower in with a new baby, never mind actually having time to do your hair.

  “Here you go not so little one anymore,” Lucia leans forward making me laugh. God, between her accent and her beautiful clothing she makes me wonder if all Z’s relatives in Italy are as gorgeous as she and Z are.

  “Are all the Marvinelli’s gorgeous?” I ask like a moron.

  “Si,” she laughs. “We were blessed with some of good genes. My Zia Carmella, Z’s mother, was beautiful and I think that’s why Peter stole her away to America when she was so young,” she adds smiling but everything changes instantly around me. I can even sense the Kaylas understand.

  “Open your gift, Suzanne,” Kayla says heavily beside me snapping me out of where my thoughts were going to go too quickly to stop them without medication.

  Slowly unwrapping what looks like a bracelet box, my mind is spinning. I want to know so badly how young Z’s mother was when Peter found her. I want to know if he was a pig with her. I want to know what he did to her. But I hold it in for another time. Barely.

  “Oh! It’s beautiful.” Holding up and admiring my gold charm bracelet, I see the letters Z and S, and in between a blank spot for the baby I’m assuming. Wow. It’s like the thickest, heaviest gold bracelet I’ve ever seen in my life.

  “You have no name I was told?” When I nod she continues. “When you having the baby you just call me with the name and I’ll send the other charm. Yes?”

  “Oh, I will. Thank you, Lucia. It’s absolutely beautiful.” Turning to Kayla I ask her to put it on me which she does quickly after admiring the weight and gold.

  Smiling once again at Lucia, I actually lean over the table and squeeze her hand in thank you. It’s a beautiful bracelet and I can’t wait to add the third charm suddenly I wish this little bugger would just get here already.

  “So… names?” Tonia asks and everyone nods.

  Grinning, I know I’m going to piss everyone off with this. “Ah, Z likes Michael, and I like Macklan, but-“

  “Mack!” Kayla gasps and claps like I knew she would. “Baby Mack is sooo cute. And it’s another M for the boys in our family,” she says making me tear up. Whenever I hear these ‘our family’ references I’m always emotional still. To think I actually have a family is just bizarre, but to experience it is amazing.

  “I don’t like it,” other Kayla pouts as we all laugh.

  Leaning over me to her, Kayla laughs, “You’re not even married to Marty, so you can’t be offended that she’s naming her baby after my husband.”

  “Yes, I can. Marty loves them, too,” Kayla Lefferts actually whines making me giggle at her face.

  “Um, Macklan Martin Zinfandel?” I say squeezing her hand. “But don’t tell them so it’s a surprise.”

  “Oh, that’ll do,” Kayla agrees and I’m glad she’s over it quickly.

  “And for a girl?” Veronica asks excited as I flinch slightly. I kinda hoped they wouldn’t go there, but naturally they do.

  “Ah, we haven’t decided.”

  ”But maybes?”

  “None yet,” I squeak leaning over to grab the next gift while burying my face under the table for a second to stop panicking.

  Z and I almost fought over not even entertaining a girl’s name, but I just couldn’t do it. I explained again I hoped I had a boy, and Z huffed his frustration but gave in when I started panicking that day. Now though, I think I maybe should at least think about it so he doesn’t just name h
er something weird if I do actually have a girl.

  "What is it?" I laugh stunned at the weird looking gift from Mrs. Rinaldi. "Oh, a breast pump?" I stare at it through the box. Jesus, it's pretty freaky looking actually. Really, it looks more like a boob torture device. Yikes.

  "You have to start using it right away, Dear. Even if you're going to breast feed you have to use it daily so your body gets used to it. Trust me, you don't want to be the only boob available always. Right?" She asks Kayla who nods. "Plus, that way you have milk for me when I babysit. Which I'm going to do. Often," she smiles squeezing my hand. "My other 2 daughters have been a total fail," she adds as we all laugh at her terminology. "So I'm taking on your baby as an adoptive grandchild. Okay?" Oh, wow. Um...

  "Why?" I ask as the tears start up again.

  "Because I love you, Dear. And I need more grandchildren, and I want yours."

  Shaking my head to clear it, I whisper okay as the happiness shocks me a little. "Thank you. I don't have anyone else," I cry sadly when she leans in to hug me.

  "Yes, you do, Suzanne. Plus I'm the perfect person to call with all the crazy baby questions. I had 3 daughters in 5 years. Right, Kay?"

  "Yup. Like, why does he always wait to pee in the air as soon as the fresh diaper is ready? Or why does he only scream bloody murder when Mack and I start to get a little sexy with each other? What does he have, radar?” She asks sounding a little sexually frustrated as I giggle. “Well, you'll see, Suzanne."

  "I can't wait to ask all these questions. And thank you so much Mrs. Rinaldi. You are very sweet to me, and Laura and Paola are going to be totally pissed that I gave you a grandbaby before they did. So yay, for me!" I burst out laughing as she does.

  Looking at all my stuff on the table and floor all around us I realize I’m set for like a year maybe. Or maybe not. Actually, I have no friggin’ clue how much stuff a baby uses in their first year.

  “I can’t give you my gift yet. I’m sorry, Suzanne. But it’s a little gender specific so Mack and I have to wait for the baby first. I hope you don’t mind?”

  “Of course not.”

  Talking and laughing and sharing pregnancy horror stories, which thankfully I have none of with this one, I wait for Z and the men to arrive. I’m feeling exhausted suddenly, almost bone weary and somewhat sad though I have absolutely no reason to be.

  With only a few minor incidents, I’ve enjoyed my party and the women here. Tonia and Veronica and Lucia have fit right in with the Kaylas and everyone is loud and funny, and really fairly sarcastic and smartassy with each other, which always cracks me up. Jeez… even Mrs. Rinaldi gets in a few shots at Chicago Kayla who thankfully pisses herself laughing instead of going for Mrs. Rinaldi’s jugular.

  And then I see him. Carrying Matthew in his arms, Z walks into the restaurant and I swear the air vanishes from the room. Even the 2 other tables across the room of diners stop what they’re doing or eating or saying to look at Z walk in with baby Matthew, Mack and Marty and I know what they’re thinking, Shit, that man is hot.

  And here come the hornies again, as Kayla would say.

  Leaning down to kiss me gently, Z smiles against my lips. “Hi, love. How was your night?” When Kayla scoops her baby from Z I almost pout because I missed my chance to hold him. “Suzanne?”

  Turning from Matthew, I finally speak. “My night was amazing. And we have so much stuff, thank god you have an SUV. Look at my bracelet from Lucia,” I hold up my wrist as he inspects it.

  Turning to a beaming Lucia, Z shakes his head. “It’s beautiful Lucia. And there’s nothing like Italian gold, right?”

  “Not in America,” she teases as he laughs. ‘I will also send the charm of the baby’s name when it is born.”

  Nodding, Z actually bows a little to Lucia saying ‘Grazi’ as she nods back with a gorgeous smile.

  Getting in closer, Z asks if I’d like to go, and I whisper yes as quietly as possible while everyone talks and gushes over Matthew who is passed around among them.

  “Thank you all for coming, and for being here for Suzanne’s baby shower. And thank you Kaylas for putting on her shower. And don’t either of you ever call me again,” he says so seriously, I burst out laughing before everyone else realizes he’s kidding. Jeez people… lighten up.

  “We’ll help,” Mack offers picking up multiple bags and the breast pump box which mortifies me. But other than looking at it quickly, it goes right under his arm as he heads out of the restaurant with Marty and Z in tow.

  Standing, I ask for Matthew and Veronica hands him over.

  “I have to go sweetpea, but I’ll see you on Sunday for Thanksgiving. Ow… you little bugger,” I giggle as he tugs the hair against my cheek. Resting his head on the top on my chest, I melt in place again. Holding his little head in my hand I make little weird sounds I don’t know where the hell I get them from, but he always seems to love them.

  “Don’t put him to sleep, Suzanne. I have to nurse him first. And whenever he’s lying on your boobs he falls asleep,” she laughs when Mrs. Rinaldi says ‘like a typical man’.

  “Bye baby,” I whisper kissing his head.

  Handing him over, Kayla does the quick flip blanket boob not even exposed thing she’s a pro at and suddenly he’s hidden from me and I almost pout.

  “Are you ready?” Z stands behind me.

  Nodding I turn to everyone, some standing and some still sitting. “Thank you again for coming and for throwing me this awesome baby shower. You have no idea what it means to me that you would actually come and celebrate this little one with me and Z. So without getting sappy again, thank you. Sincerely,” I close out just shy of tears.

  Hugging Tonia and Veronica briefly, Dee holds me way longer. Telling me I look as beautiful as always, she says she can’t wait for me to bring the baby to the salon. She even makes Z promise to call her when the baby’s born.

  When Lucia stands I’m instantly insecure. Watching as she approaches I’m nervous she thinks I’m not good enough for Z, or better yet, I’m a complete psycho, rightfully so. I just hope she doesn’t say anything mean because Z will freak on her.

  “I do hope we get a telephone call when the baby is born as well?” She asks.

  “Of course. Thank you again for the beautiful gift, and if you and Stephano are ever in the States again, please feel free to visit us.”

  “We will. Take care of yourself,” she touches my stomach briefly. “And keep making Z happy with whatever it is you do that keeps him smiling like that,” she says with her own eyebrow wiggle.

  Laughing, I have to know. “Is that strictly an Italian thing, or Marvinelli sexy thing you’ve got with those looks?”

  “Marvinelli. And Italian, I’m sure. I don’t think you Americans can pull off the sexy looks like we can. You’re much too uptight in America,” she laughs again.

  “Don’t encourage her, love. Lucia has always been trouble,” Z says so affectionately, Lucia jumps in his arms for a huge hug.

  “Do you need a ride to your hotel?”

  “No, this one Tonia and I are going out for a drink before I meet with Stephano.”

  “Be good, Lucia,” Z scowls as she laughs like they’re teenagers still.

  “I don’t know this word in English,” she smirks before kissing both my cheeks to walk back to the table.

  “Ready?”

  “Very.”

  “We’re leaving. Thank you again everyone. Drinks are on us tonight, so have fun.”

  After final hugs from everyone, lots of kisses, and thank you’s all around I’m finally done.

  Waving, Z walks me out of the restaurant with his hand on my back snuggled into his side.

  “Tired?”

  “Exhausted.”

  Sitting in the dark of the SUV, the silence is lulling me asleep until I think of Carmella suddenly.

  “How old was your mother when they married, Z?”

  After a long moment of silence, Z finally breathes, “I really don’t know. I know she
was younger, but I don’t think by much. Why?”

  “Just something Lucia said. I think you should try to figure it out, Z. I think she was pretty young, and if she was maybe she didn’t know or understand about him. Or know what to do. Maybe…” I fade out when I realize Z is deathly still beside me. “Sorry,” I lean over to take his hand.

  “Look, whether she was young or not when they got together, she wasn’t young when I found out about him. So to me it makes no difference. If she knew, she was old enough to stop him, Suzanne. And nothing changes that,” he says in his scarily calm voice so I let it go.

  Walking into our condo, I want to wait for Z to bring up all the gifts but I’m too exhausted.

  After washing all my makeup off and hoping in the shower for a quick rinse off, I think about my sexy black lacy pregnancy nighties but decide on my huge prego pants and a cami instead.

  “I’m going to bed!” I yell before crawling in without even turning the overhead lights off. I can’t get back up, and I don’t care. Pulling the pillow over my head, I know Z will be in any second to kiss me goodnight anyway, so I’m done.

  CHAPTER 31

  "Suzanne... Wake up, love. It's time to go," Z whispers wrapped all over my huge body. Moaning, I move my ass against him trying to stay warm in bed. "Baby, please. We have to be at the hospital in an hour and a half, and I know how weird you're going to get," he says with his smile-voice as I giggle.

  "I've changed my mind about all this. Let's just stay in bed and forget about a baby, K?"