The Lightning-Struck Heart

  RYAN WOKE me a couple of hours before dawn.

  He crawled under his blanket as I sat up.

  His head was near my knee. Just inches away, really.

  He looked up at me. I looked down at him.

  Eventually, he closed his eyes.

  I wondered at this complex man, this knight from the slums who wanted nothing more than to become something more. I thought it possible that he looked up at the stars and had wished for the same things I did. How funny that our paths crossed as they had. Then and now. And how every time was not the right time, no matter how much I could wish it to be so.

  And I told myself we needed to find Justin soon, because I couldn’t have him like this. I couldn’t have him within reach. Not when I would just have to let him go once we got the Prince back. He was in love. And I was not the type of man to ever try and come between something like that. We would get Justin back and they would go back to Castle Lockes and I would go north. There would be a wedding, and I’d send my condolences at missing the ceremony and my congratulations at such a joyous union. I would learn what I needed to learn under Randall. I would come back to the City of Lockes under control and everything would be fine. Everything would be wonderful. Ryan would be happy, and I would be happy for him. This silly crush I’d fostered would be nothing more than a distant memory, and one day I’d find another person meant to be my cornerstone, and any time I passed Ryan in the halls or stood near him in the throne room, I’d smile and he’d smile back. We’d think fleetingly on this little adventure we’d had back in the early days.

  And then we’d move on.

  Because that is the only thing we could do.

  Still.

  I had to stop myself from running my fingers through his hair.

  I knew now why Morgan had said he feared for my heart.

  I did too.

  CHAPTER 15

  Mama’s

  THE CITY of Lockes was the capital of Verania. The King resided in Castle Lockes. For the most part, it was beautiful. The ports were far enough away that the air was clear and fresh. The roads, especially around the castle, were well maintained and landscaped. It was often said the only blight upon the City of Lockes was the slums, that area that stretched along the eastern edge of the city. But for the most part, the City of Lockes was bright and vibrant, a beacon of surety and the Veranian Dream.

  Meridian City was the exact opposite.

  It was dirt and grime, sex and debauchery. Not one single person in Meridian City could cast a stone, because all were bathed in sin. These were the thieves and the murderers. These were the liars and the cheats. These were the ones who slunk in the dark, just as likely to steal your wallet as to stab you in the kidneys. If you needed to hide from the law, you went to Meridian City. If you wanted to drink and get high and sleep with strangers (usually all in the same place), you went to Meridian City.

  The air stank of smoke. There was garbage in the streets. People wandered drunkenly, laughing and screaming. Men fucked whores in alleyways. Women fucked whores in doorways. Madams and pimps prowled the corners, making sure their girls and boys presented themselves as they walked the streets.

  It was everything the City of Lockes was not.

  And I loved it.

  It was rage and base desires. It was anger and sadness and despair and desperation, but it was honest. It beat with a corrupted, diseased heart, but it wore it on its sleeve and made no excuses for what it was. Meridian City was wrong and it knew it.

  And there was a time I could have gotten away with entering the city without having to hide my face. But the older I’d gotten, the more my name had been spread and the more recognizable I’d gotten. I didn’t mind, not really, but with the events of the last few weeks, and especially with Ryan at my side, it was going to make it difficult to go see who we needed to see before we went to Old Clearing. I needed information and there was only one person in Meridian City I could get it from.

  “You two need to stay out of the city,” I told Gary and Tiggy the afternoon we arrived to the outskirts of the city. I could hear groups of travelers on the Old Road through the trees of the Dark Woods. “It’ll be too difficult for all of us to get in without getting recognized. I don’t think it’s going to take that long.”

  “But I want to see Mama,” Tiggy rumbled.

  “I know,” I said. “But this isn’t that kind of visit. We can’t stay. And you two aren’t exactly inconspicuous.”

  “I resent that remark,” Gary said. “I am as inconspicuous as they come.”

  “Me too,” Tiggy said.

  “Says the hornless gay unicorn and half-giant. You draw too much attention. Because you’re so amazing.”

  They both preened. Like I knew they would.

  “Who’s Mama?” Ryan asked.

  “You didn’t tell him?” Gary demanded. “He’s going to meet Mama for the first time and I won’t get to be there to watch? I don’t even need to tell you how unfair that is!”

  I rolled my eyes. “And yet you’re telling anyway.”

  “This is going to be something I’m not going to like, isn’t it,” Ryan said. “I feel like that has happened a lot on this trip already.”

  “Adventure,” I corrected him. “Not a trip. Adventure. Trips imply vacation. Adventure implies awesomeness. And no, I haven’t told him about Mama. It hasn’t exactly come up yet.”

  “But,” Gary whined, “it’s going to be hysterical and disturbing and wonderful and you’re going to make me miss it. What have I ever done to you? Name one thing. Wait. Don’t answer that. I just thought of forty things.”

  “At least,” I said.

  “So are you going to tell me who Mama is?” Ryan asked as I handed him a hooded robe from the pack Gary carried. I pulled out a similar one, muted and gray, and tied it over my shoulders, pulling the hood up and over my face.

  “She runs the Tilted Cross among other things,” Gary said with barely contained glee. “The only gay brothel and tavern in Meridian City. And she is Sam’s fairy drag mother.”

  MERIDIAN CITY was run by a council with an elected figurehead to make the pretty speeches and faulty promises. They touted reform, plans to clean up the streets, to make the city more hospitable, less of a sinkhole.

  The problem was, if you lived in or visited Meridian City on a regular basis, chances were you didn’t give two shits about making the world a better place.

  So the old people were voted out and the new people were voted in, all saying the same things over and over again. It was a circle, and one that had sustained itself for decades.

  But everyone knew the real truth.

  If you needed weapons, you went to Feng, a barrel of a man with half his teeth.

  If you needed drugs, you went to Letnia, a beautiful older woman with an eye patch and a taste for cigars.

  If you wanted anything else, you went to Mama.

  And I needed information.

  I pulled my hood tighter around my face as we pushed through the crowds. I thought I saw an orgy going on through an open doorway. A woman on a corner told me she was born with six fingers and that made hand jobs that much more intense. A man tried to sell me rotted fish. A girl not that much younger than me told me with glazed eyes that she’d dreamed of me the night before. A boy who had to be just into his teens asked if I wanted a blow job. “I’m cheap,” he said with a bit of pride.

  I pulled Ryan on.

  His eyes were wide, darting all around. His face was flushed and he looked horrified and aroused all at the same time. It was a good look on him.

  “You never been here before?” I asked, seeing the sign for the Tilted Cross in the distance. “Figured you army boys spent your leave here.”

  He shook his head. “Most did. I never saw the point. I don’t need anything that’s offered here.”

  I laughed darkly. “Now that certainly can’t be true. You can get anything here.”

  “That so, Sam? Is that what you do?” His voice was har
sh, almost as if he were judging me.

  I flashed him a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes. “You need to listen to me. Okay? When we get there, you let me do the talking. You don’t speak to Mama until she speaks to you. You don’t ask her questions. You don’t threaten her or try to intimidate her. You don’t even look at her funny. She can and will destroy you and I won’t be able to do anything to stop her.”

  “You sound scared of her,” he said.

  I shook my head. “Oh no. I’m not scared of her. Never have been. I’ve never given her reason to make me fear her. But that doesn’t mean I don’t respect her. She doesn’t peddle children. She doesn’t allow the harder drugs at her businesses. And she takes care of her boys and girls. They are there because they want to be, not because she forces them. They aren’t walking the streets. They’re courtesans and they are free to come and go as they please. As long as they follow her rules, she keeps them safe.”

  “A whore is still a whore no matter how you dress him up,” Ryan said.

  “Let’s keep that opinion to ourselves,” I said. “You’ll thank me later.”

  “You should have let me bring my sword. I can’t protect you if—”

  “No weapons,” I said. “I was clear on that. And I don’t need you to protect me. I have my magic, and if something happens, then I’ll be the one protecting you.”

  To that, he had no retort.

  As I pulled him through the crowd, I felt the heat of his skin under my fingers.

  This place drove me nuts.

  It made my skin itch.

  We reached the main doors to the Tilted Cross. A large man stood there that I’d never seen before. I hadn’t been here in months, so I wasn’t surprised that there was new staff. He was huge, bigger than Ryan even, and he held his arms across his chest in such a way that told anyone and everyone to fuck off.

  So I grinned at him. “I have business here.”

  He glared down at me. “That so? You looking to get fucked?”

  “Probably not today,” I said, and Ryan made a choking noise behind me. “I need to see Mama.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes, so can you let me in?”

  “Bounce, baby boy. Unless you’re a paying customer, get the fuck outta my sight. Mama don’t have time for you.”

  I chuckled. “I’m not leaving. You’re going to let me in.”

  “Am I? Or am I going to break your face?”

  “You must be new here,” I said, and that pissed him off.

  “Sam,” Ryan hissed. “Don’t make the extremely large man angry.” He grabbed at and bunched up my robe, and I knew he was getting ready to pull me back and insert himself between the two of us. It was almost sweet.

  “A little too late for that,” the doorman said, pushing himself off the wall. He rocked his neck side to side, cracking the joints. His hands were the size of my face. They would probably hurt. Fists that big usually do.

  I reached into the pocket of my trousers and pulled out a small, flat disc. It was carved from black stone and inlaid with lines of gold. It was heavy and there was no mistaking what it was. I held my palm open so the doorman could see it. He stuttered to a stop and his eyes went wide. He looked flustered and I almost felt like a bit of an ass for antagonizing him as I had.

  Almost.

  “Forgive me,” he said. “You go right in, sir. She’s in her office. Moishe will show you up.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “You do a good job. I was actually a little bit intimidated.”

  He opened the door and smiled shyly at me.

  I’ll admit, I melted a little. “Oh my gods, you’re adorable and—”

  Ryan pulled me in through the door, his grip tight on my arm. The door closed behind us, the long windowless hallway dark in front of us. Mama said it was for ambience. I chose to believe her.

  “What the hell was that?” Ryan demanded.

  I showed him the disc. “Mama’s medallion. Very rare. I think only three or four people have one. It means I can come and go whenever I please.”

  “You can come and go to a whorehouse whenever you please,” he said flatly.

  I waggled my eyebrows at him. “Well, maybe not that kind of coming and going.”

  He groaned. “I walked right into that one.”

  “With no hesitation,” I agreed. “But no. I’m not one to partake in the services offered. Mama and I have an understanding.”

  “And what would that be?”

  I shrugged. “She met me when I was seventeen. She wanted me to come work for her when I was eighteen. I told her I wanted to wait to have sex until I was with someone I loved. She told me that was foolish. I told her she was an old jaded cow for thinking so. Then we laughed and got drunk and she made me meatloaf and I brought her wigs and now I have her medallion.”

  He stared at me.

  “What? It’s the truth!”

  “I know,” he said. “I no longer question the things that happen to you. It makes everything easier.”

  I grinned at him. “That’s the best way to go through life. Believing everything I say and not questioning it at all. If Gary tells you otherwise, it’s because he’s jealous and a liar, so ignore him.”

  “So you’re a virgin, then?”

  “Uh. What?”

  “You said you’re not having sex until you’re in love. You’re a virgin.”

  “Who says I haven’t been in love?” My voice was level, almost cool, but the back of my neck felt sweaty and I really didn’t want to be having this conversation with him.

  He frowned. “Have you?”

  “Let’s pretend this conversation isn’t happening,” I said quickly. “That would be awesome.”

  His frown deepened.

  I went to put the medallion back in my pocket only to see he was still holding on to my arm and didn’t seem inclined to let it go. I rolled my eyes at him and led us from the hallway into the Tilted Cross.

  The tavern itself had another entrance on the west end of the building, and the thunder of voices and music bled through closed doors to our left, even though it was the middle of the day in the middle of the week.

  Directly in front of us was a grand staircase with a gaudy chandelier hanging over it, the crystals hanging from it large and uncut. The carpet was red and the staircase a deep, darkened hardwood from the middle of the Dark Woods. Couches lined the walls. There were doors on either side of the branching hallways. Some were closed. Others were empty, revealing rooms with made-up beds and vanities. These rooms were the vanilla rooms, I knew. You had to go down to the basement if you wanted flogs and plugs. Mama made sure I stayed out of the basement, given my propensity for wanting to see and feel everything. She’d told me she didn’t want me to be corrupted so quickly. I told her I was just fine with corruption. Then she showed me a thin wooden device that was meant to be inserted into a penis and I advised her that I was in complete agreement to avoid any and all corruption for as long as humanly possible. She had just laughed and laughed and laughed.

  And all the boys! And the men! They prowled around, some in suits, some in absolutely nothing at all. They were young and old, skinny and fat, and cut and everything in between because Mama knew that tastes were varied. Some wanted a hairy daddy. Others wanted a smooth boy. Still others wanted both at the same time. “I give people happiness,” she’d told me. “Even if it’s just for an hour. Because there is happiness in release.”

  And they watched us with interested eyes. Calculating. Planning. Wondering who we’d come here for. Who we’d pick. If we were a couple that needed a third or if we’d go into separate rooms.

  Moishe stood at the front desk. He was a tall, wispy man with almost colorless skin. He was achingly beautiful, his yellow hair falling down around his shoulders. I was convinced that he wasn’t completely human, that he had to have some elf in there somewhere, but neither he nor Mama would ever say.

  “Sam,” he said, his voice light and musical. I should have know
n the hood wouldn’t fool him. “How wonderful it is to see you again. Have you returned to take me up on my offer?”

  Yeah, Moishe wanted to fuck me. He’d made that much clear repeatedly. He wouldn’t even charge me, though he really didn’t do that anymore. Only on special occasions for the most esteemed clients. But for me, he just wanted to taste my skin.

  I pulled back my hood and Ryan did the same. I saw eyes go wide around us and the whispers started. They knew who we were. Some might not have known why we were here, but that didn’t matter. Moishe’s eyes flickered over to Ryan with faint disinterest before turning back to me. They were the brightest green I’d ever seen on a person. Almost shockingly so.

  “Moishe,” I said in greeting. “You’re looking lovely as always.”

  He cocked his head at me, lips in a thin line, bloodless and almost clear. “Flattery gets you everywhere with me, Sam of Wilds. You know that. I have a room set aside. Should I have it opened up? I suppose I could entertain the idea of a third if you insist.” He glanced back at Ryan again, then back to me. “But I’d really rather it be you alone. Did you know that magic has a taste? Like lightning. Like burning. I’m sure I could find that tang on your skin.”

  Ryan’s grip on my arm tightened exponentially. I tried to tug it loose, but his fingers bit into my skin. Moishe, of course, missed none of it. “Does the Knight Commander need a boy?” he asked. “I understand how… frustrating it must be, being betrothed to a prince. Personal experience, you could say.” His eyes went back to me. “Never able to just… take what it is you want.”

  “Nobody is taking anything,” Ryan growled, and if that didn’t make my heart stutter, I don’t know what did. Too bad it was misplaced. I was no more in danger here than I would be back home in the castle. Moishe would never hurt me. And even if he wanted to, Mama wouldn’t allow it. Ryan just didn’t know how these things worked.

  I said, “You know how it is for me, Moishe.”

  His lip curled. “Yes. Love. What a petty emotion.”

  “But lust isn’t?”