The Lightning-Struck Heart

  “Dragons usually are,” he said.

  “But.” I hesitated, unsure of my place. “You said that you’d never met any other dragons.”

  “We’re giant lizards that fly and breathe fire,” he said. “That’s strange in itself. I’m just generalizing.”

  “There are others, you know.”

  “I know,” he said quietly. “Maybe one day I’ll meet them.”

  “But not today?”

  “Not today, pretty.”

  It was nice, though my heart was breaking. It was nice sitting out in the spring night air where just twenty-four hours ago, I’d discovered what Ryan Foxheart tasted like, sweet and clean and warm. It was nice. All of this was nice.

  “Why’d you come here?” I asked him.

  “Because I could.”

  “Where did you come from?”

  “Far away.”

  “What were you looking for?”

  “A place to call my own.”

  “Dragons are frustrating,” I said, because I could.

  “Are they? You know many of them?”

  “No. But if you’re anything to go by, it’s not that broad of a generalization.”

  “I’ve seen things,” he said. “Many different things. There are lands far away from here that you couldn’t even possibly dream of. I’ve seen cliffs of ice so tall they disappear into the clouds. I’ve seen flowers deep in jungles that eat everything that happens by them. I’ve seen the hearts of men, the darkness that lies within. I’ve been captured by wizards who wanted nothing more than to spill my blood to make their spells. I’ve seen people cower in fear at the mere sight of me. I’ve seen a city that floats in the clouds and the beings that live there have translucent skin and cannot speak for they have no mouths. I’ve seen a volcano erupt during a lightning storm, ash in the sky as the mountain explodes. I’ve seen many things, pretty.”

  “I don’t understand,” I said.

  He sighed. “I’ve seen many things. Both good and evil. Majestic and destructive. Stars falling from the sky and a man whose tattoos moved across his skin as if they were alive before he tried to rip one of my hearts from my chest. I have seen many, many things. But I have never seen one look at another the way the knight looks at you.”

  I said, “Don’t.”

  “Why?” he asked. “Because you don’t believe it or you don’t want to hear it?”

  I said, “Just. Don’t.”

  He looked up at the night sky, scales glittering. “Everything is so vast. It’s humbling to remember just how small we really are.”

  I followed his gaze skyward. The stars were so bright tonight.

  He said, “I left to find a home. To find a place I could call my own. To feel safe for the first time in my life. I didn’t think I would ever actually find it.”

  “And you have now?”

  “You’re not going to hurt me?”

  “No, I would never hurt you.” I paused, considering. “Unless you tried to get all up in my business again. Then I make no promises.”

  He laughed. It was low and gravelly, and I thought I could listen to it for a very long time. “If I get all up in your business again, it’ll be because you invited me in.”

  “So never, then.”

  “Promises, promises.”

  “You feel safe with us,” I said.

  “Yes, pretty.”

  “Why?”

  “Because of how you and Gary and Tiggy care about each other.”

  “They’re dicks,” I said.

  “Oh?”

  “But so am I. We fit. They’re my friends.”

  “I noticed.”

  “You’re a dick too,” I said.

  “Thank you, pretty,” he said with a toothy smile.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “For what?”

  I shrugged. “For whoever hurt you. It wasn’t right. No one should ever have to go through that.”

  “You’re an odd one, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah. Probably. Enough people tell me as much.”

  “That’s not a bad thing.”

  “Most times.”

  “I’m sorry I tried to burn you and broke your ice spell and then knocked you through the side of a building.”

  “It was a shed.”

  “Still. I feel real bad about that.”

  “Do you?”

  “Sort of. You have to admit I looked pretty badass doing it, though.”

  I groaned. “Yes. You crested the hill and your wings were billowing. I can’t billow anything.”

  “You can billow me anytime you want,” Kevin said.

  “Um,” I said. “Ew. And also, that didn’t make sense. But ew. Because of that thing you do with your tongue.”

  “What thing?” he asked, flicking it at me again.

  “Argh,” I said. “My life.”

  He laughed and it faded into the night and we just sat there, the dragon and I, lost in our own thoughts. I tried not to think about Ryan, but it was an impossible task and one I wasn’t quite ready yet to accept. I wondered how long it would hurt for. I wondered how long it would take my heart to heal.

  I thought about wishing on the stars for the pain to go away, but I couldn’t.

  Not yet.

  “He doesn’t deserve you,” Kevin said fiercely, breaking the silence.

  I closed my eyes. “Yeah.”

  “Gary told me. What a cornerstone was. He doesn’t deserve the title and he doesn’t deserve you.” He sounded resolute. More so than I could ever be.

  “One day I’ll believe you,” I said.

  I felt him curl his tail around me. I waited for the moment it would become inappropriate, but it never came. He curled it around me and pulled me closer. His skin and scales were hot to the touch. It almost felt safe. “And one day,” he said quietly, “maybe I could be there to tell you I told you so.”

  They were hesitant, his words. As if he feared rejection. So I said, “Yeah. I think you could be.”

  I could hear his smile. “Tell me about your city, then,” he said. “Are there people there who will make a cult for me?”

  And so I spoke into the night, telling him of the City of Lockes. Of the streets and alleyways. Of the markets and the slums. Of a Good King. Of my kind parents. Of my brother-uncle-father Morgan. I fell asleep in the middle of describing the way the sun hit the castle walls and I dreamed of home.

  “I CAN’T leave everything,” Kevin growled at me the next day. “This is all my stuff.”

  “We can’t carry hundreds of pounds of gold and jewels,” I reminded him. “Or thousands of books. Or your completely random collection of forty-seven push brooms that I don’t even want to ask about. Kevin, I’ll be honest with you. I think you’ve got a problem.”

  His eyes narrowed. “What problem?”

  “You’re a hoarder.”

  “Uh, no shit. I’m a dragon.”

  “No, but, like, you really hoard.”

  “I like shiny, pretty things!”

  “Push brooms aren’t shiny or pretty.”

  “You shut your whore mouth,” Kevin snarled.

  “Oh boy,” Gary said. “This is going to get awkward.”

  “I like brooms,” Tiggy said. “We take brooms?”

  “No brooms,” I said to Tiggy.

  His shoulders slumped. “Tiggy never gets anything,” he muttered.

  “Oh my gods,” I said. “You are like the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Damn you, Tiggy. You can take one broom.”

  “Seven brooms,” he said.

  “Three.”

  “Two,” he countered.

  “I don’t think you’re doing it right,” Gary said fondly.

  “One,” he shouted. “One broom!” He cackled and ran toward the brooms.

  “See?” I said to Kevin. “Compromise.”

  “Okay,” Kevin said. “Here is my compromise. I take all my stuff and I won’t burn your face off.”

  “You can’t compromise w
ith violence.”

  “I’m a dragon,” he said. “I can do pretty much anything I want.”

  “We can’t carry all this with us,” I said.

  “I can make multiple trips,” he said. “I’ll fly back and forth while you guys walk back to the castle.”

  “Oh,” I said, sighing more heavily than the situation required. “I guess this stuff is important, especially if you’re willing to leave Gary unprotected all that way. With all the dangers. And the murderers.”

  “What?” Gary said.

  “The murderers?” Kevin whispered.

  “The murderers,” I whispered back.

  Kevin gasped and brought his front claws to his chest. “I would never leave him unprotected! Especially not from murderers. You, sir, are a villain for even suggesting as much! He is my fire, the reason for which my hearts beat, the…”

  “I hate you so much, Sam,” Gary muttered.

  “…very air that fills my lungs, the sun rising in the morning, the moon rising at night, the reasons there are birds in the sky and flowers in the fields…”

  “Shouldn’t have left that pile of stones near my head, motherfucker,” I whispered to Gary. “Payback, Wilds style.”

  “…the way the light refracts off a river’s surface, the reason golden leaves fall from trees! He is responsible for the sweet breeze of spring and the lovely bite of winter…”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I don’t think he’s done any of that.”

  “All of it,” Gary said. “I’ve done all of that. Biting winter and moon leaves or whatever. I’m pretty much amazing.”

  “So you can’t leave him unprotected,” I said. “Someone might steal him away and make him a dancer in a burlesque.”

  “Wait, wait,” Gary said. “You never said there’d be a burlesque involved. Just how big are the production values? How much say would I get to have in the direction of the show?”

  “Minimal,” I said ominously. “To both.”

  Gary whirled on Kevin. “You better not even consider leaving me to get kidnapped into some cut-rate high school production of a sex show. I swear to you on all I have, you will never get to sample all of Gary’s goods because the bakery will be closed, and girl, let me tell you. My muffin is delicious.” He licked his lips obscenely.

  “Scarred for life,” I breathed. “This was a very bad idea.”

  “Muffin?” Kevin asked.

  “Delicious,” Gary purred.

  “But… but…,” Kevin sputtered. “My stuff.”

  “We come back for it,” I said, trying to get the image of Gary as a large baked good out of my head. “Eventually.”

  “Or,” Kevin said, “I can carry Gary with me and make return trips.”

  “Gary don’t fly,” Gary said, a shimmer of glitter around him. “Don’t make Gary show you what’s up.”

  “All my stuff,” Kevin said mournfully, rubbing his claws over his treasures. “All my pretty, pretty things.”

  “We’ll come back,” I said, daring to reach out and touch his leg. “I promise.”

  “But what if someone steals it?”

  “You mean like you did?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he said, completely oblivious. “Exactly like that.”

  “They won’t,” I said. “You’re a god, remember? They wouldn’t dare. You’d eat them.”

  “Because dis is yer god spakin—”

  “Sure,” I said. “Why not.”

  “Fine,” he finally grumbled. “But if anyone even thinks of touching my hoard, I will find them and light them on fire and their children and their children’s children…”

  “This is going to go so well.” I sighed.

  “…and their children’s children’s children….”

  I THOUGHT to leave the next day.

  But I couldn’t take the chance that we’d catch up to Ryan and Justin.

  So I delayed.

  I said I wasn’t quite ready to leave yet.

  I said that Kevin needed more time to say good-bye to his possessions.

  I said Gary needed more time to rest his thighs.

  I said that Tiggy needed more time to recover from laying waste to Tarker Mills.

  They knew what I was doing.

  But they didn’t call me on it.

  “Sure, Sam,” they said.

  “Okay, Sam,” they said.

  And so we waited.

  AND ON the seventh morning after Ryan and Justin left, we stood in front of the keep: a dragon, a hornless unicorn, a half-giant, and a brokenhearted wizard’s apprentice who was still kickass but super sad about stupid boys and their fucking faces.

  “And let the adventure begin!” I said, trying to sound jubilant.

  “Hurray,” Gary said. He did not sound jubilant.

  “So many brooms,” Tiggy said, carrying one broom.

  “This sucks,” Kevin muttered, glancing back forlornly at his keep. “The things I do for love.”

  “Lust,” Gary said.

  And we started walking back to Castle Lockes and an uncertain future. Toward the unknown. Toward heartbreak and—

  “Shit,” Gary said. “I forgot my scarves.”

  “Gary,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “What?” he said, sounding defensive. “You know I can’t go anywhere without my scarves. What of the wind-rape?”

  “Why were your scarves even out?”

  “Er.”

  “We were trying to see which ones could be used to tie him up,” Kevin said. “For sexual things. Spoiler: it was all of them.”

  “Oh my gods,” I gagged. “Stop it. Go get your fucking scarves.”

  “I’ll go!” Kevin cried joyously, already turning around.

  “You stay right where you are,” I snapped. “You just want to go back and look at your treasures.”

  Kevin pouted and refused to look at me.

  “Tiggy,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “Would you go get Gary’s scarves? Please.”

  “Take my broom?”

  “Yes. You can take your broom.”

  “Take my broom,” he said.

  Six minutes later.

  “AND THE adventure begins,” I said and took a step.

  “Tiggy,” Gary said. “Tiggy, dear. Did you repack your pajamas?”

  Tiggy hung his head. “No. I forgot.”

  “For the love of fuck—”

  “No need for that kind of language,” Gary sniffed. “It’s unbecoming on a lady of your station.”

  “Gaaaaah!”

  “I’ll get them!” Kevin said as he stomped toward the keep.

  Three hours and forty-six minutes later.

  “…BUT IT’S all my stuff. You don’t understand!”

  “I will leave your ass here,” I threatened.

  “Sam’s just upset because he doesn’t have—”

  “Gary, you do not want to finish that sentence.”

  “—scarves or pajamas or brooms or piles of gold,” Gary finished anyway. “What? I’ve told you. You’re not intimidating. I’ve slept near you while you’ve had wet dreams. That sort of takes away any fear you might have engendered in me. Especially when it sounded like you were muttering about being spit-roasted.”

  “Really,” Kevin said gleefully. “I’m sure we can work something out—”

  “AND THE ADVENTURE BEGINS!” I roared.

  They were quiet as we walked out of the valley. It felt good.

  Then, “So, Kevin. Have you ever played I Spy?”

  “No, my sweet lovedrop. But I assume we role-play spies, go on dangerous missions until we double-cross each other. Sexually.”

  This was going to be the longest trip of my life.

  Fifth day on the road.

  “WHAT DO you mean everyone knew?” I said incredulously.

  “Exactly that,” Gary said. “Everyone knew that you were in love with Ryan and Ryan was in love with you. Everyone, Sam. Literally everyone.”

  “That’s not true! And he doesn
’t love me.” It was easier to convince myself of that than know the truth.

  “You two couldn’t have been more obvious if you had made signs and hung them around your neck that said HaveHeart4Evah.”

  “Mom didn’t know.”

  “Yes she did.”

  “Dad didn’t.”

  “Uh. Yeah. He did.”

  “Kevin didn’t.”

  “Yes I did. You sighed when he rode up on Gary. Like, full-on dreamy sigh.”

  “Sam,” Gary said. “Everyone knew. Random strangers. Dark wizards. Gay fairies. Drag queens. Bards. Elves. Townspeople. Cults. Everyone.”

  “I’ll be honest,” I said. “That’s rather embarrassing. And also? So many remarks make much more sense now. I really need to be more aware of my surroundings.”

  And then I walked into a large boulder.

  “Oh, honey.” Gary didn’t miss a beat. “It was embarrassing for all of us.”

  The ninth night.

  “I JUST didn’ unnerstan, ya know?” I slurred. I reached down and knocked back the rest of my wine. The tavern was loud around us. “You wanna be with someone, so why not just be with them? I mean, seriously. Right? Come on. Just. Just be. Ya know? I mean, there’s ways to be stuff. Together. I didn’t even know, ya know? And then the corn told us the truth and I was like… just. There, man. I was just. There. I don’t know. Refill, barkeep. Yeah, I’m talking to you. All right! Ha, ha! No, don’t be stingy. Fill it alllll the way up. That’s nice. Keep the tab flowing. Or open. Whatever. Words are hard. This wine is good. Wine! Get in my mouth, wine! Ha. I’m wining and whining. What was I saying? Oh. Right. Ya know? So he was all, like, I love you, babe, but I promised my dick to the stupid fucking Prince. And I was all, like, Shoot, girl, I don’t even need you. I got this. I’m my own man. Ya know? And he was all, like, But, babe. You make me feel so alive. I’m not dashing or immacular. Immaculen. Immaculy. But babe. I’m not dashing or awesome without you. And I was all, like, Shoot, girl. Shut up. Ya know? I don’t know. And now we’re going to go back to the castle and they’ll be wedding each other. And I’ll have to be there. Who… who does that? Ya know? Like. Who does that? Jerks is who does that, that’s who. Jerks. And I have to be in the wedding, ya know? They’ll be all happy and stupid and I’ll be—holy crap I love this song. Play it louder! PLAY IT LOUDER! Yeah. Whoo! Don’t you feel like dancing? I do. Not like waltz dancing because that’s just stupid. Even if it’s three times, ya know? Waltzing for three times with a single person means nothing. I did it twice with Todd and he had these ears that were just. Ya know? And so what if I accidently gave him a hand job. So. What. I bet I’d give good hand jobs. I don’t have any complaints about the hand jobs that I do to myself. In fact, I would so far as to say they’re pretty darn good, ya know? The right amount of grip and everything. And when I’m done? You know what I do when I’m done? I thank myself because I am a considerate lover, okay? Ya know? I’m nice when I finish. I tell myself how good it was for me, didn’t I think so? Barkeep! Bar. Keep. Fill me up. Just leave the bottle. It’s easier. Where was I? Oh. Right. So I didn’t even want to go to the Ryan Stupidheart Fucker Fan Fucking Club meeting to begin with, ya know? I went because I was just checking to make sure there were no spies or whatever. No one to infiltrate the castle or whatever. Tina, man. Tina would infiltrate the castle, ya know? Because she’s just…. Gods. She thinks my muffins are dry as my conter… constant. As dry as my consternation. Or whatever. My muffins aren’t fucking dry, Tina. Ya know? That’s what I say to her and she’s all like. Like. Like, Mervin. She said. She goes, Mervin. You make me mad because you’re all witty and awesome and so fucking cool and I’m not because I’m a teenage bitch who wants to play with Ryan’s dong. Or whatever. Ya know? I mean. Who does that? Right? Who does that? Sorry. Sorry. Man. Sorry. What’s your name again?”