Past Be Damned

  He kissed my head. “Sleep, Teagan. I just want to feel you breathe. We’ll work out the rest. Just know how sorry I am.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” I pulled him closer until my head was on his chest. His heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

  * * *

  I woke up the next morning to find all five of them awake. I must have been really out of it to not wake up each time one of them did. They were all around me, and they were silent, like they hadn’t wanted to wake me. I still clung to Noah, but Aidan sat to my left and Brody to my right. Down in front of me, Eric had his head on my legs. In front of the fire, Thaddeus watched all of us.

  I cleared my throat, and they all looked up at once. “Morning.”

  The sun shone in the sky. I’d slept in a bit. My stomach rumbled, and I was quickly handed a piece of fruit and some bread. Trying to chew while they all watched me was less than appetizing.

  “Okay.” I swallowed some and set it aside. “I know you didn’t mean to kill me. I knew it then. I was going to die on the road somewhere. It had to happen. I’m sorry it transpired like that. But there was never going to be a way for me to die that you wouldn’t somehow think was your fault.”

  Eric got on his knees. “I dosed you with poison.”

  I kissed his cheek. “I know. Don’t do that again.” He hugged me. His body was shaking, and not just small tremors but actual vibrations that shook his person. “Eric. Eric. Eric. It’s okay.”

  He shook his head. “It’ll never be okay.”

  I didn’t see a way to make this okay for him. So I tried to stay as still as I could while I held onto him tightly. Eventually, I felt him take a deep breath and some of the shaking stilled. Sweat had broken out on his skin.

  “Eric.” I kissed both his cheeks. “This is going to be okay. I need you. I love you. Don’t do this anymore.”

  He wiped at both his eyes. “You’re my person.”

  I kissed him, once then twice. “We need to go do something, and then we’ll go home. To the Sisterhood. Take a break for a day or two.”

  Thaddeus squatted next to Eric. “I know how you’re feeling. Tell you what. After she’s eaten something, maybe, if she’s up to it, she can show you the future. I think you need to see it.”

  This caught Eric’s attention. His color brightened almost immediately. “You can do that?”

  “I can show a future. Not necessarily the future. The one I want, yes.”

  Noah shook his head. “What does that mean?”

  Eric stood. “Things change the future. There are multiple paths. Like, if you pick up a stone and throw it or you pick it up and don’t throw it. Then three years from now someone comes and trips on the stone that you threw. They break their neck. They had the ability to invent a new train system. So that doesn’t happen because they died. Or it does. Because you didn’t throw it.”

  I pointed at Eric. “What he said. But I can only deal with the futures that happen in my own timeline. I can’t change the past. It happens. I can, hopefully, advise Anne with what eventualities I can see.”

  Eric actually grinned at me. “That’s just… amazing.”

  “Do you want to go now?” I got to my feet.

  Eric shook his head. “No, soon. You just did it with Thaddeus. It knocked you out. I want you awake for a while. I feel… better.”

  Thaddeus stretched his arms over his head, the slightest glint of amusement in his eye. Had he known? Just the idea would shift Eric’s focus enough that he’d be okay?

  We really were a family. Understanding each other was the most important thing we’d ever do.

  12

  The orphanage was as bad as I’d imagined it. Next to me, Noah slumped down in his seat. “I really hoped never to come here again.”

  “If it means anything, this was the place I was most likely to die. It’s why Brother Raven was leading us here.”

  Noah furrowed his brows. “It means I want to kick him, hard. Even more than I usually do.”

  I touched his shoulder. “He loves you like a son.”

  “Then I’m rather glad I don’t remember my parents. I can do without that kind of love.” He hopped out of the carriage then stared at the sky. “No birds. They must not want to talk.”

  That didn’t surprise me in the least. “I’m doing this regardless of what they think.”

  “Why?” Aidan called out to me, and I turned around to regard him. He hadn’t gotten off the carriage. Was he not planning on coming? He was usually the first one to charge in anywhere.

  I pointed at the building. It was crumbling. Paint peeled, and the front door lay on the ground. Children ran screaming, everywhere. I could feel my powers wanting to turn on. I couldn’t completely control them, but I had more of a hold on them than I had before. Once we stepped inside, I’d be done. The need to clear the demons would ride me until I got it accomplished.

  “This was where you grew up. We’re here. There are still children suffering. I want to fix it, here. We fix where we can.”

  I got off the carriage. Thaddeus, Eric, and Brody followed. Aidan still didn’t move.

  “This was where you were most likely to die. It changed. We killed you.” Eric visibly shuddered. We were going to have to be careful how when we brought it up from now on. He wasn’t ready for it to be casually mentioned. His distress hit me over our link, and I sent back love. I hoped he was in a place emotionally where he could receive it.

  “Are you worried I’m going to die?”

  Aidan jumped off the carriage, answering for Eric. “In a word, yes. Have the circumstances changed since then? Have you seen it in the future? It’s okay for you to go in there?”

  I searched for patience. “Aidan, there is always risk to this life. I’m not going to get into the fact that you guys thought you were drugging me to knock me out. I’ve had some… time… to get over it. You haven’t, so I’m working on finding patience and understanding. I have not searched our future, and I won’t. Do I believe that things have changed since then in terms of being here? I do. Not because I turned on my powers and viewed our future.”

  Aidan pointed at the house. “Do it before we go in there.”

  “We can’t live like that.”

  He touched his nose. “That’s it. Exactly. Live.”

  “If I turn on my powers and look for us, it’s all I’ll be able to do. If I think you’re going to die or be hurt, it’ll be all I can think about. My life will consist of trying to make sure that the five of you are okay.” I sighed. “It’s what I want to do now. But they gave me these powers for a higher purpose. I have to try to do it. You knew that when you signed on, before I ever had the power to see.”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Things have changed since then. When I signed on, I thought I’d be helping some random woman I didn’t like very much do something mystical. I didn’t realize it would be the love of my life I’d have to watch actually die.”

  I didn’t have an answer for him. Not one he’d like anyway. “You can stay out here, Aidan. If you want. You don’t have to watch. Any one of you can. You’re not exactly my guards anymore. It’s more like… you’re my loves. Or, at least, that’s how I feel. I’m not sure if you do. I have to go in, there are children who need help. I wish someone had shown up to ease your time, a bit.”

  I turned on my heel. I was determined to do this without knowing the possible consequences. Would I stop doing it if I knew I might die? I sighed. No, I wouldn’t. I would still go help as many people as I could. Death was a factor in my life, always had been. I couldn’t let fear for them or myself stop me from what had to be done.

  “Hey.” Thaddeus grabbed my arm. “You don’t go in there first. I do. That’s how this works, remember?”

  I shook my head. “Thaddeus, I…”

  “Right behind, One,” Aidan’s voice called out. “Usual positions?”

  I rounded on him. “I told you that…”

  He shook his head. I could feel his anger through our link. It
weighed on me. “I heard what you said, Teagan. The fact that you could even think that…”

  I put my hand on his arm to stop him. “Listen, I get that this is hard. But I’m going to break all our links temporarily, block them. I can’t do this with you mad and pushing at my energy. That’s just how it’s going to go.”

  Aidan blinked. “I hadn’t realized that you were getting it from me. I thought I’d done a pretty good job of shutting it down.”

  I shook my head. “Sorry.”

  And just like that, I walled myself away from them. It was getting easier to connect and disconnect. I missed them, the feeling of the guys inside of me all of the time, but I wasn’t going to be good to anyone dealing with Aidan’s anger the whole time. We could hash out what we would and would not do later.

  The five of them all swayed for a second before the change seemed to pass. Noah groaned. “Little more warning than that, please. You’re not the only one who gets jolted around.”

  “Fair enough, my apologies.” I turned toward the children on the steps and my powers turned right on. Yep, I could only control them so far. I needed to fix this place. Kids should not be allowed to suffer like this.

  Thaddeus walked toward the kids first. He bent over to speak to one of them then waved me over. I moved toward them. They were small and dirty. My heart clenched. I couldn’t fix the basic problems in their life. I could only get rid of the demons.

  I had to remember the future, the one I wanted the world to get to. Someday, kids wouldn’t be at risk for possession.

  “Sister Teagan, this is Raj, Steve, and Matt. I’m not the expert you are, but I think one of them is in need of you.”

  He was right. Steve was… my mind swam. One second I was present and the next a potential future moved through me. Steve clung to a tall man with dark skin. I didn’t know who the person was, but he had a gold ring through his eyebrow. Behind him, Krystal ran with Raj in her arms. “There’s no time. We’re not going to make it.”

  “We are,” the man, who had a thick northern Deadlands accent, called out to her. “The guys are outside. Don’t you dare start to lose hope.”

  I flipped back into myself. Well, that was the first time I’d had that happen since I’d changed into the Prophet. I hadn’t called that vision. Brody put his hand on my arm and squeezed. “Back with us?”

  I nodded. “How long?”

  “Just a few seconds, but you lit up like a lantern. That’s how we knew.”

  I didn’t know how to digest what I saw right there. I liked that Krystal was out of the Sisterhood. But what was she doing there, and why was she running with that man and the kids? I shook my head. Steve needed me. Nothing would happen, good or bad, if he didn’t get cleared of the demon inside of him.

  He raised his eyes to me. “Help me. Get it out.”

  I choked up then pushed the pain down. It wasn’t entirely my own. Both Steve and the demon were loaded with the feeling. Still, hearing his little voice asking? It could have brought me to my knees.

  “That’s what I’m here for, love.” I touched his face. I didn’t even have to do more than that. I pulled the demon out of him and threw him to the sky. He disintegrated. Steve sagged, and I held him for a second. The demon hadn’t killed him. I didn’t know if that would be true for all of them.

  Eric squatted next to me. “You’re lighting up even more. This didn’t used to happen. You used to only light up when your powers were on. How are you feeling?”

  “Powerful.” I wouldn’t lie. That hadn’t drained me at all. “Let’s do this.”

  Room-by-room, we walked through the orphanage. The caretakers were very far gone. Three women who ran the place were cackling, loudly, on the back stairs.

  Noah shook his head. “They don’t last long here. The demons always take them first.”

  “What happens? They finally die and then what?”

  He shrugged. “Someone else eventually comes.”

  “And then what?” I turned to stare at him full on. “Who feeds the kids until then?”

  His eyes were far away. “Sometimes, the kids run away. I don’t know what happens to them.” He’d moved into speaking in the present tense. I didn’t want Noah reliving this. “As for the rest of us, sometimes we don’t eat. For a long time.”

  I kissed his arm, putting my head against him. “Come back to me.”

  He blinked rapidly. “I… sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I can seriously do this without help. I don’t think you have to go room-to-room with me if this is going to be…”

  Noah kissed me. I didn’t see the move coming, and I closed my eyes to let him. It was only going to be a kiss—we were nowhere near anywhere romantic—but I loved the connection. I finally opened my eyes to find him staring straight into mine.

  “Stop trying to make this easier. It’s not supposed to be. You’re doing a really amazing thing, trying to fix this place for a bit. Don’t worry about me. I’m a grown up. I’ll manage myself.”

  I supposed that was fair. Noah survived here. I wouldn’t minimize the sheer horror of what he’d gone through by trying to baby him now. I couldn’t go back and feed my five. They’d gotten through it, found their way to the guards, and now we were finally together.

  I stepped away from him. The caretakers might be saved. I put my hand on the first one and opened my powers. An image of a gravestone floated in front of my eyes. I waited for the next image of a possible second future to come but nothing happened. I sucked in my breath. I hadn’t had this happen before, not in all the places that had been foisted into my mind. This woman was going to die. There wasn’t a thing I could do about it.

  I supposed we were all headed for the gravestone eventually.

  I could get the demon out of her before she had to face that. Maybe dying in peace would be some kind of final relief. This woman had tried to help these children, and she’d been possessed in the process.

  I ripped the demon out of her. For one second, her dark brown eyes cleared, and she gazed at me. I held her hand. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

  I hoped she heard me before she died. I hoped she knew she’d been freed from the endless torture those creatures presented.

  * * *

  Out of all of the adults in the facility, only one of them could be saved. I’d done my best and was almost finished. Walking down a long hallway, Eric grabbed my arm. “That was our room.”

  I looked where he indicated. It was a small room. I wandered into the empty space. Like the other bedrooms in this horrible place, beds lined the walls. Most of them didn’t have blankets. There were ten places to sleep.

  “We were all in here together, the five of us and a lot more. We kind of took care of each other. Like, we’d hear there was a new possession and we’d gather what food we had and hide.” Eric shook his head. “Always felt awful having to do that. I wanted to… I don’t know… do something.”

  I kissed his cheek. “You do now.”

  “Hey.” Thaddeus stuck his head in the room. “Ugh, so weird to be here. Okay, I’ve got all the kids I could find rounded up. I guess you go one by one?”

  I nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Eric put his arm around me. “You’re going to exhaust yourself.”

  I actually felt better than I ever had before. “Then so be it. This is what I do.”

  He nodded. Eventually, they would all have to understand.

  Noah

  I’d long since stopped trying to count how many children were in the room with Teagan. She cleared them or she told Thaddeus they weren’t possessed. I shook my head. Even when I’d been a permanent resident here, I’d never known who got taken and who didn’t or why. I shook my head, again. I’d lost myself to a memory earlier. Hunger had been a constant factor in our lives, and when she’d asked, it had been like I’d been starving again.

  I rubbed my abdomen just as Teagan cried out. My focus narrowed, and I jumped forward. Thaddeus was closer to her but that
didn’t mean he’d know what she needed. “What’s the matter?”

  She sucked in an audible breath. “This one got close to coming inside of me. Sneaky bugger. I’m okay. I got it right out.”

  I put my hand on her back, and Thaddeus nodded at me, stepping back. We’d always been really good among the five of us knowing who she needed. In the beginning, we’d fought a bit over it, each one of us wanting to be all things to her. But these days we understood how much she needed all of us.

  “Only three left. Do you need a break?” She was glowing like I’d never seen before. I was used to her eyes being that way, but it was like her whole essence had lit up. She was so beautiful.

  She shook her head. “Let’s finish.”

  I nodded at Brody who had the last three waiting. “Do it.”

  As it turned out, the three left were not possessed. Thaddeus sent them on to the other room where the recovering adult waited for them. She turned to stare at me. Her eyes were tired. I wondered if she even knew. Teagan would push herself until she fell over, she’d always been that way.

  “The heat is a lot. I may have overdone it.”

  The birds outside started to caw. I was supposed to be able to understand them when they sent messages from divinity. Out of all of us, the role fell to me. I guessed it was meant to be some kind of honor. As long as I could use it to help Teagan, I was glad to understand the birds.

  This time, I saw an image. It was the link between Teagan and the rest of us. The picture of the cord connecting us quickly faded. She’d blocked us because Aidan had had a fit. He’d always been good at covering fear with anger.

  I touched her cheek. “You need to share it.”

  She shook her head. “What?”

  “Open the link and let us take some of that heat from you.”