Past Be Damned

  I was thirty-one to their twenty-seven. They could have thought me an old woman, but age had never been a factor for us.

  If things hadn’t gone askew, their contracts would have ended a year from now. They would have graduated from their positions and been wealthy enough to live their lives however they chose.

  I touched the number on his chest while he stripped down. We were both totally nude. He was just as beautiful as I remembered him, maybe more so. “What is the number?”

  “We all have it.” He tugged me to him so I was pressed up against him, his quickly growing cock against my belly. “For just a moment, we had six. You and the five of us. It was a moment of perfection. We all had it over our hearts so we’d never forget, not that we could. When we were six, we all had each other and loved you.”

  I peeked between us to where his body brushed mine, his darker skin contrasted with my utter paleness. I’d always thought we looked beautiful together. Now he was a burnished warrior, strong and proud. And the darkness lived in me, a hungry and twisted thing. “I wish we could have been real.”

  “We’re real.” He kissed my temple then traveled down my face, kissing me everywhere until he stopped at my shoulder. He sucked in his breath. “Teagan, turn around.”

  I did as he requested, my mind catching up to what was happening. He’d spotted the scars. I rarely thought about the savage reminders—only the blows themselves in my weaker moments. The memories were enough; I didn’t care what lasted on my skin.

  Aidan, however, was having a very different reaction. He smoothed his hand over my back. “I can’t, for the life of me, understand why this happened. I mean, I know there’s no justice in the world. I know how we live and the way things are. But you’re my Sister. You have never been anything but goodness and light. Yesterday? The things you did? How many people you saved? You should be exempt from pain. It was my job to keep you from any hurt. I’m sorry, my love.”

  I leaned my head against the wall. His words moved me, feeding the darkness. I hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t steeled myself against the emotional assault. I sucked in my breath. Tears I hadn’t shed since I’d been rescued flowed down my face. I knew better than to think I could stop them.

  He hissed in his breath. Soon I was in his arms and out of the cold water. With a towel around both of us as we sat on the floor of the bathroom—a place not designed for two people to really spend a lot of time in together—I cried onto his chest. He made no move to stop me. Finally, when I cried out, I lifted my head. “Sorry. I thought we could have sex. I didn’t mean to weep all over you.”

  His arms tightened around me. “I’d never say no to sex, Teagan. Not with you. But you would have kept those barriers you’ve built to keep us out up through the whole thing. I know you would have. I’d rather have this. I’d rather have real. I’d rather have you.”

  It was like a pop in my head. One second I was sitting on him in the bathroom, and the next I was in a cave somewhere. Aidan was in front of me, holding a light.

  “We’ve got to get this shipment before it gets to Katrina.”

  From behind me, Brody answered. “What I want to know is why so many of these people do business with her when they know she’s out there not only not helping their loved ones but actively hurting them.”

  Aidan rubbed his head. “People do things against their self-interest all the time. She’s powerful, and they’re attracted to that. Also, she offers them gold. Who doesn’t want that?”

  “Well, she isn’t getting this silver from that shipment this time. We’ve got it.”

  Aidan nodded. “For Teagan.”

  “For Teagan.”

  I jolted back into my body, the light in the bathroom suddenly feeling too bright. What was happening? Why had I been there with them? What was...

  Aidan stared at me, an expression of wonder on his face as his mouth hung half-open. His eyes were white. Like my own.

  I got up on my knees. “I’m so sorry. Does it hurt? I didn’t mean to do this to you.”

  It didn’t make any sense. We shouldn’t be able to connect like this, not if we weren’t meant for each other.

  He sighed. “Still doubting?”

  “Are you officially in my head?” He wasn’t in mine.

  “I can feel some of your emotions. Not your thoughts. And I love this. I could, for a second, see myself through your eyes. The caves. I wonder why you got sent there. Truth is, I don’t care. I love this. It’s like... home.”

  His mouth was on mine. Aidan didn’t so much ask as take control of my mouth. I didn’t object. Why fight it? He was in my head. He knew how much I wanted him. And the white eye co-joining was only supposed to happen if they really loved me. I’d seen his determination to destroy Katrina in my honor. I’d felt his devotion. I didn’t have to doubt.

  The floor was going to have to do. I could hardly think for wanting him. Breathing wasn’t necessary. He laid me down on the floor. It had never appeared particularly comforting or inviting to me but right then it was a small piece of divinity. Anything to just get closer to him. We kissed, scratched, clawed, and beamed at each other like two fools. Kissing him, joined like we were, was more intense than anything I’d ever felt before, I was starting to feel him inside my mind, a presence in the back of my consciousness. He was so... happy. And in love with me.

  He stopped kissing me to gaze in my eyes. “How did you ever question it?”

  “I don’t want to start crying again. Ask me later.”

  Aidan stroked my cheek. “Fair enough.”

  I stared down at his cock. It was hard, thick, and beautiful. I stroked him once, from tip to balls, simply to hear his intake of breath.

  He moaned, and then his hand met mine, stopping me where I touched him.

  “We’re on the floor.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  “I love you too much for the floor.”

  I pointed at the door. “Noah is in there.”

  He got up on his knees. “Then we have to wait. Because when I get to make love to you, it isn’t going to be on the floor of the washroom.”

  He was right. Still, I let him hold me against his chest for a few more minutes. It was so nice to be close.

  Eventually, we stood. He wrapped me in a towel and did the same for himself. I opened the door into the room where Noah still lay asleep in my bed. Aidan moved around me to dress, and I grabbed his arm.

  “You’re supposed to be able to change your eyes back at will.”

  He blinked. “Why would I want to do that? It’s like a badge of honor.”

  Noah moaned and sat back on his elbows. “What’s going on?”

  Aidan pointed at his eyes. “Look what I got.”

  Noah scrunched up his face. “For real? Like the other guards. I want them. Does it hurt?”

  Aidan grinned from ear-to-ear. “Best feeling in the world.”

  Noah grabbed a pillow and shoved it over his head. “It’s too early.”

  I shook my head. He never, ever woke up well. Aidan put his arm around me. “All it took was me laying my soul bare. Then you believed.”

  He was half right. It had been when he cared about the scars on my back. It was like I had Aidan back again. He’d found his way back to the part of my heart that had and would only belong to him.

  Forever.

  * * *

  After we dressed, I made my way to the kitchen where I proceeded to cook breakfast. I was a Sister now, or again, but with the cook away, someone still had to do these things. I lost count, but I was pretty sure I fed everyone.

  Eric shoved a cup of coffee in my face, and I gladly took it. His hair was a mess. Eric was the one of my guards most likely not to even glance in the mirror. He was so handsome it didn’t matter. I smiled at him as I sipped my coffee.

  He looked around. “What?”

  “Nothing. Why?” I couldn’t help my smile.

  “You’re grinning at me.”

  I sighed dramatically. “I ca
n try to stop if it’s a problem.”

  “No.” He took my free hand in his. “I’m glad to see it. I thought maybe there was someone behind me.”

  “That I was grinning at instead of you?” I took another sip of my coffee. Sometimes following Eric’s train of thought could be a challenge.

  He waved his hand. “Never mind. So, Aidan and the eyes, huh? How did he get back into your heart? I’ll follow his road map.”

  I really couldn’t see Eric and me arguing in the shower and then spooning naked on the bathroom floor. That was much more of an Aidan move. “I think we just finally understood each other.”

  “All right,” he nodded. “In what way are we misunderstanding each other?”

  I laughed, a lightness eddying the darkness aside within me. The sensation freed me from the relentless hunger. “Eric, I’m not sure it can be planned or dictated. We have to get there. Presuming everything continues the way it’s going, I’d like to think it will happen for all of us again.”

  “Well.” We walked together out of the house, stopping finally in the courtyard. Eric finished his thought. “That’s a big change. So, yay for that.”

  I stared up at the sky. The crow was there, dancing in the breeze, alone with his white feather, such a stark contrast to the other feathers. I’d never seen him when he wasn’t alone. My dream came back to me slowly. He’d had tons of other crows with him then.

  “Eric,” I squeezed his hand, “what do crows represent?”

  I really didn’t think I was dreaming about crows because I was supposed to learn about the birds themselves. I meant, I would, but if the divinity was sending us a message in the form of a bird then it was most likely metaphoric. I hoped. Otherwise, we were going to be chasing birds.

  “Crows?” He pointed at the guy above us. “He’s back, isn’t he? I don’t notice him nearly as much as Noah does. He’s consumed with him sometimes.”

  The bird seemed to dance in the wind. He flew a lot for a crow, too. Weren’t they mostly on the ground? “I dreamed of crows. Hundreds and hundreds of them.”

  He furrowed his brow, his finger making circles on my hand. “That’s a different story. I mean, I guess it could just be a dream. But you’re a Sister. We were taught to take your moments of clarity seriously.”

  “Hmm.” I couldn’t stop watching the bird. Interestingly enough, I couldn’t see the spirits either. They were usually around in some form. I turned around to see as far as I could in all directions, but they didn’t show themselves.

  “First off,” Eric caught my attention back, “he’s not a crow. Not really. That’s a raven. There is no real difference between a crow and a raven except size. That’s a raven. In my humble opinion.”

  I smirked at his description. Eric knew more about random subjects than any of them. Brody had once told me that Eric used to hide with books. In the orphanage, when they took cover to avoid possessions, they’d find him with books in the safe spots. Brody suggested that Eric used to keep them hidden under his shirts so he’d always have one.

  Eric had never denied that.

  “Interesting. A raven. Why didn’t you ever say anything when we used to point the fellow out years ago?”

  He smirked. “Noah called him our crow. He liked calling it our crow. People get annoyed when I correct them. The guys are my brothers, and you’re my love. If you all want to call it a crow, call it a crow. What’s the difference? What would my pointing out it’s a raven really change, except make me a know-it-all?”

  I touched the side of his face. “I see what you’re saying, and I know what you mean about correcting people over things. Katrina used to correct everyone all the time, even when she was wrong.” I shook my head. Detestable woman... “But there’s truth, right? You can always feel free to correct anything or teach me something I don’t know. The guys do. I don’t want to walk through life thinking something is red, and it’s really orange. Truth matters. Calling something what it is, matters. It’s why we try to get demons’ names. There’s power in names.” I laughed. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

  His gaze caught mine, and I smiled at him which in turn made him grin. “There’s nothing sexier than what you just said.”

  I laughed, a hard sound before I covered my mouth. Finally, when I was sure I wouldn’t make a scene, I spoke again. “Really? Nothing?”

  He leaned back. “All right, what are the things I know about ravens? Not much. I mean, they’re carrions. They eat the flesh of other animals. In the times of old, and I mean old, ravens were birds of prophecy. When the divine wanted someone to know something, they sent a raven.”

  I got to my feet. “Eric, you’re a genius.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe not. Kind of hard to tell who is and who isn’t these days. I never got to go to school outside the orphanage. How would I know?”

  I turned around and kissed him, hard on the mouth. He closed his eyes and sucked in his breath. Then he kissed me back, equally as claiming as my own had been. “There’s nothing sexier than your brain. I mean, you’re incredibly handsome. But your intelligence? I could roll around in it.”

  I pressed my forehead to his with just enough time to gasp before I was in his mind. He sat in a dimly lit bar. It took me very little time to realize this was exactly the same surreal, yet real, feeling I’d had when I’d been in Aidan’s head. This was a memory. We were co-joining. What was I seeing?

  Eric leaned forward, his face mottled with bruises. He’d been in a fight. The remains of bruises, yellowing and slightly green, were evident particularly around his eyes. He sipped a drink then went to lean back, almost falling off the stool. I’d never seen Eric drink anything but water. I reached out to touch him, but it was useless. I wasn’t really there. I couldn’t feel him, and this memory certainly didn’t know I was there.

  Thaddeus stormed into the bar. He wasn’t wearing his eyepatch yet. My One had two stunning blue eyes. “I’ve been searching for you everywhere.”

  Eric picked up his drink. “Found me.”

  Thaddeus took the drink out of Eric’s hand. “Enough. Let’s get you home.”

  “This isn’t home. There isn’t going to be any home. She’s dead.” His words were slurred. Thaddeus winced, but didn’t silence him. “Her eyes when she first woke in the morning, that was home. Her laughter. The small noises she’d make when she was coming down from pleasure. The way she understood us. Why did we think we’d have a home with her? We’re orphans. Discards. Our family didn’t even want us. The neighbors who knew us as babies let them haul us away from any kind of life, to go die or be possessed in hell. What were we thinking? Thaddeus”—he tapped One’s shoulder—“I’m really hoping that the carbon monoxide killed her. Did you know that? I mean, we have no way of knowing. But I read about it. Never thought I’d have to think about it, but that’s the thing. That would have been a much better way for her to die. But it could have been the heat.”

  “Okay.” Thaddeus interrupted him. “You’re going to bed. Then tomorrow we’re figuring out what to do.”

  Eric stumbled and Thaddeus caught him. “What to do? There’s nothing to do. I want to kill them. I want them to suffer. I want them to remember her forever and know that every bit of pain they endure is because they took her from the world.”

  I blinked back. Eric, whose eyes were spirit white like Aidan’s, winced. “Not my finest moment. I didn’t make that a thing I did regularly or anything.”

  I pulled him to me, and he rested his head on my shoulder. The darkness swarmed through me, then settled at his nearness. I kept a mental eye on it. I did not want it to try and feed on Eric. He breathed in deeply before he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. “Oh, this is home. I can feel you. All around me. In me. And you’re sad right now. Don’t be sad. I’m so happy. When we heard you were alive, color came back into my world. You brought the light back by still breathing.”

  “Eric... I thought you were all dead, too. I was stuck in this place. I couldn’t get out.
I tried. Several times. Never succeeded.” There were more beatings for that. He gasped as I thought that. I had to remember both he and Aidan could feel a bit of what I did. When I went dark, they would get that sensation. I segregated the darkness further. “You were all gone from this world, too. I thought maybe someday I’d see you in the next.”

  He shuddered. “I would have done anything to get to you if I thought for a second you were alive.”

  “The question is... why didn’t they kill me? Why go through so much trouble to fake it?”

  He lifted his head, his white gaze moving through me like a warm breeze. “That’s a good question.”

  “I know.” I kissed his cheek.

  Aidan stumbled over, grabbing the side of my seat and interrupting my query. “I’m really suddenly exhausted.”

  “Hey.” Kieran, one of Anne’s guards wandered over. He held a training stick in his hand. “Are you guys co-joining?”

  Eric got to his feet so fast that his seat flung backward. “What we are and are not doing is none of your affair.”

  I put my hand on his arm. “It’s okay. He’s not a threat.” Only Noah had ever been able to tolerate other people around. Maybe that was why the five of them were together and not split apart. Whoever put the guards together must have seen this group as five together or none at all. Like they’d already formed their own pack, and it wasn’t to be broken.

  “Why do you ask?” I put an arm around Aidan’s shoulders. His exhaustion moved through me. Something was wrong. Aidan was strong. He could go without sleep if need be. Maybe he needed a doctor. I checked the darkness—was it feeding on him? No, it lingered in the background, there and aware, but it didn’t reach for either of my men.

  “I just wanted you to know, when we first co-joined, we knocked out for hours. Sometimes twenty-four hours. You might want to keep Teagan from one of you until the rest of you come back from the passing out part. That way there’s someone to protect her if things go to hell. We’d watch out for her, but I know how I’d feel if all of my brothers were down and there was only me. There’s no one like you to watch her, right?” He shook his head. “You guys can play nice with us. We care about Teagan, too. Anne is our world. We’re making something here. There are fifteen guards here. Five Sisters. Two of whom don’t have guards and can barely leave their rooms. We’re building something. I’m not a threat. The threat is outside the gate where we can’t do much to help them.”