Plain Tales from the Hills

  Once upon a time there lived at Simla a very pretty girl, the daughterof a poor but honest District and Sessions Judge. She was a good girl,but could not help knowing her power and using it. Her Mamma was veryanxious about her daughter's future, as all good Mammas should be.

  When a man is a Commissioner and a bachelor and has the right of wearingopen-work jam-tart jewels in gold and enamel on his clothes, and ofgoing through a door before every one except a Member of Council, aLieutenant-Governor, or a Viceroy, he is worth marrying. At least, thatis what ladies say. There was a Commissioner in Simla, in those days,who was, and wore, and did, all I have said. He was a plain man--an uglyman--the ugliest man in Asia, with two exceptions. His was a face todream about and try to carve on a pipe-head afterwards. His name wasSaggott--Barr-Saggott--Anthony Barr-Saggott and six letters to follow.Departmentally, he was one of the best men the Government of Indiaowned. Socially, he was like a blandishing gorilla.

  When he turned his attentions to Miss Beighton, I believe that Mrs.Beighton wept with delight at the reward Providence had sent her in herold age.

  Mr. Beighton held his tongue. He was an easy-going man.

  Now a Commissioner is very rich. His pay is beyond the dreams ofavarice--is so enormous that he can afford to save and scrape in a waythat would almost discredit a Member of Council. Most Commissionersare mean; but Barr-Saggott was an exception. He entertained royally; hehorsed himself well; he gave dances; he was a power in the land; and hebehaved as such.

  Consider that everything I am writing of took place in an almostpre-historic era in the history of British India. Some folk may rememberthe years before lawn-tennis was born when we all played croquet. Therewere seasons before that, if you will believe me, when even croquethad not been invented, and archery--which was revived in England in1844--was as great a pest as lawn-tennis is now. People talked learnedlyabout "holding" and "loosing," "steles," "reflexed bows," "56-poundbows," "backed" or "self-yew bows," as we talk about "rallies,""volleys," "smashes," "returns," and "16-ounce rackets."

  Miss Beighton shot divinely over ladies' distance--60 yards, thatis--and was acknowledged the best lady archer in Simla. Men called her"Diana of Tara-Devi."

  Barr-Saggott paid her great attention; and, as I have said, the heart ofher mother was uplifted in consequence. Kitty Beighton took matters morecalmly. It was pleasant to be singled out by a Commissioner with lettersafter his name, and to fill the hearts of other girls with bad feelings.But there was no denying the fact that Barr-Saggott was phenomenallyugly; and all his attempts to adorn himself only made him moregrotesque. He was not christened "The Langur"--which means gray ape--fornothing. It was pleasant, Kitty thought, to have him at her feet, butit was better to escape from him and ride with the graceless Cubbon--theman in a Dragoon Regiment at Umballa--the boy with a handsome face, andno prospects. Kitty liked Cubbon more than a little. He never pretendedfor a moment the he was anything less than head over heels in love withher; for he was an honest boy. So Kitty fled, now and again, from thestately wooings of Barr-Saggott to the company of young Cubbon, andwas scolded by her Mamma in consequence. "But, Mother," she said, "Mr.Saggot is such--such a--is so FEARFULLY ugly, you know!"

  "My dear," said Mrs. Beighton, piously, "we cannot be other than anall-ruling Providence has made us. Besides, you will take precedence ofyour own Mother, you know! Think of that and be reasonable."

  Then Kitty put up her little chin and said irreverent things aboutprecedence, and Commissioners, and matrimony. Mr. Beighton rubbed thetop of his head; for he was an easy-going man.

  Late in the season, when he judged that the time was ripe, Barr-Saggottdeveloped a plan which did great credit to his administrative powers.He arranged an archery tournament for ladies, with a most sumptuousdiamond-studded bracelet as prize. He drew up his terms skilfully,and every one saw that the bracelet was a gift to Miss Beighton; theacceptance carrying with it the hand and the heart of CommissionerBarr-Saggott. The terms were a St. Leonard's Round--thirty-six shots atsixty yards--under the rules of the Simla Toxophilite Society.

  All Simla was invited. There were beautifully arranged tea-tables underthe deodars at Annandale, where the Grand Stand is now; and, alone inits glory, winking in the sun, sat the diamond bracelet in a blue velvetcase. Miss Beighton was anxious--almost too anxious to compete. On theappointed afternoon, all Simla rode down to Annandale to witness theJudgment of Paris turned upside down. Kitty rode with young Cubbon, andit was easy to see that the boy was troubled in his mind. He must beheld innocent of everything that followed. Kitty was pale and nervous,and looked long at the bracelet. Barr-Saggott was gorgeously dressed,even more nervous than Kitty, and more hideous than ever.

  Mrs. Beighton smiled condescendingly, as befitted the mother of apotential Commissioneress, and the shooting began; all the worldstanding in a semicircle as the ladies came out one after the other.

  Nothing is so tedious as an archery competition. They shot, and theyshot, and they kept on shooting, till the sun left the valley, andlittle breezes got up in the deodars, and people waited for MissBeighton to shoot and win. Cubbon was at one horn of the semicircleround the shooters, and Barr-Saggott at the other. Miss Beighton waslast on the list. The scoring had been weak, and the bracelet, PLUSCommissioner Barr-Saggott, was hers to a certainty.

  The Commissioner strung her bow with his own sacred hands. She steppedforward, looked at the bracelet, and her first arrow went true to ahair--full into the heart of the "gold"--counting nine points.

  Young Cubbon on the left turned white, and his Devil promptedBarr-Saggott to smile. Now horses used to shy when Barr-Saggott smiled.Kitty saw that smile. She looked to her left-front, gave an almostimperceptible nod to Cubbon, and went on shooting.

  I wish I could describe the scene that followed. It was out of theordinary and most improper. Miss Kitty fitted her arrows with immensedeliberation, so that every one might see what she was doing. She wasa perfect shot; and her 46-pound bow suited her to a nicety. She pinnedthe wooden legs of the target with great care four successive times. Shepinned the wooden top of the target once, and all the ladies looked ateach other. Then she began some fancy shooting at the white, which,if you hit it, counts exactly one point. She put five arrows into thewhite. It was wonderful archery; but, seeing that her business was tomake "golds" and win the bracelet, Barr-Saggott turned a delicate greenlike young water-grass. Next, she shot over the target twice, then wideto the left twice--always with the same deliberation--while a chillyhush fell over the company, and Mrs. Beighton took out her handkerchief.Then Kitty shot at the ground in front of the target, and split severalarrows. Then she made a red--or seven points--just to show what shecould do if she liked, and finished up her amazing performance with somemore fancy shooting at the target-supports. Here is her score as it waspicked off:--

  Gold. Red. Blue. Black. White. Total Hits. Total Score Miss Beighton 1 1 0 0 5 7 21

  Barr-Saggott looked as if the last few arrowheads had been driven intohis legs instead of the target's, and the deep stillness was broken bya little snubby, mottled, half-grown girl saying in a shrill voice oftriumph: "Then I'VE won!"

  Mrs. Beighton did her best to bear up; but she wept in the presence ofthe people. No training could help her through such a disappointment.Kitty unstrung her bow with a vicious jerk, and went back to her place,while Barr-Saggott was trying to pretend that he enjoyed snappingthe bracelet on the snubby girl's raw, red wrist. It was an awkwardscene--most awkward. Every one tried to depart in a body and leave Kittyto the mercy of her Mamma.

  But Cubbon took her away instead, and--the rest isn't worth printing.