Brain Twister

the hospital, too," Barbara said, andadded: "Your Majesty," just in time.

  "But if I did, dear," Her Majesty said, "you'd lose your chance tobecome a Duchess, and that wouldn't be at all nice. Besides, I'mhaving so much _fun_!" She trilled a laugh again. "Riding around likethis is just wonderful!" she said.

  _And you're important for national security_, Malone said to himself.

  "That's right, Sir Kenneth," the Queen said. "The country needs me,and I'm happy to serve. That is the job of a sovereign."

  "Fine," Malone said, hoping it was.

  "Well, then," said Her Majesty, "that settles that. We have a wholenight ahead of us, Sir Kenneth. What do you say we make a night ofit?"

  "Knight who?" Malone said. He felt confused again. It seemed as if hewas always feeling confused lately.

  "Don't be silly, Sir Kenneth," Her Majesty said. "There are times andtimes."

  "Sure," Malone said at random. _And time and a half_, he thought._Possibly for overtime._ "What is Your Majesty thinking of?" he askedwith trepidation.

  "I want to take a tour of Las Vegas," Her Majesty said primly.

  Lady Barbara shook her head. "I'm afraid that's not possible, YourMajesty," she said.

  "And why not, pray?" Her Majesty said. "No. I can see what you'rethinking. It's not safe to let me go wandering around in a strangecity, and particularly if that city is Las Vegas. Well, dear, I canassure you that it's perfectly safe."

  "We've got work to do," Boyd contributed.

  Malone said nothing. He stared bleakly at the hood ornament on thecar.

  "I have made my wishes known," the Queen said.

  Lady Barbara said: "But--"

  Boyd, however, knew when to give in. "Yes, Your Majesty," he said.

  She smiled graciously at him, and answered Lady Barbara only by aslight lift of her regal eyebrow.

  Malone had been thinking about something else. When he was sure he hada firm grip on himself he turned. "Your Majesty, tell me something,"he said. "You can read my mind, right?"

  "Well, of course, Sir Kenneth," Her Majesty said. "I thought I'dproved that to you. And, as for what you're about to ask--"

  "No," Malone said. "Please. Let me ask the questions before you answerthem. It's less confusing that way. I'll cheerfully admit that itshouldn't be--but it is. Please?"

  "Certainly, Sir Kenneth, if you wish," the Queen said. She folded herhands in her lap and waited quietly.

  "Okay," Malone said. "Now, if you can read my mind, then you must knowthat I don't _really_ believe that you are Queen Elizabeth of England.The First, I mean."

  "Mr. Malone," Barbara Wilson said suddenly. "I--"

  "It's all right, child," the Queen said. "He doesn't disturb me. And Ido wish you'd call him Sir Kenneth. That's his title, you know."

  "Now that's what I mean," Malone said. "Why do you want us to _act_ asif we believe you, when you know we don't?"

  "Because that's the way people do act," the Queen said calmly. "Veryfew people really believe that their so-called superiors _are_superior. Almost none of them do, in fact."

  "Now wait a minute," Boyd began.

  "No, no, it's quite true," the Queen said, "and, unpleasant as it maybe, we must learn to face the truth. That's the path of sanity." LadyBarbara made a strangled noise but Her Majesty continued, unruffled."Nearly everybody suffers from the silly delusion that he's possiblyequal to, but very probably superior to, everybody else--my goodness,where would we be if that were true?"

  Malone felt that a comment was called for, and he made one. "Whoknows?" he said.

  "All the things people do toward their superiors," the Queen said,"are done for social reasons. For instance, Sir Kenneth: you don'trealize fully how you feel about Mr. Burris."

  "He's a hell of a fine guy," Malone said. "I work for him. He's a goodDirector of the FBI."

  "Of course," the Queen said. "But you believe you could do the jobjust as well, or perhaps a little better."

  "I do not," Malone said angrily.

  Her Majesty reserved a dignified silence.

  After a while Malone said: "And what if I do?"

  "Why, nothing," Her Majesty said. "You don't think Mr. Burris is anysmarter or better than you are--but you treat him as if you did. All Iam insisting on is the same treatment."

  "But if we don't believe--" Boyd began.

  "Bless you," Her Majesty said, "I can't help the way you _think_, but,as Queen, I do have some control over the way you _act_."

  Malone thought it over. "You have a point there," he said at last.

  Barbara said: "But--"

  "Yes, Sir Kenneth," the Queen said, "I do." She seemed to be ignoringLady Barbara. Perhaps, Malone thought, she was still angry over thenap affair. "It's not that," the Queen said.

  "Not what?" Boyd said, thoroughly confused.

  "Not the naps," the Queen said.

  "What naps?" Boyd said. Malone said: "I was thinking--"

  "Good," Boyd said. "Keep it up. I'm driving. Everything's going tohell around me, but I'm driving."

  A red light appeared ahead. Boyd jammed on the brakes with somewhatmore than the necessary force, and Malone was thrown forward with agrunt. Behind him there were two ladylike squeals.

  Malone struggled upright. "Barbara?" he called. "Are you all right--"Then he remembered the Queen.

  "It's all right," Her Majesty said. "I can understand your concern forLady Barbara." She smiled at Malone as he turned.

  Malone gaped at her. Of course she knew what he thought about Barbara;she'd been reading his mind. And, apparently, she was on his side.That was good, even though it made him slightly nervous to thinkabout.

  "Now," the Queen said suddenly, "what about tonight?"

  "Tonight?"

  "Yes, of course," the Queen said. She smiled, and put up a hand to patat her white hair under the Elizabethan skullcap. "I think I shouldlike to go to the Palace," she said. "After all, isn't that where aQueen should be?"

  Boyd said, in a kind of explosion: "London? England?"

  "Oh, dear me...." the Queen began, and Barbara said:

  "I'm afraid that I simply can't allow anything like that. Overseas--"

  "I didn't mean overseas, dear," Her Majesty said. "Sir Kenneth, pleaseexplain to these people."

  The Palace, Malone knew, was more properly known as the Golden Palace.It was right in Las Vegas--convenient to all sources of money.

  As a matter of fact, it was one of the biggest gambling houses alongthe Las Vegas strip, a veritable chaos of wheels, cards, dice, chipsand other such devices. Malone explained all this to the others,wondering meanwhile why Miss Thompson wanted to go there.

  "Not Miss Thompson, _please_, Sir Kenneth," Her Majesty said.

  "Not Miss Thompson what?" Boyd said. "What's going on anyhow?"

  "She's reading my mind," Malone said.

  "Well, then," Boyd snapped, "tell her to keep it to herself." The carstarted up again with a roar and Malone and the others were thrownaround again, this time toward the back. There was a chorus of groansand squeals, and they were on their way once more.

  "To reply to your question, Sir Kenneth," the Queen said.

  Lady Barbara said, with some composure: "What question--Your Majesty?"

  The Queen nodded regally at her. "Sir Kenneth was wondering why Iwished to go to the Golden Palace," she said. "And my reply is this:it is none of your business why I want to go there. After all, is myword law, or isn't it?"

  There didn't seem to be a good enough answer to that, Malone thoughtsadly. He kept quiet and was relieved to note that the others did thesame. However, after a second he thought of something else.

  "Your Majesty," he began carefully, "we've got to go to Yucca Flatstomorrow. Remember?"

  "Certainly," the Queen said. "My memory is quite good, thank you. Butthat is tomorrow morning. We have the rest of the night left. It'sonly a little after nine, you know."

  "Heavens," Barbara said. "Is it that late?"

  "It's even later," Boyd said sour
ly. "It's much later than you think."

  "And it's getting later all the time," Malone added. "Pretty soon