Desire of the Soul

the donut shop. Then later you called about your parents—”

  “A friend's parents,” Jessica said defending herself.

  “Let’s just say it was about your parents. So you called about your parents and I assume you were in trouble about something. This would only increase how you feel; if it is how you feel. Is it?”

  Jessica appeared not to be able to say anything. Jimmy guessed that what he said didn’t either help her out. Her eyes start to cloud up. Jessica tried to regain her composure and formulate an answer. “Yes, and then some.”

  “What else is there?”

  “Well, I just have this enormous weight on me and whenever I do something ‘bad’ it just seems to pull me down.” At this point Jessica was fighting the tears in her eyes.

  “Well, can I suggest something to help?”

  “What, are you gonna go all preacher on me and tell me that Jesus or God can help?”

  “Well, no, I wasn’t, but if you want to then…” Jessica burst out of the studio and ran outside to her bike. Jimmy trailed behind her. As Jessica was mounting her bike Jimmy stood in the doorway. “I’m sorry Jessica, I was just wondering-”

  “Well, stop wondering!” Jessica snapped at Jimmy, cutting him off. She then tore out of the drive way.

  Jimmy started running after her and shouted, “Jessica! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to!” She is probably ignoring me, Jimmy thought. Stupid! You should have just let it go and not asked. Then Jimmy swore. It surprised him that it came out of his mouth and that he even thought of it. He turned to his right and an oldtimer, who was his neighbor, stood there staring at him.

  Jimmy raised his hand at him and said, “Mr. Anderson.”

  “Jimmy,” came the reply. Jimmy hastily went back into his home and shut the door. He slapped the wall and threw down his cap, trying to release some of the anger before he took it out on other things.

  FIVE

  Jessica made it back to her house faster than ever; it was her anger that turned into speed. She was still sobbing when she entered her house and made a beeline for her room. “Jessica?” She heard her dad ask wondering who came in. Jessica buried her face in her hands as she lay on her bed.

  This is stupid, Jessica thought. What am I even crying about? Jimmy gets what my problem is; so what? Jessica took off the hat and was about to throw it, but then thought better of it. Oh why does he have to know? Now he is going to go all out preacher on me and tell me all kinds of crazy ideas of how God can help me.

  “Jessica? It’s me, can I come in?” Jessica recognized it as her mother. “Yes, come in,” Jessica said and wiped away the tears.

  “Are you okay, hon?”

  “Yeah, just a bit overwhelmed, mom.”

  “Does this have anything to do with us?”

  “Us?”

  “Your dad and I punishing you.”

  Jessica thought about it for a moment. She would not know what would get her out of trouble. “Yes it does.”

  “Oh, it’s okay, sweetie. We have decided that you are old enough and smart enough to make your own decisions.”

  Jessica tried her best to hold her happiness inside. It was just a bit of happiness in her gloomy world. They spoke for a bit and just as her mom was going out the door Jessica asked, “Mom, can I go to a party tonight?”

  “Will there be alcohol? And how late are you planning on staying there?”

  Jessica knew the answer to that, of course there would be. “No. And I’ll stay ‘til one. I’ll just go through my window so you don’t have to worry about me when I am home. Also it won’t wake anyone up.”

  “Alright, but I’ll be checking.”

  Jessica pulled her phone out and dialed Brittany. “Hey Britt? It worked. And I can come to the party tonight.”

  “Great news, I told you it would work didn’t I? How long can you stay until?”

  “I gotta be home at around one.”

  “Really? You can’t stay later?”

  “Brittany! I just got out of a punishment; be happy I can even go!”

  “Oh right, see you later.”

  ____________

  Jimmy King had spent the entire day working on a song. Singing, playing, and coming up with music to go along with it. It was hard work and he did not notice the time until his dad called him for dinner. Whenever his mom was not going to be home to make dinner the job always fell to his dad.

  Jimmy’s dad had to become a good enough cook to make dinners. Linda, Jimmy’s mom, was always busy at the fitness center at these times, it was her job after all. Jimmy ate ravenously finishing his first helping before the others even took a bite. “Either you are very hungry or you really like my cooking,” his dad noticed.

  “I’m just hungry; I didn’t eat since last night.”

  “You’re serious?” His dad asked surprised.

  “Yeah, why would I be joking?”

  “It is unlike you to not eat anything throughout the day.”

  “Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind right now, OK?”

  Jimmy’s brother opened his mouth to ask something but Jimmy quickly cut him off. “Like nothing you need to know about.” After dinner Jimmy went straight back to the studio to get back to work. He checked his phone and saw that Jessica left a message. “Hey, Jessica. You called?”

  “Yeah, just to say that I’m sorry about earlier today,” she said.

  “I shouldn’t have asked; it wasn’t my business.”

  “Well, yeah, but still I overreacted a bit and sorry I just left without us really getting anywhere.”

  There was silence for a moment. Jessica broke the silence, “There is a party tonight, wanna come?”

  “Where is it?” Jimmy asked but he had no real interest.

  “At Amy0’s.”

  “Alright, I might go, but I got a lot of work I’m doing. Can you swing by tomorrow to preview the song? I’d like some input from you.”

  “Oh, so it’s one of yours. I can’t wait. When are you expecting me? I’ll call this time.”

  Jimmy smiled, reminded of earlier today. “I it is anytime in the morning, you have to call; otherwise come at any time.”

  “Alright, Britt is here to take me to the party.”

  “Have fun. Make good choices,” Jimmy said in Jessica’s mother’s voice.

  “Don’t worry mom,” Jessica replied playing along.

  “No, but seriously, I need your help tomorrow. Bye.”

  ____________

  “Come on, Jessica, just try it,” June said. Jessica had tried beer before and did not really like it. Now they wanted her to try hard alcohol. “I’ll pass, girls,” Jessica said.

  Brittany pulled Jessica aside. “Come on, Jess, just try it. It will make you happier and then you can just focus on having a good time at the party. Just forget about all of the things going on.”

  “Really, it helps?”

  Brittany nodded her reply. They both walked back to the drinks and the girls. “Who is gonna take one with me?” Jessica asked excitedly. One of the girls poured the liquor into shot glasses and they all held them up and chinked the glasses.

  Jessica tilted her head back and threw the liquid to the back of her throat. It burned all the way down into her stomach. It left her coughing. “One more!” one of the other girls Jessica had never met before. Reluctantly Jessica put her glass back with the others to await another round.

  By now Jessica hadn’t eaten in hours. The alcohol was getting to her and she started moving more freely. Jessica grabbed a bottle of whisky and started chugging from the bottle. Everyone in the room started chanting “Chug chug chug!” This kept Jessica going. She was barely able to drink a quarter of the bottle before it started spilling all over her. Jessica could still feel the burning sensation in her throat, but it seemed to be less.

  “Jessica, I gotta get you back home and sober before you get home,” Brittany said earnestly. Jessica was the happiest she had been in weeks. She did not want it to end or have to go home.

  ?
??No, no. Not yet,” Jessica said with very slurred speech. It was obvious to everyone that Jessica was drunk. Brittany laid a hand on Jessica, but she just shrugged her off and went in search of more drinks.

  Jessica found herself in Brittany’s car at Mc Donald’s and Brittany was ordering something. In an attempt to get Jessica sober and reduce the side effects tomorrow Brittany stuffed Jessica with fries and water.

  It was clear to Jessica that her friend was trying to ask her something but she could not formulate an answer. Jessica finally made the words out to be: “Can you try to speak without slurring anything? I have to get you past your mom.”

  “I said I would use my bedroom window.”

  “That sounds understandable. EW! Your breath is horrible.” Brittany shoved a few mints into Jessica’s mouth to try to neutralize the stench in her breath. When they finally reached Jessica’s, Brittany dropped her off and waited until Jessica was in the gate.

  She could barely get to the gate without stumbling every few feet. Brittany got out and helped Jessica to her room. Knowing what will happen in the morning or later Brittany put a plastic bag next to Jessica’s bed when the need would arise.

  SIX

  Jessica woke up with a mild headache but nothing that Brittany said it would be like. That was one of the few things she remembered from the night before. However, she felt depressed and lonely. She needed to get out of the house and do something.

  Her phone chirped and it gave Jessica a shock. She looked at it and saw that it was a reminder that she was supposed to meet with Jimmy. She turned on her light, but it hurt her eyes too much so she quickly turned it off. She called Jimmy to let him know that she would be over in an hour.

  “How was the