Hailey Twitch and the Campground Itch

  Copyright © 2011 by Lauren Barnholdt

  Cover and internal illustrations © 2011 Suzanne Beaky

  Cover and internal design © 2011 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

  Cover design by William Riley/Sourcebooks

  Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Published by Sourcebooks Jabberwocky, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410

  (630) 961-3900

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  www.jabberwockykids.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is on file with the publisher.

  Source of Production: Webcom, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

  Date of Production: March 2011

  Run Number: 14825

  Printed and bound in Canada.

  WC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  For Aaron

  Chapter One: The Long Weekend

  Chapter Two: Maya Greenbert

  Chapter Three: Magic at the Arcade

  Chapter Four: Russian Spies

  Chapter Five: A Very Big Amount of Trouble

  Chapter Six: Mr. Tuttle

  Chapter Seven: A Disaster Area of a Tree House

  Chapter Eight: Maybelle Saves the Day

  Chapter Nine: Time to Go Home

  Bounce, bounce, bounce. That is the sound of me, Hailey Twitch, bouncing all around. And I am bouncing all around because it is a long weekend. Hello, long weekend! A long weekend is something that only comes along once in a while. It is when you get a Friday and a Monday off from school. It is like four whole days for the price of two. And that is some very good math.

  This long weekend is going to be the best long weekend ever invented. And that is because we are going to Lake Missoni! Lake Missoni is very fun. These are the reasons:

  1. We will sleep in a camper with a bed that pulls right out from the wall.

  2. There is a swimming pool and a beach. That is two kinds of swimming!

  3. There is a rec hall there with an ice-cream stand and an arcade and a basketball hoop.

  4. My friend Addie Jokobeck is getting special permission from her parents to go with me.

  Right now I am supposed to be packing up my clothes. I am supposed to be packing two swimming suits, two sweatshirts, three pairs of pajamas, and lots and lots of underwear. Plus, some socks and some shorts and some long pants. My magic sprite, Maybelle, is helping me.

  “Now, Maybelle,” I say. “Please go over there and bring me a pair of jeans out of my dresser.”

  Maybelle goes over to my dresser and tries to pull out those jeans. But it is very hard for her. That is because she is very small, about one foot tall! That is only the size of one ruler. Also, she has beautiful long blond hair and gorgeous sparkly wings, and I am the only one who can see her.

  Maybelle used to live in my dollhouse. She got sent to live there because she was not a very good sprite. She was not fun like sprites should be. So Mr. Tuttle, who is in charge of the Department of Magic, made her live in there as a punishment. But she got to come out! And that is not even the best part! The best part is that Mr. Tuttle gave Maybelle her magic back. And now she gets to try it out for two whole weeks. That is called getting a new responsibility to see if you are ready for it.

  So far I do not think Maybelle is ready for it. Yesterday we did a school play of The Gingerbread Princess, and Maybelle accidentally knocked over the whole gingerbread house. But that does not mean she should not keep trying. Practice makes perfect!

  But before Maybelle can try some magic on packing my suitcase, there is a knock on my bedroom door. And it is my mom.

  “Oh, hello,” I say. “I am packing up just like you said.” I run and get those jeans right out of my dresser. Then I roll, roll, roll them up and then stuff, stuff, stuff them into my suitcase.

  “Hailey, you cannot stuff your jeans into a ball.” She pulls them out of my suitcase and folds them nice and neat. And then my mom decides to tell me about something horrible. “Also, Maya Greenbert is coming to camp with us.”

  “I do not like this piece of news,” I tell her. “And I am maybe about to have a good tantrum about it.”

  “Maya is Kaitlyn’s friend,” my mom says, “and so she is welcome to come camping with us. You are bringing a friend. You are bringing Addie Jokobeck.” Kaitlyn is my sister. She is fourteen and thinks she is the boss of me.

  “Yes,” I say. “But Addie Jokobeck is nice and smart and has wonderful smooth hair, and she is not mean like Maya Greenbert.” I think about maybe telling my mom about how one time Maya Greenbert would not let me share her bubblegum lip gloss. Maya Greenbert said that I would have too many germs on my lips since I am only in the second grade. But my lips were clean as a whistle!

  “Hailey,” my mom says. “Maya is not mean.”

  “Yes, she is,” I whisper to Maybelle.

  “What’s so mean about her?” Maybelle whispers back real soft.

  “I will tell you a story about some lip gloss later.” I cannot tell her right now because my mom will hear me.

  “Okay, Hailey,” my mom says. She is looking into my suitcase to make sure I have everything all packed. My suitcase is red and says GOING TO GRANDMA’S on it. Which is not very fun or funny. But it is the only one I have. So I have to use it. Even though it does not make any sense since I am going to camp and not even going to my grandma’s house. “Now I want you to fold these sweatshirts and put them in your suitcase,” my mom says. “I am going downstairs to pack the food.”

  Once she is gone, Maybelle starts flying all around my head. “Tell me about Maya Greenbert, tell me about Maya Greenbert!” she says.

  “Well,” I say. “Maya Greenbert is a very big brat, and she—”

  But then the doorbell rings. Ding-dong. “That,” I say, “is probably her. So you can just see for your own self.”

  Maya Greenbert is already being one big, big show-offy show-off.

  “Look at my new suitcase,” she tells me. “It is pink.” She is standing right in the hallway outside my room. And she is shove, shove, shoving that suitcase right in my face.

  “That is a very nice suitcase,” I tell her, very polite. “But I am very busy packing now, so you should probably go to Kaitlyn’s room.”

  “That is so cute,” Maya says. “You are going to pack just like a big girl.” Then she reaches out and pats me on the head. One, two, three times. Pat, pat, pat.

  I feel myself starting to get mad, mad, mad. And that is because when someone tells you you are doing something just like a big girl, it really means they think you are a very big baby.

  “Maya Greenbert,” I say. “You better not call me a big girl again!” And then I stamp my foot very hard. And then Maybelle points her wand right at Maya Greenbert’s suitcase. But nothing happens. So Maybelle swoops right down and opens that suitcase right up. And all of Maya’s clothes go tumbling all down to the floor. Even her underwear! And I cannot help it. I start to laugh. Because it is very funny.

  “That,” Maybelle says, “is what is called serving her right.”

  “Kaitlyn!” Maya yells. “Kaitlyn, get over here right now!?
?? Maya Greenbert is screaming her head off for Kaitlyn. But Kaitlyn is not the boss of me.

  “Kaitlyn,” I say, “is not the boss of me.”

  “What is going on out here?” Kaitlyn asks.

  “Hailey opened my suitcase and dropped all my clothes on the floor!” Maya says.

  “No, I did not,” I say. I am being very calm about all this. That is called keeping your cool.

  But Kaitlyn does not get a chance to get upset. And that is because my mom is yelling from downstairs. “Girls!” she says. “It is time to go pick Addie up and then get on the road for camp!” And so Kaitlyn and Maya pick up all those clothes. And then they go downstairs.

  “Maybelle,” I say, “please finish folding my clothes with your magic.”

  And then Maybelle looks right at those clothes and points her magic wand. But they all turn into one jumbled mess. I sigh. I do not think she is really getting the hang of this magic thing.

  The car ride is very long. Three whole hours even! Here is how the seats go: my mom and dad in front. Kaitlyn and Maya in the middle seat. And me and Addie Jokobeck in the back. Sometimes I accidentally kick, kick, kick on Maya’s seat with my purple sneakers. Maya does not like that too much. But she cannot prove it is me. Me and Addie Jokobeck eat some snacks, like one apple and one granola bar and four celery sticks with crunchy peanut butter.

  When we get to camp, I jump out of the car because I cannot even take it anymore.

  “Snakes!” I yell. “If you are anywhere around here, you better get away right now!”

  “Snakes?” Addie Jokobeck says. She climbs down out of the van behind me. She is looking very scared in her face. Addie Jokobeck does not do too good with things that are scary.

  “There are no snakes around here,” Maya Greenbert says. She jumps out of the car and is looking very annoyed. She even gives her eyes a good roll. “Hailey is just using her imagination.”

  Maybelle gasps. That is because she does not like it when people say mean things about my imagination running wild. So Maybelle points her wand at Maya Greenbert’s suitcase again. But nothing is happening. So finally Maybelle just swoops down and opens that suitcase right up. And Maya’s clothes go flying all over onto the ground. Right into a mud puddle even.

  “Oh, no!” Kaitlyn yells, jumping out of the car. “What happened?”

  “Turns out that new pink suitcase is very much broken,” I say. “Either that or Maya is just a little bit clumsy.”

  And then me and Addie Jokobeck go to check out the campsite.

  Our camper is very small. But also very perfect. There is one couch that turns into a bed for me and Addie Jokobeck. And two beds near the ceiling for Kaitlyn and Maya. And one big bedroom in the back for my mom and dad.

  After we put all our things away, it is time to go to the rec hall! The rec hall is where you go when you want to play basketball. Or shuffleboard. Or when you want to play video games if you have some quarters.

  My mom gives us each four quarters! But then she says me and Addie have to go to the rec hall with Kaitlyn and Maya only!

  “But, Mom!” I say. “I am old enough to go by my own self! Addie is very responsible, right, Addie?” I look at Addie. Addie is very responsible. She always brushes her hair. And she knows how to print in very good, neat letters. And she always uses plain pencils without glitter or feathers. And she even won student of the month for responsibility.

  “I don’t know,” Addie says. She is talking real quiet. She looks down at her hands. “I think maybe Kaitlyn and Maya should go with us.”

  “But we hate Maya!” I say before I can control myself. Controlling myself is not something I am very good at.

  “Hailey!” my mom says. “That is not very nice! You know that we do not say things like that.” My mom is unpacking a big box of plastic spoons and forks for later. That is when we are going to cook out on the grill and have very good delicious hamburgers oozing out with ketchup.

  “I am very sorry,” I say. “And since I have learned my lesson, Addie and I will be going up to the rec hall now, please.”

  “No,” my mom says. “You will wait for Kaitlyn and Maya.”

  But Kaitlyn and Maya take about thirty bazillion hours to even get ready! They are giggling and laughing and talking about stupid boys, boys, boys. And they are putting lots of makeup on. Like sparkly lip gloss that makes their lips very red. And lots of stuff for their eyes that is very black and smooshy.

  “Finally,” I say when Kaitlyn and Maya come out of the camper.

  We start to walk up to the rec hall. I am skip, skip, skipping I am so happy. “When we get there,” I tell Addie. “I am going to play badminton and shuffleboard!”

  “Badminton and shuffleboard?” Addie looks scared. “I have never played those before.” Addie gets nervous when she thinks she has to learn some new sports. “Do not worry,” I tell her. “You will not get hurt. Those sports are very easy, and you will love them!”

  And that is when I spot it. Poison ivy on the side of the road! Poison ivy is a bad plant that makes you itch, itch, itchy if it gets on your skin. And you have to lie in bed for a long time, and it itches all on your skin, and you cannot even itch it, and if you do, you get very red. And your mom has to put special poison ivy lotion all over you, and you have to take lots and lots of baths in a bathtub that is filled with sticky, gummy, gooey oatmeal!

  Maybelle is going right in the poison ivy! “Watch out!” I scream at her. “Stay out of that poison ivy!”

  “What is poison ivy?” Maybelle asks. I guess they do not have poison ivy in that castle where she lived.

  “Poison ivy is that plant right there, and it will get on your skin and make you very itchy, and it is not very fun or funny at all.” Maybelle looks very scared. So does Addie Jokobeck. But Maya Greenbert thinks I am talking to her. And so she gets very snot, snot, snotty.

  “I know what poison ivy is, Hailey,” she says. “I am fourteen, not seven.” Then she laughs.

  I roll my eyes behind her back. And then I stick my tongue out right at her.

  Maybelle is over on the side of the road, and she is pointing her wand at the poison ivy. “This poison ivy is going to be zapped right away!” she says. But her magic wand accidentally zaps that poison ivy so that there is even more of it! And poison ivy is growing all around and around and around.

  I quick grab Addie Jokobeck’s arm and pull her away. “Watch out for the poison ivy, Addie!” I tell her.

  But Maya Greenbert is not paying attention to where she is going. “Watch out for the poison ivy, Maya!” I say. But she is not listening to me. She is too busy talking about boys, boys, boys. So if she gets poison ivy, it will be all her own fault. Don’t say I didn’t warn her.

  When we get up to the rec hall, I decide that it is time to play some video games in the arcade! Those quarters in my pocket are itch, itch, itching to be spent.

  “Do you want to play video games?” I ask Addie Jokobeck. “We can play badminton and shuffleboard right after.”

  “Yes,” Maya Greenbert says. “We are going to play in the arcade now. Come along, little girls.”

  I am about to yell at her and tell her that she is not the boss of me. And that she should not be calling us little girls. She is not even that much older than us! I am seven. And she is fourteen. And fourteen minus seven is seven! That is only seven years difference! I am not sure how many days that is because we have not learned to multiply that high yet. But it is not even long!

  But before I can yell at Maya, I realize that Maybelle is over in the corner. And she is playing a video game!

  I run right over to her.

  “Maybelle!” I say. “Where did you get a quarter for that, please?”

  My mom gave me eight quarters. Four for me and four for Addie. She did not give me any for Maybelle. That is because my mom does not know that Maybelle exists. And also because sprites should not be playing video games. Video games should be for humans only, thank you very much.

&n
bsp; “I do not need quarters!” Maybelle yells. “I have magic!”

  I think about this. Maybelle’s magic has not been working so good. But maybe she got it working for video games because she is playing away on a driving game. She is a very good driver, that sprite. I wonder if she had a car when she lived in the castle. But before I can ask Maybelle to maybe make some video games for me so that I do not have to spend my money on them, Maya Greenbert comes rushing right over.

  She is twirling one of her very curly hairs around her finger. “Hailey,” she says. “You cannot just run off like that. You need to let me and Kaitlyn know where you are at all times.”

  “Yeah,” Kaitlyn says, running up behind her. “You should not run off like that. You are only a child.” Gasp! That is not being a very good sister! Kaitlyn is very mean to me when Maya Greenbert is around. “Now we are going to stay in this arcade,” Kaitlyn says. “And you and Addie are going to stay here, too. DO NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM.”

  “Don’t worry,” Addie Jokobeck says. “We will stay right in your sight.” She does not realize that Kaitlyn and Maya are trying to be mean, mean, mean and boss, boss, bossy. But I decide to let it go. Letting it go is when you pretend you are okay with something when you are really not. But you just decide not to talk about it so that you do not have a fight or a big tantrum.

  “Addie,” I say. “Do you want to play this game?” I bring her over to a very fun-looking game. It has a big claw. And you put in one quarter, and you could win a stuffed animal!

  “I don’t know,” Addie Jokobeck says. “One time I heard my dad say that those machines are rip-offs.”

  “Oh, rips-offs,” I say. “That is just what parents say when they do not want you to do something fun, fun, fun.” Addie’s dad Mr. Jokobeck is very nice. He lets us have food fights, and he does not even care when Mrs. Jokobeck says I am maybe a bad influence. But he is still a dad. And dads are very into the lies of something being a big rip-off. Rip-offs are when you spend some money on something that is not even worth it. Like if you use one of your quarters to try to win a stuffed animal, and it is set up so that you always, lose, lose, lose.