Love Beyond Sanity

  Something was in the back of that place and Gabriel would not rest until he found out what it was. Even if he had to string Trent up by his thumbs and let him sweat until he talked.

  However, he wasn't an animal, and Gabriel would try a little subterfuge first. If that didn't work, he'd use his abilities and see just how brutal he could be. It was the only way he could protect Alexa and convince her to leave Sebastian's house and come with him to find those people they'd tried to best months earlier.

  They were the key to everything.

  And if Sebastian wanted them dead, there was good reason to keep them alive.

  Chapter Seven

  They were in big trouble and, putting all gallantry from her completely confused soul mate aside, Jason was not going to be much use against the demon that had just appeared in their garden. She would do just about anything for an offensive power. What good would her ability to enter minds and make people feel better do for her now?

  She blew a piece of hair out of her eyes. Well, she'd just have to fake it. Taking a steadying breath, she stepped forward and away from the safety of Jason's arms.

  "Seek me out? I'm not that hard to find. Seems to me you haven't been trying too hard." Charma became aware of her heartbeat speeding up and knew it was probably a bad idea to tick off a demon when you couldn't fight it. Still, if the thing was going to attack her, she'd prefer the creature get it over with.

  Self-loathing, as Jason had called her, moved forward and stared into Charma's eyes. "Which one are you?"

  "Don't you know? You've spent a lifetime dealing with us. Shouldn't you have pictures of us up on your bathroom wall or something?" Now she sounded like Kal. What she really wanted to do was run away and hide. Instead she put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. She'd be damned if she let the demon know how afraid she was.

  "Stop it." Jason reached for her as if he would place her behind him again.

  "Keep out of it, Jason. You don't even believe any of this is real. If it's all fake, it can't hurt me right? Or even better, if it's all untrue then I'm just a hallucination, and delusions can't be hurt."

  "Ha." Self-loathing laughed. "Does he still think none of this is actually happening? He's a stubborn little bastard isn't he?"

  For a moment, Charma considered arguing with the thing. She might point out that Jason was a person who based things in logic and reason. There was nothing wrong with that. With only seconds to make up her mind, Charma decided. It was better if this thing thought Jason was an idiot. It would work out in the end for him.

  "I don't know if he's stubborn or just stupid. I have to tell you, I don't much care." Charma pulled out of his reach and walked closer to the demon.

  Behind her Jason moved forward to grab her again. "I know what you're doing." She hadn't turned around to look at him but it sounded like he gritted his teeth, which meant she had really annoyed him with her last comment. Good. Maybe he'd back off and then she could handle this for a while.

  "You can't possibly know that. Despite your feelings about your own grandiosity I am still in charge of my own mind and you haven't been in it to know what it is that I think." That time she channeled Marina. First Kal, now Marina. If she started quoting statistics and ancient lore, she could call herself Leonardo and be done with it. At least it was useful to have talented family to imitate when things weren't going well.

  "Too bad." The thing disguising itself as a human female smiled. "You're obviously not soul mates. One Outsider half never disparages the other half. But still there are two of you and you are stuck in here depriving your other halves of your presences. It'll work out regardless."

  Charma wished she could laugh. Just an hour earlier, she would have said one Outsider half would never purposely choose to live a life without the other one. Turned out she knew little about what her own people would do or not do.

  "You know, for an entity that has spent the last thirty years searching for us, you know little about who we are or what we do." How far did she want to take this? "It's kind of sad really."

  Advancing, the creature hissed. That's right, Charma encouraged silently, let's see your true face. Show us. If there was one thing Veli had taught them, it was that all things were less scary and less difficult to eliminate when you actually looked at them without their glamour in place. Whatever she was, it wasn't what they saw right now.

  Of course, he probably meant that advice for someone who could actually do something to the creature once it revealed itself.

  "For the record, whoever you are, don't think I won't get through whatever blockages you have put up. I have only been on this pesky plain of existence for one week. It is my brother who has bumbled around here for three decades."

  Charma felt her eyes widen. Now they were going to need Isabelle and her knowledge of family drama. This whole thing was getting ridiculously complicated. Searching for something witty to say, Charma shrugged. "Cry me a river."

  The creature yelled. Jason's hand came down on the back of her shirt, pulling her towards him before throwing them both to the ground as the demon pushed out of its human skin and changed before their eyes.

  "What the hell are you thinking?" Jason maneuvered his body until it covered hers completely. He was stronger than he looked. From beneath him, Charma fought tooth and nail to be free of his protection. She hadn't provoked the thing so it could hurt Jason any more than it already had.

  "We need to see it so I can know what it is." She kicked him hard in the shin. He grunted but didn't let go. "Why are you protecting me if I'm not real?"

  "You're really fixated on that, aren't you?"

  The demon roared, scales pushing through its pink skin as it doubled in size. Charma closed her eyes searching for her anger at Jason to get her through this hellish situation. Maybe provoking it had been a bad idea. After a second, she steeled herself and opened her eyes to stare at the transformation.

  "How would you like it if I insisted you didn't exist?" She had to shout to be heard over the guttural, animal screeches coming from the demon. It looked like a cross between a serpent and a painting of hell creatures she'd once seen.

  Jason laughed and shook his head.

  She pounded on him with her fist but he wouldn't budge. "Something about this is funny to you?"

  "Here I am worrying about the fact you are mad at me while that thing turns into something more frightening than anything I've ever imagined." He stared down at her, his blue eyes filled with trepidation. If they didn't immediately die, she would find a way some time in the future to reach up and touch his long blond eyelashes to see if they were as soft as they appeared.

  "Okay." She nodded. "Let's just say that given the circumstances, I'm not going to fixate on your thinking you invented me, even as narcissistic as that is. Here's the thing, we can't beat it. Not in our current situation. So we have to out-think it, learn from this experience and hope we're around to share it with the others."

  Jason looked at her. "How many others are there?"

  "Eighteen of us total but not all together. Not yet." The creature reached its full height. Its body a blend of red and tan skin mixed with green scales and black pus that oozed from its pores like a swelling wound. 'Her' eyes were red and scaled over. Charma raised an eyebrow. Why wasn't she terrified? Looking up, Jason breathed heavily, his face a mixture of utter panic and intellectual curiosity. She hoped he was filled more with panic than interest, otherwise they were in deep trouble. This wasn't an intellectual exercise. Reaching with her leg, she kicked him once more, this time catching him by surprise.

  He jumped just an inch, enough for her to squeeze out from under him and roll away. She might not have any offense to provide to the Outsiders but at least she knew she was an Outsider. Jason was a sitting duck.

  She rose to her feet and cocked her head to the side. "Hey you." She yelled getting the attention of the creature that turned to face her.

  "Stop that." Jason yelled, rising up as if he would run after
her. Self-loathing placed herself between them. Charma couldn't even see him anymore with the creature's massive form blocking her view.

  "Jason stay where you are, damn it. This thing and I need to speak."

  The laughter released from the demon's throat was low and rough like sandpaper gliding over a boulder. When it opened its mouth to speak, its voice was the same as when it had presented itself as a woman.

  "What is it you think you can say to me now, little Outsider?"

  Charma stared straight into its eyes. "I'm not afraid of you."

  "What?"

  "I just want you to know that despite this get-up you've put on, which I would hasten to guess is not your true form because it just looks awkward on you, I am not the least bit afraid."

  The creature beat its hands on the ground on both sides of Charma causing her feet to fly upwards twice before she regained her balance. "You lie."

  Shaking her head, Charma stood her ground. "I don't. Want to know why?"

  "Stop now." Jason roared like a wounded animal. She could hear the desperation in his voice, and she was touched by it. If their places were reversed, she'd feel crazy, but there was no way in hell she could let him handle this. Maybe she'd die but at least it wouldn't be clinging to falsehoods and logic that had stepped out the door long ago.

  "Tell me, you pathetic creature, how you could possibly be not afraid?"

  "Because, I've looked into darkness. I've felt it. I've touched it. Everywhere I've gone since I was old enough to crawl, I have felt real evil and all I feel in here with you is nothingness. That tells me that while you might be a big bully, capable of capturing an Outsider when he doesn't even know what he is, you're nothing but a giant pain in my rear end. And I'm not going to cower because you throw on a big scary costume."

  "I assure you, missy." The demon picked Charma up by the back of her neck. She tried not to scream from the pain. Struggling was useless so Charma stayed still hoping she could act as dead weight. "I have been killing things like you since before you were handpicked by the Fates to come down to this pesky planet and die. You'll never survive me."

  The creature pushed electricity out of her hand into Charma. Down below, Jason screamed but Charma didn't even flinch. Not sure why that was, she was as confused as the demon. Why hadn't that hurt? Self-loathing dropped her, and Charma backed up.

  "What are you?" The creature hissed. It blew at its hands as if they burned.

  Charma looked around in confusion, rubbing her elbow that hurt from the fall. "I think we already determined what I am."

  Jason's arms came around her. "Why aren't you unconscious on the ground? I thought you were dead."

  "So did I." Charma nodded. She cleared her throat as she took assessment of herself. Everything appeared to be in order. "Why am I not dead?"

  The demon roared, taking to the sky and Jason pushed her behind him. This time she didn't fight.

  "Only one thing could have stopped my electricity and if you carry that then the game has suddenly become so much more interesting. I am immensely glad I have you in here where I own you."

  Charma narrowed her eyes. "We will find a way out. Outsiders are no one's prisoners." She hoped that was true. Other than remote comments Veli had made over the years, she knew little about their ancestry. Leonardo was really the man you wanted for that kind of thing.

  "Keep dreaming." As the demon dematerialized in front of them, Charma closed her eyes and tried to slow down her pulse. What had just happened?

  Jason turned around and yanked her into his arms. She felt his hands tighten on her shoulders and wondered if he was going to shake her. Opening her eyes, she stared into his sea-blue depths. He wasn't going to shake her, but he wanted to.

  Well, at least you have self-control. Charma couldn't help sending the message out in telepathy.

  His eyes widened. "What did you just say, and how did you say it?"

  Of course, he could hear her. She shook her head in self-disgust. He was her soul mate. They could communicate with all of the Outsiders on a direct link but a special means of communication was reserved just for them. Only he didn't believe.

  Pulling back, she left the warmth of his body behind and took two steps away. "Don't hold me, Jason, I can't allow it." If her voice cracked, she pretended she didn't hear it.

  Jason clenched his jaw, causing a vein to pop out in the top of his neck. She wished she could reach out and stroke his cheeks until he relaxed, but she knew better. He'd only think of it as his body toning down his adrenaline. Truth was, she had no idea why she was so sure he'd think that but she knew he would.

  "Why not?"

  Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. Why had she cut her hair? At the moment she couldn't remember? It would have been nice to have something to do with her nervous energy and playing with her hair would have been just that. "Because I'm not going to be held by someone who thinks I don't exist. I'm sorry. I can't handle that. I've never been in a relationship other than when you and I used to meet at night in our dreams, but the one thing I require, and I mean absolutely have to have, is the knowledge that the other person doesn't think I live only in his own mind."

  "Charma," he turned his back, walked a few feet away and threw the largest rock near him. She watched as it flew through the air and landed in the classically blue lake that you never actually saw in real life. The action afforded her a look at Jason undisturbed. It wasn't fair that a man should have golden locks like that. If he'd been a comic book character, they would have called him something romantic like Adonis. But Jason was no character. He was real, and he was absolutely convinced he was just a plain human.

  He spun around. "I'm doing the best I can here. Does this seem real to me? Yes. I'm not going to deny that." He threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "None of this is possible. It just isn't."

  Charma stalked forward and pushed at his chest. "Why can't it be? You are an Outsider. Something strange happened and a demon wasn't able to destroy me. All of that just is. If you can't accept it then maybe you deserve to be in here all by yourself. Maybe it's somehow appropriate."

  She shook her head. The last thing she'd said had been mean and very unlike her. Why had she done that? But then she'd always done that to him when they were children. It was like she couldn't help but be surly around him. Jason pulled her into his arms.

  "What do you want me to say, Charma? That in the course of one psychotic episode, which featured you, I changed my mind about all the things I believe in? That I altered my belief in all the things that are and are not possible due solely from watching your perfectly sculpted face carry a magnitude of emotion? Or maybe, I changed because of my ineptitude at understanding the stupid decisions you made today when dealing with that 'thing'? Because of all of that, I'm just supposed to nod my head and say, 'okay, my entire life has been a misunderstanding, I'm really a mythical creature that I've never read about in any books and lead on Charma, show me the way'?"

  If she had been cruel, he was downright nasty. She realized he was like all Outsider men. He carried a mean temper when provoked. It was a good thing she'd been raised amongst it and was used to handling the blows and pitfalls that came with dealing with them.

  "You know what? I don't have to explain this to you. The truth is you abandoned this and me when we were children because you just downright preferred the life you were given." She hadn't even realized her right hand had risen to cover her heart until she found herself gripping her shirt. "I don't blame you, Jason. I really don't. I wish Fate had seen fit to give me a family that loved and treasured me, but my story has been a little bit different than yours. The fact that you could consciously decide to give me up when everything in you should have protested doing it to the point of it becoming physically impossible for you, tells me that not only was I not placed with a family, the Fates neglected to give me a real soul mate too."

  Jason stormed away. Turning around halfway so his back was to her, he looked down at the ground. What
had she expected? Some sort of declaration of love or a confession of how the last eighteen years had been hell on him too?

  "Damn it, why do you do to me what you do? I want to love you, and I'm not even sure I believe that you're real."

  She rolled her eyes. Really, enough was enough.

  Like a whirlwind blasting through a forest, Jason was suddenly in front of her. Breathing hard, he grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to look at him.

  Charma gasped. "What…?"

  He kissed her roughly. She hesitated for a second before she gave in to the sheer ecstasy of his warmth against her. Pressing tighter, she let him force her mouth open with his tongue, craving the feel of his with hers. Together their mouths danced, each one exploring the others.

  Pulling back, he stared at her, his eyes ablaze. "Do you think it was always easy? Do you think it was fun? On one hand, I know what is and is not real. I'm a scientist. I know what happens when chemicals react. I know how numbers work. I understand it. On the other hand, you're telling me everything I believe is simply wrong…"

  She shook her head. "That's not what I…"

  He interrupted her. "I've lived my whole life knowing I was insane, and that I was capable of fabricating a whole reality in my own mind. It's not just simple creativity. It's not even story telling. It's mania. It's kept me apart from my family at times."

  "That's not why you're alone."

  "I'm not alone now, am I?" He kissed her again. "You want to be real? Fine, let's see if you're real."

  He kissed her again. This time she was ready for him. Biting down on his lip, she heard him growl before he pulled them both down on the ground, taking the landing on his back with her on top of him. She pressed her hips fully against his and could feel the evidence of his attraction for her. Whatever Jason might think about this all being his own creation, he clearly wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. She'd never done this, shouldn't know what she was doing, but damn if her body wasn't crying out for his. Her skin begged for his touch, asking for fulfillment she knew she'd only ever find in his arms, although she'd never actually experienced what it was she asked for.