From Darkness

  Chapter Eleven

  Bane stood in front of the full length mirror fumbling with his black bow tie, reflecting on more than his image. It had been years since he’d last worn one of these monkey suits and it seemed like each time he’d worn one it had been one of the happiest times in his life. This was number three, the third of his children to take the vow and say ‘I Do’ and he couldn’t be prouder. It was beyond belief these past eight years how things, how life had shifted so dramatically. He had found God or more precisely God had smacked him upside the back of his head and opened his eyes, but it hadn’t gone the way Bane had planned. What’s the old saying, “Man plans and God laughs.” Well no one was laughing back when things had gone so right and so wrong, but now... now was like that fresh breeze that wafts through the open windows in the spring. Crisp, cool with a hint of warmth and fresh renewal. Now was his spring and though problems and insecurities still arose he had a strength and faith to meet them head on.

  It’s been a long road to get here, in the small steepled church that he’d once sat in as a boy, watching his father pass the collection plate and pray with whomever was in need. Not much had changed in the forty some years since he’d last stepped through the double doors. The long wooden benches with their red velvet cushioning still stood in their rows, some had been replaced and a few donned small brass plaques in remembrance of some long standing parishioner, including Bane’s own father and new fans lazily spun above them. A new sound system had been installed and the rectory had been refurnished not long ago. The painting behind the baptismal pool had been touched up and the carpet though still worn was different than before, but for the most part it was still the same and Bane couldn’t help but feel a real sense of belonging as he’d wandered through the rooms before retreating to the small chamber designated for the groom and his party to prepare.

  Number three, soon he wouldn’t have any single children left. This was the halfway point after all. It seemed like only yesterday instead of nearly three years ago that he stood in a room similar to this only larger in his own family church nervously waiting for the moment when he would walk his one and only baby girl down the aisle; hoping to hold it together as he gave her away and sorely tempted not to. Not that the man she had chosen to marry wasn’t a good one, Bane, Shaylon, and the rest of the family adored Jackson. He was a fine young man of God with his head on straight. The two had met when he had returned from college for winter break and since his sister was Delilah’s best friend Kallie and he was the son of John Gordon it was only a matter of time, but the thought of giving his beloved daughter away to any man was harder than he ever imagined it would be. He and Delilah had grown so close over those years after his late night chat with John that he often felt a sense a grief over the time he’d missed with her, then joy over the realization that he hadn’t missed it all. Not only was she his only daughter, but she was one of the first of his more difficult children they reached and proof that he and Shaylon were heading in the right direction.

  Gordon and Bane had become close after that night, feeling each had a confidant in the other that could help steer them in the right direction. If one hadn’t gone through a particular problem the other probably had and could definitely pass on a few pointers. Bane and Shaylon had been there to help John and his wife through the mess with the women at his office. Each providing support in whatever way they could and the Gordon’s helping with a more positive influence for Bane’s own brood. The families soon became inseparable. Thankfully things just clicked between the daughters of both men and Delilah finally had a friend that the Bronson’s weren’t worried about. Someone her own age that had gone through or was going through so many of the same issues and emotions that she was.

  It was on Gordon’s suggestion that Bane institute a Daddy Daughter Day every other week and Bane attacked it with a three point plan and a lot of nervous excitement. He never felt so unsure of anything in his life, not since he was a teen was he so uneasy around a girl and this was his own daughter, but he was determined to reach her. Phase one, as he and his wife liked to joke about later, was taking Delilah to all the places that she was interested in to get her talking to him about her likes and dislikes, to really learn about her and the woman she was growing into. Then next phase consisted of taking her to places that he was interested in or that held some kind of significance in his own life, to teach her about the man he had been, the man he was now, and the man he hoped to be. Finally they would go someplace new to both of them, someplace neither had thought to go before, just to try. It didn’t matter where exactly as long as they were together. They could joke over the statues they saw in the park, or pick their favorite paintings out at the gallery, or listen to a band neither had ever heard of before. Over those months a bond had developed between them and he found himself talking about things that he hadn’t expected to in his new life. His old life yes, sex, drugs, and life in general; nothing was beyond his topics of discussion, but now some of those subjects seemed to catch in his throat with Delilah and he spent more than a few nights pondering over the change in him until Shaylon put it in perspective.

  “Before, I wouldn’t hesitate about sex or anything else for that matter, but now.... Sometimes I wonder if being a Christian hasn’t shut me up in some ways.”

  Shaylon took his hand in hers and sat beside him on the bed, deep in thought, “I think it’s only made you more aware about how important it is. Think about it Bane, would you have answered her the same way back then when you were more open than you would now?”

  “Oh no, I shiver to think what I would have told her back then; what I have told her.”

  “Okay then, so you recognize there’s a difference. That’s a start, don’t push it. Let her get comfortable with you before you go all Dad crazy on her. Slip a few things in here and there for her to question and think about and when she’s ready she’ll come to you.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “As sure as I can be. It’s all kind of new to me too, but I know how I’d react in her shoes.”

  She had been right. The more Bane got his daughter to talk, first about small things then about bigger, the more Delilah opened up to him. Before he knew it he was talking about all those topics that made his stomach tighten and his blood pressure rise, until one day he was finally able to get across to her what not only he and her mother wanted for her and her life with God, but in some part what God wanted. She hadn’t responded after their talk, but at least he had given her something to really meditate on. Between that and the time she was spending with Shaylon they could almost watch her grow into an amazing woman, just like her mother was.

  Unbeknownst to Bane, Shaylon had begun to question her own faith. Sure she felt great serving her church and her community. She felt like she was not only doing something, being active, but that she was doing something good for others, something of value. Until one night, on her way to pick up Mitchell from kids night the church held during the woman’s Bible study she overheard him talking to one of the other boys. He didn’t think she’d take him to the park because she was too busy working for God to do anything with him.

  It was like a slap in the face. What was she doing if it meant her own children felt left out of her life, like they didn’t matter anymore? Sure if she hadn’t been a Christian and was just too busy with her activities to pay attention to her family she’d call herself a bad mother, but now that she was working for God what would she call it? There had to be something she was missing. A life serving God couldn’t mean leaving her family and all the blessings that He had given her behind to fend for themselves. Mitchell needed her; all her children did and so did Bane, though none of them ever complained. There had to be something that she was missing.

  And there was. It seemed that God had sent John to her husband, but He meant that visit to be for her too. Just like the ripples from a stone in the pond that night reached them all. She went to every one of her children after that and apologized to ea
ch for leaving them behind. She didn’t know where to go or what to do, but she wanted to walk this road with them. She went even farther with Delilah giving her a speech about how she had little idea what being a true woman of God meant or was and how the two of them were on equal footing in the matter.

  “I wanted to be this great example to you Dee. To show you how great God was and how amazing it was to serve Him, but all I did was abandon you and your brothers to go running after what I thought I should be, but that’s not it. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to learn and I need your help to do it. None of us, except your father has been raised to this and I’m fumbling around. I know you have the same feeling, at least in some part, trying to figure out where you fit into all of this. I need to know where to go and when I’m going the wrong way. I need to be held accountable and I want you to be the one to do that. I want us to learn what is to be women of faith together. I figure we can help each other.”

  “How do you think I could help? I don’t know anything. I’m just supposed to do what you say aren’t I?” Her mother was using her nickname for now, which meant things weren’t too serious. At least not in the trouble department so she didn’t bother to hide her sarcasm.

  “Has that ever worked?”

  Delilah huffed, “Not really.”

  “Okay then. The way I see it is this. There’s this book called the Bible that’s supposed to have all of the answers to everything in it right?”

  “Supposedly.”

  “Anyway, it also has the answers to how I can be a better wife and mother and so on.”

  “Your point is.”

  “My point is that between the two of us I figure we can put our heads together and find those answers.”

  “Aren’t there all kinds of self-help books out there to do that?”

  “Sure, but then I would be spending my time reading them and not paying attention to you and what’s going on here. I’ve been on the sideline too long and I want in the game not reading about it. You’re a smart girl Dee and I think you can pick up on things that I might miss or take the wrong way. Sure I can study on my own, but at least with you helping me I can determine what works and what doesn’t all that much quicker.” she sighed, “The point is Delilah, I don’t want to just preach to you or at you. I want to be someone that you can look up to, to be a good example for you especially as a young woman. I don’t want you to have to go through all the pain that I have before you finally find your place. You’re still young enough to not have all the regrets and baggage that can follow you even into a Christian life; especially through a Christian life. I know I’m not making it sound very glamorous, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything in the world.

  I just don’t want to waste one more minute of your life pointing you down the wrong path. There’s so many things that I’ve done wrong with your father and all of you kids and though I can’t do anything about the past, the future is what we make it and I want to make it to that finish line with my head held high and my children beside me. So can we do this together? Will you at least think about it?”

  Two days later while preparing dinner Delilah silently walked into the kitchen and began cutting the vegetables. “So, how does this ‘Woman of God’ thing work? I mean do you have a plan or anything or are we just supposed to wing it?”

  Shaylon couldn’t suppress her smile. “How does fifteen minutes a day sound?”

  “To do what?”

  “Well at first I figured we’d try to map out what a woman of God is. I’ve been going through my study Bible and I’ve been writing down some of the things God lists as the traits of a woman of faith. I thought we could go over a few of them at a time, read up on them and you could tell me how you think I could apply them to my life today. You know, give me some insight on how it might fit in today’s world.”

  “All that in just fifteen minutes?”

  “If you want to keep going I won’t stop you, but I won’t hold you over that amount.”

  “Isn’t Jesus supposed do the teaching?”

  “Of course, but who’s to say He can’t use you to do it?”

  “Okay, I can do fifteen minutes.”

  From there things flourished. She had to admit her intentions were more to get her daughter into discovering for herself what being a woman of God was, but Shaylon quickly began to see that she was the one that got just as much, if not more out of it. With each week the bond between them grew and though there were no real secrets between them about life and the past she found herself opening up about hopes and fears, failures and successes, and feelings that she barely even discovered for herself. She and Bane both had finally earned Delilah’s respect after all those years of not caring about it, and when the time came for them to set down new rules and put down their foot on a new area, they found that Delilah accepted it. Sometimes begrudgingly, but she obeyed.

  Bane thought of his little girl now. A grown woman, beautiful, smart, talented and he couldn’t be prouder. She was a pediatric nurse and a good one. The best if he had any say in it, and she and Jackson were expecting their first child by Christmas. His eyes misted as he recalled that afternoon, seeing his baby in her gown of white ready to become Mrs. Jackson Gordon and how his heart swelled when she hugged him tightly and said,

  “Thank you Daddy for never giving up on me; on any of us. Because of you and Momma I found who I was and by watching the two of you, how you grew and changed and everything, I saw what love is. What marriage really means. It’s not just this, the gown and the rings and the always being together, it’s the work and the forgiveness, the respect and the faith and so much more. If you two hadn’t been there for us I never would have learned to respect myself and I sure wouldn’t be marrying a great guy like Jackson today, and just so you know, I don’t need Jackson to keep me happy or to complete me. I’m a complete woman all by myself and I’m responsible for my own happiness, he’s just a wonderful perk that enhances my life.”

  Yes, that was the first of his birds to fly, and his smile continued to broaden as he pulled his bowtie loose once more, ready to take another shot at it.