Slipping

including Jordan. I tried to keep it light, even though Rayla was sitting next to Jordan, watching her every move like she was mesmerized. It pissed me off. Rayla had liked Jordan. I hadn't had a problem with it until now.

  After we had been there for half an hour, Liam walked in. I think I was almost as shocked as everybody else when he walked over to my table. I guess I didn't really think he would show up. Maybe that answered my previous question, maybe we had isolated him.

  "Hey," he said, with his hands jammed in his pockets.

  "Hey," I said, half standing. "Glad you came, grab a chair." I pointed at one across the way and sat back down. The table I was sitting at quieted significantly. Parker broke the awkward moment for me by continuing his story about this motorcycle he had spotted that weekend.

  Liam nodded at appropriate places and even told the guys about a bike his uncle owned that he was helping fix up. It was going over a lot more smoothly than I thought it would, so I started to relax and enjoy the evening. I even almost forgot Jordan was there until I spotted her arm twisted into Morgan Freezon's. I took a deep breath and looked away.

  "Miles. We need to get Liam alone. We need to talk to him." I gave Rayla a quick dirty look, shaking my head. I couldn't talk to her in front of a million people. "Miles! We have to go! It's getting close. It'll be tonight or maybe tomorrow. It's kind of hazy."

  What was I supposed to do? Invite him outside for a smoke? I don't smoke and all I was going to do if I tried to get him alone was look like a queer. I sighed.

  "Guys, I think I'm gonna get out of here." I stood up, slapping hands with Parker. "I'll see you tomorrow."

  "It's not that late, bro."

  "Yeah, but I told the old man I'd be in early. Eat the rest for me." I headed toward the door, glancing back to see if maybe Liam would follow me. I had been the one to invite him, after all. He didn't move."

  "Miles! Go get him," Rayla huffed, sticking out her bottom lip.

  "I can't do this, Rayla," I said, a little too loudly. I glanced around as I walked, seeing if anyone had heard me, but there was no one around.

  "You're being selfish."

  "Selfish?" I stopped, whipping around to look at her. I was going to tell her how none of this was selfish. I was the one who was going crazy! But then I remember that she was dead, and I was alive. My eyes burned for even thinking about yelling at her. I looked up and my eyes met Jordan's. She was walking out of Donnie's with Morgan, Joey and Darcy.

  I bent down like I was picking something up off of the ground. I had to have a reason for jerking around like that, and then I stood up and kept walking, my hands jammed in my pockets. I'd go home and I'd tell Dad what was going on. Yeah, I'd tell him I was hallucinating. He would get me help. Did that kind of thing go on some kind of permanent record? Would I not be able to get a job or go to college if I was having some kind of mental break down?

  "Miles. I'm sorry you're upset. Is it Jordan?"

  I half laughed. I wished that Jordan was what had me shook up. I glanced at her. "No, it's not Jordan."

  "You don't have to be scared of me, Mi. I'm just trying to help you." She looked at her feet all sad with the same look she used to get when I kicked her out of my room.

  "Rayla, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. I just don't know what you want me to do here."

  "I want you to save Liam. His brother is in my class you know."

  No, I didn't remember that.

  I kept walking, ignoring her as she walked beside me. She tried to talk to me, but I didn't answer. Maybe if I ignored her long enough she would go away.

  Dad was there when I walked in. He was sitting at the kitchen table, pouring over paperwork. I sat down rigidly across from him. After a few minutes he looked up. He scanned me, pulling off his glasses. "You look like hell, kid. You all right?"

  "Yeah." My voice caught a bit on the lie. Rayla pulled herself up on the counter, her legs crossed, resting her elbows on her knees.

  "What are you looking at?" he asked, turning around. My heart jumped, like he might see her there, but he turned back to me.

  "Dad?"

  "Yeah."

  I licked my lips, wanting to tell him but feeling sick over it. If I talked about it then it was all real. "Do we have mental illness in our family?"

  His eyes narrowed at me, his mouth pulling to the right as he took me in. Then he took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. "Your mother had a bipolar aunt. That's the only one I know of." He paused for several seconds. "Why?"

  "Don’t tell him!" Rayla suddenly squeaked, jumping off the counter and rushing to my side. "If you tell him, you won't be able to help Liam."

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block her out. Go away, go away, go away. "I just…we're just learning about that kind of thing in psych. It's an interesting subject."

  He watched me, and I knew he was seeing through me. "You know, I loved your mother. She was wonderful and beautiful. She was a gift… but," he paused, locking his fingers together on the table. "She wasn't the first girl I fell in love with."

  I let out a breath, he thought this was about Jordan. Good.

  "Really?"

  "Yeah, really. Jordan was a nice girl but there are other fish in the sea. You guys just weren't meant to be. Your mother and I, we were meant to be. If I had stayed with that first girl, I never would have met your mother. You understand?"

  I nodded, looking at my hands.

  "Oh, no!" Rayla said, looking up at the clock above Dad's head. "Do you remember where we used to go to look at the stars?"

  "What?" I said, glancing at Rayla.

  "Your mother was the one I was meant for. You'll find the one you're meant for too."

  I jerked my head back around to Dad, realizing I had talked to Rayla out loud. Apparently he hadn't caught it, but he was looking at me funny.

  "Where we used to look at the stars! Away from the town lights! You and Parker used to take me out there. You used to scare me and hide behind those drums, and I'd think I lost you. Do you remember? Hurry Miles! Think."

  "Yeah, you're right," I said to Dad, standing up.

  "Where you going? We should order in. Watch a movie or something."

  "Oh, uh, no. I already ate. I'm gonna go shoot hoops with Parker." I stumbled backwards into my chair.

  "Hurry Miles! Think! We have to go there now! The place where we use to look at the stars!" I could feel Rayla's hand on my arm now, cold as ice.

  "You sure kid?"

  "Yeah. Yeah, I could use the fresh air." I stumbled out the door, feeling completely out of my mind. I couldn't even be around people because I might talk to this ghost of my sister. How could I get her to go away?

  "Get a coat!" Dad hollered, but I was already down the steps.

  "Hurry Miles! It's going to happen soon."

  "Damn it Rayla, stop speaking in code and tell me where." Did I really believe Liam was in trouble? I suddenly felt my chest closing up. What if I didn't get there in time?

  "Don't cuss," she said, frowning up at me. "It’s where we use to look at the stars."

  That wasn't ringing a bell. It sounded like something I had told her so she wouldn't squeal to Mom and Dad about us taking her up there. What had we been doing? She said we scared her by hiding behind drums of something, when had we—

  "You mean by the apple tree?"

  "Yes!" she yelled, "yes, that's right. It was an apple tree. I climbed it once and tore my pants and you lied to mom about it."

  "Because we weren't supposed to be out there."

  "Run, Miles! I don't know if we can make it, but run."

  And I did because down deep in my gut I felt that I needed to save Liam. My little sister had me convinced of it. I took off in a sprint, like there was fire behind me. My body was exhausted but I pushed it on.

  It was a mile from the house and it was pitch dark as I rounded the corner. I should have grabbed a flash light. I slowed to a jog and then a walk. Rayla was gone and it was just me in the night.

/>   My heart was racing and it wasn't because of the run. Why hadn't I brought a weapon? Or my dad or the cops? Oh yeah, that's right, I was crazy.

  As I walked forward, the apple tree came into view. My eyes adjusted and I could see its outline in the moonlight. Parker and I used to come out here and see how high we could climb the thing. That wasn't the big secret that we were keeping from our parents though. We had also chosen this place because we'd decided to give smoking a try and no one was ever out there. Luckily the smoking thing hadn't stuck.

  A snap of a tree limb made me stop, listening. Another snap. Whoever it was wasn't trying to be quiet about it. Then I could see an outline, someone was crouching on a low branch.

  I licked my lips taking slow steps toward the tree. My palms were sweating in the cold, fall air.

  "Liam?" I called, taking in the silhouette.

  Liam's head jerked up to me. He had a rope in his hands.

  "What the hell are you doing here?" he said. His voice sounded funny, like he was crying maybe.

  "Are you okay?" I called. Is there someone after you, is what I wanted to ask. But no, I'd keep my crazy in check for now.

  "Ha, what the hell do you care?" His words had a bite to them that I didn't understand. He looked away from me, sawing away at some small branches connected to the large branch he was huddled on.

  "Uh, well, I mean, it's cold and late and you're out here alone."

  "Yeah, alone, until you came. So get lost. You're ruining everything."

  I looked around, half worried that someone was going to walk up on us, maybe the guy that had been threatening the barber. Or maybe I was looking for Rayla.

  "I was just kind of worried about you."

  "Why?" He stopped, giving me his full attention now. "Why should you worry about me? I don't even run in your circle, Miles. Until today, you didn't even know that I existed."

  I rubbed the back of my neck because he was more than a little right. "You're right, I guess." Should I tell him? "I just…I heard this conversation your dad was having with someone and it kind of worried me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Yeah, that didn't sound too crazy.

  "So you've been eavesdropping. Wonderful. How did you even know I was out here?"

  I rubbed my tired eyes trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I expected to find him at gun point by some bookie his dad owed money to. What I had planned to do about it I had no clue, but now I was even more lost than when I'd run blazing crazy out of my house.

  "I just had a feeling that I might find you here."

  "Miles. Just get lost. I've been planning this for a very long time and some pity hand you've given me today is not changing my mind."

  "Planning what?" I looked at him. This is not what was supposed to be happening. Rayla said a murder. Maybe Liam was supposed to be the one to murder someone. Was I supposed to save him from murdering?

  He shook his head at me and threw his knife into the dirt below him. I watched it stick up from the earth in the moon light. I glanced back up and my heart stopped in my chest. He had the thick rope around his neck. A rope like I had seen tied around the bucket for the old crank well.

  "Liam?" I said, taking a step forward, my eyes popping out of my head, not sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. "Liam, man, what the hell are you doing?"

  "I'm sick of being here, Miles. I'm sick of being a freak at school and at home. I'm sick of getting that look like everyone is doing me a favor by leaving me be. I want to fit in somewhere."

  "Liam!" I started running until I was right under him. "Please man! Whatever is wrong, I'll help you. I swear to you, I'll help you!"

  "I don't want your help!" he screamed. "I don't want your damn help! Where were you last year or in middle school? I've known you our whole lives. Where were you? I've lived here my entire life and no one has ever tried to be friends with me. No one! I'm sick of being the freak, Miles!"

  "You're not! You're not a freak. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. I don't know why. You were just—"

  "In the shadow."