Wolfsong

  I almost said, “Who?” but then I remembered and the anger that bloomed through me felt like I’d been set on fire. It was a terrible rage, and for the first time in my life, I thought about the effect murder would have on a soul. Surely it would chip away at it piece by piece until there was nothing left but charred ruins, smoke curling in the air and the taste of ash on a tongue.

  But it was murder I thought of. Consequences be damned.

  If Richard had shown his face right then, I would have murdered him without remorse.

  If he’d put his hands up in surrender, I would have still taken his life without a second thought.

  If he’d begged for forgiveness, I would have spilled his blood without hesitation.

  I was almost consumed by it because it was Joe and it was unfair and wasn’t he mine now? Wasn’t he mine to protect and cherish?

  He was, but the bond between us wasn’t complete. He had claimed me, but he hadn’t marked me.

  And it was unfair. Because we were supposed to have time. To do it the way he wanted to. The way we wanted to.

  There was a hand on my shoulder. My mother. There was a hand on the back of my neck and it was Gordo. He wasn’t pack. He wasn’t. By his own choice. But it was close. I was his tether, and I was learning how it might just be possible that the reverse was true.

  I said, “How?” because Thomas had said he was in a cage. Of magic. Of something I didn’t understand because I didn’t know how magic worked, but his wolf was supposed to be contained. I wondered just how stupid I was for believing everything I was told without question.

  And then Gordo said, “No, no, no,” and I knew. Because Gordo knew, and it pushed along the tether, all violet and blue and there was black in it. Because black was fear. Black was terror.

  A cage for a man to contain his wolf made of magic.

  It seemed only fair that such a cage could only be broken by magic.

  Osmond said, “We think it was your father, Gordo. We think Robert Livingstone found a path back to magic and broke the wards that held Richard Collins.”

  I MADE a choice. Though all my instincts were screaming JoeJoeJoe, he was surrounded by the pack and Gordo had nothing.

  He walked out the door. I followed.

  The wolves in the yard moved out of our way and I said, “Gordo.”

  His tattoos flashed angrily and started to shift. He kept walking.

  I said, “Stop.”

  He ignored me and reached for his car door.

  With all that I had, I growled, “Gordo. I said stop.” It rolled out of me like a storm through a valley, dark and electric.

  Gordo stopped.

  The wolves around me whimpered and lowered their eyes.

  I heard Osmond come out on the porch behind us muttering. “What the hell?”

  “You don’t understand, Ox,” Gordo said. His voice was harsh.

  “I know.”

  “You don’t know what he did.”

  “And you don’t know if this was even him.”

  His hands curled into fists at his sides. “Magic has a signature, Ox. It’s like a fingerprint.”

  “But you said his was taken from him. How’d he get it back?”

  Gordo shook his head. “I don’t know. There are… ways. But. It’s dark. It’s fucking dark magic and I can’t even begin to think of what this means.” He reached for the car door.

  “You can’t leave.”

  He sighed. “Ox. I’m no good here. I’m not pack. I have to find out—”

  “I don’t care. I don’t care what you think of the pack or any other bullshit. You’re staying here and we’re working together on this. Nothing else matters. I need you, man. You know that. I can’t do this by myself.”

  He said, “You’re not alone. The pack is with you.”

  So I said, “And who’s there for you? You’re my pack,” knowing I was laying on the guilt, but I didn’t care. I didn’t know what this meant. I didn’t know who these people were, aside from the horror stories.

  “Goddammit,” he muttered. “You fucking suck, Ox.”

  “Yeah.”

  We waited there. In the dark.

  Then, “Ox, what if it’s him?” And it was said in a small voice. A choked voice. I’d never heard him sound like that before in all the years I’d known him.

  I took a step forward and put my hand on his shoulder. He was shaking.

  I thought of all the things I could say. And all the things I couldn’t because of what I didn’t know.

  I said, “You’re not alone.”

  He shuddered at that. I didn’t know if it was a good thing or bad.

  “Do you remember? How it was when Dad left?”

  He nodded.

  “I was scared.”

  “Ox—”

  “But you helped me to not be scared anymore.”

  “Yeah?”

  And so I said, “And now it’s my turn to do it for you.”

  He turned so fast that I was almost knocked down. But then Gordo had his arms around me and I felt the magic in him, the swirls of shapes and colors, and I searched for the green, the relief. It was there, buried deep in the violets and blues and reds and oranges.

  BACK IN the house, I said, “Joe.”

  He said, “Ox,” and took me by the hand. He led me away from the others. I knew they could still hear if they chose to. But I knew Thomas wouldn’t allow it.

  We found a dark corner of the house, away from prying eyes. Away from any light.

  His eyes glittered in the dark.

  He said, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  I said, “I know.”

  He said, “He’s going to come.”

  I said, “I know.”

  Joe sighed. “He wants to be an Alpha.”

  “Thomas.”

  “Or me. To get to Dad. He tried it once. He could try it again.”

  “Why? Why you? Why Thomas?”

  Joe said, “There are things. Ox. I swear… I just. There are things you don’t know. I never….”

  I tried to keep my anger in check. I did. He didn’t deserve it. Not after everything that’d happened.

  But knowing I was kept in the dark. That Joe had….

  I didn’t want to get angry.

  I said, “Oh?”

  Joe looked upset. “It’s not like that.”

  “It sounds pretty clear what it’s like.”

  “Ox.”

  “I’m part of your pack.”

  “Yes.”

  “And I’m your mate.”

  He said, “Yes.”

  “But you’ve kept things from me.”

  And Joe said, “Not by choice.”

  “There’s always a choice,” I said, throwing his words back at him.

  He whined low in his throat. “It’s not—”

  “What is he? Thomas, I mean.”

  “I would never lie to you.” Joe sounded like he was begging.

  I put my hand on the back of his neck and brought our foreheads together. His bright eyes were on mine, never looking away.

  I said, “I know,” because I did. I told myself I did.

  Joe rubbed his nose against mine and said, “He was the highest-ranking Alpha out of all of us. He was the leader. In charge of all the wolves. He stepped down when I was taken. And for years there have been interim figureheads. But it’s the Bennett bloodline. It’s a birthright. And it is supposed to be mine.”

  THEY LET him go after what happened to Joe. He told them, for the sake of his family, he needed to go, and maybe one day, Joe would be ready.

  They didn’t want to, of course. Osmond and the men like him in positions of power. There were councils. And organizations. Meetings of werewolves. Alpha gatherings.

  They went on even though Thomas did not.

  He turned away in order to save his son.

  And then he just never went back.

  No wonder Osmond freaked about me being human. Being courted by Joe.

/>   Joe was meant to be the next great leader.

  Just like he told me he would be when he was a kid.

  I should have tried harder.

  I should have asked more questions.

  But when the fantastic reveals itself in front of you, it’s easy to go blind to all the rest.

  the beast/fire and steel

  THEY TOOK her on the second day, as dusk fell.

  We were prepared. We were. We were.

  We were.

  I’ve told myself that over and over again every day since.

  We were.

  I swear to god. On everything I have.

  We were.

  But not enough. It was never enough. It would never be enough.

  Mom said, “I need to go to the house. Pick up some clothes. A uniform for work tomorrow.”

  I said, “I’ll go with you.”

  She said, “Stay here. It’s just down the road. You’re busy as it is.”

  And I was. I was training. With Thomas. Joe. The others. Osmond watched me closely. I felt like I had something to prove to him. Knowing what I was. My position. Within the pack.

  With Joe.

  I said, “You can’t go alone.”

  Osmond said, “I’ll send two of mine along with her.”

  And I said, “Okay.”

  Okay.

  I said okay. Like it was nothing. Like it was absolutely nothing at all.

  Elizabeth and Mark were inside. Carter and Kelly were clawing and slicing at each other to my right. Gordo was checking the wards around town. Osmond was watching us move back and forth, but his eyes kept coming to me. I was something he couldn’t figure out. He was cautious. Curious. Ever since the tone in my voice had caused his Betas to tremble.

  We didn’t talk about it. Or, at least, I never heard him talk about it.

  I was distracted.

  I said, “Okay.”

  “You need anything?” she asked me, like it was nothing. Like it was nothing.

  I shook my head. Wiped the sweat from my brow. Feinted left when Joe came at me. Spun once. Knocked my fist into the back of his neck. Sent him stumbling.

  I said, “Nah. I’m good.” Because I was. I was fine. I was okay. The unknown was coming toward us, a monster capable of horrendous things, but I was with my family. The sun was shining overhead. There were a few clouds in the sky. I could hear birds. Could smell the trees and grass. It was green. It was all so fucking green that even the violet edges of it were distant because we were pack. We were stronger than anything that could come at us, and if Richard Collins showed his face, it’d be the last thing he ever did. If Robert Livingstone came smelling of ozone and lightning, we would rip the magic from his skin and he would be nothing more. This was a promise. Because of Joe. Because of what he was. To his pack. To the people like Osmond. To me.

  I was focused.

  I didn’t ask the questions I should have.

  Why Gordo’s father would be with Richard Collins.

  What they wanted.

  What they were after.

  (Who the weakest link was. Who would be the easiest to take out first. Who could be torn away. Who was kind and beautiful and not deserving of such a fucking cowardly act, a monstrous thing that—)

  Mom said, “I’ll be right back.”

  And Joe came at me again.

  Thomas watched with careful eyes.

  Carter and Kelly snarled and snapped.

  Osmond pointed at two of his Betas and they followed my mother.

  They were big guys.

  I thought nothing of it.

  We were safe here. On Bennett land. In Bennett territory. With a witch’s wards and a forest filled with old magic that I would never understand. I didn’t need to, though.

  Because my Alpha did.

  And he would protect us.

  I knew something was wrong twenty minutes later.

  Mom was pack. She was.

  But it wasn’t the same as it was with me.

  I was tied to the Bennetts.

  The bonds between us were strong. When the moon was full, I could hear them whispering in my head.

  But that had passed.

  It was a new moon.

  And she didn’t have the bonds we had.

  She was tied to them because of me.

  The wolves were within me.

  She flitted along the edges, bright little bursts of light.

  But I knew.

  It was small at first. Just this little pull somewhere in the back of my head.

  Thomas was watching Carter and Kelly and Joe.

  I took a drink of water. It was cold and sweet and that little pull itched.

  I said, “Hey.”

  I said, “How long?”

  I said, “How long have they been gone?”

  Osmond frowned and said, “Twenty minutes. Thereabouts.”

  I pulled out my phone. Sent a text.

  whats taking so long

  And waited.

  I started to sweat.

  And then a response: Just finishing up. Can you come help me real quick?

  And I said, sure.

  “Be right back,” I told Osmond. “She needs some help.”

  He said, “Ox.”

  I looked at him.

  “Never mind,” he said after hesitating.

  I went through the house.

  Elizabeth and Mark were in the kitchen. They smiled at me as I passed them. It was pinched on the both of them, but they were trying.

  “Okay, Ox?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Mom needs some help real quick at the house.”

  Mark said, “Hang on, I’ll go with you.”

  I shook my head. “No need. I don’t think it’ll take long.”

  “Ox—”

  I laughed. “It’s okay. I promise.”

  “Just… be quick. Okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  And I was quick. I moved across the lawn toward my house. I kept my eyes and ears open because it was what I was taught. The wards were up, sure. I was surrounded by wolves. I was in a pack. I was big and strong. My father had said I was gonna get shit, but he was dead and buried and I was alive. I was important to someone. To many someones. I had friends. I had a family. Maybe I was gonna get shit, but it’d be met with fang and claw.

  I moved with purpose.

  I was aware.

  Nothing was wrong.

  Nothing felt off.

  I was human, but I’d grown into my instincts.

  It was fine. It was all fine.

  But I still played it safe.

  I went through the side door into the kitchen.

  As soon as I closed the door behind me, it felt like a wet blanket fell over me.

  Muted. Dark.

  The air smelled sharp, almost like smoke.

  The pack bonds were there, but they were grayed and dull. Muffled.

  “Mom?”

  And a man said, “Hello.”

  He was leaning against the counter near the sink. He was a tall man. A slender man. Thinning brown hair. Little wrinkles pronounced around his eyes. A sharp, angular nose above even teeth. Tan skin without a single mark that I could see. He smiled at me and it was a kind smile. Full of laughter. Amusement.

  He was pleased.

  He said, “Ox, isn’t it?”

  I took a cautious step because of the wrong wrong wrong. “Where’s my mom?”

  He cocked his head, the smile fading slightly. “That was rude,” he said. “I asked you a question.”

  I said nothing.

  He sighed. “Ox.”

  She kept the good silver in a cabinet on the other side of the kitchen. I could—

  He said, “I’ve certainly heard stories about you. The human who runs with wolves. The man in a wolf pack. Tell me, Oxnard. Do you feel the pull of the wolf within you? Does it claw at the human tissue surrounding your human bones?”

  “Where is she?” That heavy feeling wouldn’t leave and I wondered if this wa
s what magic felt like when you were engulfed by it. If Gordo felt like this all the time.

  He frowned. “I asked you a question.”

  “I’m not a wolf.”

  “I know that. I’m aware of that. That’s not what I asked.”

  “No. I don’t feel it.”

  The man said, “That was a lie. Why would you lie to me, Ox?”

  “I’m sorry. Please. Where is she?”

  “They can’t hear you, you know.”

  “Who?”

  “Your pack. They don’t know that anything is… amiss. It’s powerful. The spell.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Do you know who I am?” he asked. His eyes were bright and green until they were consumed by orange. But it wasn’t the Halloween orange I was used to, vibrant and alive. No, this orange was rotting.

  “No.”

  “That was another lie. Ox. Have they taught you nothing?”

  I said, “Don’t do this.”

  He laughed. “Do what?”

  “Hurt her.”

  “Ah. Well. Of course. You can stop that, Ox. If you wanted to.”

  “How?”

  “It’s simple, really. Give me Joe and Thomas Bennett and I will give you your mother. You will call them and ask for them to come over here. I don’t care what you have to say to get them here. Just those two and those two alone. If I even suspect you’re trying to tip them off, I will paint the walls with her blood.”

  “You can’t—”

  He said, “That’s where you’re wrong. Because I can do it. And even more, I am doing it. This is happening, Ox. As we speak. As you breathe. Standing there with your little rabbit heart.”

  “You can’t—”

  “Ox. Ox. You can’t argue with me. Not on this. I am a beast. I was made to be this way by the might and folly of men and I stopped denying what I am a long time ago. I will take what is rightfully mine and all will be well.”

  “You don’t have to do this,” and my voice cracked.

  He said, “You have a choice to make, Oxnard. Hurry. You have a minute to decide.”

  I took a step toward him, my hands in fists at my sides. My head hurt and I could only think MOM and JOE and THOMAS and there was so much anger. So much rage that this man, this deceptively simple-looking man could come into my house and try to take everything from me. Everything I had. Everything I’d built.

  I said, “Richard Collins.”