Tradition Be Damned

  The night I’d had with Bryant, with part of him actually inside of me, he’d had with her. All of them except for Milo would have known her intimately, and I knew from the way things were going I could head in that direction with each of them if I wanted to. And I did.

  I hated to think about it, which was why I shouldn’t. It was none of my business. They’d been her guards, and I had no right to even consider their pasts. This was temporary. Four years with Bryant and Mason. Roughly five with Garrett and Kieran. Six with Milo. By then I’d have a whole new crew. I shuddered at the thought. I wasn’t going to do this again. These five, and then I’d keep my heart to myself. I wouldn’t be Katrina and let it destroy me, but I wouldn’t be this open again.

  I took a deep breath. Symbols. Symbols. Symbols.

  Garrett crossed the room to me. “Having trouble focusing?”

  “How could you tell?”

  He smiled. “Something about the way your eyes aren’t staying on the page.”

  I set down the book. “I used to be a really good student.”

  “I’m sure you still are. Lots of change in the air can make it hard to press through.” He took the book from my hands. “Besides, this was my request, not yours. Give it to me. I’ll read.”

  He scooted in next to me on the chair until I had no choice but to sit on his lap. The ease of simply being so close to Garrett surprised me. He took the book in his left hand while he let me lean on his right.

  I picked up my next book. It was about the Deadlands. I knew so little about them, other than they were where the poor lived and a place everyone seemed to want to get out of. All of my guys were from there except Bryant, who’d ended up there eventually. I started to read. It was a lot more interesting than my last book. We sat like that for hours while the scenario discussion in the other room made the whole thing feel homey. I loved hearing their voices. To me, loneliness had always been found in the quiet. It had always felt like I wasn’t supposed to be alone, and yet I had been and would be again.

  The thought made me burrow further against Garrett. I set down my book. The nobility surrounding the Deadlands made for an interesting chapter, but I’d had enough.

  “Garrett, where will you go when you leave? When you’re done being a guard? What was the dream that brought you on the train to try out for this job?”

  He set down the book on the symbols. “I’m not sure exactly. The dream alters a bit every year. What I’ve always wanted is my own place to nourish. I don’t want to be evicted from anywhere. My place, my stuff. Maybe that sounds … off.”

  I shook my head. “I’ll never have my own place. Even if I’m someday Sister Superior—and despite Sister Katrina’s plans for me, I’m not sure I’m made for that—I will always live with the Sisterhood’s rules. I will never have anything that can be mine. I like thinking of you having that. One of the middle zones, maybe? Not so close to the nobility but far from the Deadlands.”

  I liked that a lot. Garrett with the wind moving through his hair, looking at his own place. I bit down on my fingernail. Lovely images. I’d hold on to them.

  Eleven

  “We’ve almost gotten through an entire day without you needing to save anyone or destroy evil beings.” Mason walked toward me, extending his arms. I let him lift me out of the chair and off Garrett’s lap. “It’s been quiet.”

  I smiled. “Well, we’re getting off the train soon.”

  “Thanks for the reminder.” Mason sighed and then twirled me around. I shrieked. It was such a simple, funny moment.

  Milo winked at me. “I’m going to procure a wig.”

  “Try to pay for it,” I called to him. “Stealing has to be a last resort.”

  He nodded. “Yes, Sister.”

  I hoped he would listen.

  Bryant stared out the window. “If we’re really going to do this, hide her in plain sight so she’s not accosted for help every step of the way, then it’s time to start getting her dressed. Milo was right about the wig. Those shorts are adorable on her legs, and don’t get me wrong”—he turned to look at me—“I love the view. But we need girl clothes. She’s not going to make it as a boy. I can see her breasts through that shirt, and I can almost guarantee a lot of the men who were in that engine room could too. They were too busy to be a problem. That won’t be the case out there. Mason and Kieran, you two go do that.”

  Mason snickered. “I’m busy. I’m holding her.”

  “I can see that. I’d go, but I haven’t a clue about women’s clothes. You, by contrast?”

  Mason set me down on the chair so he could stare at Bryant. “You think I know about girl clothes?”

  Kieran stood. “I actually do. The whole circus thing. I’ve seen women in all kinds of clothing.” He smirked, and I wondered what he was thinking about. From the gleam in his eyes, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Some things were best left as private thoughts. “And you have five sisters, Mason. I’d bet you know some things.”

  He sighed. “True.”

  They grumbled together as they walked out the door. Finding female clothing was clearly not a manly guard duty. They left the room together, and Bryant crossed to me. “Are you okay?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be? I haven’t had a power surge in hours. I’m rested. I’m well. Are you?”

  He looked at Garrett, who raised his eyebrows, and then back at me. “I never got to talk to you about what went on between the two of us. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He was talking about the sex.

  I nodded. “Are you?”

  Bryant leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Think I’m feeling a little insecure, and that’s not easy for me to say. I don’t feel insecure, ever. But it was really incredible being with you, and I want to make sure you had a good time, too.”

  My cheeks heated. “Ah, yes. I think you know I had a wonderful time too.”

  Garrett crossed over. “You’re making her blush, and it’s adorable.”

  Bryant grinned. “Yeah, okay.” He nodded to me. “I just wanted you to know.”

  “To know what?” Garrett elbowed him. “Look at lover boy being cute. Our fearless leader is a romantic. We all are, actually. It’s our big, bad, dark secret.”

  I laughed, which made them both light up. These moments were so precious. The engine room, spinning with Mason, and the easy banter. I hoped that before we got to the mine we could have many more days like this one. I’d hold them close to my heart forever.

  “I asked Garrett earlier, so I’ll ask you, Bry: What is your dream? When you’re done with this in four years, what do you do with your money and your new life? Where do you go next?”

  His smile faded. Somehow, I’d said the wrong thing. Did he not like his dream?

  Bryant touched the edge of his bun. “When I started this, I thought I’d like to go to school to be a doctor. A lot of the former guards do. They go to school and do something to advance themselves. The doctor who let me live in his basement was a guard. That’s where I got this idea in the first place. But since then my dreams have changed.”

  I walked toward him. “You don’t want to be a doctor anymore?”

  “It’s not that; it’s …” The door slammed open, and Milo came in holding a wig in front of him. “I’ve got it. I bought it. There is a group of little old women at the edge of the train. They let me buy it off them. We’re going to want to wash it.”

  Garret put his arm around me. “Things will make sense eventually. I promise.” He kissed my cheek. “I want to make you blush. Very, very soon.” His words brought up all kinds of images of him and me naked, which did the trick. My cheeks were molten lava, or at least they felt like they were. “Look. I did it already.”

  “Right.” Bryant made a face at the wig, and I didn’t know if that was because it was used or he didn’t like the color, which was blond. It might not go well with the pink in my cheeks, but beggars couldn’t be picky. We were lucky Milo had found one at all.

/>   “So.” Garrett shook his head. “We all need showers, and then one of us has to put the symbols back on her after they’ve washed off.”

  Bryant nodded. “Good call. We’ll wash the wig at the same time. I’ll do it; here, give it to me.” He held it like it might come alive in his hand. “And we need to treat her back again; it might be starting to ache.”

  I actually felt wonderful. “Thanks. Sounds good.”

  An hour later, Mason and Kieran had returned with clothes that they also hadn’t stolen. Everyone had showered—they were a lot faster at it than me—and Mason was painting my back with the makeup. “It’s still looking raw but better than what it did when you were in the carriage.”

  “I hadn’t realized you’d seen it in the carriage. I thought that was just Milo and Bryant.”

  “You were out cold, and I checked on you.” He kissed my shoulder. “I hope I’m getting these right.”

  I shivered, pleasure moving through me. “No one has ever kissed me while they painted me before. It’s changing the experience considerably.”

  I could see him moving in the mirror behind me while he dabbed me with the makeup. He was … beautiful. His dark brown eyes found my own, our gazes meeting in the reflection. Something crossed his expression. As much as I was getting to know my guards, I couldn’t say I always knew what they were thinking, and I wondered if I ever would. They hadn’t been lying when they’d said my eyes were fading. They were going to be fully white soon. My Sister eyes. I hated them. What was he thinking?

  “I guess it would be weird if one of the women who worked for the Sisterhood kissed me.” I rocked back on my feet. “Almost done?”

  Mason had gone quiet, and I didn’t know what to do about it. He turned me around in his arms, his eyes on my lips. “We don’t have time for what I want to do to you. We have to get off this train, and there are things I want to say. All the time. And I don’t say them. You’re making this trip because of me. You’re going to risk yourself in that mine because I told you about my father.”

  “Yes.” I wouldn’t lie. I kissed his mouth, pressing my breasts against him when I did. Zips of pleasure moved from my nipples throughout my body. “I’m doing it for you. You’re … important to me, and I hope four years from now and for the rest of your life, you’ll remember me well.”

  He sucked in his breath. “Anne …”

  A knock sounded on the door, and Garrett called in, “Almost done? The train is going to be stopping.”

  “Not nearly,” Mason sighed in a whisper. “Two seconds,” he called out.

  “I’m asking everyone. What is your dream? When you took this job, what was the end game? What will you do next?”

  He looked away. “Right this second? I think I’ll spend my days drunk out of my mind, never to be sober again. I’ll be empty when I was, for a brief second, warm.”

  His words moved through me but made no sense. I touched his skin, loving the difference between us. He was darker than my pale, freckled self. He was strong where I was weak. He always caught me. Could I catch him? If he needed me to, I would, somehow. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on. He wrapped his arms around me then pressed his cheek against my hair. We didn’t move.

  Mason finally took an audible breath. “When we go out there, don’t make eye contact with anyone. One look at your eyes will confuse them. A second glance and they’ll remember all the things they’ve heard or know. If we put you in the hood, you’ll never stand a chance of blending. This way you might. You’re my Sister. They’re not to know. I won’t let anyone other than our group near you. I’ll die to keep you safe.”

  Tears pooled in my eyes. “You’re speaking my deepest fear, that one way or another I’ll get you killed, either with my own death or by doing something with a demon that makes that happen. I won’t allow it. When this is over, you’ll go home to your brave mother and sisters. You’ll remember me well.”

  “Stop it.” He grabbed my shoulders firmly. His touch didn’t hurt, even as I could feel the intensity in his fingertips. “I don’t want to remember you.”

  I looked down. So there it was. When we were done, we were done. I could …

  “Anne.” He tipped my chin up. “What do you think I just said? I can feel your pain, darling. I can feel it inside of me. I would never cause you upset. I’d rather die. I don’t want to remember you because I always want to be with you.”

  I had misunderstood him. I swallowed, trying to find my voice. “I thought you meant something quite different.”

  “I know.” He kissed me, hard. I stayed soft in his arms. Mason gave and gave; if he wanted to take from me, he could.

  Another knock; this time it was Bryant who called in. “Do you need help?”

  “No.” Mason’s voice had lowered. “I really don’t. We’ll be right out.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “My dream before I came here was simple. I wanted to earn my way into being able to bring my family out of the Deadlands. What I did after, I hadn’t really considered. I always assumed by the time I got out of guard duty I would know.”

  I placed my hand over his heart. “You have to do that.”

  “I know.” He looked away. “Time to get you dressed and out of here.”

  “Mason, I can put on my own clothes. The gowns, I can’t. The skirt and top they brought me? I can do. Just like any woman you’ve ever known.”

  He picked up my shirt. “Then you would deny me the chance to take care of you?”

  “I … I want you to know I can.”

  “Anne, you took a demon out of a possessed person, something that shouldn’t be able to happen. I have no doubt you can do whatever you want, whenever you want to.”

  I smiled. That was the best answer he could have ever given me.

  I stared up at the sun. The rain was miles behind us, and Bryant, who seemed to think he was some kind of expert on weather, told us he thought we’d be on the next leg of our trip before it showed up here. Still, Garrett held the tent strapped to his back. My blond, clean wig itched. I wondered if I actually preferred the hood.

  I lifted my face to the sky. We sat on benches with about fifty others in anticipation of the next arrival. Bryant stood behind me, leaning against the wall of the ticket office, one foot bent, also touching the bricks like he could pounce forward at any moment. Mason had been quiet since we’d left the train. His eyes were sad, although no one else seemed to notice, or at least they didn’t comment. He stood to the left, staring in the direction of where the train would come from. He scanned the crowd, looking for anything he might think was threatening.

  Milo paced to the right. He didn’t like the delay. He’d said as much about ten times. If there had been any other way to time things, he would have preferred it.

  Kieran and Garrett, who sat on both sides of me, were quiet. I closed my eyes. The sun was beautiful, and it beat down on my unhooded face. The slight breeze in the air spoke of the coming rain. I’d take rain on my face too. I didn’t care. This was freedom. This was … peace.

  Chosen …

  My ears filled with the voice I’d come to associate with the strange, white beings who’d come when I’d fought the incubus and again in my dream to tell me to help the possessed woman on the train. I opened my eyes, half expecting to see the bird-like creatures above me. There was nothing there but the clouds. Had I fallen asleep?

  “You okay?” Kieran touched the bare skin on the bottom of my arm. “You jumped.”

  “Might have dozed off.” Although I really didn’t think I had.

  “Heads up,” Bryant called from behind us, and we all sat up straight. “Unknowns approaching. No one gets close.”

  I felt rather than saw the people Bryant had noticed. A whoosh of power pushed at me, the likes of which I had never felt except in the presence of some of the oldest Sisters and the Sister Supreme herself. My own powers turned on in response.

  Kieran sucked in a breath. “Her powe
rs are on.”

  Despite Garret’s hand on my arm trying to stop me, I stood. Whoever had that power needed to be met head on and not with me seated. My whole body buzzed.

  Five men moved until they stood in front of us. They were older than we were, maybe by as much as two decades. But they were strong, each one of them as impressive as the next. It was the woman in the center whose power spoke to mine.

  She was also older than me by as much as her guards—and I had no doubt that was what they were—and I had never met her before. I knew all the Sisters. There weren’t that many of us. Her head was uncovered, showing off her blond hair—real, unlike my wig—and high cheekbones. Her lips were red, and her skin held a tannish hue, showing she spent time under the sun’s rays. She dressed as the average train goer—no robes on her—and her guards looked like my own, fashioned like regular gentlemen waiting for their ride.

  Her eyes were bright white, gone from view. In the sunlight, outside of the sisterhood, to see them like that made me wince. But what caught my attention more than anything else were her guards’ eyes—they were all white too.

  I sucked in my breath. What in Divinity was going on?

  She raised her hand. “At ease, all of you. We mean you no harm, nor any to your very young charge there. I am sure you mean none to us. We should have stayed away. We generally do from things not our business. And yet it has been such a long time since I’ve seen another that I felt a need to come see you. Who are you, young one?”

  Bryant came around to stand shoulder to shoulder with Kieran, and Mason moved until he stood with Garrett. Milo stayed a step away, like he would pounce from the side if need be. The woman’s guards looked at each other, the one on the end smirking slightly.

  I looked at Bryant, and he nodded. If he thought it safe for me to speak, I would do so. This wasn’t about demons. This was a human problem, of sorts. I needed to follow his lead.