The Consumption of Magic

  “Hey! I’m not a pawn. And I don’t court death. It’s not my fault that so many things want to kill me. I just have one of those faces!”

  His eyebrows did that little twitch they did when he was unsure of whether he wanted to strangle me or hug me. I thought maybe that was a good sign until they dropped back into their angry position. “You court death,” he said through gritted teeth. “You put yourself in these positions and seem surprised at how you got there. Yes, Sam, there are people out there who want to do you harm, but you do nothing to avoid them. It’s like you’re always out to prove to yourself that you’re capable of more than you are.”

  I laughed hollowly. “Like you haven’t spent your entire life doing the exact same thing.”

  “Don’t you turn this around on me, Sam. I’m not the one who—”

  “Because you’ve never kept anything from me, right, Nox?”

  He blanched at that. “Not because—”

  “Exactly. Where was the trust then?”

  “It’s not the same, and you know it.”

  “Isn’t it?” I asked, feeling mean. “Because it seems to me it’s the exact same thing. What don’t I know, Ryan, because you sure as shit know everything about me now. Anything else you need to tell me?”

  (Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.)

  “Do I?” he asked. “How am I to believe that?”

  I looked away, unable to meet his gaze any longer.

  “I don’t understand,” he said, sounding helpless. “I thought we were together on this.”

  “We are,” I said, blinking rapidly.

  “I’m your cornerstone.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you?” he asked. “Because I don’t know that you do.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “When did Vadoma show you this? My death. Was it the first day? Her apparition in the hallway?”

  I shook my head. “It was after that.”

  “Were we still in Castle Lockes?”

  “Yes.”

  “So all this time, you’ve known.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “You did, though,” he said, and he sounded so sad that I wanted to reach out and grab him, to hold him close. I didn’t dare, though. Not right now. Not yet. I hoped he would let me at some point, because I sure as shit could have used a hug.

  “I just wanted to keep you safe,” I said.

  “And what about what I want?”

  I barely restrained the eye roll. “Well, I would assume you want the same thing, so.”

  “You’re not funny.”

  “Excuse you, I’m hilarious.”

  “Sam.”

  I sighed. “What do you want me to say, Ryan? Do you want me to tell you how terrified I am? That the mere thought of losing you is all I can think about? Vadoma showed me your death. She showed me that you died. But you want to know what really got to me? It was first day she presented herself to us. When she came to Castle Lockes. When she said Ruv was my true cornerstone. Not you.”

  “That’s bullshit,” he growled. “He’s not your cornerstone. He isn’t—”

  “I know that. But she also pointed out that you will die. No matter what, one day, you will die and I will still be here. If we survive this, if we can kick Myrin’s ass and save the world and what the fuck ever, you will still die before me. You will age, and I will be trapped like I am now, stuck in youth while you grow older. You’re human. I am too, but I’m a wizard. My magic will keep me here, as I am now, and I will spend more of my life without you than I ever would with you. And I am ashamed of the fact that I never realized it until she pointed it out. I can’t stand the thought of it.” My breath hitched in my chest. “So yes, Ryan. I was shown your death. I was shown you on a slab of stone, the life gone from you, and I panicked, okay? Because I couldn’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen. People have told me that my destiny is set in stone, but stone crumbles. I don’t care what it is. I don’t care if it’s Vadoma. Or the star dragon. Or all the gods put together. I will defy them all to keep you safe.”

  “Sam,” he said, voice hoarse. He took a step toward me, but I held a hand up, making him stop. I needed to get this all out before I couldn’t say it anymore.

  “You told me once, back in a dragon’s keep, that you looked upon the stars and wished for nothing more than me. But what if wishing for me will only hurt more in the end? Because of me, either you will die at the hands of Myrin or the Darks, or you will age and watch me stay the same. How is that fair to you?”

  “It is still my choice,” Ryan said. “And if I had to do it again, I would choose you. Every time, I would choose you. You exasperate me. You anger me. Even now, I am so angry with you, but I would do it all again.”

  “You are a fool.”

  “Maybe. But I would rather be a fool with you than one without.”

  I groaned. “Dude. What the hell. That was terrible.”

  He rolled his eyes. “It’s true.”

  “That sounded like a line from The Butler and the Manticore.”

  He squinted at me. “I’m still confused whether that’s actually a real book or not.”

  “I don’t even know,” I assured him. “But that’s not the point!”

  “Then what is?”

  I stared at him. And— “Well shit. I forgot. What were we talking about again?”

  “You sounded like you were trying to go the self-sacrificing route and break up with me to save us both the heartache of an inevitable end.”

  “Oh. Right.” I took a deep breath. “I’m breaking up with you.”

  He snorted. “Yeah. Nice try.”

  “I’m being serious! I’m trying to save you.”

  “I decline.”

  I frowned. “You… decline… me breaking up with you? How does that even make sense?”

  “Oh, because breaking up with me makes sense? I’m your cornerstone, Sam. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “That’s because you’re a fucking idiot.”

  “What can you do?”

  I scowled at him. “You’re the most annoying knight I’ve ever met! Let me break up with you like a normal person!”

  “Sam, absolutely nothing about us is normal.”

  “I hate you so much right now, you don’t even know.”

  “I don’t like you very much right now either if it’s any consolation.”

  I fidgeted on the bed. “But you’ll get over that, right?”

  He stared at me.

  I squirmed.

  He stared some more.

  I tried to smile, but I think I just looked constipated.

  He broke first. “Did you ever stop to think that Vadoma showed you what she wanted you to see? That she manipulated the visions in her favor?”

  “Of course I did! Well. Sort of.”

  “You sort of thought she was playing you?”

  “The thought crossed my mind. But why would she? It doesn’t make any sense!”

  He threw up his hands. “Are you being serious right now? Sam, she suddenly marched into Castle Lockes out of nowhere, saying that Ruv was your true cornerstone. She showed you a future by bad-touching you and blowing magic dust in your face—”

  “Wow, when you put it like that, it sounds a lot worse than it actually was.”

  “—and you sort of thought that she wasn’t on the level?”

  “I see your point,” I said magnanimously. “Well played, Knight Delicious Face.”

  “Be serious for one godsdamn second!”

  “I’ll let that one pass since we’re in a heated argument. But why would she do all of this?”

  “I can’t believe you’re supposed to be the smart one.” He shook his head.

  “Hey!”

  “Sam.” He took another step toward me. “She wants you under her thumb. She brings you
Ruv. He’s the Wolf of Bari Lavuta. Her second. She has his ear. He would have had you. Ergo, she would have had you.”

  “That’s… convoluted. But how could she have known that Ruv could have been my cornerstone? It’s not like it’s something that can be tested by other people.”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “But isn’t it more believable that she wants to twist things in her favor? Sam, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You can’t promise that,” I said. “No one can. And you forget that the star dragon already told me that there would be a sacrifice.”

  “Gods don’t know everything, Sam.”

  “Uh, yeah they do. They’re gods. It’s kind of their deal.”

  “Then we’ll defy them. Just as you said. We will defy the gods.”

  Oh, that magnificent bastard. “Well played,” I breathed. “Holy shit, that was almost diabolical! How did you do that?”

  He looked rather pleased with himself. “I’ve learned from the best.”

  “Why, thank you—”

  “I was talking about Gary.”

  “Oh. Fuck you, then.”

  “I’m still angry with you. That you would keep this from me.”

  I looked down at my lap. “I know.” And I did. This wasn’t… fixed. It would take more than a half-assed conversation where both of us were on the defensive. And I still wasn’t convinced that sending Ryan away wasn’t the best idea. At least that way I wouldn’t have to worry about him being used against me. Unless, of course, Myrin and the Darks found him back at Castle Lockes. Or anywhere else in Verania. Or the world.

  “This is the exact same thing you’re so angry with Morgan and Randall about.”

  “I know that too.”

  “You’re still angry at them.”

  I sighed. “Yeah. Shitty deal.”

  “So you know why I’m still angry with you.”

  “Yeah, but see. You could not be angry with me. That would be super cool too.”

  “Not how it works.”

  “It could be,” I mumbled.

  He took the remaining step forward, knocking my legs apart and stepping in between them, like I’d wanted him to do earlier. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against his stomach. He was warm and familiar, and he brought his hand to cup the back of my neck, fingers in my hair. I was greedy for his touch, wanting nothing more than to forget about all this shit for a little while. But I knew that wasn’t how things worked. Ryan had a right to be angry with me.

  He sighed above me. “You don’t take the easy route, do you?”

  “Sometimes,” I said. “But other times, I get lost off the trail.”

  “I know you were trying to protect me.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But it comes across as not trusting me.”

  “I do. It wasn’t—”

  “I just need time to think about all of this.”

  That… didn’t sound good. “Uh. Okay? I don’t—”

  Ryan stepped away from me. I was cold at the loss of him.

  He looked tired, more so than I’d ever seen him. I hated seeing him like this and hated even more the part I had played in it. Hindsight sucked, especially when I thought back to all the times I could have been honest.

  “Just don’t take too long,” I said nervously. “I don’t know how much longer we’re going to stay here.”

  “Yeah,” he said, a tight smile on his face. “I’m gonna go. Check in on Justin, make sure he’s settled. Maybe you should go see the dragons, find out what you need to do to get them on our side.”

  And wow, I did not expect the burning jealousy to roll through me right then, to the point where I felt choked with it. Ryan had just spent weeks with Justin, and now he was running off to him after fighting with me? That was something I hadn’t expected to hear, and it hurt.

  “Justin?” I managed to say, unable to look at him. “Why would you—”

  “He’s the Prince,” Ryan said. “It’s my job.”

  I nodded at that. He was right, of course. It was his job. That was it.

  He made a sound like he was going to say something else, but in the end, he didn’t.

  I didn’t even flinch at the sound of the door closing behind him.

  Chapter 15: Randall of Dragons is an Asshole

  “BITCH,” GARY said, “you done fucked up.”

  I glared at him.

  He stared passively back at me like he had all the time in the world.

  I turned to Tiggy.

  “Bitch,” Tiggy said, “fucked up. So fucked up.”

  I glared at him too, for good measure.

  He sneezed, then grinned at me.

  I threw my hands up. “Fine! Okay! Fine! I know I did. I know I fucked up. I should have told all of you about everything. I shouldn’t have kept it a secret. I shouldn’t have lied about knowing less than I did. I should have been up-front about everything. Is that better? Do you feel better now? Good! Great! Wonderful.”

  I stood in the doorway to the room Tiggy and Gary would be sharing. (“Of course I’m not going to be staying with Kevin. We are in a trial reconciliation, which means that dragon needs to work for his muffin, if you know what I mean. I ain’t gonna be handing out my goods for free, if you get what I’m saying. He’s not gonna put his finger in my pie, if you catch my drift. There’s no way he’s going to get my cream-filled pastry all over his face, if you can dig it. He’s not going to….” It went on for another six minutes.

  Tiggy was braiding Gary’s mane, his thick fingers surprisingly nimble and delicate as he worked. Gary was lying on a pile of blankets in front of the fireplace like the princess he was, eating a bowl full of peeled grapes and drinking out of a large glass what I assumed to be some kind of wine.

  “I am sure there are other things both of you could be doing that would benefit the quest more than what you’re doing right now,” I said, scowling at the both of them.

  “Hmm,” Gary said, tongue snaking out and scooping up another grape. “No.”

  “Those are my grapes,” I pointed out. “I was the one who peeled them.”

  “Hmm,” Gary said, taking another drink of his wine, then smacking his lips. “No.”

  “You’re so fucking aggravating!”

  “Tiggy dear,” Gary said. “Sam is stressing me. This is supposed to be my quiet time.”

  “Shh, Sam,” Tiggy said. “Shhhhh.”

  “You shh,” I snapped.

  “Oh my,” Gary said. “How positively droll. Tiggy, my love. A question, if I may.”

  “You may,” Tiggy said. Then his tongue poked out between his teeth as he frowned in concentration when he reached a tricky part in the braid.

  “Say you have a best friend,” he said as he slurped up another grape. He chewed obnoxiously before continuing. “And say said best friend is a wizard’s apprentice.”

  “I like stories,” Tiggy said.

  “Oh, don’t we all! Hypothetical stories are my favorite kind. Anyway. Say said best friend is a wizard’s apprentice that happens to have a destiny.”

  Tiggy paused his movements. “This sound familiar.”

  “Oh? Well. You know what they say. Nothing new under the sun. Now let us say that said best friend is a wizard’s apprentice that happens to have a destiny and who also apparently has a knack for keeping secrets.”

  “Ooh,” Tiggy said. “I get it now.” He looked over at me where I stood fuming in the doorway, wondering if I could get away with murdering the both of them. The blood would probably sink into the ice, so I’d have to cut out blocks of it, melt it in the fire, then pour water to refreeze the sections that had been extricated. It was the perfect crime. “We talking ’bout Sam.”

  “Oh?” Gary said maddeningly. “Are we? I hadn’t noticed. Now, if you had a best friend who was a wizard’s apprentice that happened to have a destiny and also a knack for keeping secrets, secrets that potentially had the power to alter the fate of the known world—”

  “Oh my fucking
gods,” I groaned.

  “—wouldn’t you, as best friend of said wizard’s apprentice, feel a mite angry that such things were kept hidden?”

  “Mite angry,” Tiggy agreed. “Also, mite hungry.”

  “Have a grape, kitten. They’re delicious. Especially if you like the fact that they were garnished with betrayal.”

  Gary and Tiggy and I all gasped dramatically.

  “Betrayal,” I bellowed, outraged at the very thought. “You know nothing of betrayal!”

  “I do!” Gary shouted back, but not before he started chewing on more grapes. “I probably know better than anyone in this room!”

  “Me too!”

  “Tiggy too!” Gary said. “How bitter this moment is, knowing what I know now. For shame, Sam of Wilds. For shame. How you are not on your knees begging for our forgiveness is beyond me.”

  “On your knees, bitch,” Tiggy grumbled. Then he grinned. “All done.”

  “How does it look?” Gary said, flicking his newly braided mane back and forth.

  “Good,” Tiggy said.

  “It really does,” I agreed. “Tiggy, you are getting very good at that. Probably even better than me.”

  Tiggy blushed.

  “Gaaah,” I said. “Your face does things to me.”

  “It is a nice face,” Gary said. He stood up and trotted daintily over to the mirror above the dresser. “Oh, Tiggy. You have outdone yourself. I don’t know that I have ever seen anything more beautiful than I look right now.”

  Tiggy blushed harder.

  “Truly the work of a master,” I said.

  “It is,” Gary said. “Too bad this whole experience has been tainted by your lies!” He whirled around, eyes blazing.

  “No, no lies!” Tiggy wailed.

  I hissed at the both of them, baring my teeth.

  “Any more secrets we need to be aware of, Sam of Lies?” Gary cried.

  “Capitalized,” Tiggy moaned. “It true. It true.”

  I turned away from them, unable to take their gazes upon me, and instead stared off into nothing, contemplating the tragedies of my life. “You cannot understand my reasons.”