New Years Resolution: Solve Americas Biggest Problem, End up Bitter and Cynical

build a care that can't be started when you are impaired, has fewer distractions and blocks aggressive driving. No Americans would drive it willingly unless it were very, very cheap. Some drivers however, really shouldn't be given a choice. They don't know who they are, but the law often does. With serious restrictive licenses made mandatory for teens, and known hazardous operators these drivers would only be able to use a SafetyCar, like some slow bubble.

  I set about designing a SafetyCar at least in m mind, which has been pretty active lately. It can be hard to sleep when you're trying to reduce highway deaths and injuries by several orders of magnitude. Kinda like a tsunami in reverse. Sometimes ideas are enough to change behaviors and create revolutions. Other times you gotta kick em in the ribs to loosen their grip on status quo. Naturally the Safety Car has to be really cheap to own and operate. A real FolksWagon. Maybe give it a zoomorphic name like Critterz to create artificial empathy and some marketing buzz.

  Engineering is the key. Start with the metal. It's expensive even though China and India are slaving away at that. Steel at speed is a proven killer, since the Dark Ages at least. It rusts away or crumples, scratches, weigh too much.

  Deadhead Sticker on a Cadillac

  No need for mining metals, with all the hemp based plastics and resins potentially growing out there in soybean country. Maybe some components will have to be ceramic or carbon fiber or whatever. Let the chemists work that out.

  Making the SafetyCar really lightweight can allow it to be powered by a thin, flexible solar paneled roof, a fuel cell charged at home or a small engine. Top speed and moving mass should be limited to protect both occupants and the real world they aren't paying attention to.

  Airbags are old school, and the cost of replacing them can total the price of the car. There's already enough hearing loss. Building impact cushioning into the structure of the SafetyCar will make the whole car an airbag, without the bang. The shape might have to be a little bulbous, but so is a raindrop and how aerodynamic are they? (Note, look that up.)

  I thought of a giant foam or Styrofoam Nerf Car, then discarded it. Damn dogs would chew it ragged. Maybe a canoe grade plastic shell around it, the kind you can heat dents to their original shape. It would be ugly, but so was a Model T and you can have a choice of colors, either white or silver, the safest vehicle colors. They'd sell; if required for legally restricted drivers.

  A built in impairment test before ignition, distraction reduced interior (single occupancy, no cell phone reception) and slow pick up and top speed would reduce 90% of the causes of accidents. Thousands of teens would have the chance to become working adults, paying into social security for their grandparents in Baha. Really bad drivers could still get around, but people would know who they are. Like a Scarlet Letter. Low weight and cushioning would limit their damage to others.

  Hard to be aggressive in one of these babies. Like driving a Teletubby. It will be fun to punish those aggro punk drivers with restrictions. That'll teach em not to use their turn signals. Besides these cars could become fashionable, who doesn't want a cheaper, safer, cleaner vehicle, even if it is a little slow. Americans who have to take the bus or walk now, could afford to own a legal vehicle.

  If these are narrow enough, two can ride side by side in one lane like bicycles. Might need to for safety in numbers, although they will have more protection than motorcycles and most cars. Teens need to learn the ropes in the safest vehicle possible, for their sakes and their parents.

  They'll argue age discrimination, but they can't vote until they're 18, and probably won't until they're 30. By that time, they'll see the point. Ease old folks into these Critterz as they lose vital driving skills, like a memory.

  Little Red Corvette

  Then while shopping for some volleyball shoes I found a pair with soles made from this amazing Aerogel. It's transparent, incredibly lightweight, yet durable, with fantastic impact absorption and Viagra like side effects. That's what the shoebox said, anyways.

  Imagine a SafetyCar shell made out of this stuff. No more driving naked, that's for sure. That reminded me, what about the obesity problem in America. I was so busy solving the Traffic Safety problem that I'd forgotten about the health problems from driving everywhere like a slug. Lack of exercise is bloating up the population into a country of manatees.

  The Pope in Rome recently came out against the "health and well being religion", calling it "health fiend madness." He said he was concerned about the rising cost of medical care to meet this cult's followers' unrealistic expectation of not suffering. The Pope must not have read my January solution for lowering health care costs by outsourcing sick and old people to third world countries, for their medical care.(Note: Catholic countries for greater savings on pain meds.)

  Still Americans are getting fatter and sicker, not because they're worshipping this fiendish craze of health and wellness. Americans are much more into wealth and hellness. But they do want to Lose Weight, just can't manage it by diet alone. If the HealthyCheapSafetyCar (note, starting to sound German) were an Aerogel safety shell enclosed tricycle, a pedaled recumbent three wheeler with a motor assist for hills and when you're tired, (limited to 20mph top speed for bicycle status) it could make millions more Americans, Catholic Heretics.

  On a bicycle you can skip registration, insurance, parking tickets, even licensing isn't required. Any idiot can ride a bicycle, if not safely. The SafetyCycle! would be almost idiot proof. This new, improved transportation vehicle is starting to sound really affordable now Maybe if it could double as a bed room it would sove the homeless problem too. Damn, when you're hot, you're hot. My brain is cookin' on gas now. Uhhh, I mean solar powered DC juice, trickling out of my lithium ion battery. Haven't priced out the Aerogel, though. The shoes were pricey. Bound to be cheaper in bulk.

  I gave up bicycling after the sausage truck hit me. I'd already been creamed by a station wagon before that. Luckily I was flung quite a ways both times or they would have run over me as well. It still hurt like hell. Both said they never saw me. Gave me an invisibility complex.

  Surrounded by an Aerogel cocoon, lit up like a redneck on moonshine, any cyclist would feel safer. And if all the hazardous idiots currently driving cars were in them as well, risks would be divisible by whole numbers.

  The SafetyCycle! far safer than bicycling, cheap enough for the masses, yet stylish enough to attract reality TV stars into them. Love to see Paris Hilton getting out of one. Got to stop chewing on these shoes, if I want to play volleyball in them.