Phoenix Everlasting

  “Are they here? Are you talking to them?”

  His sister was there. One second Mary wasn’t and the next, there she was. She stared at Chase, putting her hand on his shoulder. A tear slipped from her eyes. She wasn’t a ghost like the others I had to send away.

  “Mary.” She turned to me, her eyebrows lifted. I knew what she wanted from me. It was the same thing the shadows were going to want from me once they got me. And they would. I knew it now. I’d not been brought back to live a life. I had a destiny.

  Chase jolted. “Is my sister here? Malcolm, can you see her ghost?”

  My love shook his head. “No, man. She’s not here that I can see.”

  “I can fix it.” I struggled to my feet. “I can make it better. I’ll bring her to life again.” I swung around looking for the phoenix. “We are all in the phoenix.” I saw the idol where Malcolm had set it down. “Who put it there? Who leaves the phoenix sitting where any damn shadow can come and take it? Don’t you understand why they want it?”

  The light of the phoenix was the brightest in the world, rivaling the sun. Why hadn’t we seen it? Why hadn’t we known? My head was too full. It might explode.

  Malcolm restrained me, pulling me into a tight hug. “You are not yourself right now, killer. I’m not sure what’s happened. I was slightly overtaken myself from the energy before. It passed. This will, too. Don’t go doing things that go against the natural order of things.”

  I tried to pull out of his grip and couldn’t. “The natural order of things? What could possibly be less natural than us? We’re not supposed to be here. We’re only big bundles of lights. Can’t you see it?”

  Chase rushed forward and put his hands on my head. “Sleep it off.”

  The world went black.

  ***

  I woke in Victoria’s guestroom. Well, the one I’d thought of as her blue guestroom. She had four of them. I rubbed my eyes and tried to move. A hard weight pinned me to the bed, and the scent of sandalwood told me it was Malcolm.

  “Are you calm?” He whispered in my ear. “I’d really hate to have Chase put you out again. I like your eyes open.”

  I groaned. “Malcolm. You don’t understand.” How was I to make any of this clear when I could barely understand it myself? “The phoenix is why we’re here.”

  “I got that impression. I’ve put it in the ground. The shadows will not find it.” His voice sounded rough, as though he hadn’t spoken in hours. It was all kinds of sexy and made me want to squirm.

  “We’re all light. The phoenix holds us here in the bodies the Others made for us. I can make bodies. You can, too. When they made us”—I touched my own skin—“it was from their own material.”

  I rolled over, and he let me. I could still see his light burning inside of him. Tears pooled in my eyes and dripped along my cheeks. “I can see your soul.”

  He pressed his lips to mine. “I could always see yours.”

  “That’s romantic.” I kissed him back, one short pressing of my lips to his. I had to feel human, and nothing ever made me feel more alive than Malcolm. “Except I’m dead serious. I can see your soul. It’s bright and hot.” I touched his chest. “It’s right there.”

  “Can’t be.” He sighed. “You’ve always owned it.”

  “Malcolm.” I stroked the side of his face. “I love the romance. You can’t know how much. Only I need you to take me seriously. We exist because of the phoenix. If the shadows get it, you won’t be worried that I got a little spiritually drunk and tried to bring Mary to life. You won’t be here. I won’t be here. The shadows will have us, body and soul, to do with as they like. All of our abilities. Everything we are. I won’t see your soul anymore because you’ll be gone. You won’t see mine. We’re gone.”

  He didn’t yell, didn’t freak out or do any of the things I would have expected. Instead, he remained very still and kept his voice low. “We got sent here to kill them. That means we can. For years, the phoenix was with a random psychic in St. Louis. We didn’t know it existed. Now we do. I’d say things are probably moving the way they should.”

  “Maybe.” I’d never have thought of Malcolm as the optimist between the two of us. “What do we do? The only thing that’s changed is I have all this information I didn’t before and still nothing to do.”

  “We’re going to figure out where they’re getting in, where the spot they keep pushing through is, and then we’ll plug it.”

  I leaned on my elbow. “I like that idea.”

  Now we were onto something. The shadows were coming. They could be anybody, take any form. We were screwed if we didn’t perform a miracle.

  Chapter Seven

  I walked through the rain from my car to Levi’s office. There was a time when I’d never have gone to his place of work looking anything but perfect. In my sweatpants with my hair uncombed, I must have looked like a wreck of my former self. Being the ex-wife allotted me some leeway. I was sure most of the office already thought I was insane for having blown it with Levi. He was a golden boy, at work and everywhere else.

  He’d saved us all on the airplane … For the rest of his life, with the exception of my small band of reborn, unnatural people, no one would ever know the extent to which he’d risked himself for everyone else.

  I stopped to see the secretary at the front desk, drawing my sweater closer around myself. She looked at me, and then her eyes travelled the length of my body. Her head snapped up so quickly I was certain she’d have a neck ache later. Maybe it was my Rolling Stones t-shirt she didn’t like? Or the hole in the side of it?

  “I need to speak to Levi Yates. I don’t know if you remember me. We’ve met a few times.” Office parties and the Christmas gift I’d sent every year on behalf of Levi … she liked almonds, if I remembered correctly. What was her name? Tricia Tates. It took me a minute to remember. Her soul glowed light, like everyone else’s. I blinked trying not to see it so clearly. Rafael screwed with my brain, probably to teach me some kind of lesson, and now I had to live with it.

  Tricia twittered when she spoke, sounding like a bird before every sentence. Levi, when he wasn’t being so golden, used to complain about how the tic made her take so much time in every conversation.

  Tic. Tic. Twitter. Twitter. “Mrs. Yates, yes of course. Oh, I mean, no. You’re not his wife anymore, right? You can go on back. You’re on the approved list.”

  “No.” I held up my hand. “I don’t want to go back. Can you call him please?” I didn’t have my cell phone, and I didn’t even have a clue where it was. Everything had fallen apart. Monday morning, and I’d not been there to see my kids off to school. Levi knew I was busy; he’d picked up the slack. That didn’t negate the facts that I’d not be anyone’s idea of mother of the year and with what I knew now I should probably be kept away from my kids altogether.

  I finished, “I’m going to wait outside.”

  She scrunched her nose. “It’s raining.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m already wet. Thanks.”

  I walked outside to wait for Levi. I wasn’t good company for anyone. When had it started raining so much in Austin? The drought we’d been in for years hadn’t been okay, but this constant pouring zone we lived with now didn’t constitute better.

  I closed my eyes and let it drip on my body. I’d snuck out on Malcolm when he’d finally fallen asleep. He didn’t understand—none of them did—and I had no expectation of Levi making my situation any better.

  “Kendall? What’s going on? Are you okay?” Levi grabbed my arm, and I opened my eyes.

  His light burned inside of him. I was glad, after all the ordeals he’d been through lately, to see it. “Yes. No. Listen to me; this is important. Number one, I’ve lost my cell phone.”

  He shook his head. “Okay. We’ll get you a new one. It’s not hard. I can have that for you by this afternoon. Don’t worry about it. Lost-cell-phone days happen.”

  “Were you always this reasonable when we were married, or have you become more s
o because you’re afraid I’m going to explode?” I hadn’t come to him to talk about this subject. Since I stood in front of him, now seemed as good a time as any to ask.

  He put his hands on his hips. “This time in my life has consisted of a lot of changes. Acquiring patience might be one of them. I don’t know about reason. I think I’ve lost most of it. What was number two? Why are we getting wet? We had to discuss this in the rain?”

  “This is complicated. I’ve had something happen to me. I met with the Others and I nearly died. Or did. I’m not clear on it. I’ve come here with my head loaded with junk about the universe, and I’m having trouble processing. I can see things. It’s … weird. The point is this …” My voice shook. I wasn’t solid yet and I didn’t know if I’d ever be again. The world had become fluid, and I had to figure out how to swim. “The shadow people—if they get ahold of the phoenix—they’ll take over my body, push out my soul. Kendall Madison will walk around, talking, looking like me. Only she won’t be me. She’ll be them. If that happens, it really is the end of the world. I’m talking … the end. It might be futile, but you need to take the kids and run away. As far away from me as you can go. Somewhere remote. Keep them from the shadows.”

  He paled while I spoke and ended up leaning on the wall of the building. “I … Hell, it’s ten in the morning, and I need a drink. Surely there must be a bar somewhere in this city already open. Come on, I’ll drive.”

  “I … Sure.” Actually, a drink sounded fantastic. It didn’t take us long to find somewhere already serving alcohol. We sat across from one another at a small table in the bar area of a local Mexican place. I ordered a margarita, and Levi sipped tequila straight.

  Minutes passed in silence. Finally, Levi spoke. “How will I know it’s not you?”

  “I don’t know.” I really didn’t. I wouldn’t be here to assist in figuring it out either. The only way I’d ever learn would be to have someone I love get taken over. If that happened, they probably had me too.

  He took my hand and squeezed. “I won’t let the shadows anywhere near our kids.” That was all I needed to hear him say. “You’re not allowed to die anymore. Do you understand? You’re done. You’re cut off from death.”

  I smiled at him. “Okay, it’s a deal.” If I broke my promise, I wouldn’t be here to see it.

  “What do they want?” Levi sipped his drink. “Why are they doing this?”

  I hated even thinking about it. “Imagine that you’re the worst possible people. Hold on. Let me back up.” Levi’s light was bright. He was healthy; he was here. The things I was about to tell him would never touch him. I wouldn’t let him fall any further into this. “Do you accept the concept that there is right and wrong? Good and evil?”

  He shrugged. “Sort of. I mean, yes, obviously I believe in right versus wrong. I think there are shades of grey to these things. It’s not okay to kill someone—except I’d be fine with the idea if someone was threatening you or the kids.”

  I held up my hand. “We don’t have to get into the intricacies of this. Hitler. Bad, yes?”

  His grin always lit the room. “Yes, Hitler, bad, yes.”

  “Let’s say then there is a place for Hitler. For people like Hitler. They aren’t the ghosts I send on or the people who manage to move themselves on. Imagine if the place where Hitler goes—where the universe says they are so bad there is no redemption—opened.” I pushed away my drink, my stomach too tight to even tolerate the liquid courage. “They don’t want to live there anymore. They need bodies. They’re not ghosts; their earth energies have long left.”

  “This shit makes my head hurt.” He shook his head. “Should we expect the Führer to join us for dinner? The whole my-having-a-Jewish-mother might make for interesting conversation.”

  I rubbed my eyes. “Anything is possible, I suspect.”

  “And the Others? The ones who brought you to life?”

  “They’re old … this is not a new battle for them. I can’t really explain it other than that. I don’t really know who they are. Or why they’ve done this. They just have.”

  Levi put his forehead on the table. “I don’t think I’m going to be making any strides in getting the array done today. Hey, you do remember we have that birthday party to go to with Molly tonight? The ‘first wedding thing.’”

  “No.” My sudden reaction made him lift his eyes to meet my own. “It’s Monday. How can there be a birthday party tonight?”

  He shrugged. “She has a white dress, right?”

  “Why does she need a white dress?”

  Levi laughed. “Look at the invitation on the fridge.”

  ***

  I didn’t know if Levi had RSVP’d yes to this party on behalf of Molly or if my parents had done so. The only thing I could be entirely certain about was I would never have said Molly would attend because getting her ready for it seemed like entering the first gates of hell.

  “Victoria. Please. You have to help me.” I screamed into the phone Levi had delivered so she could hear me over her baby crying in the background. “I have to dress her as a bride.”

  Jack ceased crying, which I suspected had more to do with Henry having said something and presumably taken the baby from Victoria. “Hold on. You have to dress Molly like a bride? Is that some kind of joke? You’re not still reeling from the incident during the summoning right? This isn’t a sacrificial thing?”

  I ignored her last remark. “I can still see light in everybody. Surprisingly, I’m getting used to it. Nothing has changed other than everyone is brighter. This isn’t a joke. She has to look like a bride for this birthday party. Jessa Fox is the only child of Margot and Nathan Fox. They’re …”

  “I know who they are.” Her voice lowered. “Margot comes in the store sometimes. I can see it. Jessa wants to get married, so they’re throwing her a wedding for her seventh birthday. Am I going to have to throw Jack a wedding when he turns seven?”

  I shook my head as I ran up the stairs to my cosmetics collection in my bathroom. I hardly wore any except when I was going out. I used to care about getting my face just right in the morning. Ghosts, divorce, and my white hair had altered everything. I could, however, manage to put some on my daughter in a playful way.

  “I don’t mean to gender stereotype. You might have to throw him a wedding. More likely, you’ll have parties in overcrowded, germ infested bounce places where the kids throw things at each other and someone goes home with a bloody nose.” Grayson’s third and fourth birthday parties had gone exactly like that. It hadn’t been pretty. “But it could be a wedding. That’s always a possibility.”

  Victoria laughed. “I’ll be right over. We’ll make your girl the prettiest bride ever.”

  This was such a strange day. “Thanks.”

  Hours later, I’d gotten the kids from school and managed, with Victoria’s help in between Jack’s feedings, to get Molly into the white dress I’d picked up at Goodwill. She looked adorable while I put too bright red lipstick on her, with her little grin and way-too-adult eyes. The only way I was letting my daughter wear makeup was if it looked like she was going to spend the day in the playroom in it. She was too young for this to be anything other than fun.

  Victoria placed the veil she’d made out of lace from the back of her store over Molly’s head. We both grinned when my daughter squealed. This party was ridiculous; however, I had to admit the getting dressed was fun in the same way Halloween was fun.

  My phone dinged. Can I assume you’re not dead since Henry says Victoria’s at your house?

  I shook my head at Malcolm’s message. Sorry?

  See you tonight?

  I can’t. I have to watch Molly get married at a birthday party. Unless the world explodes, and then it’s always a possibility we’ll bump into one another.

  It took him a few seconds to respond. I think I’m somehow reading that wrong.

  I managed to dress myself so I looked less deranged in a pair of black pants and a white blouse. My shoe
s were black and comfortable. Victoria pulled my white mess back so it was French braided and out of my face.

  Molly chatted all the way to the party, and when we got to the Fox’s very large, for our area, home—they had two hot tubs in the backyard; why did anyone need two?—my eyes immediately found Levi wearing his very best black suit. I stopped breathing. He smiled at something another father said and then laughed, throwing his head back. When had I last seen him so easy-going?

  Our daughter ran to him while I contemplated life by the car. Levi swooped her up in his arms. The room was bright in energy. The kids were happy, and even though I’d stepped into the ridiculous on a Monday night—which should be reserved for homework—I couldn’t help but get lulled into the moment. This was stupid. But it was normal.

  The girls went upstairs to make their debuts, and the fathers stood at the bottom waiting for them. I counted heads. Eight girls and eight fathers. Had they not invited anyone who didn’t have a dad? Each of the fathers held a red rose. I sipped white wine and watched. One by one the girls descended the long hallway in their white dresses, meeting their fathers at the bottom. They were handed their rose. Low music played in the background.

  As each girl made her parade, the adults applauded.

  I hated the values this activity presented. If I’d had a say, I would have turned down the invitation. I was certain some of the other parents had, which was why the numbers were so low. Outside, a limousine waited to take the girls on a small ride around the neighborhood. How much money had they spent on this party?

  I took a deep breath, surprised to find I had tears in my eyes. Why was I so worked up over this? Molly was so beautiful, less and less a baby than she’d ever been. When she’d been born, I’d been so shocked to have a little girl after two boys I wasn’t even sure what to do with the baby. She rolled with things easily, didn’t get held up on small details. Molly had the same smile for the CEO of Levi’s company and the man who panhandled on the corner of 183 and Anderson Mill.