Cotton

talk to her and to go away. I was also visited her brother, and I told him the same words. I can’t be allowed to repeat the same mistake again. I lost three people already. Should there really be four people? As I said that day, all close to me are dying. From now on, I won’t talk to anyone anymore. I won’t hang out with anymore people! Jake found me in a couple of weeks.

  “So here you’re hiding? Why aren’t you in the house with the others? Are you really that afraid of me? “ I don’t know how he should even ask if I’m afraid of him. Of course I am! After so many wounds that he caused me... love him or what?

  “You know girl, tomorrow officially winter starts.” He continued. He was still speaking but I’m stopped listening at the word winter. I've heard of that word, but in Africa it doesn’t have any meaning. Despite the winter it was hot out there. Why are some people afraid of winter?

  “Did you hear what I said?” Jake distracted me.

  “Yes, yes, sir I heard everything.”

  “Repeat,” he said. I did not know where to begin, nor how to begin. All I heard from his speaking was the word winter. Jake unfortunately noticed that I was away. And again as many times previously, I was an ugly one, Kate. Again, beaten, again sentenced to beaten. Again, I was guilty of this world that exists, that other people suffer because of me. Although the final word is true. People suffer because of me. I am really guilty of so much death. Am I a witch (as they say in Europe)? If I am, then why have not burned me yet. Let it be over with. Or just kill me, all together! It’s how I feel right now. Nasty, dirty, guilty ...

  At night I dreamt about my father. Dream that he returned to me. Next to him was my mother. We were all happy family and we lived in Africa. All the time we just sit around, laughing. We lived very simply. Everything was so rosy. But unfortunately, when I woke up it was all off again. Again I found myself in a small lodge (more like a little room), I was lonely again. I looked out the window. It was snowing. Apparently it was snowing all night because everything was already white. It was very beautiful. And unfortunately, I may just enjoy so much to see it. I’m not allowed playing with Mary in the snow. Nothing. Again, I was caught in my black thoughts. I got up, dressed and rushed to the house for breakfast.

  “Did you see Kate. Snow began to fall! “Mary was happy.

  “Yes I did.” I answered her coolly.

  “Aren’t you happy?”

  “No” I told her, turned away and walked to the table. For breakfast it was polenta. Every time you turn the polenta Mary and Ray ate very little. Of course, two of them can always come up that will not eat it. And I, if I say that I do not like the meal I’m left without it.

  “Today Jake isn’t around, so you free. If you want you can play with Mary in the snow. “Jane told me.

  “No thanks, I will be alone today.”

  The next day, Jake found out that I didn’t do anything previous day. He was furious.

  “You should be working!” he yelled.

  “Sorry, I thought ...”

  “No thoughts, no thoughts.” Jake told me. He was thinking about something and then decided: “You will be all week without food.”

  “You know that I have already once overcome that.” I stepped in.

  “I'm not done yet! And all week you will be outside in the cold. I don’t care about snowing and even if it is -40 ° C. Nothing. You will be outside. Do you understand? “

  “Yes, of course.”

  It was pretty taught for me, because I’m not used to cold. It’s the toughest penalty so far. I spent two days outside in the cold. Jake has always watched me from a window. I was so frozen that I could not even move. He came out. I thought to myself, now what. What punishment will he now give me? What did I do this time?

  “What girl, are you cold? Come to me, I'll warm you up. “Jake said.

  For some time I resisted with my words, but unfortunately nothing has changed. For the second time in my life I was "raped".

  I lived like this for three years. I was a slave. As were all blacks. At fourteen, I finally decided. I will ran away. I don’t know where. I only have to go away. Away from Jake. Away from the current life. Jake has not only few times a year, but every week, "intercourse" with me. With every day I feel uglier, guilty. So I decided to run away. I don’t know how since I pushed away Mary and Stash, but I’ll manage somehow. There is still hope inside of me. I can feel it. Deep in my heart. It’s getting smaller day by day, but it’s still there. It exists.

  It was spring. Late spring. The whole family has decided to go on vacation again before the start sowing of cotton. I have to do this work while they were gone. They left on Monday and are expected to return on Friday. I have just enough time for my plans. I’ll leave cotton and field alone. Let others work. I took my stuff. I went to the sea. The path was quite long. I walked day and a half. My legs hurt me. I was hungry. But I kept walking. I knew that I need to walk. I knew I could. I came to the port. There was no ship. I look for accommodation. I found and entered to the warehouse. It was cold. I'm already accustomed to the cold anyway. I met a few people. All have been neglected, although quite nice. They were looking at me very strange. In my whole life I’ve never such strange looks. I could read them from their eyes they wondered what such a young black girl is doing here. Shouldn’t she be working somewhere on field? Then someone surprised me by talking to me.

  “What about you girl, did you run away? “ A very young lady talked to me. For some time I hesitated whether to tell her the truth, or rather to deny everything.

  “Yes, I escaped. I was treated badly there. “Then someone else spoke up:” People do nasty things to us.”

  I didn’t see his face clearly, but in fact it seems to me it was better that I didn’t.

  “Let him go. This one is drunk every day. I don’t know where he gets it. "said again the nice lady.

  “I don’t either.” I replied.

  “Come to me to settle in. I will protect you.”

  “No thanks.” I withdrew again. I waited for any ship to board. One came in the evening. She took the load at, but I was delighted. In fact I could not cope with these people. That woman is always compelled me. So much so she wanted to go with me. In the end I even loosen up to her and learned her name was Kelly. Together we went to the ship. No one knew where the ship is going, but we both knew that we have to escape. We boarded on the ship. We ran to the other side of the ship so no one will find us. We have a blanket with us and with it we cover ourselves in emergency boat. The ship has sailed early in the morning. It sailed only one day. So I know that I still landed somewhere in America. Although I was secretly hoping we would land in Africa. There is better, at least to me. And I know Kelly would enjoy it also. First, Kelly fled the ship, and I stay a while just in case. When I saw didn’t see Kelly anymore, I crawled from the ship. But unfortunately I was caught by a guard who walked around the ship. Obviously I had overlooked him.

  "So, have we smuggled? Don’t think you won’t get punished. Where did you escape from? “He asked. Obviously he got cases like me before.

  "Well aren’t you going to answer me?”

  “Yes, sorry. But where am I?“

  “I’m asking now and you reply. Otherwise, you’re in Mexico. In English colony in Mexico. “

  “Thanks for the reply. I’m coming from somewhere in North America. “I was too scared not to tell the truth. You never know what can happen to me.

  “Tell me the name of the man from where you came.”

  “Jake.” I said.

  “OK. I know him. Come, I'll take you away. “

  And I really thought that I will succeed, and we will not have to work extremely hard. But I was obviously wrong. I still have, and this is nothing I like hoped. Even if the master be like Jake. He drove me towards someone named John. He was a single and had quite a few girls who have worked for him. On first look he was nothing special. He had a beard, around forty years old, about medium height and brighter complexion.

  “This
is John. John this girl was smuggled, so I brought her to you. You said yourself that you are missing girls, right? Well this is Kate. “ Said the warden.

  “Thank you.” John said. His voice was deep. And initially I was very scared him. He was quite the opposite of Jake.

  “Sally and Pru, bring the new little girl drink she looks really thirsty.” The man said to two women who immediately gave me a glass of water. The man seemed nice.

  “Here you go.” Said the readhaired girl. She was Sally. Spoke very quietly and timidly. Is she afraid of me or what? I drank a glass of water, while John told me what I do.

  “You will clean and serve me beverage. You see I don’t have the fields and I have so many girls in charge of such tasks. Once a week you free. You're going to share this day with the older Pru. She is free Tuesdays. “

  “Thank you.” I said. Again Sally came to me and showed me where I’m sleeping. This time, Sally was less formal to me.

  “Look here we’re sleeping. You're going to share a room with us. Why did you come here if I had the opportunity to escape I would immediately” Sally explained.

  “Is he that severe?” I wondered.

  “But that is the problem. For some things he can be very defiant and for other things he is very nice. Well you have me and Pru to protect you. You’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, but how old are you two do?”

  “I'm fifteen, and Pru is sixteen.”

  “So?”

  “Yes. What about you?