A Wish Upon the Stars

  Tiggy smiled shyly before he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

  She looked back at me, and I did my best not to squirm. “Do you know Naag?”

  I shook my head.

  “Naag was a snake who could take human form. It’s said that she shifted between the two, a woman and a serpent, in order to preserve the poison she carried within her. She fed upon men, paralyzing them with her bite and then taking their blood and seed from them while they still lay awake.”

  “She sounds amazing,” Gary said.

  “She was a monstrous murderer,” Mama told him.

  “Oh. Right. I meant, she sounds terrible.” He looked at Tiggy and shook his head, mouthing amazing as if none of us could see him.

  “One day, Naag became pregnant,” Mama said. “And a thousand snakes began to grow inside her, all potentially capable of becoming just like their mother. Had the children been born, they would have poisoned and then consumed the world, slowly but surely. So it was decided that she had to be stopped. And in the end, her head was severed from her body and she died, as did her unborn children. But even though her heart had stopped, her head was still capable of biting, so it was burned.”

  Mama sat back, looking pleased with herself.

  I stared at her. “These were the stories you were told as a child?”

  “Explains a lot, doesn’t it?”

  “It really does. I don’t know whether to be horrified for you or awestruck. I think it’s a little of both. I mean, like, snake babies died and everything.”

  “They did.”

  “Can I be honest?”

  “Aren’t you always?”

  “Eh, I’m sure a couple of people here would disagree with that.”

  Ryan coughed like an asshole.

  “Okay, but, so. I don’t understand what that has to do with what we’re talking about.”

  Mama sighed.

  “It’s obvious, Sam,” Gary said. “You need to find Naag’s head and then use it to poison Myrin. Or something.”

  “But is Naag even real?” Justin asked. “I mean, I always thought that was an allegory. Like, it was supposed to teach children a lesson.”

  “I suppose there are truths to those stories,” Ryan said, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully. “I mean, they have to come from somewhere, right?”

  “Right,” I said. “So, we find a giant snake head and then… what. Bite Myrin with it?”

  “My gods,” Mama said. “You are idiots.”

  “It’s the youth of today,” the King assured her. “Always looking down at their parchments.”

  “This isn’t news to us,” Randall said.

  “Rude,” I said. “Also, what the hell are you talking about?”

  “Not real snake head,” Tiggy said. “Symbolic.”

  “Of what?” I asked, confused.

  “Cut the head off. Body dies. Babies die.”

  “Thanks, dude. I got that part. That still doesn’t explain where I’m going to find a gigantic head or—”

  “Myrin is head,” Tiggy explained slowly.

  Which explained nothing. “So we cut off his head and we use it to poison—ohhh. Wait. Guys! I have an idea! You know how Myrin’s in charge of the Darks, right? What if we defeated him? Then wouldn’t all the Darks just… die? Or stop, at the very least, because they wouldn’t have someone to stand behind. Like, think about it. It’s like that story Mama told us all that one time. You cut off the head and the body dies.”

  “Wow,” Gary said. “That’s actually a really good idea for once. How the hell did you come up with that?”

  “You know how it is, dude. You go into the woods with five dragons and get bad-touched for a year, and then you come back a wizard. I’ve got so many good ideas. Like, remember the firework corn? Okay, just stick with me here. What if we had firework zucchini. It would be the same thing as the corn, except it’s zucchini.”

  I waited for rapturous applause.

  There was none.

  “Um, you guys can clap now. That’s why I paused.”

  “His ideas are awful,” the King said, smiling fondly at me.

  “Yes, Sam,” Mama said dryly. “It’s exactly like that story I told you one time. If our resources are spread as thin as you all say, then we don’t stand a chance of beating the Darks. The Resistance will be destroyed even before it steps foot outside Camp HaveHeart. But if we take on Myrin, if we defeat him, then the Darks won’t have anyone to lead them. And they’ll scatter like cockroaches in the light. Hopefully.”

  “I know, right? I’m so glad I thought of it. Okay! So the plan is to defeat Myrin—wait. Wasn’t that the plan this whole time?”

  “You should have taken him with you,” Randall said, staring up at the ceiling. I wondered who he was talking to.

  “That’s where you come in,” Mama said, lips twitching. “You’re the one with the—”

  “No, don’t you dare say it. Not you too!”

  “—Destiny of Dragons, after all.”

  “Ugh.”

  “And you’ll have our support,” Letnia said. “Because what else do we have to lose?”

  Well, our lives, for one, but no one liked a Negative Ned, so I kept that to myself. “There’s the optimism I’m looking for. Hurray. We’re saved.”

  “We should have some assistance shortly,” Randall said. “But before our guests arrive, I will again suggest to Sam what I’ve already told him. You already have in your possession the key to everything.”

  Everyone looked at me again, surprise on their faces.

  I rolled my eyes. “He’s not talking about me, per se. He means the stupid Grimoires.”

  Justin’s eyes widened. “You have Myrin’s Grimoire?”

  “And Morgan’s,” Randall said. “And soon he’ll have mine.”

  That… was unexpected. “You’re going to give me your Grimoire? But—”

  “It would have been yours when I crossed the veil,” Randall said. “Might as well give it to you now. I don’t think it’ll hurt. Much.”

  I was stunned. Randall’s Grimoire was legendary. A record of centuries of magic. The last time I’d asked to see it, he’d magicked me out a window and into a briar patch. It wasn’t my favorite memory of him. “Dude,” I said breathlessly. “Just… dude.”

  “Did you break him?” Ryan asked, jostling me a little.

  “Give him a few moments,” Randall said. “He’s processing.”

  “Morgan told me once that wizards’ Grimoires were their legacy,” the King said to Randall. “That it was their magical past, present, and future.”

  “Yes,” Randall said.

  “Then is it wise to give all this power to one person?”

  “Maybe not. But then there has never been a wizard quite like Sam before. And we have no other choice. Time is running out, Anthony. Myrin won’t allow Camp HaveHeart to exist much longer. We’ve defied him for too long. And now that Sam has returned and we’re all in one place, he’ll—Sam is his antithesis. His counterpoint. He doesn’t see it in terms of good and evil. The gods will have given him the same tools they’ve given Sam. We forget, I think, that Myrin also has a destiny. It remains to be seen whose will come to fruition.”

  “Why does this sound a little too close to a suicide mission?” Mama asked, and for the first time since I’d known her, she actually sounded scared.

  I grinned rakishly at her. “Dude. No worries. I’m Sam of Dragons. What’s the worst that could happen?”

  RYAN DIDN’T speak as he pulled me from the barn, his jaw tense, his grip firm. I stumbled a little but caught myself before I fell to the ground. “Hey, man, where’s the fire? Slow down. I shouldn’t have said that. I mean, yeah, I know what the worst thing that could possibly happen is, what with being consumed and all and Verania being completely taken over by a madman, but still—okay, yeah, shutting up. Gods, that glare was impressive. Have I ever told you congratulations on your face? Because congratulations on your face.”

  We were up
the porch stairs and inside of his and Justin’s house, the door slamming shut behind us, before I could open my mouth again. Ryan dropped my hand and leaned against the door, eyes closed, head rocking back and hitting the wood in a steady beat.

  I waited, because shit had gotten real and Ryan was pissed.

  The minutes ticked by.

  Then, “You just don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what?”

  He opened his eyes, and he looked absolutely exhausted. “This. Everything. It’s all a joke to you. A game.”

  I bristled at that. “I don’t think this is a game—”

  He growled as he pushed himself off the door, beginning to pace. “I thought the whole cavalier thing you do was just part of your charm. That it was a facet of who you are. A mask of sorts. To protect you from getting hurt. The gods only know that I do the same. I think all of us do. It’s part of being alive. We have to protect ourselves from the things that scare us the most.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  His eyes were blazing when he looked at me, and I couldn’t help but take a step back. “Sam, you could die.”

  “Hey, that’s a given. I mean, we’re all going to die sometime, right? Like you said, it’s part of being alive.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Why do you do this? Why do you deflect? Don’t you see how serious this is? What this all means?”

  “Trust me, I know exactly what this all means,” I snapped at him. “I’ve had to live with this—this thing over my head for a long time now. Do you know how that made me feel? What that did to me?”

  He stopped pacing and just stared.

  “It made me feel like nothing I did mattered. Because everything was already decided for me. Fuck, for all I know, you had no choice in the matter. Think about it, Ryan. A wizard needs a cornerstone, right? And I’m supposed to be the wizard to end all wizards. What does that say about you? Your life? What if you didn’t have a choice in any of this either?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “I refuse to believe that. I made my choice, Sam. I chose you that day. In front of everyone. And I did it because of how I feel about you. Stone crumbles, Sam. You said it yourself. That our paths are set, but stone crumbles.”

  “How do you know?”

  He scowled at me. “Do you really think that the gods made your parents want you more than anything in the world? That they would force Kevin and Tiggy and Gary to lay down their lives for you should they be called to do so? The gods didn’t make Morgan want to help you become the best you could be. They didn’t make Justin your best friend 5eva. They didn’t make the King trust in you to make you his wizard.” His breath hitched in his chest. “And they sure as fuck didn’t make me love you. I did that on my own. That was me. I did that. And I would do it again, Sam. And again. And again. But you’re wearing your godsdamn mask. I don’t know what you’re really thinking. What your plan is. What you’re going to do. All I know is that it seems like you have a death wish.”

  I laughed bitterly. “I don’t want to die.”

  “Don’t you? Because you’re acting careless about everything. The Darks outside the castle. Myrin in Mashallaha. Fuck, Justin and Kevin even before we knew he was Kevin.”

  “Yeah. Great. Bring up old shit. That’ll help.”

  “It’s who you are!” he suddenly shouted at me. “Why can’t you see that?”

  “Fine,” I said stiffly. “That’s who I am. I guess there’s nothing else about me. Thank you for pointing that out. I’ll remember that when—”

  “Knock it off, Sam. You’ve never been good at playing the martyr before. You don’t need to start… now.” He shook his head, huffing out a breath. “That’s what this is, isn’t it? This… bravado. You think you’re not going to come out of this alive. That there’s no other way out.”

  “Well, when you put it that way—”

  He stood in front of me then, gripping me by the shoulders, gaze darting over my face. “Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me that’s not true. Tell me that you’re not planning on sacrificing yourself.”

  “Wouldn’t you do the same?”

  He blinked. “I don’t—”

  “You swore an oath to the King. To follow him. To protect him. If you were called upon to do so, you would lay down your life for him. Wouldn’t you?”

  He didn’t like that very much if the look on his face said anything. “It’s not the same.”

  “Isn’t it? You just said Gary and Tiggy and Kevin would lay down their lives for me if called upon to do so. And maybe you’re right. Because they’re my friends, and I would do the same for them. You would give your life for the King and Justin, because you’re a knight. And that is your job. It is your oath, Ryan. You pledged yourself to them. And I….” I shook my head. “You have your oath. And I have mine. It’s just a little more… cosmic.”

  “You can’t die,” Ryan said hoarsely. “I won’t allow it.”

  “I don’t want to. But we have to know there’s… I don’t know. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, Ryan. I want to, but I can’t. Because funnily enough, the gods are dicks like that.”

  “You unimaginable son of a bitch.”

  “Hey!”

  “You still don’t get it, do you?” he snarled in my face, shaking my shoulders. “You fucking asshole.”

  “You know, I think I’ve been good about not correcting you on your language so far, but dude, there’s a line. Think of the children—”

  “I’m your cornerstone.”

  I squinted at him. “Yeah.”

  “Did you ever stop to think that you were mine too?”

  The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my eyes felt wide and shocky. “But… you’re not a wizard.”

  “No shit, Sam. But a cornerstone isn’t about magic. It isn’t about which one of us is a wizard and can do impossible things. It’s about you and me and everything that we are. You are my home, Sam. That is what a cornerstone is. I’m safe with you. I’m whole because of you. I’m in love with you, and I’m in awe of you. You left, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to be.”

  “You did just fine without me,” I whispered, eyes burning.

  “Because I had to. I had my duty. My oath. I did the best I could with what I had. And we survived. Somehow. But every night I looked upon those stars and I wished for you. I always have, Sam. And I always will.”

  “Ryan—”

  “No, you listen to me now. You talk and talk and talk, and now it’s my turn. So you keep your mouth shut until I tell you. Understand?”

  I nodded slowly.

  “You’re stupid.”

  I scowled at him.

  “No, you are. You’re reckless and ridiculous, and sometimes I want to chain you up and lock you in a room and never let you out again.”

  “That’s creepy, if I’m being honest. And a little erotic—”

  “No. Talking.”

  Right. He was on a tirade that was really, really doing things for me.

  “But as much as I know that all I want to do is to keep you safe, there are thousands of people counting on you, even if most of them don’t deserve you. They betrayed you, they dismissed you, they hated you, and yet you still came back. For them. For us. For me. Because you knew it was the right thing to do. I can’t say I’ll ever understand why you left when you did, but I know you had your reasons. And I waited. Okay? I waited, and I wished, and now you’re here. But you’re still wearing that godsdamn mask, and I can’t stand it. This is me, Sam. Your cornerstone. Don’t do this. Not with me.”

  I laid my forehead against his. His breath was warm on my face. “I’m… scared.”

  He sighed, shoulders slumping. “I know.”

  “And I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “I know that too.”

  “And I really think you need to brush your teeth.”

  He laughed quietly. “Gods. Did I say that I wished for you? I take that back. Get out.”


  “Sorry, dude. You’re kind of stuck with me now. Like, for good.”

  “I like the way that sounds. It’s—wait. What? Sam, you’re going to live a hell of a lot longer than I am if we get out of this. It’s going to—”

  “Yeah. Um. About that.”

  He pulled away. “What did you—”

  “Okay, look,” I blurted out. “Maybe we should have talked about this, but hell, I kind of figured what with you being my cornerstone, it was already a rest-of-our-lives kind of thing. I mean, I love you and you love me, right? And I—” I sighed. “In the desert. On the way to Mashallaha, I made a wish upon the stars. I wanted to be mortal. Like you. And my parents. And Justin and the King. I wanted to grow old with you until we both have hair sticking out of our ears and we’re scowling at all the young people who are ruining society with their grossly liberal ideas on being able to marry their half sisters or goats or something.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  I frowned. “I don’t know. I got distracted by you being old and still somehow being hotter than the sun, and that led to goats, and—”

  “Sam. Focus.”

  “Right. Where was I? Oh yeah. I didn’t want… this. I didn’t want Randall’s life, or even Morgan’s. I can’t… I just can’t, okay? So I asked the gods that when all was said and done to make me mortal.”

  “And they agreed?”

  I shook my head, and the cautiously hopeful expression on his face fell. “No. Because gods are assholes, and I’m pretty sure that they dislike me as much as I dislike them.”

  “I don’t understand,” he said helplessly, trying to pull away.

  I didn’t let him. I kissed his forehead, his cheeks, the tip of his nose. “I did it myself.”

  “What?” he whispered.

  “Turns out there was something to the whole most powerful wizard in an age aside from feeding my ego. I…. Ever since Vadoma came to Castle Lockes, I’ve been on this path, this set path where it felt like I didn’t have a choice. That everything was spinning out of control. I went into the woods after—after you were hurt, because I didn’t see there could be any other way. I had to do what was asked of me, because it was bigger than just you or I. What we have. I love you, Ryan. More than anything. But like you said, I have an oath. To the Crown. To the country. To the people here. Even to Lady Fucking Tina, and I can’t believe I said that out loud. I think I’ve been hexed and—”