Forever Lucy

  “Get off, you cow,” Neveah complained. “Daddy, tell Arella I’m not her pack mule.”

  “But there’s no one else to give me a piggy ride! Oh, wait…” Without warning, she abandoned her older sister and jumped on my own like some kind of stealthy ninja. I nearly toppled forward at the slight but unexpected weight on my back, but I quickly righted myself.

  “Help!” I cried with a laugh as I ran into the house with her clinging to me. “Daddy, help!”

  “I’m not that heavy, Aunt Lucy. Jeesh, relax,” my niece grumbled.

  Dad stuck his head out of the living room as I went past. “Hey, Lu. When did you get the pet monkey?”

  “Shut it, you,” Arella yelled at him as I headed up the stairs. “You’re next!”

  Still laughing, I carried her upstairs to her room and dropped her on her bed. I grabbed a pillow and hit her across the back with it then covered her up with her blanket. She shrieked in outrage, but I made a run for the door and closed it before she could untangle herself. Giggling, I raced down the stairs and threw myself into my dad’s arms for a tight hug just as Arella stomped downstairs.

  “You’ll pay for that,” the girl bellowed as she stormed into the room, her hair tangled.

  “Daddy, protect me,” I pleaded, hiding behind him.

  “Uh oh.” He sidestepped me. “If it were anyone but Arella, I would, baby. But she scares me too much.”

  “Traitor,” I squealed as my niece tackled me. We both toppled to the floor, and Arella started tickling me. Damn it, my only weakness and everyone knew it too.

  “Help!” I cried, laughing so hard tears blurred my vision. “Lana, help me. Someone. Anyone! Please…”

  Suddenly her small weight was lifted off me, and I just lay there for a moment, trying to catch my breath. But I had to admit, it felt good to play around and laugh. My hair was probably a tangled mess, but my heart felt lighter than it had in weeks. A hand appeared, and I took it, letting Jenna pull me to my feet.

  As soon as I was vertical again, I took in the taller girl. Jenna was smiling, but I could tell she wasn’t herself today. I didn’t know if it was because she was sad Santana, her new roommate, and Angie weren’t there, or if it was because she was in the same house as her sister. The two Stevenson sisters hadn’t made up yet, and I knew it was something that bothered Jenna. They had always been close, until Tessa had ruined their relationship and nearly cost Harris his life. Nat was the only one who hadn’t forgiven Jenna for her part in everything, and I wondered if she ever would. Part of me understood Nat’s position, but I loved Jenna too much not to forgive her.

  “That’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh in a while,” Jenna said, keeping her voice quiet so it didn’t reach the group of rockers sitting around the living room watching football. “I didn’t realize I missed it until I heard it.”

  I shot a glance to where Dad was sitting on a long couch beside Cole Steal. The two were talking about some reunion tour Cole was doing with his rock legend band Steal Entrapment, but I didn’t want to pull his attention to me. This thing between Mom and me, I wanted it to stay that way. I didn’t want Dad to have to take sides, especially since I wasn’t one hundred percent sure whose side he would take.

  I wanted him to take mine, but at the same time, I didn’t want him and Mom to fight over me. But what I was really afraid to face was how disappointed he would be in me for my little emotional scene with Mom at lunch the week before. How our argument hadn’t ended up in the trash mags or on TMZ was a minor mystery to me.

  Minor because I really only needed one guess as to who had stopped any story dead in its tracks with just a few well-placed phone calls. Aunt Emmie had stopped Harris’s supposed sex tape with Tessa from hitting the mainstream media within an hour once I’d realized what Tessa had done. Something as simple as a few pictures snapped with smartphones wasn’t going to give her any trouble.

  “I’ve kind of been tense lately,” I told Jenna now.

  She snorted. “Nah, really?” She rolled her pretty blue-gray eyes that seemed to be a Stevenson trademark. Every single one of them had them, with the exception of Violet. But it was a family joke that Harper had wanted a baby so badly that she had more or less cloned herself when she finally did get pregnant with Violet. But the truth was, Violet looked more like Shane than Harper except for her hair and eyes.

  “I’ve seen how tense you’ve been, Lucy. It’s a regular topic at the breakfast table up in my apartment. Santana doesn’t know how you haven’t gone off the deep end and bitch-slapped someone yet. She’s taken a lot of bridal pictures in her short career, but she says she’s never seen a more stressed-out bride in her life.” My eyes went back to Dad, and Jenna followed my gaze before sighing resignedly. “One word and you know Jesse would step in. Or Harris. Although, if you ask me, you should have already been kicking his ass about it anyway.”

  I bit the inside of my bottom lip and turned my gaze to look at anything but Jenna or my Dad. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

  She touched a gentle hand to my arm. “No, Lucy. You’re anything but fine. You might have been playing around with Arella just now, but those cries for help were genuine.”

  “I see someone finally helped you,” Lana laughed as she came into her living room, wiping her hands on a dish towel that was tucked into the waistband of her jeans. She ignored everyone else in the room as she came over to give me a tight hug.

  My arms wrapped around her, and I closed my eyes as I felt her lips touch the side of my head. Lana had been the first person to ever love me. Once our mother had given birth to me, I’d become more of a burden to her than a treasure. Unlike with Lana and Layla, my father hadn’t been a rocker who had bought off Lydia Daniels with a hefty check to keep her in her favorite lifestyle for a little while.

  My biological father had been her drug dealer, and instead of handing over money, he had gone to prison for possession and assault. But Lana, who had been only a kid herself, had taken over responsibility for me. She was the one who had fed and bathed me, changed my diapers and read to me. Hell, she had even potty trained me. When our mother died, I didn’t remember feeling sad. I was only four years old, but I could still remember thinking, “So what, she’s dead? She never loved me. Only Lana. If something happened to her, I would be lost.”

  When Lana started to pull back from our hug, my arms tightened around her, and I began to feel the levee I’d erected for my tears the afternoon things had blown up with Mom crack. But Lana only hugged me tighter, and the urge to cry quickly passed.

  I pulled away first this time, but not before I caught the scent of sage and a torrent of other spices. That was when I inhaled a little deeper and finally smelled the food she was cooking in the kitchen. My stomach growled hungrily, and suddenly, all I could think about was turkey and stuffing. “Please tell me dinner will be ready soon,” I begged with a laugh.

  “Nope. We still have a little bit of a wait.” She caught my wrist and then grasped Jenna’s. “I came in search of reinforcements, though. I need help with our side dishes.”

  “But Natalie and Harper are in there with Emmie and Layla,” Jenna argued. “What do you need us for?”

  Lana rolled her honey-brown eyes. “Like anyone but Harper is actually doing any work. Those other three are knee-deep in discussing the wedding.”

  Jenna shot me a look over my sister’s head as the hunger I had been feeling only seconds before completely disappeared. My stomach gave a sharp cramp, and I wonder just how quickly a bleeding ulcer could form. But the pain of the cramp did what nothing else could right then. It grounded me, and I lowered my eyes from Jenna, not wanting her to see how fucked up I really was.

  I dug my heels in outside the kitchen door, forcing Lana to stop. She turned to face me with lifted brows. Her eyes scanned my face and instantly darkened with concern at whatever she saw there. “What’s wrong? You look a little green.” She lowered her voice. “You’re not pregnant, are you? Are you having morning sickn
ess?”

  “Of course I’m not,” I nearly shouted, then quickly lowered my voice when Jenna snickered.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “I…” But the words wouldn’t come. I looked helplessly at Jenna.

  “She’s about ten seconds from popping a stomach wall with the stress she’s under, and she’s trying to tell you she isn’t up for going into your kitchen to face more of that shit,” Jenna deadpanned, but Lana’s beautiful face turned dark.

  “Lucy…is that true?” Still unable to find my voice, all I could do was shrug. “Is this what you and Drake have been talking about when you call him?” Again, I shrugged. I had told Drake some of what was going on, but I hadn’t told a soul about the argument with Mom. And Drake had kept quiet about what I told him because I was like one of his daughters to him. My confidence was sacred to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “If she’s not telling Harris, did you expect her to tell you?” Jenna reasoned.

  “Yes, actually, I did,” my sister muttered. “Okay, tell me now. How bad is it?”

  Once again, l looked to Jenna for help. Why the hell wouldn’t my voice work?

  “Well, that small and intimate wedding she wants is now a three-ring circus with everything except the dancing bears. Last I heard, the guest list was over five hundred and still hasn’t been finalized.”

  Jenna wasn’t even exaggerating. This damn thing was turning into a circus with Aunt Emmie as the lion tamer. Only, I couldn’t decide if Nat and Mom were trapeze artists…or clowns.

  I instantly felt ashamed for thinking that last thought. My mom wasn’t a clown, even if I did think she and Nat were ridiculous at times.

  “Lucy, look at me.” On reflex, I instantly gave her my eyes. She stepped closer and lowered her voice, but I had never heard it sound fiercer. “Why the hell haven’t you spoken up? This is your wedding, and you’re letting them take it over. They are getting absurd with this shit, and you’re just sitting back and taking it.” She cupped my elbows and shook me ever so slightly, but it was enough to get her point across and force me to give her all of my attention. “You are stronger than this, Lucy.”

  My levee took a critical hit, but oddly enough, remained intact. My chin trembled, but I quickly clenched my jaw. “No, Lana. I’m nowhere near as strong as you think I am,” I got out in a choked voice. “You have no idea just how weak I really am.”

  “Baby, don’t say that,” she whispered forcefully. “Look, it doesn’t even matter if you’re strong enough or not—though I know the truth. You have people around you who would kill for you. Who only want you to be happy. Say one little word, and those people would slay a dragon for you. You don’t have to be strong all the time, because you have people who care so much about you that they will be the strong ones for you.”

  “A dragon,” Jenna snorted. “Yeah, that pretty much describes all those crazy-ass bitches right now.”

  Lana’s lips twitched with the beginnings of a smirk, but she quickly blanked her expression again. “This is not the way to start a marriage, Lucy. If you can’t tell Harris something like this, then there are always going to be things you keep from him. And while I know you’re only trying to protect him, ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed. What if he was keeping something from you that was bothering him this much?”

  My thoughts instantly turned to Kin. Watching what she was going through with Jace because he was keeping something from her, how broken she was right now… I wouldn’t have been strong enough to handle that. My sister was right. I couldn’t keep doing this.

  My marriage was too important to keep secrets, even if they were to protect the man I loved.

  Chapter 9

  Harris

  I felt like I couldn’t eat another bite, but at the same time, contemplated asking Lana for a few slices of her pies to take home later. Football was on, and I was struggling not to fall asleep, while around me, a few of the other men had lost the battle. Nik and Cole were snoring even as I fought back a yawn of my own.

  A glance at my phone told me Lucy had been in the kitchen with the other women for a few hours now. After dinner, they had conned her into helping with dishes, when I would have rather she snuggled with me on the couch. I couldn’t sleep without her beside me, even if it was to take a nap on her sister’s couch.

  Standing, I left my dad and Jesse to fight their own battles with sleep and headed for the kitchen. As much as I loved spending the day with our families, I was ready to go home. I wanted to fall into bed with Lucy, sleep for a few hours, get up and have some pumpkin pie, and then make love to her all night long.

  As I walked, still half asleep, I could hear raised voices coming from the kitchen. Shit, what the hell were they arguing about now? Knowing those crazy-ass ladies, it could have been over anything. It wasn’t until I was nearly to the door that what they were saying registered. The drugged feeling from all the turkey I had eaten earlier disappeared, and I was wide awake now.

  “How the fuck did you let this wedding get so crazy?” Lana sounded pissed, and at the mention of the wedding, I stopped in my tracks with my hand raised to push the door open.

  “It’s what she wants,” Layla said defensively.

  “No, it isn’t, and you damn well know it,” the younger sister snapped, shutting her up. “This is what you three want, not Lucy or Harris. Fuck, I bet that boy doesn’t even know half the crap you have been putting Lucy through with all these wedding plans. Besides the basics, I’m pretty sure he’s clueless on most of the details for this damn thing. But I’m curious, why the hell do you need a seven-foot cake?”

  “Hey,” Emmie cut in. “Leave me out of this. I’m just the mover and shaker when it comes to getting these things done.”

  “Oh, shut up, Emmie. You know good and well what’s been going on. You have eyes. You see how stressed Lucy is. You see everything, damn it.” Lana wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily. “Stop pretending like you didn’t have a part in all this shit.”

  “The cake is going to look just like Beast’s castle from the new Beauty and the Beast movie Lucy likes so much,” Nat tried to explain. “She was all for it when she saw the pictures.”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was when she thought it was only going to be a few feet tall. You know, like a normal-sized wedding cake. Not one that is taller than the groom,” Jenna said disparagingly.

  “If she’s this upset, why hasn’t she said anything, then?” Emmie demanded. “Lucy has a voice, and she’s never been quiet about things that upset her in the past.”

  “Good question,” I muttered to myself. And I wanted to know the answer to it, but even though I was straining to hear her voice, it never came.

  “Because she’s not the same girl she was a year ago, goddamn it!” Lana cried. “Of course, Layla would have already figured that out if her head wasn’t still stuck up her ass.”

  “That’s not fair, Lana,” Layla said in a weak voice.

  “No, you know what’s not fair? That up until you jumped feetfirst into planning this wedding, the most you and Lucy have talked in the last year was when she came out to your house every Saturday to spend time with Jesse. You were so focused on how hurt you were she didn’t confide in you that you froze her out. It became about how you were feeling and screw Lucy. Then you decided you would plan this ridiculous-ass wedding to try to bond with her, but still, all you’re focused on is yourself.”

  “Lana,” Emmie started to interrupt, but Lana wasn’t to be stopped.

  “Shut up. I’m talking now. You will be quiet and listen for once in your fucking life.” Everyone on the other side of the door became almost deathly silent for a moment before Lana lit back into her sister. “You are the most loving and caring person I know, Layla. But for the past year, when it comes to Lucy, you have become so selfish I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

  The sob that left Layla sounded so heartbroken, I clenched my hands into fists to keep f
rom going in there and hugging her. But it was only right then, with Lana’s words echoing in my head, that I realized she was right. Layla had become distant with Lucy. And while my girl had acted like she didn’t see it—or pretended to—I hadn’t realized Lucy was hurting.

  When I didn’t hear anything from Lucy, I figured she wasn’t in there, but I needed to find her. Because Lana had been right about a lot of things, especially about the fact that I apparently didn’t know shit where my own damn wedding was concerned.

  Before I could turn away from the door, Lana’s voice stopped me.

  “Do you know how many times she’s been to her support meetings lately? Do you know how many times she calls Drake—at all hours of the day and night—because she’s upset and fighting the need to hurt herself?” Lana’s voice cracked, and my stomach bottomed out, because I didn’t know the answer to those questions either. Lucy hadn’t said a word to me about the calls to Drake. And while I knew she made her usual weekly support group meetings, Lana made me wonder if she had been going to others. “Do you know how scared I am that one day I’ll get that call, and she will have given in to that need and gone too far? Do you fucking know, Layla?”

  “N-no.” Layla’s voice was a whisper, but the room had grown so quiet now that I could have heard a pin dropping on the other side of the door. “I don’t know any of that. She doesn’t tell me anything.”

  “Because you don’t ask. You never have.” I was surprised to hear Emmie sound so hard on her best friend. “She’s right, Layla. I tried to ignore it, brushed it off, but Lana has a point. You’re so caught up in the fact that she didn’t tell you that you’ve shut her out completely.”

  “It’s…it’s not like that,” she denied weakly.