The Rocker That Holds Me

  Whatever the reason it was magical and I woke the next morning feeling like I could float. He was still pressed up against my back, with one hand cupping my breast and the other laying protectively over where our daughter grew in my belly. It was the perfect way to wake up and I wanted that every morning for the rest of my life.

  Warm lips caressed my neck. “Morning, baby.” He breathed at my ear. “How did you sleep?”

  “If I said that it was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had would you believe me?”

  I felt his smile against my shoulder. “Yes, because it was one of the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had too.”

  I wasn’t exactly happy about his answer. Turning in his arms I grasped his chin and met his smiling eyes. “One of the best?”

  He nodded. “Yep.”

  My green eyes narrowed. “What were the other ones?”

  He grinned. “Let me see…A few weeks ago when you crawled in beside of me on the bus. When you couldn’t sleep last year and spent the night in my hotel room talking to me until I fell asleep…” He shrugged. “All of them seem to involve you sleeping in my arms.”

  Okay, so I was decisively happier with that answer. Not many women wouldn’t be, especially when someone as sinfully sexy as Nikolas Armstrong said those things to her! “I don’t know why I keep you around sometimes mister.”

  He batted those thick eye lashes at me and I was transfixed for a moment by the sheer beauty of them as they curtained his ice blue eyes. God, I would kill for eye lashes like that! Several shades darker than his hair, they were magnificent. It wasn’t fair that his eyes were so beautiful. “Let’s grab a shower, baby. I’m starving.”

  At the suggestion of getting up and eating my stomach grumbled. Nik grinned down at me. “How about some bacon?”

  I laughed. “I’m going to end up hating bacon before this is all over.”

  “Probably.” He kissed me, quick and hard, but no less potently. “Now get that sexy ass up so that we can eat. I need food, woman. Food.”

  Chapter 13

  I don’t have any female friends. I was practically raised by four rockers. It is little wonder that I have no interest in shopping. Last night was the first time I have ever wanted to own a dress. This baby is so making me lose my mind!

  All I want is to feel pretty, sexy. But I don’t want to lose who I am. I don’t want designer dresses. I would probably throw up if I spent more than a hundred dollars on an outfit. So I ended up at the mall.

  At a mall on a Wednesday in a touristy city? Yeah, that was a good idea. Not!

  Do you have any idea how many teenaged girls are at a mall on a Wednesday during the summer? Well I sure as hell didn’t, and I was positive that Nik hadn’t had a clue either. So when we walked into American Eagle and the sales girl standing with a half folded shirt in her hands screamed I nearly jumped out of my skin because I hadn’t been expecting it.

  “Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod!” The girl was in front of Nik before I could even figure where the scream had come from. “You’re Nik Armstrong.” She screamed again, causing everyone in the store and outside to stop and see what was going on. “I am like your biggest fan ever. I’m Meg.”

  I knew then and there that I was not going to get any shopping done that day. It seemed like as soon as Meg said his name aloud he was surrounded by panting girls. One actually pushed me out of the way so that she could get to him. Hands were all over him, wanting to have the memory of touching the rocker who probably stared in their immature wet dreams.

  I have had to hide my feelings for Nik for years now. Even when it was killing me inside I never let anyone see how much having skanks touch him—or worse, sleep with him—bothered me. But today I was not able to hide behind those walls that I had built for times like this. I was pregnant with his baby, for fucks sake! He had spent hours making me come apart in his arms just the night before.

  So while he grinned, and laughed, and let them touch him I turned and walked away. Jealousy ate at me like a disease and I was so fucking mad at him for letting them touch him, that he let them push me out like I was insignificant. A more rational part of my brain tried to excuse it. Attempted to make me see that he was just playing the part, hamming it up for his fans. But when it came to most of the females that were Demon’s Wings fans I wondered if they even listened to their music. Or was it just about getting in a hot rocker’s bed? From what I have witnessed over the years the latter was more along the lines of truth than the former.

  My phone started playing Ashes by Demon’s Wings and I glared down at the damn thing in my hand seeing Nik’s face smiling back at me on the screen of the iPhone. Instead of answering I got on the escalator and went up to the second floor. I couldn’t face him right now. There was no telling what I would have done if I saw him right at that moment.

  Slap his overly handsome face? Knee him in the balls? Confess that I was obsessively in love with him? No way would I do that. It was bad enough that he knew how much I wanted him, the lengths that I had stooped to just to get in his pants.

  “Em?” I didn’t look over the rail when I heard him frantically calling my name from the ground level. Let him worry. Give it five minutes and he would be surrounded by girls again and I would just be an afterthought. Fuck that, and fuck him!

  A store caught my attention and I went in without thinking about it. Now this was my kind of store! Black lace, chains, silk and mesh. Oh, fuck yeah! There was a moody girl behind the counter who raised her head to frown at me when I walked in. She had some kind of rock magazine on the counter in front of her and after deciding that I wasn’t worth her time went back to the article in front of her.

  I got lost in buying clothes. Sexy black panties, matching bras. Thigh highs and garters. A black dress that screamed that it was made for me. A skirt with chains holding the sides together. Tops that showed off my new assets. Shoes, shoes, and more shoes that went with all my darkly sexy outfits.

  I made sure to get everything a size bigger so that I would have a little room to grow since my pregnancy was going to start showing soon. And when I tried on shoes I found that a size bigger and wider were needed, but that didn’t surprise me. I had read about some women’s feet growing like that when they were pregnant. It was weird but true.

  The girl behind the counter gave me a long look as I tossed my stuff up on the counter top. “Did you find what you were looking for?” She asked.

  I took in her dyed black hair, the piercings in her nose and eyebrow, the tattoo of a demon on her right forearm and felt like I had found a kindred spirit. Had I known this girl growing up she would have most likely ended up my best friend. “All I have are jeans and stupid Demon’s Wings shirt. It was time for a change.”

  The girl’s eyes narrowed on me. “Demon’s Wings shirts are not stupid. I have six of them.”

  “Then you have exceptionally good taste in music. But I needed something that screams sexy, not rocker girl next door.” She started ringing up my clothes and I turned to the jewelry rack behind me. There were cheap little things, some of them only twenty dollars at the most. But they were beautiful. A sexy demon with her wings and horns in a tarnished silver hanging from a chain caught my attention and I tossed it on the counter with the rest of my things. The side with the belly button rings was next and I found several that I liked. Some nose studs and I was done.

  There were eight bags full by the time the girl was finished scanning my things into the computer. I handed over the credit card and watched the girls eyes bulge when she saw the name on the card. “Nikolas Armstrong?” She sputtered and gave me a closer look. “It is you. I thought you looked familiar. You’re Ember Jameson!”

  I smiled at the girl. “Yes.”

  “You have to be the coolest girl in the fucking world.” She swiped the card before giving it back. “I love that poster of Demon’s Wings with you clinging to Jesse Thornton. Damn I would kill to be you.”

  That made the smile disappear. “No. No you would
n’t.” I assured her. My life might look perfect now, but no one would ever wish for the life that I had had growing up. No one deserved that kind of nightmare filled childhood.

  There was a commotion outside the store and I turned to find three security guards standing outside with a pale and frantic looking Nik. I glanced down at my phone and saw that I had been in the store for more than an hour. Crap! “Nik!” I called out as he started to pass the store.

  His head snapped around and he moved quicker than I had ever seen him as he entered the store and pulled me against his chest. His entire body was shaking, his fingers trembling as they knotted in my hair and jerked my head back to meet his blue eyes. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again!”

  Most of my anger had faded while I was shopping, so I stood and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Figured you were having so much fun with the fan club that you wouldn’t even miss me.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Where you jealous?”

  I pulled away from him and turned to the girl behind the counter who was gazing at Nik in wonder. It didn’t bother me this time. I knew that this girl was a true fan of the band, not just of the way the guys looked. I saw her name tag and gave her an appreciative smile. “Thanks for all the help Beth. Nik, Beth has been so much help today. I spent three grand without even realizing it.”

  Nik raised a brow but offered the girl a grin. “Thank you, Beth.”

  I pulled out one of the tops that I had just bought, a gray one, and reached for the marker on the counter beside of the computer. I wrote my name across the back and then handed the marker to Nik without looking at him. “Write down your address for me and I will send you that poster you like so much with the guys autographs on it.”

  “That…” She shook her head. “That would be awesome. Thank you!”

  I shrugged watching her scribble across a small piece of paper. “It’s nothing. I like meeting real Demon’s Wings fans. Thanks again.” Nik snatched up the eight bags and followed me out of the store with a wink at the girl.

  Chapter 14

  I slept alone that night. Call me childish and immature, I don’t care. I call it protection. After the episode at the mall and my battle with my jealousy I couldn’t handle spending another night in Nik’s arms without giving my feelings away.

  So I locked my door when I went to bed that night and didn’t move when I heard Nik’s knock. “Em, please don’t do this.” He had called, but I had just set on my bed.

  This morning I was already showered and dressed, but I wasn’t ready to go down and be nice to everyone. So I set on my bed with my hair still damp and my laptop open. There were a few emails that I had to handle from Rich. He wasn’t happy about the guys not going on tour in September and I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t know how much Nik had told his manager, but I was aware that the asshole was blaming me.

  After handling the business end of the emails I grabbed my phone, snapped a picture of me giving the middle finger and texted it to Rich Branson. Yeah, I really gave a shit about what he thought of me. Whatever.

  I was surfing the net looking for reviews on local OB/GYNs when I got a text back. Pregnancy has really calmed down your bitchiness, princess. NOT.

  Instead of calling to scream at him for calling me ‘princess’, I just resent the picture of me giving him the finger and tossed my phone aside. An hour later I was out of my room and downstairs. Jesse was watching some disgusting zombie movie on the flat screen in the living room and I wished I had time to sit and watch it with him.

  “Where you going?” He asked when I picked up the keys to the SUV.

  “I was able to get an appointment with a really good doctor.” I called over my shoulder. “They had a cancelation this afternoon and were able to squeeze me in. I have to get going or I’m going to be late.”

  He followed me out the door. “Where’s Nik? Don’t you think he should go with you?”

  I shrugged. “He wasn’t in his room and I don’t have time to worry about it.” I climbed into the driver’s seat and started punching in the address for the medical complex into the GPS.

  Jesse jumped in beside of me. “Someone should go with you.” He gave me a hard look that told me not to argue. Not that I would have. I was glad to have his company and the support of someone who loved me.

  With a smile I backed out of the driveway and turned toward Panama City.

  The staff was friendly and professional. I had to fill out countless forms when I arrived. Insurance, family and personal medical history. There was an entire page on my period. When was my first period? How many days did my flow last? How often is my cycle? On the back there were even more personal questions. How many sexual partners have you had? Have you had/currently have an STD?

  Jesse sat patiently beside of me while I filled out everything and went back with me when the nurse called my name. It wasn’t lost on me that Nik should have been with me today. And I was feeling the need for his presence as the visit wore on. I tried calling him twice while we waited for the doctor to come in, but he wasn’t picking up. I figured he was paying me back for not letting him in my room last night.

  When Dr. Morgan stepped into the room I was surprised by how pretty she was. In her late thirties, she had an ageless beauty about her. I figured she would be this beautiful when she was eighty. She gave me a kind smile and shook my hand. “Hello Ember. It’s nice to meet you.” She offered her hand to Jesse. “Are you dad?”

  “No, ma’am. Just a friend.”

  Dr. Morgan raised a brow but didn’t comment as she took a seat and laid her iPad on the little table beside of her chair. “Well, Ember, tell me a little about your pregnancy.”

  “I’m nineteen weeks and it’s a girl.” I wasn’t sure what the doctor wanted, but that was all I really knew about my pregnancy.

  “And you just recently found out?” I nodded. “Okay. Well, let me tell you about a few things that we need to do. We have to get some blood work and I need to do a Pap smear. These are all routine tests to make sure that you and the baby are healthy. Since you are already so far along in your pregnancy I would like to do another ultrasound to get some measurements and to confirm your due date.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good.” She pulled a small device from her coat pocket. “First I would like to take a listen to the baby’s heartbeat if that’s okay?”

  I sat back and the doctor pulled my tee shirt up. A little gel on the end of the device and she was pushing it against my lower abdomen. She moved it around a few times and then the room was filled with the noise that could not be mistaken for anything but the heartbeat of my baby.

  “That’s amazing.” Jesse whispered from his chair against the wall.

  I sent him a watery smile. “I know.”

  “Fuck, Em. This is real, huh? You’re really having a baby.” He rubbed his hands over his bald head.

  The doctor laughed softly. “There is undeniably a baby in there. Sounds good. A strong heartbeat.” She took the device away and used a paper towel to wipe the gel from my skin. “Now for the unpleasant part, Ember.” She pulled out a gown and a paper blanket from the cabinet under the table where her iPad was. “Everything off. I’ll step outside while you get undressed. The gown opens in the front.”

  I waited until she was gone before reaching for my shirt. Jesse stood and turned his back until I had the gown on and the paper blanket covered me. I wasn’t embarrassed to have Jesse there. We were comfortable with our bodies and the nature of our relationship that he had seen me naked more than a few times.

  When I had my first period it was Jesse who bought me tampons and then showed me how to us them. That might sound inappropriate, but there hadn’t been anyone else to help me. My mom had been passed out after a night of booze, crack, and men and I had been terrified of what was going on with my body.

  A minute later the doctor returned and I had my first experience with the torture that was called a Pap smear. “This is just to check for cervical cancers an
d STDs.” Dr. Morgan explained as she did something that made me whimper. In the next second it was all over. “Looks good, Ember. Your cervices are nice and closed.” She pulled off her gloves and tossed them in the trash before washing her hands.

  “My nurse is going to come in and take some blood. Don’t freak out because she is going to take several vials.” She glanced at Jesse. “Make sure she eats soon.” He nodded. “I want to do an ultrasound but my tech is out sick today. Can you come back in the morning?”

  I was glad for the delay in the ultrasound. I wanted Nik with me for that. He was the father, the man I loved. He should be with me to see something that magical. My first one had left me in love with a being that I hadn’t known existed. I was sure that the experience would leave him just as moved.

  After we left I felt just a little light headed from the blood work and Jesse helped me out to the SUV. I was more than happy to hand over the keys so that he could drive. A quick stop at a McDonalds because I wanted a Big Mac with bacon and we were headed back to the beach house.

  I was happy to get home. I couldn’t wait to talk to Nik about going to the doctor with me the next morning. The rush of seeing our child while it moved inside of me was going to be something that will be one of the biggest moments in his life. I was sure of it.

  --

  As soon as Jesse had the SUV put in park I jumped out of the vehicle and practically skipped inside. “Nik?” I called out his name, but there wasn’t anyone in the house. Movement out on the beach caught my attention and I turned to see Nik, Drake, and Shane out on the beach with a group of girls in bikinis.

  My excitement evaporated.

  As I moved closer to the French doors that lead outside to the beach my heart cracked open. Nik had two of the five girls wrapped around him. He was laughing and shaking his head at something that Shane was saying. Boobs that had to be three sizes bigger than my own rubbed against his chest as it shook with laughter.