Slow to Grow

  Chapter Break

  Lloyd blissfully and obliviously frittered away the Summer before his first year of college and didn=t give leaving home a moment=s notice. He was scheduled to leave for Kansas in late August. LEAVE HOME. How could he not have given this any consideration? He didn=t like when his mommy and daddy went on vacation and left him and Ellen at home. Going away to school, with no friends there? Ominous clouds were settling in around him and he didn=t even notice.

  The night before he was set to leave, his friends and he decided to go out for one last hurrah. He was the first of his friends to leave for school, and even 24 hours before his departure, he was in denial of what was ahead of him.

  He had to delay things at the last minute because Mia called and needed a ride to a party. And he did it. For this user girl. His friends mocked him behind his back at what a pussy he was. He knew he shouldn=t have done it, but he didn=t want her not to like him. Even though he never saw her or talked to her again. It was not the last time he would be played the fool.

  They met at a restaurant in Greek town, an hour later then planned. The restaurant didn=t card for alcohol, and the seven of them split one pitcher of beer. With that huge buzz going on they headed to the bars on Division Street. They couldn=t get in but they could hang around and soak up the party atmosphere of the frat boy douches and drunken tarts. He parked his car in a supermarket parking lot and off they went to watch the debauchery. They saw three dudes puke in an alley and one girl pull her skirt up over her fat belly to take a piss. It was great hilarity. They were there for about an hour, it was near midnight now, and time to head home. They went back to retrieve his car from the supermarket. It was gone. Towed. And cost 150 bucks to get back.

  So his last night before college consisted of Mia ruining the early part of the evening and his car being towed at the end. Not a very auspicious ending to his high school years. But an apt one nonetheless. It was also not a good harbinger to the beginning of his college years as it would soon prove.

  He was blissfully ignorant about going away to college. He didn=t think about it or anything, it almost didn=t seem like it was real. Just like sex. He visited the Kansas campus over the Summer and he really liked it. It was hilly and pretty, nothing like the flat plains, wheat stalks and creationists that took up the other 99.8% of the state.

  The next day he was awoken at 5:50 am to the lovely dulcet tones of Mitnek leafblowing the shit out of his driveway. Eeeeeeeeerrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrr rrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrr. EEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Prick. There were about 7 leaves that had the nerve to fall onto his property and he had heard them strike the pavement and needed to rush out and clear them from ever existing..

  Leafblowers were the worst noise in the history of mankind. There is no comparison. In order. 1. leafblower. 2. crying baby. 3. Incessant dog barking. 4. Lloyd whining about women.

  He rose out of bed and all of a sudden the truth hit him like a baseball to the face. He was a condemned man going to the electric chair. He was leaving home for good. How did he not think about this day? He knew how homesick he got. He cried everyday on the way to summer camp when he was younger. Every day he would whimper on the bus, wanting to stay home with his mommy. And it was a day camp. A three hour day camp. Not very mature for a 13 year old.

  Now he was leaving. What in hell? The flight was at 2 pm. His whole family was going with him, and his Aunt and grandmother would see them off at the airport.

  Lloyd sat in a daze.

  How did this happen. I can=t leave home. Why didn=t I go to Loyola or Depaul or Columbia, they have a great journalism school. I could live at home. This is a horrible mistake. I can=t live on my own. This is horrific. I like my house. I like my bed. I like my mommy and daddy. And Ellen. What am I doing. I am just a little boy. College? I am going to miss Cedric way too much.

  Cedric was his turtle.

  I can=t do this. I don=t know anyone there. Kansas? Fucking Wizard of Oz. The land of Dorothy? That is all that stupid state is known for. This is not good. I have stepped foot there one time and that was enough to make this huge life decision?

  The phone rang and he answered it. It was his acquaintance, Neil. The one who cheated at cards, the one he never really cared for.

  AHey Lloyd, I just wanted to wish you well at school. And good luck@

  Lloyd busted out crying, and couldn=t even respond. Sobbing like a little girl. He sputtered out a thanks and started convulsing.

  His family ran downstairs and asked what was wrong.

  AWhat=s wrong? what=s wrong? I am leaving home. It will never be the same. I like it here. I like my life. I like my family. I don=t want to leave.@ He collapsed onto the floor and started dry heaving and twitching. His family was stunned. This had come out of the blue. The psychoanalytic term for it was Mama=s Boy Syndrome.

  He cried for the next four hours, and then cried in the car as they headed to the airport. Then he hysterically wept when they arrived at O=Hare. It is important to note that his family was going with him to Kansas and staying with him for a few days.

  His aunt and grandmother sat stunned as the whole family bawled as they boarded the plane. This was supposed to be a BIG MOMENT in his life. Instead it was like an aerial funeral. The other passengers felt pangs of sympathy for this family that was obviously moving to Europe or something.

  The plane took off and Lloyd felt as if he was being flown straight to the gates of hell.