The Rocker That Holds Her (The Rocker...)

  We were still laughing and teasing her when a nurse with short hair walked in. She took charge for about five minutes. Emmie’s vitals were taken and Shane made a run for it before the nurse started on Emmie’s IV. After explaining the doctor’s orders to Emmie, the nurse handed her a prescription for vitamins.

  Really? Vitamins? As sick as Em had been, all she needed was vitamins? That really didn’t make sense to me. Apparently I wasn’t the only one confused because Jesse and Drake started to question the woman.

  “Guys …” Emmie tried to intervene and I wasn’t completely blind to the nervous look on her face.

  When the nurse laughed I got a bad feeling. “A baby doesn’t qualify as a serious illness, honey.”

  I was sure my head had actually exploded. The word baby kept bouncing around in my head until I was sure I was going to lose my mind. No. I had misheard. That had to be the answer. A misunderstanding. I was still half asleep and exhausted from work and the emotional night before.

  “What?” I heard Jesse’s strangled question.

  “… the …” Drake was saying something but I couldn’t really focus on it.

  Running my fingers through my hair, I didn’t even try to stop the curse from exploding from my mouth. “FUCK!”

  Jesse looked wild as he charged over to Emmie’s bed. “What the fuck is she talking about? A baby?”

  Emmie’s nervousness seemed to intensify and she seemed to struggle for a moment before she sighed. “I’m pregnant.”

  The nurse excused herself. She could no doubt see that a war was about to break out in the room and wanted to be out of the line of fire. Smart woman. Because I was a fucking bomb about to explode.

  “How is that possible?” Drake demanded and Emmie actually laughed.

  “You mean you don’t know the how, Drake?”

  “Don’t try to be cute, Em. You know exactly what the fuck I mean.”

  When Shane entered the room and the others filled him in on the reasons for our yelling. I was shaking. Emmie was pregnant. Someone had touched her. Oh fuck. I had been okay when I had only assumed that she was involved with someone. Now that I knew it was a reality, I couldn’t handle it. The woman I loved wanted someone else.

  “Who?” I wasn’t sure if I had whispered the question or screamed it at her.

  “What?” Emmie looked confused by my question.

  I had kind of gone numb when the nurse had announced that Emmie was pregnant. Now it was wearing off and I was cracking from the inside out. “Who, Emmie? Who is the father?” I couldn’t stop looking at Jesse, or the rage that slowly started to consume me as I realized that he had actually touched her. “Or do I already know?”

  “What?” She sounded shocked.

  “What the fuck, Nik!” Jesse yelled at me. “You think I would… have you lost your fucking mind, bro? She might be hot, but I would never touch her! She’s like my sister.”

  “I don’t believe you.” I had seen with my own eyes how close they were. That closeness had only intensified over the last few months. “I see the way you look at her. I see how she is always clinging to you.” And it killed me a little more every time I saw it.

  “Nik…” Emmie’s voice was soft, trying to soothe me. My eyes went to her. In that moment I wanted to feel absolutely nothing for her, but I couldn’t turn off my feelings. A small part of me hated her. “Nik, Jesse isn’t the father.”

  The relief I felt at her words was short lived. Not Jesse, not the man that had had my back since we were little kids. But if not Jesse, then who. “Who, Em?” I was in front of her in a matter of seconds. Leaning down with my hands on either side of her body, I forced her to keep eye contact with me. I needed the truth. “Who the fuck touched you?” I yelled at her.

  For a moment I saw fear in her eyes. She had no clue why I was so mad, and that only increased my anger. I wanted to scream at her to open her fucking eyes. She was so blind to how much I cared!

  Before I could open my mouth to do just that, Drake pulled me away. “Stop it. Can’t you see that she is terrified of you right now?”

  “Just tell me who!” I demanded.

  “Why?” There were tears in her voice. “Why do you have to know so badly?”

  “So I can kill him.” I screamed, fighting my own tears.

  A tear fell from her eyes. “What is wrong with you, Nik? Why are you acting like this?”

  “Axton?” I made a guess, knowing that the fucking douche bag had to be the only other possibility. “He was sniffing around a few months ago. Was it him? I saw him with his hands on you last night.” I tried to get free of Drake’s hold. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if I got loose. Shake the truth from her? She wasn’t going to willingly tell me. “Was it him?”

  “No!” she cried.

  “Who?!”

  Jesse put himself between me and Emmie, his back turned away from me as he urged Emmie to tell me. “Tell him, Em.”

  “Someone in this room?” If it was Shane, and I hadn’t even suspected he was after her, I would…

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  I struggled harder, ready to rip into Shane. No fucking way. I could almost tolerate Jesse touching Em, but Shane? No. No. NO!

  I needed her to confirm it. I needed her to say who the father was. “Who, Em? Just tell me who.” I was close to tears now, my voice giving me away as it dared to crack.

  “Nik …”

  “WHO?!” I bellowed.

  “YOU!”

  --

  I was too stunned to move. In fact, I was sure that I lost all major mobility for a few minutes. One minute Drake was holding onto me, making sure that I didn’t hurt anyone. I knew that I wouldn’t have hurt Emmie. No matter how enraged I had been, I never would have touched her with violence. Jesse, on the other hand, would have been another story.

  A mixture of disbelief and euphoria battled inside of me. No way had Emmie just said that the baby was mine. Right?

  Right?!

  She had just said the words. I had heard them. I wasn’t still asleep in that damned chair beside of her bed and was dreaming this whole thing. All around me the room was quiet, except for the heart wrenching sobs coming from the woman I loved.

  Looking up at her from the floor where I had fallen to my knees I whispered, “What?”

  “You, Nik.” Her voice broke on yet another sob. “You are the father.”

  I shook my head, still not quite believing that she had just given me something I had only dreamed of. “No. I … No …”

  Trembling fingers wiped away rapidly falling tears. “Yes, Nik.”

  “It was a dream. I dreamed that night.” I got to my feet as quickly as my shaking legs would allow and pushed Jesse out of my way before falling to my knees beside her bed. “Right?”

  Emmie’s eyes looked down at the blanket still covering her waist and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Nik. I’m sorry I took advantage of you. Please…” her voice broke again and my heart clenched painfully “…please don’t hate me.”

  What the fuck was she talking about now? I was pretty sure I knew what night we had made the baby growing inside of Emmie. The next morning I had woken with the scent of sex in the air but had thought that I had just gotten myself off in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t have been the first time that I had jerked off while I dreamed of Emmie.

  Fuck! A million questions filled my mind. Had I hurt her that night? Had I been gentle like she had needed and deserved? Did she enjoy it? I suddenly feared that I had ruined sex for her.

  The snickering of my band brothers pulled me back from my wondering. Emmie glared at them over my head. “This is not funny. I practically raped him!”

  I couldn’t help it. It would have taken a man with a lot more willpower than I would ever claim to have to not have started laughing. But when I saw the look on Emmie’s face—anger, fear, and maybe even a little humiliation—the laughter stopped dead, and I shook my head at her.

  “Come on, Em. There is no
way that you could have taken advantage of me. It’s not rape when it’s consensual, baby,” I assured her.

  The tears started falling all over again. “You didn’t know it was me, Nik. You thought I was one of the groupies.”

  “The fuck you say!” I exploded. How could she even think that? “I might have been drunk, but I knew it was you the entire time, Emmie. I’ve been dreaming about it for a lot longer than I should have. That’s why when I woke the next morning I thought nothing of it.”

  Behind me the guys made sounds of anger mixed with disgust. “Too much info, dude. Too much info. We don’t need to know that shit.”

  I ignored Jess as I continued to watch Emmie. She looked stunned, maybe as stunned as I had been to find out I was her baby’s father. Her eyes widened and I thought I saw something close to elation cross her beautiful face.

  Could I have been wrong all this time? Had Emmie been fighting her own feelings for me while I had been doing the same with my feelings for her? I wanted to ask her about it then and there, along with about a million other questions.

  “Emmie …”

  The suddenness of the hospital door opening stopped me from asking her anything. We were ordered out so the nurse could help Emmie dress. When I tried to protest, to tell the old hag to fuck off because I had more important things to sort out, Emmie took hold of my hand. My entire body felt as if I had been electrocuted by that simple touch.

  “It’s okay, Nik. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  Jesse helped me to stand. “Let’s go, bro. There is plenty of time to talk later. She isn’t going anywhere.”

  That was the only thing I was sure of at the moment. Emmie wasn’t going anywhere I wasn’t. We had plenty of time to sort out our life, our future together.

  The door closed behind Jesse just as I leaned back against the opposite wall with Drake. Thankfully Shane had gone ahead to grab us a cab. I didn’t think I could have handled his pacing right then.

  Jesse bumped my shoulder as he stepped back beside of me. I grimaced because now I had something else to deal with. The rage in my friend’s ever changing dark eyes told me that I had a beating coming before his words confirmed it.

  “It’s coming, Nik.”

  I nodded my head, knowing that I deserved anything that Jesse, Drake, and Shane threw at me. I had done the one thing that we had spent the last six years making sure no other guy could attempt to. I had not only taken Emmie’s virginity while wasted, I had gotten her pregnant too. As happy as I was about both, I was deeply ashamed of myself too.

  She deserved better than this.

  Minutes later the hospital door opened and the nurse pushed Emmie out in a wheelchair. Of course she had her phone at the ready, no doubt getting ready to work on something for the band. Jesse snatched the phone from her at the same time I saw the shiny piece of paper in Emmie’s other hand.

  “What’s that?” I asked, nodding to what looked like a grainy black and white picture.

  She handed it over before the nurse started pushing her toward the elevator. “It’s an ultrasound picture of the baby… It’s a girl.”

  I couldn’t keep my fingers from trembling as I took the picture from her. It took me a moment to understand what I was looking at. It wasn’t until we were nearly on the ground floor when I figured out what was what on the picture. The outline of a hand, the shape of a foot. The baby came into focus and I couldn’t help smiling even as I felt my throat choked with emotion.

  This was our baby. My baby …

  Emmie was the mother of my child!

  Chapter 10

  Stop Being A Fucking Coward

  The flight from Texas to Florida was nowhere near fun. The guys and I sat and stressed over how sick Emmie seemed to be. She had always suffered from air sickness, but all the vomiting on top of just getting out of the hospital for dehydration had us on a razor’s edge of anxiety. Less than half an hour before we were due to reach our destination, I was ready to demand the captain to land at the nearest airport so we could take Emmie to see a doctor.

  “I’m fine,” Emmie murmured, wiping her mouth after having used the air sickness bag for what felt like the hundredth time, but was probably only the fifth or sixth.

  I crouched down beside of her where she was sitting beside of Shane. “You haven’t eaten anything today. How can you still be throwing up?”

  “I’ve been drinking lots of water and Sprite.” She sat back, leaning her head against Shane’s shoulder as she closed her eyes. “I’m fine, Nik. Really. This is just the air sickness. Not the…” her eyes opened and she met my gaze before looking away again “…baby.”

  “Why didn’t you ask the doctor for those patches you usually wear?” Shane asked.

  “I was more worried about other things at the time, Shane.” Emmie stood, moving past me without toppling me on my ass. “I have to use the ladies’ room.”

  I climbed to my feet and followed her. To the other people on the plane I must have looked like I was stalking her, and it was probably true. But I was worried about her dammit! Fortunately the plane was full of mostly businessmen, and those few that weren’t didn’t seem to recognize me and the others. Except for one of the flight attendants who had tried to tempt Shane into a quickie in the bathroom, we had pretty much been left alone.

  When she reached the ladies’ room, she turned and noticed I was right behind her. “I just have to pee, Nik.”

  I shrugged. “So pee.” With a huff she slammed the door, and I heard the lock click into place. I stood there, listening intently as I tried to hear if she was vomiting again. I didn’t hear any retching, but she was in there for so long that I started to wonder if she was alright. Raising my fist to knock, I was stopped by Jesse’s hand landing on my shoulder and squeezing. Hard.

  “Come on, bro. She’s going to be okay.” I could tell his words were more to calm me than something he actually believed. The worry in those ever changing eyes of Jesse’s told me that he was just as freaked out as I was. “Chill out until we land at least.”

  With one last look at the closed bathroom door, I followed Jesse back to our seats near Drake. For once Drake wasn’t swallowing Jack Daniels like it was water, and I wondered if it was because he wanted to be sober so he could kick my ass too. I knew it was coming from Jesse because I had spent the time being subjected to his threats—more like promises—in between checking on Emmie. I also knew that one word to Emmie and she would step in and make sure Jesse didn’t touch me.

  I wasn’t going to say a word to Emmie about it. I deserved whatever beating Jesse or Drake or Shane dished out. If I was in their shoes I’d be making promises of a broken and bloody body too.

  After we landed, some of Emmie’s color returned. I wasn’t happy until she had kept nearly an entire bottle of Sprite down as we waited for the SUV that Emmie had arranged for us. Once we had the vehicle packed with the smaller luggage and the larger pieces were scheduled for delivery, we all piled into the three row monstrosity of an SUV.

  Drake was driving because he handled driving in an unknown city better than the rest of us. He hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol all day so I didn’t voice a protest. Jesse and Shane climbed into the back and I took shotgun while Emmie stretched out in the middle row. She was still asleep when we pulled up to the beach house.

  Emmie didn’t even stir as I lifted her into my arms and carried her into the house. I found what I figured was the master bedroom and tucked her into bed. I ached to climb into that big old bed with her but didn’t know how she would react come morning. I was acting like a coward, but I was walking through what felt like quicksand with Emmie and didn’t know how to get out.

  I ended up taking the room directly across from the master suite, leaving my door open so I could listen out for Emmie if she needed something in the night. I bounced onto the big, achingly comfortable bed and was practically asleep before my head hit the pillow.

  --

  The punch to my gut knocked the air out
of me and I bent over, trying to suck in some much needed oxygen.

  Coughing, because it was proving to be harder to breathe than I had first anticipated, I glared up at the man that had been my best friend for longer than I could remember. “Good one, bro.”

  Jesse just glared down at me from his impressive height. “You know what really pisses me off?”

  “What?” I wheezed out.

  “You’re a fucking pussy! For years I’ve watched you, Nik. I’ve seen the way that you can’t take your eyes off of Emmie. And you know that was okay with me. Out of all of us, you were the good guy. The one that I felt actually deserved her if that was what she decided she wanted. But instead of fighting for her, you hid behind those slutty girls and pushed Emmie away.” Jesse punched me in the gut again and I fell to my knees. “Now you got her pregnant and you’re still acting like a pussy. Grow a pair, asshole, and make sure she knows that you love her.”

  He didn’t hit me again. He didn’t have to. While he walked away, I stayed where I was—on my knees with my entire body aching—after the beating Jesse had just handed out. Jesse hadn’t dared hit my face, knowing that Emmie would have torn into him for kicking my ass. But the rest of my body hadn’t been off limits. I was going to be hurting for at least a week.

  Thankfully Emmie had been sleeping most of the past two days. Otherwise she would have seen Jesse beating some sense into me on the beach. For an all too brief moment I wondered why Shane and Drake hadn’t come out to add their two cents and a few punches of their own.

  But it wasn’t the ass kicking that left me stunned. It was what Jesse had said that was ringing through my ears and left my heart racing. I had been a pussy, a total coward. For years now I had been a silent cry baby and expected Emmie to just assume how I felt about her. I hadn’t fought for her.

  With a pain-filled groan I got to my feet. Starting right this minute I was going to man up and fight for the only person I wanted to spend eternity with.