Cake

  “Last weekend.”

  He bows his head, and I see his shoulders shake. I’m not sure if he is crying or laughing. Dray and I stand there, not sure what is happening.

  “The condom broke,” he mumbles.

  Did I just hear him say the condom broke? GOD! NO!

  “No, I forgot to use one.” Dray answers not realizing that Trent is talking about us.

  He lets out a hollow laugh again and looks at Dray, “No, Brother. The condom broke when Kylie and I were together the other day. I guess she started feeling guilty and ran out. I didn’t find it until after she left.”

  “You didn’t finish,” I say to him.

  “Pre-cum, Kylie. It was all on the condom.”

  A loud crash sounds as Dray punches a hole in my wall.

  “Dray!” I shout.

  He turns and looks at me breathing so hard his nostrils flare, before returning to my bedroom and slamming the door.

  “Get out, Trent.” He didn’t have to say that to Dray. He said it to hurt him.

  “Gladly.” He walks to the top of the stairs then turns back. “I expect to hear from you, one way or another.” The sound of the door slamming startles me, and I jump.

  Behind me, another door opens and Dray walks out, completely dressed. My legs begin to shake from all the drama, so I sit down on my couch. I watch him watching me.

  “Do you want to know about it?” I ask.

  He starts to shake his head no then stops. “Yes.”

  “I really did think all you wanted was sex. It didn’t occur to me that it was anything serious between us. I started developing feelings for you, but I was confused. I have loved Trent for so long that it is as instinctive as breathing. My memory of him was so natural, that, when he came home, the real Trent was so unnatural that it scared me to death. If I loved just a figment of him, what did they say about all the men I pushed away? There is no excuse other than I figured I owed it to myself to see how I truly felt about Trent.”

  “So you had to fuck him? To find out how you feel? Is that what you are telling me?” he asks angrily.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know. All I know is that I stopped it because it felt wrong. I felt like a whore.” I add, in a whisper, “Like I was cheating on the man I love.”

  Rushing to stand in front of me, he points his finger in my face, screaming, “Don’t you dare say it! You don’t have the fucking right to say that to me now! I can’t deal with this.”

  He turns and walks away. The door, once again, slams downstairs. I curl in a ball on my couch, and my heart splits open. I cry about what just happened, but, most of all, for losing him. I have lost both of them, but losing him hurts the most.

  “Kylie, where you at?”

  Opening my swollen eyes is almost impossible. Turning over in my bed, I pull the covers over my head and wish Madison away. Was it just this morning that my whole life turned itself upside down? My body and mind feel bruised and beaten. Can’t I have one minute to catch my breath without somebody pushing me down again?

  “Hey, Skittles. Have you tasted a Dray or Trent rainbow today? Ooh, or both?”

  Her voice is getting closer. Do I have enough time to rush and lock my bedroom door?

  “Hey hooker, what are you doing in bed? Are you okay? I’ve called you like ten thousand times. I even played sick from work to check on you.”

  The sheets start sliding away from me, but I grasp them tighter, playing tug-of-war with Madison. With a strong yank, she pulls them away. I look right at her.

  “Holy fuck! What happened to your face?”

  Laying my head back on my pillow, I gather the other one and hug it to my chest.

  “I need to get out of here for a couple of weeks, but I can’t leave because of Aunt Leigh. I don’t know what to do?” My voice sounds empty, even to me, and my heart hurts. I know it’s all in my head, but it feels as if it isn’t beating on cue.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “Anywhere, but here.”

  “How about this? I know someone who has a house on a beach, and it’s not even an hour flight from here, and then, also I know someone else who has a plane. What about you and I get out of town, and if something happens, I’ll get you right back?”

  Sitting up, I say, “Yeah.” Looking at her, I ask, “Why are you such a good friend to me?”

  “Because I loves ya. Life’s just got you down right now, but eventually, everything will be good. Just wait. You’ll see.”

  “I don’t know, Madison. I’m breaking apart inside.” And I am. My shattered heart must have cut everything inside as it fell.

  Sitting beside me, she touches her shoulder to mine. “We will get you away so that you can look at the big picture. It might clear up so much for you. Okay?”

  I nod, saying, “That would be great. Let me get dressed, and we will run by Aunt Leigh’s first.”

  Reaching for her phone, she replies, “I’m on it now.”

  Walking into my aunt’s house, I feel like I have failed her in every way a person can fail someone they love. The shop doesn’t need me and is, essentially, being run by someone else. I’m morally bankrupt, not to mention, possibly, knocked-up. I’ve failed my closet friend, Madison. I’m not sure who I am any longer.

  “I’ll wait out here,” Mads says.

  I walk to the back porch, where her nurse said she would be, to find her sitting in her rocking chair. The distinctive voice of Stevie Nicks fills the peaceful silence. She looks up when she hears me open the door. Walking to stand in front of her, I look into her eyes and fall to my knees before her. The sobs wrack my body, one after another, wringing all the tears from within. Between my wails, I tell her everything, not sparing any details. I lay my sins before her, exposing me for what I am.

  “Shhh,” she says patting my hair. “Now Kylie, you are going to have to pull yourself together.”

  “I’m...a..hor..horrible..per..person,” I sob.

  “Child, you are just human.”

  “Dray is never going to forgive me. He’s going to go back to being my enemy. And Trent, our friendship will never be the same.”

  “I don’t know if they will or if they won’t. You know, I once heard that love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. Now hush. Tears never helped anybody.”

  Sniffing one last time, I squeak out, “What am I going to do if I’m pregnant?”

  “Do you want the baby?”

  Shrugging, I answer, “I haven’t thought about it. I guess I would. It would change everything, but it would be mine.”

  “Kylie, you will be a wonderful mother. There is not a doubt in my mind, but you have created so much chaos in your life that you need to step away to even see a clear path.”

  Looking up at her, I nod and reply, “That’s why I’m here. I need to get away, but I hate to leave you.”

  “No time is promised to us from the good Lord above. I can’t tell you when my time is going to be up, but I don’t think it’s today or next week. Not yet.”

  “I don’t feel like I can leave you.”

  “Kylie, if I die tonight, I think we’ve said everything to each other that we need to. The only thing that I would hate, and would make me madder than an old wet hen, is not seeing, for myself, how everything plays out in your life. That’s just the nosey Southern woman in me.” Placing her hands on both of my cheeks, she tilts my face to look at her. “No matter what, I’m always going to be proud of you. It’s not the circumstances we find ourselves in that define us, it’s how we overcome them. I’m proud of you, baby girl. Forever and always.”

  “I love you, Aunt Leigh. Forever and always.”

  I stay for another twenty minutes, holding her hand and listening to the haunting lyrics about a landslide. Kissing her cheek, I smile as we both silently say our goodbyes. As I leave, my mother begs for me to tell her what’s wrong, but I just reply that I need to get away, and for once, she doesn’t push the issue. She offers to help with Decadent
Darling and Jonsie, but I assure her that Leo is taking care of both. After kissing her and my father goodbye, I tell them that I’ll be back in a couple of weeks and to call me should anything change with Aunt Leigh.

  Madison drives us to a private airstrip where a small plane awaits us. I’m instantly apprehensive of the size, but at this point, I think I would get on a large model airplane, straddling it, if I thought it could fly me away from here. I make sure to tell Madison that I know I will not be good company, but she insist on coming. Within an hour, we arrive on the gulf coast of Florida, and a car waits to deliver us to a cute, little private beach house. I’m told there are only several houses on this stretch of beach and that most are empty due to the off season.

  I spend the first two weeks not saying much to Madison, and she seems ok with it. I regularly see her with her phone, on her laptop, and even coming in late at night from being only God knows where. The only person I really can talk to is Aunt Leigh, even if it’s only for a couple minutes. My Mom gets on the other line at my aunt’s house most days, and we all talk about nothing in particular. It may be nothing, but it means everything to me. When the weather allows, I walk on the beach, letting the sound of the ocean soothe my soul.

  This morning, I stroll along the white shoreline and dig my toes into the cool sand. I feel lost and unsure about my life. Taking a deep breath, I fill my lungs with fresh ocean air. Stopping to look out over the calm water, I pray for guidance on what I should do and plead for a miracle for Aunt Leigh. I’d rather have the second. I’ve asked these same questions every day but haven’t received an answer yet; however, every once in a while, the sky will be these wonderful shades of pink and orange in the morning or I’ll find an intricate and intact seashell, and something inside of me whispers that I’m not forgotten.

  “Can I join you?”

  Turning around, I see Madison standing behind me. Her hair whips around her face in the unpredictable seaside breeze. I nod and smile at her then turn back to look over the vast ocean.

  “It’s so peaceful,” she says, standing beside me.

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you heard from Dray or Trent?”

  At the mention of their names, a lump forms in my throat. Dray. I can’t deny what I feel now. What my body has known for however long. I love him. And Trent. He never promised me anything more than what he offered in the first place. If anyone used someone, it rests solely on my shoulders. “No. Neither have called me.”

  “Kylie, I…I think you need to move on from them both. You can’t come between them. They need each other more than you and I can ever understand. As much as I sometimes hate my parents, I still have them, along with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. They have no one. No one, Kylie. If you even had a chance to choose one over the other, it would come back to haunt you later. They would blame no one but you. And honestly, I don’t think you could live with yourself.”

  Her words weigh heavy on my heart, and they should. I’ve come to the same conclusion this past week on my own, but it hurts to hear it out loud. I’m pretty sure they both feel the same way, especially Dray since I haven’t heard from him.

  “I’m sorry. I know you are hurting, but I felt like I needed to tell you that,” Madison says softly. Reaching down, I link our hands and turn to look at her.

  “Thank you for being you and for being honest, even when it hurts. I agree, and I have already decided that this is best for everyone. I need to step away.” God, this is killing me inside. My eyes burn from the pressure of the tears behind them. Letting go of Mads’s hand, I bring my own to my face and cover it. I feel her gripping my shoulder.

  “And if you’re pregnant? What then?”

  Looking at her, I say with conviction, “Then, I want the baby.” I see her visibly blanch at my admission.

  “You know I support your decision no matter what it is, but do you really think that is the right idea for you or them? You are only twenty-five, Ky. Neither one of these guys will step out to let you raise their only blood relative alone. Can you even imagine the tension between the two of them until you can have a DNA test?”

  “Mads, I can’t…I couldn’t… If there is a baby, I’m having it. As far as me being twenty-five, even without the shop, I’m independently wealthy with my inheritance coming. I will love this baby because I love his or her father. I’ve loved Trent for the past seven years. If he didn’t live up to my expectations, I’m the only one to blame for putting him on the pedestal in the first place. And, God help me, but I’m in love with Dray. I don’t know if either one will make a good dad, but damn if I won’t be a great mom.”

  “I know you will, Kylie. I didn’t mean to insinuate that you wouldn’t. I just want you to look at all of your options and determine what will be best for everyone involved.” Listening to everything she says, I smile. It’s the first one I’ve had all week.

  “Why are you smiling?” she asks, her attitude popping up.

  “You sound like an adult. Smart advice and all. Where has this Madison been hiding?”

  Holding up both her hands, she shows me the middle finger on each, and replies, “Sit and spin.”

  The laughter that bursts forth from me – feels good. “Ah, there she is.”

  She joins me, and I lean over and give her a hug.

  “Okay, stop all this touchy feely shit,” she says, pulling away from. Me. “Ah, me so horny. I haven’t been hammered by my man in weeks, and I’m starting to feel coochy webs coming on.”

  Snorting, I ask, “What is a coochy web?”

  Rolling her eyes, she looks at me like I should know this. “Cob webs in my pink taco from the lack of usage.”

  “God, I love you,” I barely get out from laughing so hard.

  “You’re still not my type,” she says, dead-faced, before laughing right along with me.

  “I needed that.”

  “I did too. Can we please go home? I hate this isolation, and your mom is expecting us for Thanksgiving, which is only four days away.”

  “Yeah, I guess I can’t hide here forever, and of course, I want to be there with Aunt Leigh.”

  “Good then. Let’s go get this show on the road.” She turns and starts walking to the house while yelling back, “I can’t deal with this depressing shit anymore.”

  Turning to follow, I can’t help but agree, no matter what my circumstances may be.

  Madison rushes me packing. I guess I was so busy drowning in my own issues that I didn’t see how miserable she has been. One day, I’m going to make all of this up to her. We are packed and chauffeured to the airstrip within two hours, and the plane has us back in Atlanta in another hour. As soon as we land, Mads again hurries me until we are zipping down the road in her car.

  Immediately, I notice that we are not going towards my house but towards my aunt’s. I turn to see her glancing over at me.

  “I just received the call this morning from your mom. She started having complications in the middle of the night two days ago. She told your parents not to call you yet, wanting to give you some time to continue to figure things out. Your mom says she went to wake her this morning, and her breathing was labored. She’s been in and out of consciousness from what I’ve been told.”

  A pain shoots through my chest and I close my eyes. “I shouldn’t have left.”

  “Kylie, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you panicking the entire way home. Not when there is nothing that you can do about it. Plus, with everything you are dealing with, your body doesn’t need the extra stress. I only tried to get you here as quick as I could.”

  “I understand, and I thank you for all you have done. Really. I’m the one that chose to leave.”

  “Your aunt supported you getting away to get your head on straight. Don’t diminish the blessing she gave you to leave to do that. I’m sure she would have preferred you to stay with her, and I’m also sure she knew that you would have rather done the same. Be strong for her in these last hours.”

  Nodding my he
ad, I turn to look out of the window at the passing barren trees and let the tears run freely. Minutes later, we arrive, and as soon as the car stops, I jump out and run into the house. It is full to the brim with family and friends alike. Just as my aunt would have enjoyed.

  Stepping into her room, only my mother and father are there. I hug each one, not saying anything and gently sit by her on the bed. She lies still, the only sound and movements are her breaths that rattle as her chest looks to struggle with every rise and fall. I push her thin fine hair, once blond, away from her face. Her saggy skin is a dull yellow, and her frame has shriveled to nothing. She couldn’t have deteriorated this fast in two weeks. Did I refuse to see how close she had come to death this past month?