The Rocker Who Hates Me (The Rocker #10)

  She reached out and took hold of her cousin’s hand for the first time. When the heart monitor made a loud protest, we both jumped, but Alexis didn’t release Gabriella’s hand. Her hold tightened and she turned her attention back to me. “So tell me why Gabs hates her.”

  “I let her think that I was into Emmie…” I began, hating myself all over again for putting those thoughts in Gabriella’s head. Back then I’d been so lost in the drugs and fighting my feelings hard for a little Italian goddess. I fought them tooth and nail, ran from them, and even then I was starting to cave.

  By using Emmie, I’d finally been able to push her far enough away. And right into Axton’s arms…

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Gabriella

  One second it felt like I was floating, wondering if I was in purgatory or some other crazy shit. The next I had the most amazing feeling of peace wash over me. I tried to smile but my lips refused to cooperate.

  “Tell me why Gabs hates her,” I thought I heard my Lee-Lee saying.

  If my eyes had been working, they would have filled with tears at the sound of my beloved cousin’s bell-like voice. I was a fucked-up piece of shit, but with Alexis I felt like I was a better person. She grounded me. Made me see the world through different eyes. That chick was the best part of me. The only goodness I had in my heart was because of her.

  Her and Jordan.

  My heart clenched at the thought of my little ‘nephew’. I loved him like he was my own. I would have given just about anything to have been able to open my eyes and see that little man right then.

  “I let her think I was into Emmie.”

  At the sound of his voice, all thoughts of Alexis and Jordan evaporated. I strained to hear every word he spoke. If only I could see him, touch him.

  Make him love me again.

  With each word that came from that voice I loved so much, I felt like I could picture the day that I’d realized that Emmie Jameson was never going to be my friend. Not when the guy I was stupidly in love with was in love with her.

  ***

  SEVEN YEARS EARLIER

  I didn’t know how the bitch did it, but Emmie found me a new bass player before our next show. Hank was a forty-one-year-old who had been playing bass since he was ten years old. He blew me away with his skills and I knew by the second show that I wasn’t ever getting rid of that man.

  Ever since the incident in the bathroom, I’d been trying to put what Martin could have done to me out of my head, but nearly being attacked was not something that I could just erase from my head. I’d asked to have extra locks put on the bathroom door of the tour bus we were given in Australia.

  Even better was that this new bus had one private bedroom as well as the usual roosts. Before I could even demand it, Doug and the others were putting my stuff in there. It also had extra locks on the door and I was able to sleep somewhat peacefully knowing I was safe behind a locked door.

  If only my heart was so easily protected.

  The scolding I’d given myself about loving Liam Bryant might as well have never happened. My heart hadn’t listened. Or maybe it had and when he’d saved me it had just refused to accept what my brain kept trying to tell it.

  Stupid heart.

  So he’d saved me. So what? It didn’t matter. He’d only done it because he didn’t want a female getting hurt if he could stop it. It sure as hell hadn’t been because he cared about me.

  That much was made evident three weeks into the Australian tour. After our first concert we were once again out on the town. Twenty minutes at the bar where we had the whole place all to ourselves—along with two hundred fans—I’d gone looking for Liam.

  I’d seen him talking to Nik and Drake earlier so I started there first. Axton was sitting with the two Demons and winked when I approached the three rockers. “If I knew you were gonna wear something like that tonight, I would have invited you to my bus and we could have avoided all this shit.”

  A grin teased at my lips. He might not be the one my heart said I wanted, but I was starting to warm up to the rock god. He flirted a lot, drank often, and tried to hide his real feelings for a chick I realized was more his best friend than anything else. Axton was also a nice guy. That was hard to find in my world, so I’d stopped spitting on the small friendship we were making.

  “Damn,” I muttered with a wink. “There’s always next time.”

  I sat down on the edge of his chair. He knew what I was there for, and even though his eyes darkened with concern he still leaned into me. “Saw him go toward the bathrooms,” he muttered low enough that his Demon friends couldn’t hear.

  “Alone?” No way in hell was I going to chase after him tonight if he was hooking up with someone.

  Axton shrugged. “He wasn’t with anyone when he went that way. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have someone back there now.”

  My gut twisted and some of my courage in seeking him out faded. Did I really want to chance going back there and finding him with someone else? Was he really worth that?

  Muttering a curse, because the only answer to that was a resounding ‘yes’, I kissed Axton’s cheek and stood. “Later,” I called over my shoulder to the three rockers and headed straight for the bathrooms.

  The bathrooms were in the back of the club, and of course down a narrow, dimly lit hall. Each was in their own little alcove at the end. The closer I got to them the more my heart raced. My hands began to sweat and I was sure that I was going to be sick. What would I do if I found him with another chick?

  Jealousy ate at me like a cancer as I clenched my jaw and forced myself to walk faster. As I rounded the corner, I nearly ran into Liam’s back. Stopping less than a few inches away from him, I breathed out a relieved sigh.

  He was standing in front of the ladies room, and for a moment I thought he was alone.

  Until he lowered his head and kissed some chick with red hair. Stunned, I stood there, almost entranced as I watched him kiss her like he’d never kissed anyone that I could remember witnessing. It wasn’t his normal ‘I want to eat your face’ kind of kiss. It was sweet, tender…loving.

  Less than ten seconds later he lifted his head, blocking out the sight of the chick he was with. One hand lifted and I just knew that he was stroking her face. “I love you.”

  Sucking in a pain-filled breath, I turned and ran, not stopping until I reached the bar. Ordering a double shot of tequila, I swallowed the entire thing in one go, before turning to glare at the hall I’d just came from.

  Who the fuck was Liam in love with? He didn’t do love. Just hookups.

  Dropping the glass on the bar top, I demanded another just as a redhead left the hall that led to the bathrooms. She was dressed in a Demon’s Wings shirt with a hole in the shoulder, and jeans that were so faded there was barely any thread left at the knees. Her hair was in disarray, as if someone had been running his fingers through it.

  No. No way.

  Not her. Not. Fucking. Her.

  Sure, I’d seen the way Liam looked at her. As if he was in awe of her, but I’d thought he just admired her. I’d never really suspected that he could have been in love with her.

  Yet, there she was, walking across the bar toward Jesse Thornton, combing her fingers through her wild hair. She was small enough to have been the chick Liam had been with just a few minutes ago. And it wouldn’t be like he was the only man in love with that little bitch. Every guy on tour with us—band member or roadie—wanted a piece of that ass. I knew two rockers who were in love with her for sure.

  Still, I’d been sure that she was oblivious to all of that. She might be a hard-ass, but something about her had screamed at me that she was an innocent. The chick was a virgin, for sure. I would have bet good money on it.

  Now I wasn’t sure.

  Maybe she was one of those types that got off on making guys want her, fall for her, and tease them with what they couldn’t have before finally giving in. It wouldn’t surprise me, but I’d thought I’d pegged her differentl
y.

  Especially since I’d seen more than once the way she looked at Nik Armstrong when he wasn’t looking. She was in love with that particular rocker, and I was pretty sure he was in love with her.

  So why was she playing games with Liam?

  In that moment, I hated her. I hated Liam too, for being so stupid to fall in love with a chick who couldn’t love him the way he deserved. But I hated Emmie even more.

  I was still steaming over it the next day as I came back from rehearsing with my band before that night’s show. As I headed back toward my bus, I caught sight of Emmie and her fucking clipboard as she moved from one table to the next, checking off something on one of her endless lists.

  Stopping, I stood there, watching her. I wondered how she would feel if someone hurt her the way I was sure she was going to hurt Liam. She didn’t love him, not when she was so in love with Nik. That bitch was just going to lead him on and break his heart.

  The thought of him hurting like that made my chest ache even as jealousy churned in my gut. No. I couldn’t let her go on like that and not show her how much that kind of pain would hurt.

  Before I realized what I was going to do, I was walking toward her.

  “You should have told me that Nik was so talented with his mouth. If I’d known sooner, I wouldn’t have waited so long to take a ride on the rocker.” The words popped out before I even knew I was going to say them.

  Emmie’s head snapped up at the first sound of my voice and I watched as her face went from somewhat welcoming to ice cold and full of hate. I didn’t miss the flash of pain that filled those big green eyes before she lowered her lashes. “Excuse me?” Her voice was deceptively soft, but I knew that she’d heard me. The trembling in her hands told me that she wasn’t as unaffected as she wanted everyone around us to believe.

  I grinned at her. There was a few inches difference in our heights, but while she was taller, I was much curvier. I wouldn’t willingly admit it out loud, but I outweighed the bitch by at least fifteen pounds. “Yeah, he definitely knows how to use that mouth for more than just singing. Man’s got one talented tongue. I’m seriously thinking about going back for seconds. What do you think? Should I jump back on for another ride? He wants me to, but I just don’t know if I should.”

  The ever-present clipboard fell to the cement floor with a loud bang and I knew my grin was turning more evil by the second. I’d hit my mark, made my point. Emmie was hurting and I could see the same hate I felt for her filling those beautiful eyes.

  Along with the hate, I also saw the rage, and her slender hands balled into fists seconds before a big, bald Demon caught her around the waist and carried her away. Jesse was muttering something to Emmie that I couldn’t hear, but I didn’t care what it was. I’d hurt her as much as I knew she was going to hurt Liam.

  As much as I was hurting, because I knew that as long as Liam loved her, he would never want me.

  CHAPTER NINE

  LIAM

  I sat with Alexis beside Gabriella’s bed for two hours before she had to go back out to the waiting room. Jordan was getting upset, wanting both his mother and his Aunt Gabs. His father and uncle couldn’t console him so she went out to hold him for a little while.

  As much as I had been glad to have Alexis sitting with me, helping me through this as much as I was helping her, I was thankful to be alone with Gabriella. The moment she was gone, I pulled my chair closer to the side of the bed and lifted my girl’s cold hand to my lips.

  “I don’t know if you can hear me or not, little Brie, but I’m really hoping you can.” My lips lingered over her ring finger and I closed my eyes. If I hadn’t been such a fucking stupid screw-up, my ring would have already been on this chick’s finger. All I’d had to do was stop being a pussy when I first met her and we could have been married with who knew how many kids running around. “If you don’t hear me, though, as soon as you open those damn beautiful eyes I’ll repeat everything I’m about to tell you now.”

  Blowing out a tired breath, I stroked my thumb over the back of her hand. “I’m sorry I wasted so much time, Brie. I’m sorry that you thought I didn’t want you, or that I didn’t love you. I think I fell for you the second we knocked into each other, but you scared the ever-loving fuck out of me. I knew the first time I saw you kissing Axton that I’d made a mistake by pushing you away, but by then it was too late. I had to live with the fact that I’d pushed you at my friend and waited impatiently for you two to end.”

  I’d waited three months before Gabriella had dumped Axton the first time. But by the time I’d been clear-minded enough to realize they were no longer a thing, they had gotten back together. Another two months passed before they had another argument and broke up again. That was the pattern for over two years. It had driven me crazy and I’d hidden more and more in my only solace.

  Drugs.

  It wasn’t until Axton had taken the judging gig for America’s Rocker and gotten with Dallas that I realized it was finally over with them for good. I’d invited myself to New York and crashed with my bandmate with the sole intention of hooking up with Gabriella Moreitti. That night had really not gone as I’d planned, but I’d gotten my first taste of my little Italian goddess and, after that, I’d found something that was just as addicting as the drugs I poisoned my body with.

  I brushed another kiss over the back of Gabriella’s hand, watching while her chest slowly rose with each breath the machine was helping her take. Lifting my gaze to her face, I felt my eyes sting at how pale she was. There were blue shadows under her eyes, making me wonder if she was in any pain. Her lips were dry around the tube in her mouth that was helping her breathe and I reminded myself to make sure the nurse put something on them the next time she came in.

  With my free hand, I skimmed my fingers over her cheek as a few tears spilled from my eyes. I don’t think I’d ever really cried in my life until now, until this. Fear of losing the most important person in someone’s life was enough to make anyone cry like a damn baby, though. Clearing my throat because I didn’t want her to hear my tears and be upset if she really could hear me, I whispered her name. “Brie…” My voice cracked and I used my shoulder to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down my face. They wouldn’t stop and I really didn’t give a fuck. “…remember the night I finally made you mine? I was a stupid fucker back then, huh? It took me too long to make a move and when I did, I messed it up by letting you leave without me. If… When. When you open your eyes, I’ll make all of that up to you. I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

  Gabriella

  “Remember that night, Brie?”

  I wanted to tell him I remembered, wanted to tell him so damn much about the night that had gone so wrong on so many levels. The best part of one of the worst nights of my life was being with him, but then things had gotten crazy. Lines had been blurred and crossed and I’d nearly ruined more than one life that night.

  His thumb felt rough against my cheek but so soft I knew if I could cry, I’d have been sobbing like a baby right then. His touch was so soothing to my aching soul and all I wanted was to open my eyes and tell him that none of it mattered. The past could go fuck itself, for all I cared. I just wanted a future with the man I loved.

  When he spoke again, it was about that night and once again I felt the pull of those memories pull me away from the present. Away from the pain in my chest that was a mixture of physical and emotional that made it difficult to draw in a deep enough breath.

  ***

  FOUR YEARS EARLIER

  I was two glasses of Italian wine into dinner when I got the text. When I saw who it was from, I nearly choked on the mouthful I’d been about to swallow.

  This was a joke. Right?

  Liam never texted me. Never called. Never…anything. In the last two years I’d done my best to push him out of my head and my stupid heart. Axton had helped, for the most part. The sex had been amazing, but that was really all there had been to our relations
hip. Lots of sex, plenty of arguing as we’d both tried to pretend we had deeper feelings for each other that were more than just friendship. We both knew that it wasn’t going to last from day one. Even when he’d gotten that damn tattoo, my name on his wrist, I hadn’t believed he was actually in love with me.

  The ink had pretty much been a nail in the coffin for me. It wasn’t even my name. Just Brie. He was one of the handful of people who called me by that damn nickname Liam had given me, and he’d put it on his flesh for the world to see. All it did was remind me of Liam. I knew that it was Axton’s way of trying to convince the world that he wasn’t in love with his best friend, and if it had been anyone but Emmie Jameson I wouldn’t have cared.

  But the facts wouldn’t change. He was in love with Emmie and I just couldn’t deal with that. Not when she had good guys like Axton panting after her and bad boys like Liam pining for her from afar. She made me sick. All I wanted was to punch her in the tit a few good times because she did nothing but twist guys into knots over her.

  N town. Party @ Axton’s. Hope u come.

  I read the text again and gulped down the rest of the wine in my glass. He wanted me to come to a party at Axton’s house? It wouldn’t have been the first time I’d gone to Axton’s apartment to just hang out since our last—and final—breakup. None of those times had Liam been there. He was usually in Tennessee with his sister. From what I’d heard over the years, Liam hated New York. So why was he in town?

  Even as I was wondering, my heart was pounding, my palms growing damp with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. Shaking my head, I poured myself another glass of the rich Italian wine Alexis’s husband had sent me as a peace offering the day Jordan had been born. We’d decided to put our differences behind us for the sake of his son. I was still struggling not to shoot him in the balls, but for that baby boy I’d refrain from murdering his father. I’d opened it tonight because I’d been bored and honestly needed something good to drink to create the buzz I was looking for. Now, I needed the alcohol for courage.