The Simpkins Plot

  CHAPTER XXI.

  At breakfast the next morning Major Kent spoke to Meldon in a gentle,rather hopeless tone. It was as if he had no great expectation of hiswords producing any effect.

  "I suppose," he said, "that nothing I can say will prevent yourthrusting yourself into the company of this judge to-day."

  "If you refer," said Meldon, "to my intention of calling civilly on SirGilbert Hawkesby, nothing you say will alter my view that it is a veryproper thing to do, considering that the man is a stranger in thelocality."

  "Then I beg of you, J. J., to be careful. Don't say anything insultingabout Miss King. Remember that she's his niece, and he won't like tohear her abused. Besides, he'll tell her what you say afterwards, andit would be very painful to her to hear the sort of accusations you'vebeen bringing against her since she came to Ballymoy."

  "Major," said Meldon, "we've been intimate friends for years, and youought to know that, whatever else I may be, I'm always a gentleman. Isit likely I'd go out of my way to insult a helpless woman?"

  "You wouldn't mean to, J. J., but you might do it. Your ideas of whatis insulting are so peculiar. Believing the sort of things you dobelieve about her, you might say something very offensive withoutmeaning any harm. Do be careful."

  "I shall not allude to her past, if that's what you are thinking of. Inever have alluded to her past to any one but you, except on the oneoccasion on which she brought up the subject herself. Nothing couldpossibly be in worse taste than to fling that story in the judge'sface."

  "I wish," said the Major, "that I could persuade you not to be quite socock-sure about what you call her past. You ought to try and realisethat you may possibly be mistaken."

  "That," said Meldon, "is practically what Oliver Cromwell said to theScotch Presbyterian ministers. It may have been a sound remark fromhis point of view, but I'm rather surprised to hear you quoting andendorsing it. I always thought you were a Conservative."

  "I am. But what has that got to do with your theories about--?"

  "If you are a Conservative you ought not to be backing up OliverCromwell. He was a revolutionary of an extreme kind. You ought to beashamed of giving your adherence to any sentiment of his. You mightjust as well propose to cut off the king's head."

  "I don't quite see why I'm bound to believe in your infallibilitybecause I happen to be a Conservative. All I suggested was that youmight possibly be mistaken."

  "In putting your suggestion in the way you did," said Meldon, "youproclaimed yourself a disciple and admirer of Oliver Cromwell. I've noparticular objection to that. I'm not a prejudiced man in politicalmatters, and Cromwell is a long time dead. If you choose to proclaimyourself a regicide, I shan't quarrel with you. All I want you tounderstand is that you can't have it both ways. No man can quoteOliver Cromwell with approval and still go on calling himself aloyalist."

  "All the same, you may be mistaken about Miss King."

  "I may," said Meldon; "any man may be mistaken, unless he happens to bea Pope, who of course never is, _ex officio_; but as a matter of fact Ivery seldom am, and in this particular case I'm demonstrably right."

  "Well, don't air your theory to the judge; that's all I care about."

  "Not being a perfect fool, I won't. I have a considerable naturaltalent for diplomacy, as I daresay you've observed, and I'm not theleast likely to start off by putting up that judge's back. My game isto pacify and soothe him in such a way that he will become our activeally."

  "You'll find that difficult after the paraffin oil."

  "If necessary," said Meldon, "I shall apologise for the paraffin, but Iscarcely expect it will be necessary. The judge is a sensible man. Heknows that we have to take the rough with the smooth in life. He'llregard that as a mere incident, a more or less humorous incident."

  "He'll be a queer sort of man if he does."

  "And now," said Meldon, "I must be off. It's nearly ten o'clock,thanks to your lazy habit of not breakfasting till after nine.Fortunately, I've still got Doyle's bicycle. Not that it's at all adependable machine. The pedal will probably come off once at least onmy way in. However, at worst, I'll be there by eleven."

  The pedal on this occasion held to its place, and Meldon reachedBallymoy House at a quarter to eleven. The door was opened to him byMiss King, who had seen him coming up the avenue. She greeted him witha smile, and, in reply to his enquiry, told him that the judge had goneup the river.

  "I promised," said Miss King, "to send him word if you called. I thinkhe wants to see you. Won't you come in? I'll send Callaghan to lookfor him."

  "Thanks," said Meldon. "I think I'll go and look for him myself. Ishould rather like the walk, and I might be some use to him in showinghim the pools. I used to fish this river a good deal myself at onetime. By the way, did he say what he wants to see me about?"

  "He didn't go into details," said Miss King, "but I rather think hewants to ask you some questions about--"

  "Did he mention the subject of paraffin oil?"

  Miss King smiled.

  "I'm sorry that's weighing on his mind," said Meldon. "I thought hemight have got over it by this time. However, it won't take long toexplain it. I won't say good-bye, Miss King. I shall probably see youagain this afternoon."

  "Won't you come back for luncheon? It will be ready at half-past one."

  "No, thanks. I can't. The fact is I'm thinking of dropping in on Mr.Simpkins about that time. He may be coming up here with me in theafternoon. He has something he wants to say to you."

  "About the fishing?"

  "No. The fact is--but I'd better let the poor fellow explain himself.I'll run off now and hunt about for Sir Gilbert. If he's had any luckat all this morning he'll have forgotten about the paraffin oil beforeI get to him. Good-morning, Miss King. Don't believe all the Majorsays about Mr. Simpkins. There's no one I know who's fairer-minded ina general way than the Major. But in the case of Mr. Simpkins he'sregularly warped, and you ought not to take any notice of what he mayhave said."

  Sir Gilbert Hawkesby was up to his knees in the river when Meldon cameupon him. He was throwing a fly over a most likely pool and hadalready been rewarded by a rise. On the bank lay a remarkably finesalmon, at least twenty pounds in weight, which he had caught. He wasin a very cheerful mood, and felt kindly towards every one in the world.

  "Don't let me interrupt you," said Meldon. "You're at one of the bestspots on the whole river. I'll sit down here and wait till you'vefinished."

  But the judge, though a very keen fisherman, was evidently more eagerto talk to Meldon than to catch another salmon. He waded ashore atonce and laid down his rod.

  "I'm very glad to meet you, Mr. Meldon," he said. "There are one ortwo questions I'd like to ask you."

  "I thought there very likely were," said Meldon, "and I need scarcelysay that I'm perfectly ready to answer them, so far as I can withproper consideration for your peace of mind."

  "My peace of mind!"

  "Yes. I shan't, of course, say anything which would be liable to upsetyou. I know you're here on a holiday, and nothing spoils a holiday somuch as worry of any sort. I have the greatest respect and liking foryou."

  "That's what you said when you were telling me that cock-and-bull storyabout the drains."

  "Doyle's drains are bad," said Meldon. "I hardly exaggerated at allabout that. You ask Simpkins. He wanted-- By the way, have you metSimpkins yet?"

  "No; I haven't. But it isn't about Simpkins I want to talk now."

  "That's a pity. I enjoy talking about Simpkins. He's not a bad fellowat all, though the Major doesn't care for him. But I expect you'llmeet him this afternoon."

  "Thanks," said the judge. "I shall be glad of the chance of forming myown estimate of Simpkins' character. I am sure it will agree withyours. But to get back to what I was saying about the drains. Wouldyou mind telling me why you went all the way to Donard to warn me aboutthe drains?"

  "To be perfectly frank--by
the way, do you want me to be perfectlyfrank?"

  "Certainly. Even at the expense of my peace of mind."

  "I don't think what I'm going to say now will affect your peace ofmind. The fact is, I thought at that time that it would be better foryou not to come to Ballymoy. I hope you don't mind my saying so. Ineed scarcely tell you that it wasn't a personal matter. There'snothing I should enjoy more than having you here permanently."

  "I suppose that the Condy's Fluid and the paraffin oil were--?"

  "Means to the same end," said Meldon. "They were kindly meant. Ifthey caused you any serious inconvenience--"

  "They did."

  "Then I apologise, frankly and unreservedly. The fact is, I actedunder a complete misapprehension. If I had known then what I know nowI should have welcomed you, and done my best to make your stay herepleasant. That's what I intend to do now; so if any one annoys you inthe slightest just let me know, and I'll put a stop to the performanceat once."

  "Thanks; and now perhaps, as we've gone so far, you'll satisfy mycuriosity a little further by explaining why you object to my presencehere."

  "I don't object to it in the least. I did once, as I said; but I don'tnow."

  "What has happened to change your views?"

  "Now that is a question I can hardly answer without going into somevery private and delicate matters which I am sure you would not care todiscuss. It wouldn't be pleasant for you if I talked about them.You'd be sorry afterwards."

  "Would my peace of mind be affected?"

  "Seriously. That's the reason I won't go into the matter."

  "All the same," said the judge, "I think I'll hazard a guess about it.Are these mysterious affairs you allude to in any way connected withMiss King?"

  "I see," said Meldon, "that you've been talking it all over with her,and that's she given you a hint, so I need say no more."

  "Miss King's only idea," said the judge, "is that you think I'm likelyto make myself objectionable in some way about the fishing. It appearsthat there has been a dispute--"

  "That miserable business between Simpkins and the Major. I know allabout that, and I may say at once that it had nothing whatever to dowith my attempt to keep you out of Ballymoy."

  "I thought not. I merely mentioned it to show you that my niece isquite in the dark about your real reason, and that I got no hint fromher."

  "She may not be quite as much in the dark," said Meldon, "as shepretends when she's talking to you. The subject would naturally be anawkward one for her to discuss. It's awkward enough for us. I thinkwe'd better drop it at once."

  "I suppose," said the judge boldly, "that your friend thought he'd havea better chance if I were not here to interfere with him."

  "I don't like that way of putting the case," said Meldon. "Why not saythat Miss King would have had a better chance?"

  "Considering that Miss King is my niece," said the judge, "you willunderstand that I rather object to your way of putting it. It'sscarcely respectful to her. Whatever the facts may be in anyparticular case, there's a well-established convention in thesematters. We don't, any of us, talk as if it were the lady who is, soto speak, the aggressor."

  "I see your point, though in this particular case I can't helpfeeling-- But why should we go on? It's far better to drop thesubject."

  "But I don't see yet why you first of all wanted to keep me out ofBallymoy, and then suddenly changed your mind. What happened in theinterval?"

  "If you're quite determined to thrash the matter out," said Meldon,"the best way will be to get at the main point at once. Everythingwill come easier to us after we have that settled. Have you anyobjection to our proposal?"

  "What proposal?"

  "Come now. I know that it's quite the correct thing for judges to askridiculous and silly questions, affecting not to know what everybody inthe world knows quite well. There was one the other day--I don't thinkit was you--who inquired quite solemnly what a 'bike' was; and Irecollect another--it was in a horse-racing case--who pretended not toknow the meaning of the phrase 'two to one on.' I don't profess tounderstand why you all do that kind of thing, but I'm willing tosuppose that there's some good reason for it. I daresay it's what'scalled a legal fiction, and is an essential part of the machinery bywhich justice is administered. If so, it's all right in its properplace; but what on earth is the good of keeping it up out of court?Sitting here on the bank of a west of Ireland river, with a largesalmon lying dead at our feet, it really is rather absurd to ask mewhat proposal."

  "I merely wanted," said the judge, "to make quite sure--"

  "You were quite sure. You couldn't have had the slightest doubt inyour mind. You yourself began the discussion about Miss King's chancesof marrying--"

  "I said your friend's chances of marrying Miss King."

  "It doesn't in the least matter which you said. The point just now isthat you knew perfectly well what I meant when I spoke of the proposalat present under discussion."

  "Has he proposed yet?"

  "No, but he will this afternoon; and what I want to get at is whetheryou're going to put a stop to the marriage or not."

  "I, really-- Miss King is, I think, quite able to manage her ownaffairs; and I shouldn't in any case care to interfere, beyond offeringadvice in case your friend should turn out to be an obviouslyunsuitable person."

  "That's all right. I can't expect you to say more than that. I knewall along that you didn't want to have the thing put to you at thepoint of the bayonet. You'll recollect that I had no wish to force iton you."

  "You mustn't suppose," said the judge, "that I'm in any way committedto a definite support--"

  "Certainly not," said Meldon. "A man in your position couldn't. Ithoroughly understand that. And I hope you don't think that I've beenin any way disrespectful to you. I didn't mean to be. I have thehighest possible regard for all judges, and what I said just now aboutlegal fictions was simply meant to avoid prolonging a discussion whichcan't have been pleasant for you. And after all, you know, it wasrather absurd your trying to come the judge over me, considering whatwe were talking about. You wouldn't have done it, I'm sure, if you'dstopped for a moment to consider the peculiar and rather delicatecircumstances under which we are carrying on this negotiation. Iexpect the habit of talking in that judicial way was too strong foryou. You forgot for the moment what it was we were speaking about, andthought it was some ordinary law case. The force of habit is awonderful thing. Have you ever noticed--"

  "So far as I have been able to discover up to the present," said thejudge, "you are greatly interested in bringing about a marriage betweenyour friend and my niece."

  "Interested is a dubious sort of word to use, and I don't like it. Letus be quite clear about what we mean. In one sense I am interested; inanother sense I am entirely disinterested--which is the exact opposite.You catch my point, don't you? It is a very instructive thing toreflect on the curious ambiguity of words. But I am sure you can tellme more about that than I can possibly tell you. With your legalexperience you must have come across scores of instances of theextraordinarily deceptive nature of words."

  "You thought apparently that I should be likely to object to themarriage, and therefore you tried to keep me out of Ballymoy, usingmeans which might be described as unscrupulous."

  "I've already apologised for the paraffin oil," said Meldon. "A fulland ample apology, such as I have offered, is generally considered toclose an incident of that kind. In the old duelling days, when menused to go out at early dawn to shoot at each other with pistols, theone who had shied the wine glass at the other the night before oftenused to apologise; and when he did the pistols were put up into theircase, and both parties went back comfortably to breakfast. I've oftenwondered that men of your profession--judges, I mean--didn't dosomething effective to put a stop to duelling. It was always againstthe law, and yet we had to wait for the slow growth of public opinion--"

  "Then," said the judge, "you changed your mind, and ca
me to theconclusion that my presence here wasn't likely to interfere with yourfriend's plans. Now will you tell me why--"

  "I've made three distinct and separate efforts," said Meldon, "tochange the subject of conversation. I tried to start you off onhabits, a subject on which almost every man living can talk more orless. I thought you'd have taken that opportunity of telling the storyabout the horse which always stopped at the door of a certain publichouse, even after the temperance reformer had bought him. I'm sureyou'd have liked to tell that story. Everybody does."

  "I don't.".

  "So it appears. You're an exceptional man. Recognising that, Istarted the subject of words, which is more philosophical. You mightquite easily have got off on the degradation of the English languageowing to the spread of slang. Then we could have spent an agreeablehalf-hour."

  "But I didn't want to talk about words. I--"

  "I saw that; so I gave you another chance. Starting on the annals ofyour profession, I proposed a question to you which ought to havearoused in you a desire to defend the public utility of the great legalluminaries of the past. I practically denied that judges are any goodat all. Instead of showing me, as you very easily might have, that itwas the judges who created the public opinion which put a stop toduelling, and not public opinion which goaded the judges on to hang theduellists, you--"

  "I wanted to know, and I still want to know, why you changed your mind."

  "If you can't think that out for yourself," said Meldon, "I'm not goingto do it for you. A man like you ought to be able to follow aperfectly simple line of thought like that. If you can't see the plainand obvious mental process which led to my change of opinion, I don'tsee how you can expect to track the obscure workings of the criminalmind. The criminal, as of course you know, is always more or lessdemented, and consequently doesn't reason in the obvious andstraightforward way in which I do. His mentality--"

  "I suppose you're changing the conversation again," said the judge.

  "I'm trying to; but it doesn't seem to be much use."

  "I'll talk to you on any subject you choose to select with pleasure,"said the judge, "if you'll tell me what it was that led to your changeof mind about my probable action in this matter of your friend'sproposal to marry my niece."

  "There's just one fact which I haven't mentioned. You ought to have;you perfectly well might have guessed it. But as you haven't, I'lltell it to you. When I first heard of your coming to Ballymoy, Ididn't know that you were Miss King's uncle. I only found that outyesterday."

  "That makes things worse than ever," said the judge. "I was beginningdimly to understand some of your actions before you told me that. NowI'm utterly and completely at sea. Why you should have tried to stopme coming to Ballymoy if you didn't know I was Miss King's uncle isbeyond me altogether."

  "I really can't go into that," said Meldon. "You must understand itperfectly well, and in any case I'm bound to respect Miss King'sconfidence. I can't possibly repeat to you things she has said to mein a strictly private way."

  "Of course if my niece--but that puzzles me even more. She hasn't saida word to me about any private understanding with you."

  "She wouldn't," said Meldon, "and I daresay I ought not to havementioned that such a thing exists. However, in the end, of course,you'll know all about it."

  "In the end?"

  "Yes. After the marriage. Shortly after."

  "If she really is to be married," said the judge, "I wish she'd hurryup about it. I hate these mysteries."

  "You can't hate them more than I do," said Meldon, "and you can relyupon me to bring things to their crisis, their preliminary crisis--theactual marriage can't take place for a fortnight--as soon as possible."

  "Do. By the preliminary crisis I suppose you mean the engagement."

  "Certainly. I shall use every effort to bring that off this afternoon.Now that I know you're as keen on it as I am myself, I think I maypledge you my word that it will come off this afternoon. But, if so, Imust leave you now. Good-bye."