Ruining You

  “Rhye, that was awesome,” I gush like a fan, because that’s what I am.

  “You weren’t the only one that thought that.” He reaches out, catching me around the waist and twirling me around. My head spins, and l let out a yelp of surprise.

  “We did it, Jay. We got a record deal. A top label executive was here tonight, and he just offered it to the band. We sign everything in the morning.” His voice is laced with such happiness and joy that, before I can stop him, he leans down and kisses me on the mouth. Pulling back, he says desperately, “Stay here with me. There is nothing back in Georgia but hell waiting for you. You can wait the trial out here. I’ll take care of everything, Jay. I just want you to stay with me.”

  For a second, the thought runs through my mind. Not facing everything that the trial will bring is tempting, but then one thought flashes through my mind, reminding me that there are reasons I need to fight for my life. Kane. Blinking through the tears, I look at him, “Rhye, I am so happy for you. God, y’all are going to blow the music scene up, but I can’t stay here. I can’t stay with you.”

  He lets go, breaking away from me as he should have done a long time ago. I know in my heart that this is it, and I panic. My only thought is to ask, “What about school?”

  Shaking his head, probably knowing exactly what is going on in my crazy mind as he always does, he replies, “I really don’t give a fuck, Jay. I’ll get my G.E.D. more than likely. Is that all you are worried about?”

  “Rhye, you know I’ll miss you. Hell, I will probably regret this moment for the rest of my life, but right now, I know that not going home to Kane would be a much bigger regret.”

  “Well, that’s that then,” he says, placing his hands back into his pockets, almost as if he has to contain them from touching me. Watching me, he huffs and says, “Damn it.” Leaning down he swiftly kisses my cheek, “I love you, and I hate that I do. If you ever need me, come to me. Don’t think twice about it.” He sniffs his nose, continuing, “And Jay?”

  Glancing into his eyes, I answer, “What?”

  “Don’t forget about me.”

  “Never, Rhye. You’re more in my heart than you’ll ever know.”

  He nods his head, turning to walk away.

  Not moving until he turns the corner, I let one tear seep out and fall. I wipe it away and wish things were different for me and about me.

  Calling the driver, I have him pick me up and take me back to the airstrip. On the way, I call the pilot so he can be ready to take off when I arrive. Not wanting to talk to anyone just yet, I text Kane and my Dad, letting them know I’m on my way home.

  Gazing out the window, I know I made the right decision, not just for me, but for Rhye. His life is about to change immensely. Kane is who I want to be with, but why do I have a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart? Rubbing my hand against my chest, I try to assuage the pain. Tears threaten to freely fall, but I hold them back, seeing that we have arrived.

  Boarding the jet, I hear my phone buzz with returning text messages.

  Dad – My plane better be in the same shape it left. Love you.

  Kane – I’ll be waiting.

  Shaking my head at their replies, I settle in for the long flight home. Turning my music on and closing my eyes, I let sleep take me away. For once, I don’t fear dreams. I want to escape what I’m feeling right now.

  The wind blows through the trees as I sit propped up against JT’s grave. Angry grey clouds litter the sky, and my hair whips around my face. Reaching up to gather it, I tuck it back around my ears. From the corner of my eye, I see someone standing across the lake. My devil stands there with crossed arms, and I can hear him laughing.

  Leaning my head back against the grave, I wait for him to come to me. I’m tired of running. He’ll only catch me. Within a blink of my eyes, he stands before me. He is darkly handsome, sin incarnate, and looking more like Coach Branch than I remember. I wonder if he will always be with me. When I am old, I wonder if my Satan will invade my silver laced head.

  He answers my unspoken questions, “Yes, you will. I’m in you for infinity.”

  “What are your plans for me this time? What torment can you conjure up now?”

  He grins, dropping down beside me. “I’m sure, I can think of something.” I close my eyes as he slithers to me. I’m too tired to fight this time. My eyes flash open after several moments of silence and uneventful nothingness. He’s gone. Looking around I don’t see him, so I lean my head back against the tomb and shut my eyes, willing my thoughts not to think of pain or death.

  The sound of the pilot announcing to secure my seatbelt wakes me. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I look down at my watch to see that it’s nearly 4 A.M. Grabbing my purse, I take out my brush and makeup to touch everything up. Once the plane lands, I run to the bathroom before getting off to brush my teeth and look at the reflection in the mirror. It’s time to grow up. It’s time to quit creating wars within myself and with those who love me the most.

  Walking down the steps, I notice the early morning is still as dark as night. I see Kane’s Crossfire parked, and he and my Dad lean against it talking. Kane’s arms and legs are crossed as he looks at my dad, nodding his head at something he is saying. Lugging my bag, I walk towards them. When I’m a little closer, I hear the last thing that Kane says to him. He doesn’t know I’m listening. “She drives me crazy, but I’ll take care of her. Always.”

  I stop before them, dropping my bags on the ground from fatigue. My dad pushes away from the car first and strolls over to me. Suddenly, I feel a little awkward. It’s one thing to tell my mom that I’m staying with Kane, but I will not tell my dad. If he tells me lets go, I’m gone. No questions asked.

  “I hear the plane was short four passengers on the return flight and that it’s in the same condition as when it left; however, that’s not why I’m here at…,” he looks down at his watch then continues, “four in the morning. I needed to make sure you got home in one piece.” He reaches me and kisses my forehead. Looking back at Kane, he turns again towards me. Shaking his head, he says, “You’re an adult now, Jay. You’re mother and I rushed you into the responsibilities of one too soon, and you paid the price. That is something I have to live with for the rest of my life.” With that, he walks away.

  “Dad,” I call to him as he turns back to me. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Smiling, he gets in the car to head home.

  Crisis averted. Thank God. I glance towards Kane, still planted against his car.

  His hoarse voice speaks up, “Are you coming home with me, Jay?”

  Nodding my head up and down, I answer, “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  Maybe it’s just too damn early in the morning, but I don’t understand the question, “Why what?”

  “Why are you coming home with me?”

  The answer is so clear to me that I try to deliver it in a way that is equally clear for him. “While I was in L.A., all I wanted was you.” Clearing my throat and looking into his eyes, I say it again, “All I want is you.”

  His eyes spark, and the depth of need is evident. It lights a fire within me that is fanned throughout with every breath I take. Finally, he pushes away from the car and walks directly to me before stopping mere inches from my face. His body heat rushes over me. The fire raging within me burns every thought, every worry, and everything but him. He’s the only thing left standing for me.

  He brings his hand up and caresses my neck. Gently, he grips the back of my head and draws me closer. His lips touch mine. They are rough and bitter at first, almost punishing in nature. His eyes never close, and neither do mine. When his tongue swipes my mouth, I open it and allow him to enter, granting him the permission that he never needed. My hands travel up his chest, and I can feel the solid muscles underneath. I lock my fingers together behind his back and pull him into me.

  He tries to step back, but this time, I’m the one going after him. I plead with whimpers for him not to
stop. “Jay,” he whispers against my mouth, “everybody in the world, including your dad, can see us. I know he’s not a dumbass, so I don’t want to rub what’s about to happen to you in his face.”

  Sanity slowly returns, but the fire is stoked and burning. Common sense lags behind. “What’s about to happen?” I know the answer, but I’m playing with our fire. I want to hear it from his lips.

  His eyes widen, but he smiles, figuring out my game. “I’m taking you to my house, and I’m putting you to bed.” His grin gets a little wider before he finishes, “With me in you.”

  Letting go of me, he steps back and grabs my bags. I stay where I am to let his words settle and blaze within me. My body’s reaction is to become wetter, not to put out the fire, but to allow slippery access to it.

  “Are you coming, Jay?”

  I jump at the sound of his words, making my feet move in the direction of his car. Standing at the open passenger door, he waits for me. How long was I daydreaming? Before I can lean down to enter the car, he lifts my chin with his fingers.

  “All I have ever wanted was you. I’ve waited long enough.” He kisses my lips before helping me in.

  We don’t say anything on the way over, both probably scared to say the wrong thing. We’ve both made that mistake, and Kane is right, it’s our time. We have waited long enough. He pulls into the driveway of a nice two-story brick home. Opening the garage, he drives in to park.

  Leaning over me, he opens the door, and we sit in silence with eyes locked. His touch singes my skin as I burn from want and whimper in desire. He inhales sharply at the sound of my yearning sob, and instantly, we both jump out of the car. I rush to the driver’s side and take his outstretched hand. He kisses me full on the lips again, and we make our way into the house. We reach a door that has a stairway leading down. I follow him until it opens up into an apartment. I pay no attention to anything else around me; he has me in his spell. We make it to the couch and he pulls me down next to him.

  His lips reconnect with mine, and we consume one another. I raise my fingertips between our mouths and press against them. A look of confusion emerges on his face but quickly fades as I begin to trace his lips. Closing his eyes, he leans back against the cushions and tries to take me with him. I resist and stop to gaze at his beautiful face for just a second. I’m astonished. He’s mine.

  “I love the way your soft lips and hard body feel beneath my fingertips.”

  His eyes flutter open at the sound of my voice. I slide my hand from his face to his neck and run my finger along his jaw line before tracing the black ink on his neck, “To thine own self be true.”

  “I love that you understand the pain in me.”

  Letting my fingers trail to the hem of his t-shirt, I gently slip my hands underneath. My touch lightly glides back up and across his rigid abs. A hiss escapes from his lips. I retract my hands from his shirt, grip it firmly, and pull it up and over his head. I toss it to the floor before placing my palms on his chest, one on his left pec and the other over his heart.

  “I love that you know the real me, and you’re still here.”

  Sensing that I need to control the moment, he sits motionless beneath me. His gaze shifts to different spots on my face, but it never leaves. Pressing my hands against his chest, I push him further into the couch, and my body slithers down to the floor in front of him. With my hands resting on his knees, I nudge his legs apart and place myself between them.

  Peering into his eyes, I continue. “I love how you protect both your heart and mine.”

  I watch my hands travel from his knees, over the rough denim, to the button of his jeans. Knowing this moment will define my life forever, they tremble as they wiggle the button free. Slowly, I bring my eyes to meet his. His stare pierces my soul, and the only thing I can say to him comes in the form of three words shrouded in a breathy whisper.

  “I love you, Kane.”

  I hear his quick intake of breath a second before his control snaps. Reaching down, he grasps the sides of my face and pulls me to him. His kiss takes possession of me: mind¸ body, and soul. Claiming my heart with actions, not words, he slides our bodies down to the floor. We land on our knees, body to body, with his mouth never leaving mine.

  Almost tickling, his hands feather down my sides, making me quiver. Grasping the ends of my dress, he pulls back, quickly stripping me of it. His hands caress my neck, and everywhere he touches sends electric currents through me. He looks down at the lingerie I bought for him, a little pair of black and pink tie panties and a matching demi-bra. His groan of approval is all I need.

  I moan loudly in response, not holding anything back from him. Meeting my lips again, his mouth ravages mine. He leans me back against the carpeted floor and rests his body beside mine. He fumbles to finish undoing his jeans while pushing at his underwear. Both slide off simultaneously.

  He presses me to the floor with his mouth and body, and I hold on tight, gripping his thick tattooed biceps. His stiff arousal is evident as it presses firmly against my damp mound, grinding against me in sweet torture. While kissing me, he nips at my lips then sucks to soothe them. He likes doing this, and damn, I like him doing it. It kindles every spark within me and turns them to roaring flames. His movements send hot lust surging through my body, over and over, shorting my brainwaves and making it impossible to do anything but feel.

  He whispers promises in my ear, but I’m beyond understanding or caring at this point. Reaching my hand down, I find what I am l searching for. Gripping his hard fervor, I slide my hand from base to tip.

  “God, Jay,” he moans.

  His moans excite me. The sweet sound increases the need in me. I continue my manual exploration of him – faster and tighter then slow and smooth.

  “Stop,” he cries as he grabs my hand, pulling it away. “That is not how it ends this time.”

  His unfocussed gaze and shortness of breath only build my excitement. His hands slide around my back, and I lift up for easier access to my bra clasps. Once he has removed it, his fingers skim to the sides of my thighs and pull the ties of my panties so that they release. He immediately rips them away. Leaning up, he looks down the length of my body. My nipples are erect, and my bare mound glistens.

  I see him visibly swallow and lick his lips, teasing me to the point of pain. My body can’t take anymore. I’m panting, literally shuddering with want. His eyes fly to mine as he feels me shaking underneath.

  “Jay, are you okay? We can stop if you need to.”

  “No!” I shout. “Please no. Now, I can’t wait any longer. I...please, Kane, love me.”

  “Shh...I’ll take care of it. Let me take care of you.”

  His hands slide down my body and open my thighs. One hand slides to my middle and spreads my warmth. His fingers prepare me for him. My cries of pleasure fill the silence, building as everything inside me tries to reach for completion. It’s just out of reach. I can feel him rising above me as he prods me open and slides his thickness in.

  “Shit,” he says stopping and pulling out. Reaching down, he hastily grabs for his jeans as he scrambles for something.

  With my body about to combust, he pulls away? Oh, hell to the no! All the pleasure turns to agonizing pain with the loss of his touch. Springing up, I tackle him to the ground. Finding his lips, I regain the taste of Heaven. I rub my heat against him, trying to mount him this way. Forcefully, he grasps my hips and holds me still, preventing me from fitting myself onto him.

  “Wait, Jay. God, baby, wait just a second.”

  His words filter through my thoughts, slowing me down just enough, that I understand what is happening. Placing me astride his leg, he brings a packet to his mouth and rips it with his teeth. I can’t help but rock back and forth, stimulating myself and closing my eyes in pleasure. I open them only to watch him sheath himself with the condom. He grabs my hips once again to lift me over him.

  We stare into each other’s eyes. I look at the perpetuity in his steady gaze as I connect
the last piece of the puzzle. He fills me, stretching me to the point of pain, but it’s a welcome hurt. The satisfying ache reminds me that he’s finally here. I move slowly at first to allow myself to conform to him. I increase my speed when his eyes roll back in pleasure. The pressure mounts within me, seeking release. Knowing what I need, he moves his finger down and rubs me just there, setting me off. My vaginal walls clench tightly around him, causing jolts of delight for us both. He groans louder, and his hips move up once more, forcing me down hard onto him. We moan together one last time.

  Falling forward onto him, I place my ear over his heart and listen to the harsh thumping as he calms. He rubs my back with both hands and kisses the top of my head as he regains normal breaths. Peace spreads throughout, contentment blooms deep within, and happiness replaces all the pain. For in this moment, I am whole. I shut my eyes in triumph, knowing that I can feel this again. I am regaining a piece of me that was stolen.

  Raising my head, I rest my chin on his chest and look up at him. He has captured my heart wholly and stolen my soul for eternity.

  He is looking back at me, smiling, but there is something else. Opening his mouth, he suddenly shuts it and shakes his head. “Girl, what you do to me. I didn’t think you could own me more than you already do.” Stretching underneath me, he says, “Sorry, we didn’t make it further than the couch. I wasn’t thinking,” he says laughing.

  “I don’t know, I think I like how you don’t think,” I say, smiling back.

  “C’mon, get up. My bed is softer, and I’m not done with you.”

  Standing unabashedly in front of him, I let his hungry gaze consume me. He instantly sends my body springing back to life. He stands, and my throat goes dry. Every thought leaves me except one -- he’s mine. I’ve seen Kane halfway naked, but this is the total package. His chest is sculpted perfectly and defined abs lower into his pelvis and form the perfect “V” with his brawny hip and legs. What he is working with is better than fine, and his backside is breathtaking. Men just don’t have rounded asses like that; it’s almost unbelievable. Not realizing the effect he as over me, he goes to dispose of the evidence of our joining. When he glances up, he halts, finally seeing the desire reflected back into his eyes.