Inside Out

  “Well, of course I will. But you should tell me anyway.”

  Gah! He was so . . . He just said everything right and they had this rhythm and she’d never had rhythm before and it set her all off kilter.

  “I just think of a song.”

  “You know I’m only going to pester you until you answer the question all the way.”

  He showed her in slow movements how to break a grip on her wrist. He’d introduced it a few days before at their first lesson, and she’d practiced every day. He nodded proudly, and she wanted to flutter her lashes at him.

  “Tell meeeee,” he sang.

  “Metallica. ‘Master of Puppets.’ It gets me in the mood.” She’d pinned her hair back with a headband, so she couldn’t drop her head and hide behind her hair. Instead she jutted her chin out and frowned. “Don’t judge me!” she teased.

  He laughed. “No judgment from me. I listened to ‘... And Justice For All’ so many times I had to buy a replacement, twice. Ah, no, like this.” He ran through the angle of her move again, and she tried once more, getting a feel for it.

  “Did you make out in your parents’ basement to it? Mick, my brother, got caught down there, and my mom still gives him the stink eye when we’re down there watching movies or whatever.”

  He moved quickly, circling around her until he stopped, very close to her, his nose just inches from hers. “Did you ever make out down there?”

  He might have taken it slow with the lessons so far, but he didn’t seem to find any trouble knocking her ass to the mat when she wasn’t paying attention.

  She grunted as he helped her to her feet. “Again, let me make you laugh. I lived in fear of getting pregnant. I was in the room when my aunt gave birth. It was, well, I won’t go into detail, but that kept my virginity intact for three more years. Plus, by the time I was old enough, my parents were on to the basement as a make-out spot. We used to drive down to the street behind the high school where it was quiet at night. It was a third base and holding sort of place.”

  He licked his lips, and she nearly let out a groan at how good he looked just then.

  “Ella, you and me.” He paused, and right before her eyes, he took on that sexy attitude of his and it made her all breathless in a way that had nothing to do with the workout. “We should go out. On a date, all official like. Pizza and pool with the rest of the crew?”

  She swallowed hard, her heart fluttering in her chest.

  “Really? Me?” Oh god, she actually said it out loud like a dork.

  Cope saw her surprise and wanted to laugh at how clueless she was to her own appeal. He did like it that pleasure shone in her eyes. “Oh yes, you. How can you not have known?” He gave in and laughed. “You’re delicious, Ella. I want to take a big bite.”

  Her hands flew up nervously as she blushed. “I . . . oh. Wow. Well, jeez! You flirted with me and all. But how was I to know it was different than any other day? Andrew, you flirt with everyone. I had a feeling you”—she shrugged—“changed the way you saw me. Or something. You started acting different about six weeks ago.”

  God, she was so beautiful, especially when she got flustered. Her skin gleamed, so pale. The slice he seemed totally fascinated with the most, the nape of her neck, called to his mouth. She wasn’t even wearing makeup, but she didn’t need it. She was clean and fresh and utterly Ella. And he wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to take a big bite. Or a lot of long, slow licks.

  “My manner is flirtatious and friendly. I’m a flirty guy. People like to be flirted with; it makes them happy. But you’re different.” How different he continued to realize each time he was with her. “What you failed to notice all along is that I’ve always wanted to ask you out. I’ve always been attracted to you, so I decided after a long while of wanting you, that it was time to make my move at last. I come into the café every day. I kissed you at Elise’s bachelorette party, on the dance floor. Remember?”

  She pressed her fingers to her lips, and he had to close his eyes for a moment.

  “Yes. I remember it.”

  Good.

  They sparred for several minutes more, neither saying much.

  Finally, as she toweled off and they’d finished, she turned to him again. “I just, well, I didn’t think it was real. The kiss I mean. I thought it was just a fun, happy kiss to a friend.”

  He needed to fix that right then. His gaze locked with hers, he walked her backward until she bumped the wall next to the door. “Does it make me happy to kiss you?” Leaning in, he brushed his mouth over hers, taking in the soft sigh she gave in response.

  She opened slowly to him as he deepened the kiss, settling his mouth on hers, tasting, teasing, drawing her taste into his mouth.

  Her nipples were hard against his chest. He wondered if he should wish he couldn’t feel the points of her need against him, or if he should keep on reveling in how good it felt. Being a hedonist at heart, he went with the latter.

  She settled in as he pulled her into him, her arms twining around his neck. Heat flashed through him and he didn’t resist the urge to break the kiss and lick up her neck. Sick bastard that he was, the taste of her skin only drove him more crazy. If he didn’t step back now, he’d be taking her to the floor and fucking her right then.

  Licking his lips, he stepped back, grabbing the strap of her bag. He needed to rein in his need for her, to savor the little nips he’d taken from that delicious mouth.

  Internally he battled with himself. He knew he was pretty fucking smooth with women. He knew they liked him, wanted more of him than he usually was willing or able to give. But this was not the same. She was not just any woman, and while he had no problems using his skills and wiles to woo her, he desperately hoped she saw him as more. Felt as if she did, especially after the engagement party, which had left him with the feeling that she understood him to the bone.

  He’d never been so . . . unsure and off balance with a woman before. He wanted to do everything right. Wanted to take it slow, but not too slow. Wanted to ravish and worship every inch of her. It was disconcerting and frustrating. And part of that filled him with the surety that she was worth every little twinge of doubt.

  That and the way she looked at him just then as they approached the elevator. She touched her lips with her fingertips and his cock stirred to life again, just when he’d wrangled it into submission.

  “The kiss was real then and it was real just a minute ago. Despite what you might think, I don’t just lay my lips on any old woman.” He could still taste her. “Just ones I find myself unable to stop thinking about.”

  She turned, and in two steps he had her backed against a nearby wall. She swallowed hard, blinking up at him. Not afraid. What he saw in her eyes cheered him. Desire.

  “I should seek treatment for the need to get you against walls and doors so I can get up on you.” He said it as a tease, but it wasn’t far from the truth.

  The need to kiss her coursed through him. But he didn’t give in, instead enjoying the sexual tension.

  “Can you drop me at my condo? I bused in today.”

  Clearly she hadn’t expected him to say that. Her grin was wry. “Yes, of course.”

  And then he dipped his head to take her lips, just a brief breath of a touch. She sighed into it, dizzying him with her response.

  His phone rang, and he groaned at the ring tone. Ben’s home number, so he grabbed it and answered.

  “If you two even think of leaving this building without coming up here to say hello, I’m going to pout.”

  “Hey, Erin.” He looked to Ella. “Erin says she’ll pout if we don’t go up to say hello.”

  Ella rolled her eyes. “All right. She’s such a baby.”

  Overhearing the jest, Erin laughed and hung up as the car arrived on their floor. As they went inside, she tossed “Yes” back over her shoulder.

  “Yes, you’ll go out with me?” Inside the elevator she was so close, so warm. He had sweats on, and in a short period of time, she’
d know just how much he liked her being so close and warm.

  “Yes, I’d like to go out with you for pizza and beer. It’s my last full day of school and my last day as manager at the café on Friday too, so that’s something else to celebrate.”

  “I’ll pick you up at your apartment at seven.” He had to call on years of nonchalance to not sound like a stalker.

  Luckily, she smiled. “All right then.”

  Erin was in the hall with Todd when they got out. She waved. “Come on in. I just made cookies.”

  He hung back, after seeing the look in Todd’s eye. The women went inside.

  “What’s up?” he asked Todd quietly.

  “Your dad called Ben a few minutes ago. He went to take the call outside, but he hasn’t come back in yet. If I go out, well, Erin will know there’s a problem.”

  “On my way. Near the greenhouse?”

  Todd nodded, and he headed to his left when everyone else had moved to the open kitchen on the right. He caught sight of his brother standing next to the hot tub enclosure.

  “Got a cigarette?” Ben asked when Cope walked outside.

  “No. Hang on.” He went back inside, quickly locating the French cigarettes his brother smoked occasionally.

  “Here.” He handed over the sleek black case and a lighter. He braced himself, knowing it must have been very bad indeed to drive Ben to smoke.

  Ben lit one, looking out over the city. “Dad called.”

  “Todd said. What happened?”

  “He wanted me to know he’d be happy to start a college fund for the baby.”

  Knowing there was more to it than that, Cope leaned against a nearby bench. “That so?”

  “Yeah. As long as I get a DNA test to ensure the baby is mine, everything will be just fine.”

  Cope blew out his breath. “Jesus. What the fuck? Why would he do that?”

  “Mom and I had lunch a few days ago. She wanted to be sure Erin had what she needed. She came to look at the nursery, all that jazz. She must have talked to him about it.” Ben shrugged, but Cope knew his brother’s eyes, and there was pain there, far more than the DNA comment would have caused.

  “Ben, what is it really? Not that the comments about the DNA test don’t suck, but you’re upset, like really upset. What else did he say?”

  “He said if I was thinking like my old self, I’d be finding myself my own woman or not watching so carefully when Erin went up and down stairs.” Ben’s voice thinned at the very end as Cope’s head nearly blew off.

  Cope didn’t really know what to say. What could he say in response to that? He grabbed his brother’s arm. “You know this is not right. And frankly, it’s not about you at all.”

  “I know my father intimated I’d be better off if the love of my life fell and lost the baby. I never . . . I don’t even know how to process that.”

  Cope’s head reeled at what had been said, at the damage his father had done. “I don’t either, to be honest. But I do know he’s out of order, Ben. He is wrong, and you need to step back before this goes any further. This is not healthy for you. I love you, Mom loves you, Todd, Erin, all our family, blood and not, you have people who wish you only the best. At some point, you’re going to have to let it go. Let him go if he can’t find a way to not be a snarling fool.”

  “I know.”

  “Still hurts though.” He hugged Ben then, and his brother hugged him back.

  “Yes. It does, Andy.”

  Ben hadn’t called him Andy in years. His brother was ripped open inside, and who wouldn’t be? Thank God he’d come up to check in. To be there when Ben had needed him.

  “You can’t tell Erin. I don’t want her to know. Her blood pressure has been elevated lately. I don’t want any more stress on her. It’s poisonous to imagine anyone wishing that on you. She doesn’t need it.”

  “Of course. But she’s going to find out eventually. She’ll be able to tell you’re upset. How are you getting around that?”

  Ben heaved a shaky sigh. “She’ll know I’m upset with the situation in general. She can’t imagine—who could?—that he would say such a thing. I just can’t bring this into our life, our family. That child is mine, no matter whose DNA it carries.”

  “Of course. No one who knows you would ever think differently.” What outsiders would think was another thing, but none of that mattered just then anyway. “What can I do? Whatever it is, you know if I can do it, I will.”

  “You did it, man. You did it.” Ben stubbed the cigarette out and grabbed his glass. “Thanks for listening. I know you’ve tried to help make him see reason.”

  “You’re my brother and he . . . Well, I know he loves you, but this is . . . He’s gone round the bend. I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah.” Ben shook his head and stood up straight. “Let’s go inside. Erin will be worried. By the way, how are things with our lovely Ella?”

  “They are good, Ben. God, she’s . . . I’m having a really great time getting to know her on this other level. She’s here, now, with Erin. I just asked her out, and she accepted.”

  “And then you had to come up here to deal with family crazy. Sorry.” Ben paused before opening the doors. “I like her. She’s different than your usual type.”

  “What does that mean? And don’t apologize for needing some fucking support. That’s what brothers do.”

  “Why are you so bitchy?”

  Good question. “What do you mean my usual type?”

  “The one-night-stand type, Andy. Do you deny that?”

  “No. But it’s not like they were all bad or terrible.” Or that he was.

  “Of course not. Nothing wrong with fucking. But Ella is not that. She’s different. She’s not itinerant. She’s the kind you bring home. Well, maybe to us instead of Mom and Dad. What’s up your ass, anyway? I clearly touched a nerve, but I can’t fix it unless you tell me what I did.”

  “You have enough shit to shovel right now. I’m fine.”

  His brother just looked at him in the way big brothers did, arms crossed over his chest, one brow up.

  “Fine! I just hate that you see me as some asshole who only wants women for fucking.”

  “Is that what you think? You think I don’t see you as worthy of something way more than a string of women you like, but don’t like enough to share more than your cock with? You’re not an asshole at all. But those women you blew through were not worthy of you, and you weren’t being very worthy of yourself. I’m not judging the sex part. I’m judging the part where I stand here on my balcony with my pregnant wife inside being taken care of by the man I love. I know what it means to fit after feeling like I never did my entire life. You deserve that.”

  Oh. “Sorry I snapped at you.”

  Ben snorted and opened the doors, herding Cope back inside. “Comes with the territory. I snap, you snap, it’s what you do with people you love. Just don’t fuck this up.”

  “No pressure or anything.”

  Ella figured something was up when Cope went out to see his brother, but she wanted to check in on Erin anyway.

  She loved this place. Beyond the initial Oh my god this place is huge impression, it was a home. A home Erin had built with not just one man, but two. It had been an unusual situation, but the longer Ella had known the three, the more sure she was that it was quite simply perfect for them. She’d rarely seen such love and commitment between two people, much less three.

  “I can’t believe you were here in the building and weren’t going to come say hello to me. Todd, baby, can you please get Ella some tea?” Erin looked back to Ella. “Just made a pot of some calming blend crap I have to drink instead of coffee.”

  “We were just finishing up when you called. I figured you’d be resting or busy.”

  “Pfft. All I do lately is rest. Sit, sit. How are you?”

  Ella sat, and Todd put a mug of tea at her elbow, squeezing her shoulder before he moved back to Erin’s side. “Thanks. I’m good. Just had a workout with Cope. Starte
d Christmas shopping yesterday. Thinking about a trip to see Mick this summer for a week. You?”

  “Christmas shopping in mid-October? Show-off!” Erin winked. “It’s all good. I miss you at the café already, and you’re not even totally gone yet. Things are fine, so get that worried look off your face. You are meant for other things, and it’s not like we won’t see each other since you’ll be able to have a social life now that the balance is in favor of your other job.”

  Ella worried about leaving the café as Erin’s pregnancy neared its end. But the guy taking over was good, had worked at the café nearly as long as Ella had and he cared about the place and their customers.

  Erin was right. It was time. Even if taking that step did scare her. She smiled at Erin, noting how her friend’s face had rounded as she passed into her eighth month. Ella thought it looked good on her but also that she looked tired.

  “Of course we’ll still see each other. My new office isn’t even three miles from here. It’s not like I’m going to disappear. You’re stuck with me.”

  They chatted for several more minutes, Erin showing pictures from the most recent ultrasound, talking about the baby’s room and other gloriously mundane things.

  “It feels like forever since we’ve just hung out like this. Only this time we get the hot guy to bring us tea and baked goods.” Erin smiled up at Todd, who kissed her quickly.

  “We’ve all been so busy. It’ll be better soon. I hope. We just need to carve out the time.”

  “Starting Friday.” Cope strolled into the room and sat at the table, sneaking a cookie from the plate. “Ella’s coming to pizza, pool and beer with me.”

  Erin’s eyes lit, and a smile of a different type marked her lips. Ella wanted to laugh. Truth was, she still felt pretty giddy about it herself. Ella had to admit she loved the way he’d verbally underscored the with me part.

  “Hey, Ben.” Ella knew something was up with him. He usually had a smile on, an easygoing walk. Just then she could see the stress around his eyes.

  But he smiled at her, genuinely, dropping to kiss her cheek before settling on the nearby counter. “Hey, Ella. I was just telling Cope I was glad we’d get to see you more often outside the café.”