Inside Out

  “About six months back.” Absently, he flicked a fingertip over his left nipple, leaving her dry-mouthed as well as achy.

  Because he seemed to enjoy it and certainly because she did, she continued to touch him. Unable to help herself, she leaned in and kissed his side, her lips against his rib cage. He made a ragged sound, pushing against her.

  Inside she warred with herself, because she needed him, trusted him, but she hadn’t been so unsure of any situation so important for a long time. But his skin, his hands and mouth, the sound of his voice, they lured her into him, into wanting more than she’d ever imagined.

  Control slipped from her fingers, and it was delicious and scary all at the same time.

  “Ah god, Red, you feel so good,” he rasped as she ran her hands up and down his torso, over the intricate lines of dragon scales of the huge Chinese horned dragon on his back and sides. Swallowing hard, she touched each nipple ring with her fingertips and had to close her eyes a moment.

  When she tipped her head to look at that handsome face again, he was looking down at her. “You like what you see?” he asked with that quirk of the mouth that showed the dents of his dimples.

  Her eyes widened as she remembered her fantasy of a few months ago, when she’d imagined nearly this same thing, though she was bolder in her imagination.

  “What is it, baby?” He arched into her touch. “God, I love it when you touch me. So long, so long I’ve wanted this.”

  When he said that, it always stunned her. How could he have felt this way for years, and she never noticed? She’d wanted him forever it seemed, and now he was there and her hands were on him. How funny life was sometimes.

  If her imaginary Ella could be bold, why not the real Ella too? At least a little?

  “I had this fantasy about you. Well, okay, so I’ve had way, way more than one, but a few months back I was imagining you. You and me together, and you asked me if I liked what I saw. Just a little déjà vu, I guess.”

  “You had fantasies about me?” He took her hand gently, bringing it back to his nipple. “I like it when you twist, like—fuck yes—like that.”

  She twisted, not too hard or too far, but her pussy muscles clenched as he hissed with pleasure. That’s when the inner Ella took over and licked from his belly button up to his chest.

  It felt awesome.

  He was so handsome, so big and male and confident. She loved it. Loved how ridiculously sexy he was. And damn, he was beautiful. She’d never known a person who wore their skin so well, who exuded all the things sexy seemed to embody. Being with him the way she was just then was like hitting the lotto.

  She laughed at the thought, and he pounced, pulling her sweater up and over her head. Then he quickly looked at her face, panicked, until he saw she was okay.

  Hmm.

  “I’m fine.” Reaching back, she divested herself of her bra.

  “Wow.” He whistled with wolfish appreciation. “Those are fucking magnificent. You have no idea how many times I jerked off thinking of them.”

  Her breath caught as shivers went through her.

  “Too crude? Sorry.”

  She stood and moved to the bed. “Not too crude.” Just totally not something she was used to. There’d never been dirty talk with Bill or the only other boy she’d slept with. Plenty of sex with the first boyfriend. Not a lot with Bill.

  “Hot.” And it was. So much so that it sent her reeling. She stood on shaky ground, mainly with herself and her confidence. Being with him, while totally right in so many ways, made her unaccountably nervous.

  Which she knew was stupid. So. Perhaps they could work out something that would help. If he could trust her enough. If she could trust herself enough.

  He grinned and stalked to her. “Yeah?”

  She nodded and put her hand out, touching his chest, but holding him off. “I really, like beyond really want to have sex with you right now. A lot of sex. For a long time.”

  “Why you stoppin’ me then, Red?” His hands slid over her belly. “Before I give attention to these.” He thumbed over one of her nipples. “I want to see your back. Please?”

  He must have some sort of pact with the devil. It was really the only way to explain how he always just seemed to know exactly what she needed to hear and when she needed to hear it.

  Because it also gave her a way to hide her face, she turned quickly.

  He moved close, so close she felt him, even though he wasn’t touching her yet. So close she could smell his skin and whatever shampoo he used. Thank god she had on her cute underpants.

  “Brody is the king. Jesus, this is amazing. You’ve kept this whole design to yourself. We’ve only seen bits and pieces.”

  “He is. Brody being the king, I mean. I haven’t shown it because, well, I’m not like Erin or Raven. They’re so bold! It feels private to me, I suppose, something I’ve done for myself. Also, my back isn’t nearly like theirs.”

  He leaned in and nipped at her shoulder. “Isn’t nearly like theirs how? And does it have to be like theirs? It’s better. If you could see yourself like I see you, you’d have nothing at all to say about others being bold. You are beautiful. Your back is beautiful, and Brody worked the ink to fit you and your skin tone perfectly. It’s you. What made you think of this?” His fingertips made an alluring trip along her spine.

  She smiled, flattered and pleased. “All I had at the beginning was this card my brother sent me. It came with one of his letters. It was a picture of a cherry tree next to this beautiful, rough-hewn water pond. The tree was perched at this precarious angle on the slope, but it had grown deep and strong. It didn’t stand tall, because it had to adapt and grow strong from another angle.” She shrugged. “You gotta have the sun. Anyway, he designed this sketch after I told him I wanted to do something large and why. There’s one more part left to go, but really, it’s pretty done. Just three floating petals from the tree left to add.”

  He kissed her shoulder, over the place he’d just nipped, his bare skin making full contact with hers.

  “Amazing and beautiful. I admit I like it when ink means something to the person who wears it. It fits, strong and adaptable, like you.”

  She took a deep breath, leaning back into him fully, just enjoying him.

  He leaned down to murmur in her ear, “It’s going to be a miracle if we don’t pull this house down around us when I finally get inside you. We got us some fireworks, Ella. Strong and hot.” He slid an arm around her waist, his palm flat against her belly. “Now, why did you stop me? Because you say you want to have sex, and believe me, I do too. But you hesitated before I looked at your tat. I don’t want you to hesitate around me. Especially here when we do this. Here, between you and me, when we’re fucking, having sex, making love, whatever and all the above, I want there to be no hesitation and no fear.”

  12

  He was right, and she agreed with him.

  “I completely agree. But you may not, once you hear my proposition.”

  He turned her in his arms, brushing her nipples against his chest until she squeezed her thighs together to try to ease the weight of desire, even just a bit.

  “Ella, woman, I have wanted you. Admired you. Been attracted to you. Liked you. Pretty much crushed on you like a lovesick boy for years now. I’m not leaving this bedroom with you until I’ve made you come at least three times. I need to be in you.”

  She blushed and decided to just machine-gun it all out so she couldn’t overthink. “Okay, so the deal is, we’ve established that I want you inside me. We’ve established I’m not afraid of you. You’re teaching me how to tackle the last few things, teaching me to gain more control over my life.”

  He nodded, solemn, his focus on her completely.

  “So, um, I have a control problem. I mean, gah! I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “Red, just tell me, and I’ll do it. Even if the most beautiful tits on earth weren’t brushing up against me this very moment, I’d still move mountains fo
r you.”

  “God, you’re so unexpected! I need to be in charge this first time,” she blurted.

  A slow, sly smile crept over his mouth. “Is that all? You can tie me up, spank my ass, blindfold me, well, that would suck because those freckles, that skin, those fucking breasts are so hot I’d hate not to be looking at them. But do what you will. I am yours to command.”

  “Really?”

  He laughed. “Ella, yes. I want you. We’re halfway to naked, and what do I care if you want to hold the reins? Tell me what to do, whatever.”

  Cope had been so worried she would put a halt to the entire thing, and this is all she needed? He’d go buy her bitch boots and a whip if she wanted it. He got it; she’d been controlled, and she wanted some control now. Fine. What did he have to lose by letting her have it?

  “It’s not like you think. Not really. I don’t need to hold the reins. I don’t think I’m cut out for being a dominant. Dominatrix? Whatever. I just need to be in control this first time. I know I’m not making sense. I’m sorry.”

  He looked at her, into her eyes, and he understood. She didn’t want to top him, she just wanted to be on top, so to speak. Maybe to manage all the newness and doing something she hadn’t in years. Maybe to wrestle back the past. He didn’t know for sure. But he’d set the pace, and she’d stop him if he went too far. That’s how he interpreted it anyway.

  “You make sense just fine.” He kissed her then, felt her relax against him, her arms encircling his neck and hauling him closer. “Guide me. Tell me what you want.”

  He loved the way she had to close her eyes for a moment to get herself together. Her nipples were hard, swollen, and made his mouth water. She wasn’t afraid of him, thank God. She was horny. He could deal with that quite easily.

  “I want you to touch me. Be with me.”

  “There’s so much of you, I don’t even know where to start,” he murmured before humming his pleasure and licking over the freckles on her shoulder. “Damn, you taste fine.”

  She reached between their bodies, yanking at his belt, getting the jeans open, and she laughed.

  “Didn’t anyone tell you laughing at a guy when his dick is in your hand is bad form?” he teased.

  “You know I’m not laughing at this.” She squeezed him. “Though I must admit I’m a bit scared of it. I’ve looked more than a few times, and I knew you were, um, talented in this area. But this is, well, you’re gifted.”

  It was his turn to laugh.

  “I laughed because of course you don’t wear underwear. Though I might have sprained my wrist if I’d have known.”

  He bent his knees to take her breasts in his hands and put them together to swipe his tongue over them again and again.

  “Wait.” He stood up, his pants open, cock out. “Your wrist? Holy shit, you mean from masturbating?”

  She nodded.

  “You should tell me about it.” He grinned, and to his surprise, she turned off the overhead light, leaving the room lit by the fireplace. The surprise part was when she pushed him back on his bed and pulled off his jeans and socks.

  “Wow.” She looked him up and down. “You . . . your body is . . . Whew, I don’t think I’ve seen anything so amazingly masculine ever.”

  He liked that. He stretched, putting his arms above his head, and she laughed, pouncing on him. “Tease!”

  He kissed her, gently rolling her over. “Nope. I always deliver.”

  She smiled. “I want to look at your back now. I’ve seen it from a distance, but now I can look close. And touch.”

  He was probably going to die by the end of the night with her talking this way, but he managed to push himself to stand, and she—God help him—totally braless, those breasts swaying, taunting him, followed.

  “Brody does such amazing work.” She ran her hands all over the Chinese horned dragon on his back, trailing her fingertips over the place on his biceps where the tail wrapped.

  He closed his eyes as she touched him. Gentle, hesitant at first, but then bolder, which he liked. Liked that she trusted him. Loved that she wanted him.

  “Chinese horned dragons have protective qualities. They’re very strong. Can’t this one produce rain?” She pressed a kiss to his spine.

  “Yes. The horned dragon.” He turned, needing to touch her more. “Your pants are still on.”

  “You’re pretty bossy for someone who just agreed to let me be in control.” She said it, brow furrowed, trying to look serious. But the wide green eyes taking in his chest and his nipple rings said differently.

  “I want to see you. I’m naked here.” And so hard his cock tapped his belly. “You should be naked too. It’s only fair.”

  “You’re very full of it.” But her hands went to her zipper, and he could have sworn he felt each click of the teeth separating deep in his gut.

  “Holy shit.”

  He stared, openmouthed, as she stepped from her jeans, leaving her in thigh-high socks and a pair of boy-short panties with little kisses all over them.

  She held her hands clenched in front of what he couldn’t wait to touch. And taste. “Why do you look so stressed?” He kept his voice gentle, even as he took her hands, untangling them and kissing her palms. “You still with me? What’s next? Definitely the panties and the socks. And then the bed, I hope. Though I can do standing up, sitting down, on the floor, over the couch arm, whatever you desire.”

  She blushed and in one quick movement slid her panties down her legs and stepped out of them. He hoped she ordered him to do something really soon. Like before he embarrassed himself.

  “Bed, I think. For this first time.” She cleared her throat and stood a bit taller. “Yes, that’s what I think. Um, by the way, I don’t need to control every move you make. I’d wager you have way more moves than I could even imagine.”

  He laughed as she moved to the bed. Quickly, he joined her, sliding his hands up her legs, from her ankles to her mid-thigh where the socks ended. An intriguing trio of freckles peeked from beneath the top.

  “It’s all been practice for this moment.” He wasn’t going to tell her that right then he couldn’t even recall another woman he’d been with. She took up every bit of his attention and memory.

  He began to roll down the left sock, leaning down to kiss the skin he exposed. But she stopped him.

  “I’d feel better with them on.”

  He licked up her thigh, over the crease where thigh met leg, and delighted in her swallowed gasp. “Are you cold?”

  “N-no.” A sound came from her, low and ragged, as he breathed over her mound, the sticky-sweet scent of her pussy greeting his senses and laying him low. He rubbed the side of his face up her belly, kissing and licking to her breasts, where he planned to spend some quality time.

  “Then what is it?”

  “I’d just feel better with them on.” She squirmed, making an adorable squeal when he licked over a nipple.

  “Is this about your scars?”

  She stiffened, and he regretted bringing it up. Still, now that he’d said it, he had to tread carefully.

  “I just want them on. I feel more comfortable with them on. Do you want to have sex or not?”

  He rolled to the side and moved up so they could face each other. “I don’t want to have sex when we’re like this.”

  She tried to get up, but he put an arm around her waist to stay her. “Let me go.”

  He sighed, letting her go. It took every bit of his control to stay there, watching her spring from his bed. “Are you really just going to leave? Now? After all this? We’re building something here, Ella. Don’t be a coward. Not when I know for a fact just how brave you are.”

  She stared at him for a long time without speaking and then plopped into a nearby chair. “You don’t know shit about me, Andrew.”

  “Bull. I know you, Ella. I know you are strong and smart and steadfast. I know you have scars on your leg and you’re afraid I’m going to see them and judge you. Fuck that. The only person
I judge is the man who gave you those scars. And what are scars to me anyway? Huh? Jesus, what do you think I am? What have I done to ever make you think I’d reject you because you had some scars on your leg?”

  “They’re not just scars!” Angrily, she shoved the sock down to expose her leg. Tears brightened her eyes, and he shook his head, moving to her, even as she held her hand out to stop him.

  He didn’t want to blow off her concerns and the way she felt about herself, but at the same time, he looked closely and then pressed a kiss to her calf where the scarring was worst. He ruthlessly held back any pity at the sight of the scars, though he knew what sort of pain she must have experienced healing and in physical therapy. Pity would only make her withdraw from him further.

  “They take nothing away from your beauty. Nothing. I don’t care about this. Don’t you get it? You’re not diminished by this. It’s just another part of you.”

  She pushed at his head, but he didn’t move back until he’d kissed her knee. “It’s ugly.”

  He laughed. “Ella, nothing about you is ugly. The scarring isn’t severe. You’re beautiful. Long and lithe. Your legs, even with the scars, are strong and shapely.”

  “I left. I did what I was supposed to do.” Her jaw squared, she looked pissed off. He realized it was the first time she’d ever said anything like that to him.

  “I know. You did.” He paused, still naked, cock still at full alert as he knelt at her feet. “I want to see every part of you. From your head to your toes, Ella. I want all of you.” Deliberately, he caressed her calf without breaking his gaze. “Don’t hide this from me.”

  He got to her, and that made her nervous. She’d built a wall around herself, protecting her emotions from anything dire. Even her family was outside it to a certain extent. It wasn’t so much that he was pushy, but he refused to be put off. She couldn’t hide from him because he demanded that sort of honesty.

  Could she give it?

  “What do you say, Red?”

  Before she could answer, he turned and pressed a hot, openmouthed kiss just behind her knee where the scarring was the worst. Something ripped from her as she looked down at him, his eyes closed, his mouth pressed to her leg, the hand holding her firm but gentle. His hair so dark against her pale skin.