Inside Out
The sketch isn’t nearly as good as it could be, as strong as my memory of that part of you I love so much. The long line of your neck, your skin so pale and perfect. And like a surprise, freckles spattered here and there with artful chaos.
I saw the postcard in a bin at an antique store in Marysville. I’ve been saving it, not knowing you needed it until after I slid the leaves into the envelope.
Upon night’s breast, I fly to you each time I close my eyes . . .
Andrew
Whoo. She fanned herself a moment, trying to keep her bearings, when in reality, he’d shaken her. Her defenses against him crumbled. No one got to her the way he did.
She sat, the sky outside darkening, and realized her feelings for Andrew Copeland were beyond her ability to control.
“Where’s Ella?” Adrian looked up when Cope came in through his front door.
“Hi, Cope. How’s it going? I’m great, Adrian, and how are you?”
“She’s pretty and has a great body. You’re a pain in my ass.”
“Just remember, she’s my girlfriend, dickhead. As it happens, I’m picking her up in an hour and taking her to the coast. We’ll be back Sunday afternoon.”
Laughing, Adrian led him back down to his home office, which included his recording studio.
Cope tossed a file folder on the tabletop. “I wanted to drop this by on my way out of town. These are all the plans for your tour security. The label people have finally accepted we’re doing it each time, so the process was far easier. I briefed Jeremy on the phone earlier today. He’ll hold off faxing the info to the label until you approve it. Want a rundown?”
“I really want to postpone all this, is what I want.” Adrian shoved his hands through his hair.
“Worried about Erin? Your first show isn’t until mid-January.”
“I want to be around for my niece or nephew, you know? Don’t pretend you don’t feel the same way. She’s my sister, and I’ve been around for all the big moments in her life. It’s going to be hard for her sometimes. You know, thinking about Adele and all.” Pain shadowed Adrian’s features for a few brief moments. “She’ll need me. Need everyone in her life to help.”
“She will, Adrian. She’s got Todd and Ben. My mom and Todd’s mom. She’s got me, Brody, Elise, Raven, Ella. And you’re fucking loaded, if you recall. Just fly back as much as you can. You and I both know she’d hate it if she knew you postponed a tour for her.”
“It’s more than that. I don’t want to miss this. I want to be around for the baby. Adele was such a joyous part of my life. This baby should be too.”
Cope sat back and gave Adrian a close look. “Do you want me to talk you into it or out of it?”
Adrian looked up, startled, and then he laughed. “That’s the question. Too bad I don’t know the answer. I don’t want to miss this stuff. The first smiles, rolling over, sitting up. These are things that happen in those early months, and I’ll be on a stage in some other state.”
“True. You can video call and conference. She can get it all on video for you. Ben and Todd have both purchased swanky new cameras, and Erin’s office has some great tech, so you can webcam each other. It’s not perfect, but even if you don’t trust Todd and Ben all the way, you have to know Brody will watch her like a hawk. She’s got plenty of people who’ll protect her and the baby.”
“Sure. Of course Brody will, because that’s what he does. So what does that make me?” Yeah, yeah, he was a bit morose. So what? He was in indie rocker; it came with the territory, right? But damn, Brody was a hard act to follow, and Cope understood that better than Adrian might think.
“The baby brother of a man like Brody. Course, it doesn’t hurt that you’re a rock star and stuff. I don’t have a music career. Just Ben for a big brother. The man who is good at everything. I know what it’s like to have a big brother who everyone looks up to.”
“I feel ungrateful. I love Brody. He’s more my dad than my brother, and he deserves all the accolades he receives. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.”
“Sure. Doesn’t make being in someone’s shadow totally easy to bear, though. And it doesn’t make you ungrateful. Can you cut the tour down? Do fewer cities?”
“No.” He sighed. “This shit has been in place for months now. The dates are set, the venues are booked and publicity is already in place. There’s all this stuff in my contract holding me to tour dates, and I get why.”
“It’s three months. Twelve weeks. You can do it. The more records you sell, the better it is for your career.”
“After this, I’m not touring for a while. Everything I want and need is here at home. If I sell well now, I can take off a year or so. I’ve wanted to for a while now. It’s only a matter of time before Elise gets pregnant, and I want to be here for that too.”
“You’ve got TBC Security protecting you, no matter what you decide.” Cope indicated the file folder. “And you’ve got me and the rest of your friends behind you.”
“Thanks, man. It means a lot to me. So, back to your girlfriend. How are things?”
“Good. She’s good. We’re good. It’s early days. A week now, since that first date. I’m taking her to the coast. One of my friends has a house right on the sand, terrific view, fully stocked kitchen. Two days, just us. I think it should be good. I like her. She likes me.” Cope shrugged, but his grin canceled out any nonchalance he’d been going for.
“Tell me what it is about her.” Adrian leaned back to grab a bottle of juice, tossing it to Cope.
“The very first time I went into the café, years and years ago, she made me a latte. It was her eyes that day. And then the freckles. She was different then. I don’t know if you remember or not. But she was more upbeat, vibrant, outgoing. And slowly over the years it dimmed until she kicked him out. Then I thought maybe it was possible to ask her out. And then there was the attack, and she had to have the time and space to get her shit together. To get her life back.”
“I’ve seen how you look at her. Watched you watching her for years now. To be totally honest with you, it’s one of the reasons I haven’t made a move myself. How long have you crushed on her?” Cope’s gaze sharpened, and Adrian snorted a laugh. “Surprise, dude, your girl is hot. Ella is something special. Do you think no one but you noticed?”
“As long as you know she’s taken now, I got no problems admitting that my girl is hella hot. As for crushing on her? God, years. Since before the assault. Since she started at the café and I didn’t know anything about her. I watched her fade into her relationship with that piece of shit, and then she got up the courage to leave, and I thought, hey, now’s the time! And then he nearly killed her, and she needed the space to rebuild her life.” He shrugged.
“You weren’t ready for her last year. Or the year before that either.” Adrian sipped his juice. “You are now, and so is she. I’m glad to see it.”
Cope shrugged. “Just promise me we won’t have to bang a drum or anything if we talk about our feelings.”
Adrian rolled his eyes, shooting him the middle finger.
“Just making sure. Anyway, it’s probably true about me not being ready before. Neither of us would have been. It seems like this is a huge transition in her life, and I hate to think I’m a rebound. But I have to believe what I feel when I’m with her. I believe our connection is real.”
“Don’t blow it.”
“Trying not to. What about you then? You’re the last single guy in the group now. You interested in forever and that stuff or still happy with lots of starlets in your bed?” Cope laughed for a second. “Okay put that way, how can you not be happy with starlets in your bed? What I mean is, are you looking for a relationship or happy playing the field?”
“God, listen to us talking about our feelings and shit. If I found the right woman, yeah, I’d like a relationship. But it’s hard, being on the road. Trust is always an issue. Then again, I’m not on the road like we were at the start. Karen the baker is a nice woman
. I like her. But I don’t think she’s the one. And I begin to wonder if it’s worth the effort unless I feel that connection. Hell, I’m not sure I’d know that connection if it hit me in the face. There’s so much to dig through sometimes.”
“How do you know they’re with you for you instead of for the fame and money?”
“Fucking Andrew Copeland and his ability to ask questions most people just never say out loud.” Adrian groaned. “I don’t. Which is why I don’t have a hot redhead in my bed like you do.”
“Isn’t whatserface? The one from that doctor show, a ginger like my girl?”
“Sophia Green? Yeah, she was a redhead. And she was amusing for a while. But she liked the cameras a lot. I don’t. I don’t want to have my personal life being discussed ad nauseam on the Internet. I want to eat dinner without fifteen dudes with cameras just three feet away. I fucking hate being in L.A.”
“You do have a lot more freedom up here than you’d have in L.A. The bodyguard is working out then?”
Cope’s company had hooked Adrian up with a low-key bodyguard for when he was in Los Angeles and on tour. It was a stupid pain in his ass, but given what happened to Erin and Adele, it was necessary, and Adrian had appreciated it. “He’s good, thanks.”
“Nice. We’ll be sure to get him to cover the tour then. I can work some of the dates, just FYI. We did an analysis of each venue so the security plan was specific to each event as well as an overall plan. Just let me know what you think after you read it. If you have any questions, I can walk you through it now, or you can call me and I can go over it later. It’s up to you.”
“Jeremy will call in a few hours and tell me what to think.” Adrian shrugged with a grin. “Hey, don’t give me that look. I have plenty of details to worry about and obsess over. Jeremy’s my manager; he can handle this sort of thing so I don’t have to. If I do have questions, I’ll give you a call.” Adrian paused. “Listen, next Friday night. You and Ella come out. Brody and Elise have the night free, and we’re doing a Godfather One and Two screening. Takeout too. Of course, if Erin goes into labor, we’ll all be at the hospital.”
“Sounds good. I’ll let Ella know.”
“Hell yeah. I hope she wears a turtleneck.” He waggled his brows, and Cope shot him the evil eye.
“I’ll see what she’s up to and hopefully make it.”
“Cool. You two have a good time this weekend.”
They walked out together after he showed Cope the new editing bay they’d just completed.
“I’ll see you soon. I’ll have my cell with me if you read over that stuff and you want to talk about it.”
Cope backed out and was gone, leaving Adrian standing outside, looking over the front garden. Peaceful. Even in the middle of the city it was peaceful here. Aside from the occasional fan who camped at the gates at the bottom of the drive, he lived a normal life in the city. No paparazzi to speak of, people left him alone in the grocery store and he was near all his favorite people.
He was unsettled. Erin was part of it. He wasn’t used to seeing her need to rest so much. Her blood pressure had been slightly elevated, so she’d been taking it easy, and thank heavens she’d been cleared to go back to work here and there. She’d been going stir-crazy and Adrian knew how much she worried and felt the need to simply go about her life with some level of normalcy.
Maybe it was the changes in their circle with Ella and Cope coming together the way they had. It wasn’t that he’d ever really crushed on Ella; not like Cope had. But he supposed he’d finally hit the age where he realized he wanted someone to come home to. A hand to hold on a morning walk. Someone to pick up the phone and sound thrilled when they heard his voice.
The big house was awesome. He’d worked hard to earn it. So had Erin. He took a side path through the gate into the expansive backyard overlooking the Sound. A flash of color caught his gaze and he smiled, seeing the flutter of the tassels on Rennie’s pogo stick where she’d left it, propped up against the side of his deck. Being an uncle was one of his favorite things. He dug kids a lot. Which was good, because he knew Erin’s baby would fill the place with bright toys that squeaked or made music when they got stepped on.
Home was important. His brother had found it, his sister had found it and one of his best friends may have found it too. Life was very good indeed. He’d do this tour and use the webcam idea to be there in some way for the new baby and, more important, his sister.
16
Cope stopped at the grocery store near Ella’s building to grab a few extras for their weekend. Wine. Cheese and crackers. Chocolate. And a few boxes of condoms.
“My goodness, is this just a party for two, or can a guest join in?”
He looked up from the acres of boutique chocolate and found . . . Sandy? Cindy? Candy? Whatever, a woman he saw on and off for a stretch the year before. Talk about inventive. Whatshername there was like a sexual encyclopedia. And a yoga teacher, so she was extra bendy too.
Without thinking, he crooked a smile her way. “Not that the invitation isn’t enticing and all, but no. I’m not partying with anyone else but my girlfriend these days.” That also came out without thinking. He liked that last bit better.
“Girlfriend? You?” She laughed, making sure he saw all her parts jiggling. Not a lot of subtle, but she wasn’t hiding what she was either.
“Yep. Even us old dogs can learn new tricks.” He grabbed several of the dark chocolate truffle bars she liked so much. “Nice seeing you.”
“Cope, you’re not boyfriend material. You have to know that. You’re a great fuck and all, but you’re going to be cheating on this poor naive girl before she knows it.”
“I don’t cheat on anyone, thank you very much.” This offended him deeply. He might have liked to fuck a lot of women, back when he was with Candy—yeah that’s right, Candy—but he didn’t lie about it, and he wasn’t a cheater. He had principles, damn it.
“You’re not a one-woman man, Cope. You like women. You like sex. One woman can’t satisfy you. Is she a freak? Does she let you bring home friends? Maybe I’d like her. We had some good times with a few of my friends, remember?”
It was like some scene from his past playing through the middle of the grocery store. Like Scrooge being visited by women of years before.
“Look, we had some fun and all. But that’s in the past, and I’ve moved on.”
“Don’t kid yourself. You and me are alike. We don’t do relationships. We do each other. You’ll fuck up and prove me right.”
Still laughing, she moved past him with a little wave, leaving him pissed off in her wake. He wasn’t like her anymore. He had changed, and it was all about Ella, damn it. He could do it. He was boyfriend material, partner material even. It wasn’t even a matter of changing; he’d just been waiting for the right person, and he had her.
Ella smiled as the scenery whizzed by. “The trees are so pretty. I’m glad I brought my camera.”
“Camera, huh? We gonna do anything to be recorded for posterity?”
She snorted a laugh. “Um. No.” Not that she didn’t have a detailed memory of just how he looked naked. One she called up frequently because, well, hell, because he was fine!
“Party pooper. I made reservations at a little Italian place near my friend’s house. It’ll be a late dinner. That okay? I can stop now if you’re hungry.”
“No, I’m good. I eat at nine and ten a lot. But I’m sleeping late tomorrow.”
“Red, we’re sleeping until at least eleven. Then I’m going to ravish you, and we can nap until we decide if we want food or not.”
She felt her grin all the way to her toes. All the happy he brought to her life made her giddy. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve smiled this much,” she murmured, watching the sky purple, deepen into night.
“Thank you.”
“No. Thank you. Thank you for the package. I had the perfect frame to put the drawing in. I’m . . . well to say I’m touched and flattered doesn’t reall
y do justice to how it made me feel. And you’ve been hiding another talent from me. Are you good at everything?”
He took her hand casually. “Now I’m touched and flattered. Which talent are you referring to?”
“The drawing. And what poem did you quote?”
“That’s mine, the poem that is. Just a little something. The drawing’s just a scribble. Nothing major.”
Was he kidding? “Nothing major? Get out of town. It’s beautiful. So you’re a poet, and artist and you do amazing woodwork? Damn, Andrew Copeland, you’re hiding your light under a bushel.”
“You’re beautiful, Ella. I just let the pen put a small part of you on paper.”
Do you just not know? How can you not see how wonderful you truly are? She thought about this a lot as they finished the drive west. How could he not know? Did his parents just not ever tell him how wonderful he was? Despite his father’s asinine behavior of late, Annalee seemed to adore her children.
“Here we are,” he said, pulling down a quiet street that fronted the sandy dunes and the water just feet away.
“Wow.” She got out once he’d parked. The sharp scent of sand and salt water painted the evening air. It was cold enough she needed to clutch the front of her sweater together to ward off a chill.
And he was there, beside her, putting his arms around her. “Mmm. You feel good. Come on inside. We’ll drop off the bags and head to the restaurant.”
The place was lovely, romantic and intimate. The meal had been pleasant as Andrew held her hand while they talked about everything under the sun.
Until the bill came.
She reached for her bag, and his eyes goggled. “What are you doing?”
“Helping pay.”
He shook his head. “No you’re not. I invited you away for the weekend. I invited you for dinner. I’ve got this.”