The Dating Game

  Karl stood up and cleared his throat. “Okay, here’s my proposal: I buy a blow-up sex doll. Her name is Friendly Fanny. I put her in the front seat of my car and drive down the highway during rush hour in the HOV lane. You know, that lane where you have to have at least two people in the car or you get a ticket? And see if I get away with it.”

  He sat down with a smug grin on his face. He was unshame-able.

  A pained look crossed Dan’s face. He sighed and stood up. He turned away from the class and rubbed his temples. When he turned around again, his face was composed.

  “Sorry, Karl. Rejected. Look, forget about spying on people and blow-up dolls and think of a real research project. If you need help, come speak to me after class. But do it soon. You’d better settle on a project by next Friday or you’re in danger of failing this class.”

  Lina was glad to see Dan come down hard on Karl—it was about time. The first semester he’d been all smiley and buddy-buddy, but this semester seemed to be taking a toll on him. He had a new crease across his forehead. Lina worried about him. He was stressed.

  Dan glanced at a paper on his desk. “Okay, let’s hear from ‘Grupo Ocho.’ Ramona, Chandra, Siobhan, and Maggie.”

  Lina braced herself. Ramona’s group was doing a project on fashion and the use of clothes to send sexual signals, but they had gotten a little off-track. Basically they looked at what people in various cliques wore and dissed them.

  Ramona read from her paper. “This week Grupo Ocho found that the most popular girls in the school are all mindless followers. For example, if a girl who is not in their group tries a fashion innovation—that is, wears something new and experimental, like an earring made out of her little sister’s bloody baby tooth—the popular girls ignore it. But if their lead girl wears something just as unusual—”

  Or gross, Lina thought.

  “—like a bracelet made of safety pins, all her friends copy her right away. In conclusion, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. What matters is who’s wearing it.”

  Ooh. Deep, Holly scribbled in the margin of Lina’s notebook.

  “Uh, all right, good,” Dan said. “I have a suggestion, Grupo Ocho. Your project would be greatly enhanced by drawings or photos. So everyone could see the fashion examples you write about in your report. What do you think?”

  “That’s a brilliant idea, Dan,” Ramona said. “We’ll definitely do that.” She beamed at him. Her friends did too, but Ramona was clearly the most far-gone. It made Lina sick.

  Mads made a jokey face at Lina, pursing her lips and moving them ever so slightly, mimicking suck-up Ramona. Lina thought it was funny but couldn’t bring herself to laugh. Watching Ramona was like seeing herself in a funhouse mirror—her own feelings for Dan, distorted. But there was still truth in that distorted reflection. Lina and Ramona had different styles but the same core—they both loved Dan. It drove Lina crazy.

  Lina unlocked her bike at the end of the school day and pedaled across the parking lot. A car pulled in front of her and she stopped and glanced back. Dan knelt by the bike rack, unlocking his own bike. He was leaving school earlier than usual. Lina wondered where he was going. Home? Off to do errands?

  He strapped on his helmet and biked away in the opposite direction, down the front walk leading away from the school entrance. Lina didn’t think. She just followed him.

  It was easy. He never looked back. She stayed half a block behind him as he rode down Rosewood Avenue toward the water. Down the hill, right on Rutgers Street to a waterfront café called the Bayside. A gray, weather-beaten boardwalk lined with benches ran along the water, separating the cafe from the piers.

  Dan locked his bike at a rack in front of the cafe. He scanned the outdoor deck and waved at a good-looking dark-haired woman sitting alone at a table under a heat lamp. He leaped up three steps to the deck and joined her.

  Lina walked her bike to a bench across from the café. She leaned the bike against the bench and sat down. She told herself she was tired from the fifteen-minute bike ride from school to the waterfront, but she knew that was a lie. Now that she’d started this spying thing, she had to see it through to the end. Who was the woman? His girlfriend? A date? His sister? Just a friend?

  She rummaged through her backpack, found her sunglasses, and put them on, hoping they’d be enough of a disguise to keep him from noticing her. Not that there seemed to be any danger of that. Since he’d sat down, he’d barely taken his eyes off the dark-haired girl.

  Lina studied her carefully. She definitely wasn’t his sister. She was about his age, twenty-three or twenty-four, and her almost-black hair brushed her collarbone, shiny and thick with a slight wave. A cream-colored sweater was tied over her shoulders and large, dark, expensive-looking sunglasses perched on top of her head. She sat back in her wicker chair, comfortable and confident, chatting easily. Dan leaned forward, listening to her closely and nodding.

  Lina wished she could get closer to hear what they were saying. Should she try to get a table at the café? No, Dan would definitely notice her then and feel uncomfortable.

  The woman stood up. She picked up a large leather bag and walked inside the café. Probably going to the ladies’ room. Lina got a glimpse of her whole outfit then—a cream-colored knit tank top that matched her sweater, which she pulled on over the tank top now, a chunky gold necklace, a pair of neat white pants, and high heeled sandals. Everything looked expensive to Lina’s eye, and she knew expensive clothes. Her mother had a closet full of them.

  While the woman was gone, Dan gazed out toward the water. Lina stood up and walked her bike away, afraid he’d spot her. She went to a coffee stand and got a coffee to go. When she returned to her spying spot on the bench, the woman was back from the bathroom. A waiter set drinks in front of them.

  Lina sipped her hot coffee while she watched. Now the date didn’t seem to be going so well. The woman wasn’t talking as much as she did at first. The uncomfortable silences between her and Dan grew longer. Could this be a first date—or a blind date? Lina thought back to her own last date, with Walker. The awkwardness she saw between Dan and this woman looked awfully familiar.

  Something fluttered to Lina’s left, a flap of black fabric. She turned to see a pasty-faced Ramona lurking nearby, huddled under a black cape. Lina nearly dropped her coffee. She was caught! No, she’d deny it. There was no law against sitting on a bench by the bay drinking coffee on a Friday afternoon.

  “Spying again?” Ramona sneered.

  “What are you doing here?” Lina asked.

  “I’ve been lurking by the newsstand for a while now,” she said. “If I sat right out in the open like you, Dan would notice me for sure. Of course, I stand out more than you do.”

  Yeah, but not in a good way, Lina thought.

  “What about you?” Lina asked. “Are you spying?”

  “I don’t think of it as spying,” Ramona said. “When one loves as I do, fully, deeply, completely—one cannot be blamed for anything one does, for it is all in the service of the highest of human aspirations—true spiritual communion.”

  Lina rolled her eyes. Ramona sat down beside her. “Aren’t you afraid he’ll see you?” Lina asked.

  “Not anymore. He’s totally into this chick. Luckily for me, she doesn’t like him that much. I mean, luckily for us.” She cast a meaningful look at Lina, who cringed. There was no denying she’d had the same thought.

  “Look—she’s leaving,” Lina said as the woman stood up and grabbed her bag. Dan stood up politely. She shook his hand. Not even a peck on the cheek.

  “She’s leaving him to pay the check,” Ramona noted. The woman strode down the steps and down the walk toward the waterway path where the girls sat watching her. She cast a dismissive glance at Dan’s bike, the only one locked to the rack by the steps.

  “Superficial bitch,” Ramona muttered. Lina had to agree.

  The woman walked around to a parking lot next to the café. She pressed her key ring—her car alarm dea
ctivated with a squawk—got into a Mercedes convertible and drove off.

  Dan sat alone on the deck. He rattled the ice in his drink, sucked on the straw. He looked lonely.

  Lina’s heart went out to him. How could that woman hurt him like this? She wanted to run to him and say, “You don’t need her! She’s not good enough for you!”

  The waiter brought Dan the check. He put some bills on the table and got up to leave.

  “We’d better move or he’ll see us,” Ramona said. “Come on, the newsstand.”

  Lina wheeled her bike and hid with Ramona behind the newsstand. They peeked around to watch Dan put on his helmet, unlock his bike and ride away.

  Lina wished she could follow him home, to see where he lived, but she wouldn’t do it with Ramona right there.

  But maybe some other time…

  12

  The Male Mind Is Impervious to Logic

  To: hollygolitely, linaonme, mad4u

  From: Your daily horoscope

  HERE IS TODAY’s HOROSCOPE: LUNAR ECLIPSE! This is such a huge astrological event that it will affect all the signs in the zodiac. Alliances will shift, secrets will be revealed, identities will change. Go out tonight—if you stay home you’ll miss the fun!

  I like your new punk look, Mads, “Holly said in the car on the way to Mariska’s.” “It’s so not you.”

  Mads had put lots of goop in her hair to make it messy, smudged her makeup, and tore holes in her t-shirt and tights.

  “Tonight’s the night,” Mads said. “I’m roughing up my image. After tonight, there’ll be a new Madison Markowitz in town. When you think of me, you’ll think bad girl.”

  “We could call you ‘Bad Mads,’” Holly said. “Or ‘Maddie the Baddie.’ Would that help?”

  “No,” Mads said.

  Mads, Lina, and Holly walked into Mariska’s party at 10:30, when it was already going strong. Claire and Ingrid lounged by the living room door, smoking. “Ooh, can I bum one?” Mads asked. Bad girls smoked, so she should, too.

  Claire dug one out of her pack, complaining, “Do you know how expensive these are?”

  “I’ll send you a check,” Mads said. “Thanks, Claire.”

  Ingrid lit it for her. Mads took a puff. Ugh. The nicotine hit her blood stream and landed with a sickening thud in her stomach.

  “You’re turning green,” Ingrid said.

  “Give me that.” Claire snatched the cigarette away from Mads. “You don’t smoke. You’re just wasting it!”

  Mads gladly relinquished the butt. So she wasn’t a smoker. Fine. Smoking wasn’t the only thing a bad girl could do.

  “Have you seen Jake yet?” Lina asked Holly.

  “No,” Holly said. “But I see Karl Levine brought a date.”

  Karl Levine sat on the living room couch with the Friendly Fanny blow-up sex doll he’d talked about in IHD class. “I guess she’s about the best Karl can do, date-wise,” Lina said. “They should be here,” she added, meaning Jake and Walker. “Walker told me he was coming.”

  Holly was nervous about seeing Jake. It had been two weeks since their double date with Lina and Walker. Jake never called. When she saw him at school, he said hi but not much else. She had a bad feeling. But maybe she was misreading him. Who could tell what a guy was thinking? Their minds seemed completely impervious to logic.

  Walker, on the other hand, made it clear that he liked Lina, even though he didn’t push her. He’d already called her twice. And Lina didn’t care! It bugged Holly a little. She tried to play it cool like Lina. Why wasn’t it working for her?

  “What’s with your friend Madison?” Sebastiano, wearing tight striped jeans and a leather jacket, materialized in front of them. He nodded at Mads, who was dancing wildly in front of three boys who gaped at her as if she were on crazy pills. “Is she channeling Courtney Love?”

  “She’s trying to change her image,” Holly explained.

  “Hmm. I think I can help her,” Sebastiano said. “I know the perfect guy—he’s an instant reputation-wrecker, and he’s conveniently here tonight. Dashiell Piasecki.”

  “Who’s that?” Lina asked.

  Sebastiano pointed to a tallish guy across the room with blocky shoulders and the boyishly conservative haircut of a politician. His blue polo shirt was tucked into his belted jeans.

  “That guy?” Lina said. “I always thought he looked so uptight.”

  “He’s a junior,” Sebastiano explained. “He might look like a golf pro, but word is he’s a player. He goes after anything that moves, as long as it’s female. Even better, he can’t keep his mouth shut. If Mads wants her little adventure advertised, Dash is your guy.”

  “Looks like Mads has already sniffed him out,” Holly said. Across the room, Dash was pouring on the charm and Mads was giggling.

  Lina elbowed Holly. “Hey—there’s Sean.” Sean walked through the living room, right past Mads and Dash.

  Mads sensed Sean’s presence from the moment he stepped into the room. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, all the while talking and flirting with Dash. Look at me, Sean, she telegraphed. This boy is a junior and he’s flirting with me. He doesn’t think I’m too young. Sean glanced at Mads as he passed, then did a double-take. All right! He noticed her! He even recognized her through all the wild hair and makeup. But all he said was, “Hey, kid. What’s up?” Mads wanted to melt, even though she had the feeling he couldn’t remember her name.

  That was okay. By the end of the night she’d make a name for herself, and he’d remember it.

  “Hey,” Dash said. “Want a beer? Let me get you a beer.”

  Mads followed him out to the keg on the back porch, where he poured two generous cups of beer. “Drink up,” Dash said, guzzling his.

  “Yeah. Party!” Mads took a sip.

  “You’re a cool girl,” Dash said. “I can tell.”

  “Thanks.” He poured himself another beer and squirted a bit more into her cup, even though she’d hardly made a dent in it.

  “I wish they served decent wine at these parties,” Holly complained. She and Lina were raiding the kitchen, looking for something to drink besides beer.

  Through the open screen door they could hear the voices of people gathered around the keg on the back porch. “I had to get cable so I could watch Manchester United on ITN,” a low voice said.

  Holly grabbed Lina. “It’s Jake!” she whispered. Talking about soccer as usual.

  “What’s Manchester United?” a girl’s voice said. “Is it like an airline or something?”

  “What do I do?” Holly whispered. “Should I say something? Should I ignore him? What should I do?”

  “Shh! Someone’s coming!” Lina whispered as the screen door squeaked open. Jake, two other guys, and a girl walked into the kitchen, clutching beers. Jake cast a quick glance at Holly but said nothing. One of the girls opened the fridge and grabbed a few Diet Cokes. Then the group headed back outside and across the yard to the pool house.

  “I can’t believe he did that!” Lina cried. “He just walked right by without saying hello or anything!”

  “I know.” Holly’s heart beat heavily against her breastbone. She was about to do something stupid, and she knew it. The worst part was she couldn’t stop herself. The little Nancy Drew inside her always had to solve the mystery. Jake was acting weird and she had to know why.

  “Hi, girls.” Walker appeared, beer in hand. “How’s it going?”

  Holly tried to smile at him, but it was hard. His friendliness only underlined Jake’s coldness toward her.

  “Hi, Walker,” Lina said. “Listen, do you know what’s up with Jake? He’s giving us the freeze. Ow!”

  Holly mashed Lina’s toe with the tip of her shoe. She didn’t want Lina to tell Walker what was going on. She didn’t want anyone to know. But it was too late. Anyway, Lina got the message—she wouldn’t talk about it with anyone else.

  “Really? That’s weird,” Walker said. “I don’t know. I’m not really close t
o him or anything.…”

  “I’m going out to the pool house,” Holly said.

  “I’ll come with you,” Lina said.

  “No—you stay here with Walker,” Holly said.

  “Holly—”

  “I mean it.”

  Lina watched Holly walk out the back door. She was worried about her. What was wrong with Jake? How could he treat Holly this way?

  The pool house was a different scene from the main house—louder, darker, smokier. A few kids lingered by the pool, but it was a chilly night and most people took shelter inside. Jake looked up when Holly appeared, then looked away. He whispered something to his friends. One of the girls giggled. Holly wanted to turn around and run, but she stood her ground.

  They were talking about her. But why? She’d hardly fooled around with Jake—there was nothing to say about their flop of a date the week before. But why should that stop anyone?

  Holly stood at the edge of the room, alone, wondering what to do. A few kids bopped to a hip-hop CD. A trio of guys leaned against the wood paneling, talking, laughing, and looking her way. What were they expecting from her, a striptease? She walked boldly into the room as if their stupid rumors didn’t scare her.

  Sebastiano snaked toward her, smoking a cigarette. “Hey, beautiful,” he said, leading Holly to a couch. “So, the details of your blind date are out. As your locker-neighbor, from now on, I’d really appreciate if I could hear these things directly from you, so I can be the one spreading it around.”

  Holly steadied her nerves. “What details are you talking about?”

  “Your super-hot date with Jake, of course. Apparently that rack of yours is amazing. According to Jake, you have earned the title of Boobmeister General, every inch of it.” He half-bowed toward her. She wanted to kick him.

  “Let’s see,” Sebastiano continued. “You danced naked in front of him at his house, then you pounced on him and made wild, passionate love for hours. He finally had to drag you home by the hair, but you kept begging for more.…”