While We’re Far Apart

  “I get it!” Esther said. Her smile was the brightest Jacob had ever seen.

  And as angry as Jacob still was with Hashem, he was forced to acknowledge the truth of his own words. Hashem would always be with His people, even when silence and hardship made it seem as though He had forsaken them. If only Jacob could look past his grief and confusion and wait for Hashem, trusting in His goodness.

  Jacob stood, needing to escape for a moment as he battled his tears. “I will get the cookies we made,” he said. “And fix some tea.”

  By the time the water boiled and he had arranged the Hamantaschen on a plate, Jacob was in control again. He carried them into the living room on a tray and heard Penny saying, “I never noticed before that Esther was adopted. Maybe that’s because I just found out that I’m adopted.”

  “What happened to your real parents?” Esther asked.

  “I don’t know. I guess my real mother didn’t love me so she gave me away.”

  “Just a minute,” Jacob said. “How do you know that she did not love you?”

  Penny looked taken aback. “It says on the adoption certificate that she gave me away when I was one day old and then she had the record sealed so I could never find her again.”

  “There are many reasons why parents must leave their children with someone else,” Jacob said. “Ed Shaffer left his children with you so he could fight in the war, yes?”

  “But their father loves them.”

  “And that must have made his decision even more difficult. How do you know that it was not just as difficult for your mother? Where is the proof that she did not love you?”

  Tears welled in Penny’s eyes. “She gave me up, didn’t she?”

  “That is not proof. I suggest that you seek out the reason for her decision before you conclude that she did not love you. Sometimes a mother might love her child very much, but she is unable to take care of her. Or she wants a better life for her child, so she does the unselfish thing and lets her go.”

  “How do you know all of this?” Penny asked.

  “Life in Hungary where I was born was very difficult for Jews. I was only seventeen years old when I came to America. My mother was very sad to see me leave, but she wanted me to have a better life.”

  “Maybe Penny’s mother got sick,” Esther said, “and couldn’t take care of a little baby.”

  Maybe she died, Peter wrote. Jacob looked at him, aching for him.

  “I’ll never know the reason,” Penny said, “because the birth record is sealed. I don’t even know my real mother’s name.”

  “Have you tried searching for her?” Jacob asked.

  “I don’t know how. I’m not a very good detective like you.”

  “Perhaps your adoptive parents might know the story of how you became theirs,” Jacob said.

  Penny shook her head. “I can’t ask them. They’ve never even told me I was adopted. I found out by accident when I needed my birth certificate. They still don’t know that I found out the truth.”

  “Are there other family members who might know?” he asked.

  “I have an older sister.”

  “Is she adopted, as well?”

  “I have no idea. Hazel got married and moved away when I was a baby. She lives in New Jersey somewhere.”

  “Doesn’t she ever come to visit you?” Esther asked. “Not even for Christmas and Thanksgiving?”

  “She visited once or twice when I was younger, but she has children of her own now, so it’s hard for her to travel. And my parents are old and don’t like to travel, either, so we never visit Hazel.” Penny was growing tearful. Jacob could see that the subject was very painful for her.

  “Mr. Mendel is trying to find his son, Avraham, and his family,” Esther told Penny. “They’re over in Hungary, and he hasn’t heard from them in more than two years. But you’re going to keep searching for them, right, Mr. Mendel?”

  “Yes. And for my brothers and cousins and their families, as well. I will search the world to find the people I love. I will never give up.”

  “I wish I could find Mama’s family,” Esther said, “but I don’t know any of their names or where they live or how to find them.”

  “Have you asked other family members about them?” Jacob asked, trying to shift the conversation away from Penny.

  “I asked Daddy, but he wouldn’t tell me very much. Grandma Shaffer said Mama’s parents didn’t want her to marry Daddy because then she couldn’t study music.”

  “If you found your mother’s birth certificate,” Penny said, “it would have her parents’ names on it.”

  “Really? Will you help me find it?” Esther asked.

  “Sure. And if we need to go to the records’ office, I know where it is.”

  “A marriage license might also have her maiden name on it,” Jacob added.

  Penny jumped to her feet as if she wanted to run down to the records’ office this very minute. Instead, she said, “Come on, let’s help Mr. Mendel with the dishes.”

  “No, no. Leave them. I will clean up. I have nothing else to do.”

  “Are you sure? It will go faster if we all help.”

  “You have to go to work tomorrow, yes? And the children have school? I do not mind doing them.”

  It took a lot of effort to convince Penny to leave the dishes, but she finally gave in. The children thanked him for the dinner and hugged him good-bye. His kitchen might be a mess, but Jacob felt happy. The evening had been a good one. He turned on the radio so he could listen to it while he cleared the table and carried plates and cups into the kitchen. He had been so busy getting ready for the feast that he hadn’t listened to the news all afternoon.

  At first the station played music and advertisements. But as Jacob collected the tray from the living room with the cookies and teacups, a news bulletin aired. He paused in the middle of the room to listen to it.

  “Nazi troops marched into Hungary today and now occupy that country. Analysts believe that Hitler wanted to forestall attempts by the Hungarian government to sign a separate peace agreement with the Allies. These Nazi forces now occupy Budapest. . . .”

  “No . . .” Jacob murmured. “No, that cannot be . . .”

  The Nazis are in Hungary.

  As the truth began to penetrate his soul, Jacob cried out, “NO!”

  His body went weak and the tray slipped from his hands. The dishes crashed to the floor – splintering, like his hope, into a million pieces.

  Jacob doubled over as pain spiked through his chest. He couldn’t draw a breath. He tried to reach the sofa, but the room spun and his legs gave way and he fell, bringing a floor lamp crashing down with him.

  Then darkness.

  CHAPTER 28

  ESTHER COULDN’T STOP THINKING about the story of Queen Esther that they had read tonight. Penny was trying to hurry her and Peter along because it was past their usual bedtime, but Esther didn’t want to rush off to bed. She knew she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep right away. While Peter brushed his teeth in the bathroom, Esther packed her schoolbag and set it by the front door, ready for the morning. She wished she didn’t have to go to school tomorrow.

  As she stood at the top of the steps, she suddenly heard a crash downstairs and glass breaking. Then Mr. Mendel let out a heartrending cry. The sound quivered through Esther like an electrical current, pinning her in place. Another crash followed.

  Esther dropped her bag and ran down to the foyer to knock on Mr. Mendel’s door. “Mr. Mendel . . . ? Mr. Mendel, are you okay?”

  No answer. She could hear his radio playing inside. She knocked harder. Panic swelled inside her, filling her chest.

  “Mr. Mendel!”

  She tried the knob, but his door was locked. Esther threw herself against it with all her might, calling his name over and over. It wouldn’t budge. Why didn’t he answer? As her fear spiraled out of control, she remembered that Mrs. Mendel had once shown Mama where she hid an extra key.

  Please let it be there .
. . please let it be there, Esther pleaded as she felt along the edge of the stair risers for the key.

  She found it! Her fingers shook so badly she could barely fumble the key into the lock, but the door finally flew open.

  Mr. Mendel lay in a heap on the floor with his eyes closed, his face as pale as a ghost’s. Shattered glass, crushed cookies, and a toppled lamp lay all around him. Esther ran out to the foyer and yelled with all her strength, “Penny! Penny come down here! Hurry!”

  Penny thundered down the stairs, followed by Peter in his pajamas. Penny took one look at Mr. Mendel and grabbed for his telephone. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

  Esther sank down beside him, ignoring the shards of glass that lay scattered everywhere, and lifted his head into her lap. Peter knelt to hold one of his hands. All of them were crying, including Penny.

  “Mr. Mendel . . . please wake up . . . please,” Esther begged, stroking his face. The little skullcap he always wore had fallen off, and she tried to put it back on his head. Please, God, please! she silently prayed. Don’t let him die!

  At last, Mr. Mendel groaned softly. His eyes fluttered open. Esther could tell that he didn’t know where he was or what had happened. His face still looked as white as paper.

  “Are you okay, Mr. Mendel? I think you fell. Are you hurt anywhere?”

  “My chest . . .” He drew a gasping breath. “Hard . . . to breathe.”

  “An ambulance is on the way,” Penny said. “Don’t try to move.”

  He looked from one of them to the next and whispered, “No tears . . . I will be fine.” Esther wished she could believe him.

  “Is there anyone else we should call?” Penny asked.

  “Rebbe Grunfeld . . . his number . . . is on my desk.”

  Esther heard Penny calling him, asking him to come over right away. By the time she hung up, a siren had begun to wail in the distance. Peter heard it, too, and he scrambled to his feet as if he wanted to run away from it. He pressed his hands over his ears. He hated the sound of ambulances. Esther did, too. Penny pulled Peter into her arms, hugging him tightly, comforting him.

  The siren screamed louder, closer. A flashing red light shone through the front window. Penny ran to open the door for the medics, and a moment later Esther heard footsteps and men’s voices. They hurried inside and crouched down to examine Mr. Mendel, talking to him, listening to his heart. Esther closed her eyes and prayed. When she opened them again, she saw that the man with the stethoscope looked worried.

  “We need to take him to the hospital,” he said. The other medic went outside to retrieve the stretcher. As they lifted Mr. Mendel onto it, the rabbi arrived. Esther recognized the white-bearded man from the night of the fire.

  “How is he?” the rabbi asked. “What happened?”

  “I think he fell,” Esther said. “I heard a crash and I came downstairs and found him here.”

  “The radio . . .” Mr. Mendel murmured, pointing to it. Music still played from it in the background, and Esther thought he wanted her to turn it off. But as the medics hoisted the stretcher, Mr. Mendel gripped the rabbi’s wrist and said, “Nazis . . . in Hungary.”

  Esther didn’t understand what he was trying to say. “I want to go to the hospital with him,” she said.

  “It’s very late,” the rabbi told her. “I think it would be better if you stayed here. I will ride with him to the hospital and call as soon as I have news. I promise.” Esther grabbed a piece of paper from the memo pad on the desk and wrote down her telephone number to give to him.

  “Promise you’ll call right away?”

  “Yes, I promise.”

  The front door opened and cold air rushed inside. Then the men were gone. The flashing light and wailing siren grew fainter and fainter. “You kids go on upstairs,” Penny said. “I’ll clean up this mess and take care of the dishes.”

  Esther shook her head. “I want to help you. Mr. Mendel keeps his dishes separated and I already know how to do it.” She bent to straighten the lamp, not waiting for Penny’s reply. Together, the three of them cleaned up the broken glass and washed all the dishes. They had just finished putting everything away, and Esther was about to turn off Mr. Mendel’s radio and go upstairs when the nightly news aired once again:

  “Nazi occupation forces marched into Hungary earlier today, invading that nation. As the Nazi troops stormed into Budapest and the surrounding countryside . . .”

  “Hungary!” Esther shouted. “That’s where Mr. Mendel’s son is! That’s what he was trying to tell us.”

  “That must have been what upset him,” Penny said.

  “Hitler is just like Haman. He hates the Jewish people. But who will be Queen Esther? Who will stop him this time?”

  She saw Peter writing something. He held it up for her to see: Daddy will.

  Esther covered her face. She couldn’t stop her tears. For the first time she understood why her father needed to go to war and what was at stake. She felt Penny’s arms around her, pulling her close, rubbing her back, letting her cry.

  “Come on,” Penny said when Esther finished crying. “Let’s go upstairs and wait so we can hear the telephone.”

  They all got ready for bed, then settled on the couch to wait, wrapped up in one of Grandma Shaffer’s crocheted afghans. Esther couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose Mr. Mendel. He had become like a grandfather to her. She felt a little of the fear he must face every day at the thought of losing his family to the Nazis.

  Peter began to doze after a while, but Esther couldn’t sleep. When the telephone finally rang, she leaped up to answer it. “Mr. Mendel is doing much better,” the rabbi told her. “The doctors don’t believe he had a heart attack, but his heart did get out of rhythm. He has suffered a terrible shock and – ”

  “We heard the news on the radio. The Nazis invaded Hungary.”

  “Yes. He was able to tell us. His doctor would like to keep him in the hospital overnight, and if all goes well, he will be allowed to come home tomorrow or the next day.”

  Esther felt very tired the next morning. She didn’t want to go to school, but Penny said that she had to. “I have to go to work, and I don’t think you should stay here all alone all day.”

  “Can we visit Mr. Mendel in the hospital if he doesn’t come home?”

  “Yes. We’ll all go together, I promise.”

  Esther knocked on Mr. Mendel’s door the moment she arrived home from school and was relieved when he answered it. She wanted to hug him, but he looked so frail she feared he might fall over if she did. “I need rest, that is all,” he said. “I am so sorry for frightening you last night.” He held the door open only a small crack, not inviting her and Peter to come inside.

  “Would you like me to cook for you or something?”

  “Thank you, but the women from my congregation have been showering me with food once again. I will eat like a prince.”

  “We heard the news about the Nazis in Hungary,” she said softly. “The announcers keep talking about it on the radio and it’s in all the newspapers.”

  Mr. Mendel reached for Esther’s hand. She saw tears in his eyes. “I cannot talk about it just now. I am sorry.”

  “Is there anything we can do?”

  He thought for a moment. She wondered if he would tell her to pray, but instead he said, “Will you play the piano for me, upstairs? I would like to hear it. Then I am going to rest again. We will talk tomorrow.”

  “I’m glad you’re okay, Mr. Mendel.”

  “Thank you.”

  Esther took the stairs two at a time and went straight to the piano bench to get out her practice books. She would play every piece she knew for him. She sat down on the bench, propped the music on the stand, and played through her entire repertoire, hoping Mr. Mendel would enjoy it and that it would make him well.

  When she was too tired to play another note, she closed the lid and sat on the bench for a long, long time, thinking about her mother. Mama would be proud of her, she thou
ght. Mama’s music had made everyone happy, too, whenever she’d played.

  Thinking about her mother made Esther happy and sad at the same time. She wished she knew more about her and why she had decided to get married instead of studying music. And why Mama’s parents had gotten angry with her for that.

  “I will search the world to find the people I love,” Mr. Mendel had told them last night. “I will never give up.” But with the Nazis in Hungary, she wondered if he ever would find them again.

  Now more than ever, Esther longed to find her mother’s family.

  CHAPTER 29

  Budapest, Hungary

  March 1944

  Dear Mother and Father Mendel,

  I am standing at the very edge of despair. The Nazis have invaded Budapest. All hope is gone, and my heart is as empty as our cupboards. The Hungarian government is no more. Our leaders have been ousted. The Nazis control us now – the very thing we feared the most. Their troops have seized all of the railroads and taken over the government buildings. We no longer know what is happening in the rest of the world, because the Nazis control the radio broadcasts, the post office, the telegraph.

  Before the invasion, it seemed from all the news we heard that Hungary might stop fighting in this war and make peace with the Allies. We learned that American troops were in Italy and that the German army had surrendered to the Soviets in Stalingrad. With so many other battles to fight, why would Hitler bother to invade Hungary now and deport the Jews?

  But that is exactly what he has begun to do. As soon as the Nazis arrived they began to persecute us the way that they persecuted Jews in Germany and Poland. A man named Adolph Eichmann is in charge of us. He has ordered all Jewish businesses to close and all Jews must register and wear a yellow star. Here in Budapest, we have been rounded up and forced to move to a ghetto. A Jewish council has been set up to assign living quarters to everyone and to ration our food and water. The council members are Jewish but they must take their instructions from the Nazis. Anyone who disobeys is arrested.