Act Like You Know

I looked in the back of his car and saw a fishing pole and some bait. “You heading to the lake or something?”

  “Yeah, I talked to your attorney this morning. He said he didn’t think this would take all day. I just want to go clear my head before the performance.”

  “I don’t want to intrude... .”

  He joked, “Nah, if you cool with that, even though lions, tigers, and bears might be out there, come on.”

  “See? You really are an artistic type of fellow. You got that from The Wizard of Oz—oh, my,” I said like a damsel in distress.

  “See, you got that down. You know your lines fully, right, girl?”

  I went around to the other side of the car and knocked on the window for him to unlock the door. During our thirty-minute drive to the lake, I recited my lines, surprising even myself at how well I could recite them. Though I had been studying them for days, it was amazing how I was really getting into the role. And as our performance dates were nearing, I certainly wanted to make sure I held up my end and made the character real to all those who’d come to see the play.

  I had to admit that fishing had never been my thing. Cody started out rather lighthearted, jovial, telling me just to watch him, and he’d show me what to do. But as the sun started setting, his face got serious. I could tell something was weighing heavy on his heart, as if a thousand-pound boulder were crushing his chest.

  “You were there for me,” I finally said to him, tired of hearing only the birds chirping. “I don’t even deserve someone like you in my corner.”

  “What are you talking about? You deserve it. We all need folks who care.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve put you through a lot, and yet you’ve always had my back. I know now that something ain’t right with you, my friend. Please let me be there for you,” I said as I rubbed his back.

  “See, you ain’t gonna make me be able to concentrate on too much of anything, you feeling me like that.”

  “Should I stop?” I said, caught up myself in the physical attraction I was having to Mr. Foxx.

  He got up and walked toward the water. It had been a long time since I had lifted my eyes above—a few months, for sure. Not that I didn’t need God in my life. Not that I didn’t need Him in my corner. Not that I didn’t need to be on my knees, asking for His goodness and His grace. But this time I was praying for somebody else. Not to make me a better person. Not to help me find my way. Not to take my pain away, but to help me be there for somebody else.

  Lord, tell me what to say. Give me Your words. Speak through me. And I knew God had heard my cry, my heart, and my spirit. I knew Cody was worried sick about the play. The pressure to succeed at his first big show was a lot to deal with.

  So I walked over to Cody and said, “You know what? You have given your heart and soul into making this performance awesome. You have gotten out so much marketing material. Radio stations are going to be there. Dress rehearsal is next week; you’ll be able to find whatever you think needs tightening.”

  “Man, as a playwright you get only one chance to break out. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life, but maybe I’m not any good at it,” he said, doubting himself.

  I took his face and turned it toward mine. “When we look above and see a plane flying in the air, we know it didn’t just get up there automatically. It had to take off, pick up speed, and soar higher. Look at this as your first start. No matter what happens, you are made for this, and you are on your way to greatness. Most directors’ first plays are directed by someone else. You’re producing and directing your own original play out there. Cody, you’re already a winner.”

  He embraced me. The moment lasted. I wanted him to draw strength from our touch. I believed in him, and he needed to feel that.

  “So, what kind of man do you want?” Cody asked me a couple hours later as we watched the moon rise and drape across the peaceful lake in front of us.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it,” I said—the first dumb thing that came to mind.

  “So you still are that independent woman, huh? You don’t want anybody?”

  “I guess I want somebody like you.” That completely shocked him. He did a double take and turned my face toward his.

  “You gotta elaborate. You gotta explain. What are you talking bout, Miss Cruz?”

  “Someone who is there for me in my darkest hour. Someone who sees things in me I don’t see in myself. Someone who let’s me crash their alone time. And someone who cares about my words so much I can always put a smile on their face. Someone handsome, sexy, who makes all the girls moan.”

  “Oh, see, now you messing with me,” he said.

  “Okay, yeah, I didn’t mean that last part. That’s not you at all.” He jabbed me in the arm and then brought me to him.

  Our lips met, and as the spring breeze blew across our faces, the passion and warmth in our embrace kept us clinging to each other. The next thing I knew, he was lying on top of me. We were on the little sleeping blanket he’d brought out there.

  “It’s getting chilly. But this feels good,” he said as he looked over my face, reassuring.

  “I feel good in your arms,” I said, shaking just a bit.

  “No, you’re shivering. I need to make a fire. I need to gather some sticks. I probably don’t need to stay all night with you here.”

  “We don’t have to stay all night, but we don’t have to go right now. Let’s build that fire of yours and then stay and talk a little while longer. We got something cooking here—can’t you feel it?”

  “I’m not hurting you, am I?” he said without getting up but resting most of his body on his elbow.

  “Trust me, Cody, you feel real good.” My hands were resting on his back, but, boy, did I want to lower them.

  But I knew this moment was about more than just physical attraction. We were connecting. He was the kind of guy I wanted in my world. And as hard as I tried to fight not wanting to get too close to anybody so I couldn’t ever be hurt again, Cody Foxx was someone special.

  “I really like you,” he said.

  “Wow, I was just thinking the same thing,” I said as I pushed him gently off and rolled over, getting a little scared of what was going on between us.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said as he moved the hair off my neck and kissed it gently.

  I rolled back over and lay still, looking back up at him. “What kind of girl are you looking for?”

  “I don’t know.”

  My heart sank at that moment. Of course I wanted the husky hunk to say he wanted someone like me, but he hadn’t. Gritting my teeth, I frowned.

  “Oh, don’t give me that look. Don’t be disappointed. I thought I wanted someone safe, someone who plays by the rules, someone who knows exactly what she wants out of life—but that isn’t the type of woman who attracts me at all. You know the story of Penelope.”

  “Oh, my gosh, are y’all getting back together?”

  “If we were, I wouldn’t be here with you, pouring out my heart and feeling what I’m feeling. Ever since the day you walked into my tutoring session, so unsure of yourself, not even able to see how much you got it going on, I haven’t been able to articulate the kind of woman I want. The more I get to know you, the more layers you reveal to me. You are helping me to grow and to care. I know God’s Word says that one day when He gives me a bride, I’m supposed to lead the relationship, and I’m supposed to care about her like He cares about the church. I’ve just never felt anywhere close to those feelings about a woman ... until I met you.”

  As he touched my cheek, glowing from the romantic moonlight, I knew as long as the Lord would allow, Cody Foxx was it for me. We built a fire and stayed in each other’s arms for another couple hours. We vowed to let this thing we had going grow.

  I went from a girl who didn’t care about having a boyfriend to being overly into my man. I was so wanting to spend time with Cody, making sure he had everything ready for the play coming up the following week, th
at I did not want to go to the chapter sisterhood retreat. Though it was mandatory for all of us who wanted to be active next year—if the chapter was reinstated—I just didn’t want to spend time around a bunch of women. Cody and I were into one another—our thing was getting real deep. Time spent away from that wasn’t my priority.

  But he’d said, “I don’t want you not to be who you are. Beta Gamma Pi is a big part of that. Just because we are together, don’t drop everything you had in your life for me. Go to the retreat. Hang with your sisters. Your man ain’t going nowhere. I’m just getting ready for this play, so you know I’ll be working overtime. It’s just one night. Go.”

  So, reluctantly I was now in the car with Malloy, Torian, and Loni as we drove to the National Headquarters Retreat Center. With Malloy’s mom as the national president, we would have some little perks. There was a meeting space we were able to use, and because it was a lock-in and all we needed were blankets, pillows, sleeping bags and such, we were good to go.

  Because I’d been spending so much time with Cody, I hadn’t been looking at my mail. I just so happened to have the bundled pile with me. After we arrived, I sat over in the corner of the room while the sisters started bonding and went through my mail.

  I was shocked to read an official letter from President Webb stating that he was commending me—I had brought my grades up to a 2.92. But my cumulative GPA was not going to be high enough to retain the minority scholarship in the fall. I needed a 3.0.

  Reading that, my eyes just filled up as if I were a sink and the faucet were turned on high. I had come so far; I had done so much; I had worked extra—and it wasn’t enough? Where was I going to get the money to stay in school?

  I was finally fitting in. I finally had friends. I even had a man, and I was going to have to leave? My mom had been giving me the best she could with the limited resources she’d had when she was alive. All she’d wanted was for me to be able to go to college, get a great degree, and do more than she had, continuing with my uncle’s dream.

  Because I hadn’t taken it seriously in the beginning, because I couldn’t see what an education might mean for my future, because I hadn’t known that if I applied myself, I could have better choices—now it looked like it could all be taken away. And that hurt.

  The Chapter President spotted my tears. Hayden came over and said, “Okay. Now we are all pouring our souls out, and you’ve been a little distant, and we see you opening mail and stuff. What’s going on, girl?”

  I didn’t feel like talking. I needed to leave and be alone, but then the letter slipped out of my hand. She read it and consoled me. “Don’t you worry about it, girl. We are going to find a way to get this all figured out. You’ve been helping each of us lift up our self-esteem around here this semester.”

  Dejected and discouraged, I said, “Yeah, but I guess too little, too late for me.”

  “When you got family, it’s never too little or too late. We need you to be encouraged,” she said, trying to give me hope when I felt hopeless.

  My letter got passed around the room. I had wanted it to stay private, but Hayden was right: we were a sisterhood, and they did care.

  Hayden said, “If we can’t get enough money, we will pray for you, Alyx. We are in this together, and we are going to figure out a way.”

  “I don’t need for you guys to do that. I just need for you guys to take care of yourselves. Go get some men,” I teased, trying to step out of my sadness.

  Individually they each came over to me all that night, hugged me, let me know they were in my corner, and told me great things that were going on in their lives because I had entered their world. At the end of all that love, I guessed I believed Hayden. Someway, somehow it would all work out. I was a part of a family, and no letter could destroy the love we were building.

  17

  GRADUATE

  After the opening night of the play was successfully over, I stood there onstage completely humbled and in awe of the standing ovation I was receiving. I had studied the lines so much, I practically knew them out of order. I knew everybody’s part. I felt like a real thespian, but nothing had prepared me for actually being onstage in front of a real audience. They had devoured the performance I was giving them as if they were hungry and I was the only supplier of food. They had wanted to get something good from the play, and we had delivered in a big way. Cody’s play had everyone in the house on their feet.

  It was so fun. It was so good to be a performer I couldn’t wait until the next night to do it all over again. Had I found my calling? Had I finally stumbled across the thing that made my heart race? Had I established what I wanted to do with my life? Had I discovered the way I wanted to contribute to society? I couldn’t say my performances the next few days would be as dynamic, but I was certainly excited to try.

  “You were so good,” Hayden said as several of my sorority sisters surrounded me with private applause backstage.

  They had come to see Sharon and myself in the opening-night performance, and there were all kinds of beats bopping and Beta Gamma Pi chants going in the hall. They were so supportive. Obviously they were proud.

  “That’s my roommate, y’all. The star of the evening is my girl,” Malloy said as she hugged me tight.

  Loni said, “This is for you.” She handed me a dozen roses.

  “That is so sweet,” I said, smiling wider than a kid with their braces off on the first day.

  “Well, we are just proud of you. All of us are really proud of you,” Loni said with a pitiful look on her face.

  I could tell she wanted to move past the tension we’d had before. Though I had truly thought we were past it, she obviously still felt bad about believing her jerk boyfriend over me initially.

  I took her to the side and said, “You got to let it go. We’re moving on from that. That’s done. We’re straight.”

  “But are you sure you can really forgive me? Here I was mad at you, telling stories, and passing on things that weren’t true. I was really defaming your name, and that’s not what sisters are supposed to do. Alyx, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay, girl. I’m not perfect either. I don’t get it all right, but I want you to know you got it going on, and you don’t have to settle for some guy who treats you less than what you are supposed to be.” I hoped she realized Ronnie didn’t deserve to carry her purse, much less have her time.

  “Yeah, I learned that. While our sorors have been taking your advice getting lucky—catching a man here or there—I let mine go. I’m excited to stand on my own, you know? I’m going to be a senior next year, and I really don’t have time for drama.”

  “I know that’s right, girl.” I put my hand in the air to receive some dap, and Loni obliged me.

  “Drama is supposed to be onstage. Yes, I remember you used to tell us you didn’t know what you wanted to do, what you wanted to be, but, girl, you made me cry watching you,” Loni said with that proud look of accomplishment my mom had used to give me.

  After all the difficulties she and I’d had—not big stuff, but bumps along the way—it meant so much to have her full support. Maybe that was confirmation that maybe I had found my calling. Was this an affirmation that, yes, the stage was it for me?

  “So are we going out to celebrate, or what?” Torian said, coming between us. “Enough with the tough stuff—let’s have some fun.”

  “Tough stuff? Girl, we straight,” Loni said, smiling in my direction.

  Torian said, “Good. Well, are we going to party?”

  Actually, I had my mind on other things, on other people. I looked around and tried to find Cody but wasn’t able to locate him.

  Torian noticed what I was doing and said, “Girl, he’s probably interviewing with the press, or somewhere talking to a whole bunch of people. He’ll hook up with you later. Hang out with your girls. You got through your first big performance with flying colors. Let’s celebrate.”

  She was right—I had. But even thou
gh I appreciated that they wanted to be with me, I needed to be with him. This was his play. It was a success. He had been so worried. I needed to tell him it had been great, and a part of me longed to hear him say I had been great, too.

  I thanked my girls for the offer and hugged each of them for their support. “I’ll meet with you all later.”

  Malloy winked at me. She gathered them toward the exit. The crew looked disappointed, but thankfully they understood.

  I just couldn’t stand there and wait until Cody found me. Though I had several people come up to me, stop me, and tell me how much they enjoyed the play and my performance, I couldn’t let that detour me from finding my guy.

  Sharon came over. “You looking for Cody, aren’t you?”

  “Yes. Where is he, girl?” I said, happy someone could help me find him.

  She stood in my way. “First, let me say you should come out with us—hang with the girls this time.”

  “I just told Malloy, Torian, Loni, and everyone that I am gonna hang with my man. I want to be with him tonight.”

  “He might be busy,” she said in a weird voice like she knew something I didn’t.

  “Okay, you’re being a little evasive, and you’re freaking me out the way you’re talking. What do you know, Sharon? What—what’s going on?”

  “I’m not saying anything. I’m not trying to start anything. I’m just saying come with us. Hang out. You did great. You were awesome.”

  “I couldn’t have done it without your help, but I want to be with my guy. What’s the problem?”

  She turned around and looked at a closed door backstage. Then she looked away and then back that doggone door. Something was up.

  I probed, “What? He’s back there? Who’s he talking to? Some financiers, some school officials, some New York producers? Who? What? Tell me!”

  “Just come on.” She tugged my hand. “Okay?”

  I jerked it away. “Let me go.”

  With her hand on her hip, she said, “You don’t want to go in there.”