Laid Bare

  She took a deep breath. Inside her the craving to be on stage warred with the fear, the fear of the public eye and the horrors that came with it.

  “Would you consider doing a few shows? We’d open and close at the Gorge. Hometown crowd. And then Madison Square Garden. That’s just three shows.”

  She wiped the counter down just to have something to do with her hands. “How long do I have to answer?”

  “First show would be next May. They’d obviously want to pimp it if I told them. But we don’t have to tell them. You could just show up. Whatever. I’m not asking to boost ticket sales.”

  “I’d never think that. I need some time. I’ll let you know by August. Is that okay?”

  He took her hands, grinning. “That would be awesome. Thank you.”

  She shrugged. “This is our baby. I’d like to do a few shows. You know, if I can.” Not a whole tour. Not ever. But a few shows, maybe.

  “You may not have to call Todd after all,” she said, smiling toward the doorway, where Todd had just stepped through with Ben and Cope.

  Todd’s gaze went right to her and he smiled. She’d had to leave early the morning after their, um, thing with Ben, and she hadn’t seen him for the rest of the week around their conflicting schedules.

  He approached, bold as brass, and dropped a kiss on her lips. “Hi, honey. Take pity on some guys in desperate need of caffeine?”

  “You remember Adrian, right?” She indicated her brother.

  Todd nodded and the two of them did that guy handshake thing and then began to talk, heads close.

  “Let’s see, Americano with room for you and an iced mocha for you, right?” She turned back to Ben and Cope with a smile, her hands already at work on their drinks.

  Quickly, she slid a refill to Adrian, an iced latte to Todd and then finished up the drinks for Ben and Cope.

  “You two want anything else? Since tomorrow is a holiday I only have soup and bread for lunch. It’s good though, Indian veggie. The bread is focaccia from the bakery a few doors down.”

  “Yes, please.” Ben paid for everyone’s drinks and food and went to sit down.

  Without needing to ask, she put two big bowls out for her brother and Todd on her way to take lunch to Ben and Cope.

  “Let me know if you guys need anything else, okay?”

  “Delicious stuff, Erin. I can’t wait to see what you bring over to the party tomorrow.” Cope grinned.

  “I grew up in Seattle and I’ve never known anyone who had a boat. I’m so excited to watch the fireworks from the lake that way. Todd put in a request for this Thai noodle salad he likes so much. I’m making that and some enchiladas. Nothing fancy.”

  “Our families are all about the outdoors. Boating, fishing, hiking, camping. His dad and ours bought that boat. God, we were just kids.” Ben pushed a chair out. “Sit with us if you can. Looks like your brother is making sure Todd’s on the up-and-up.”

  It was quiet. A lot of people were on vacation, and the café closed early that day. She sat, pleased they liked her enough to ask.

  She relaxed, catching Adrian laughing at something Todd said. Erin was glad they liked each other, really glad Ben and Cope liked her. Todd’s people liking her was very important.

  Brody pounded on the wall as he sometimes did when he needed some caffeine but was too busy to run over. She stood. “My other brother,” she said by way of explanation. “Cope knows him. Anyway, I need to run something over there. Be right back.”

  Todd and Adrian were still speaking quietly when she made a leaf pattern on Brody’s latte foam.

  “Adrian, I’ll be right back. Keep an eye out, please?”

  He looked up and nodded before going back to his conversation.

  Brody gave a satisfied sigh when she stepped through to the shop. The hum of the tattoo guns and the smell of ink and the shop in general greeted her. Brody had opened this shop nearly fifteen years before and she’d spent a lot of time there. It was a place she felt totally comfortable in.

  “You’re the best little sister I’ve ever had,” he said as she handed him the drink.

  “Mmm hmm. Adrian is interrogating Todd. How come you’re not being bad cop?”

  “I had my bad cop moment with him already. I’m good. Aid wanted to see for himself. Todd’s a punk if he can’t handle it. But I doubt he’ll have a problem. He seems to love you, and as long as he doesn’t revert, things are copacetic.”

  “Good. I brought you soup too.” She handed over a container with the soup and some bread as well.

  The guy on the table looked up at her and then to Brody. “Jeez, how come my sister doesn’t do stuff like that?”

  “Yeah, well, does your sister call you while you’re out on dates and ask you to bring home feminine hygiene products?”

  “Oh god, let it go! I was fourteen. I’m leaving now, Brody.” She waved over her shoulder as he laughed at the telling of that old story.

  Still smiling, she’d just walked through, back into the café, when a loud cracking sound came from somewhere. Panic ate her insides and she fell to the floor, her hands over her head.

  Todd heard what sounded like gunfire outside and stood, looking toward the front of the café and the street. Ben was on his feet already, running out the door, and Cope turned and ran toward the counter.

  Adrian had jumped the counter, knocking shit everywhere, and that’s when Todd saw Erin and his heart nearly stopped.

  Adrian gathered her in his arms. Brody came through the door and joined them, skidding to them on his knees.

  Ben ran back in. “Fucking fireworks. Everything’s okay, folks,” he called out to the few people in the café and then turned toward where Erin huddled.

  “Shit,” Cope said.

  “Get back,” Brody said calmly. “Crowding around her will only make it worse. Adrian, can you get people their tabs or whatever? It’s closing time.”

  “Shhh, come on, gorgeous, it’s just fireworks. You know what it’s like this time of year,” Ben said, dropping down to sit, looking up at Todd.

  Todd reached out, touched her hair. She turned her head, tipping her chin to see him as he sat on his haunches to be at eye level and not tower over her. “Is that what you want, honey? Do you want to close up and we can go home? Have a nice quiet afternoon?”

  “No!” Erin shoved at them and sat up. She shook so hard her teeth chattered, but Todd recognized the determined look in her eyes. “Help me up,” she ordered Brody, who obliged, standing back after she stood.

  Ben nodded at Todd with approval and though it felt odd, Todd was proud.

  “I just n-need to drink something and I’ll be fine. I’m not closing an hour early just because of f-fireworks.”

  She let Todd take her hand and walked to the coffee bar where she hopped up on a stool. He barely resisted the urge to gather her to him and comfort her, but he knew they’d both fall apart if he did. She needed normalcy, so he tried to give it to her.

  “Sorry ’bout the mess,”Adrian said and began to clean up. Cope joined him, and Brody saw to the last few people still inside. All friends, it appeared, because they delivered small touches and a kiss to Erin’s cheek as they cleared out.

  “Leave it. I’ll get it in a minute,” she said.

  Adrian glared at her as he swept up the broken glass and wiped the coffee and soup off the floor and walls.

  “I’m . . .”

  “Don’t you even fucking apologize for that,” Brody said fiercely. “It’s fine and it’s over, but you are allowed to be upset. Do you hear me?”

  Todd had liked Brody before, but he really liked the man now.

  Erin nodded and gave a wan smile. “Ever the big brother.”

  “It’s my job. Now, I was having a delish bowl of soup and my customer is probably wondering where I ran off to.” Brody kissed her forehead. “You all right?”

  “Yes. I will be.”

  “Okay. Why don’t you come out with me and Raven tonight. Both of you.” Br
ody looked to Todd. “Pool, beer, pizza. Who can say no to that?”

  “Sounds good. We’ll see you later then.” Todd looked from Brody back to Erin, catching her smile. They needed to integrate their families into each other’s life. Her brothers were everything to her; he knew that and he wanted them to understand he was there for good.

  “I’m coming too,” Adrian added.

  “We invited?” Cope asked.

  “Yeah, of course,” Brody said.

  “Okay then, that’s settled. Now everyone go.” Erin heaved herself off the stool and slowly began to clean up and put things back into place. Her color had returned and the shaking had stopped.

  “Don’t you have a job?” she asked Todd when he inquired after dessert.

  “You’re my job, honey.”

  She rolled her eyes but some minutes later brought them out plates with some cookies. Ben just shook his head at Todd.

  “She spoils you.”

  Todd heard the envy there, not covetous, but he realized his friend must want that too. Who wouldn’t?

  “I know. It’s pretty awesome.”

  She sang in the back as she worked.

  “And she can quote Pearl Jam too. I need to tell you that if she wasn’t your woman I’d steal her away.” Cope shoved an entire cookie in his mouth.

  “With manners like that, how could any woman resist?” Ben said. Todd laughed as he stood and went to the counter.

  “We need to get going. I have a job site to visit this afternoon. I’ll meet you at your place later on. You gonna be okay?” He dropped a twenty down to pay for lunch and she just looked at it before shoving it back at him.

  “This is such a tiresome thing you do.”

  “What? Paying for service?”

  She sighed. “It’s some soup and bread. I love you. I like taking care of you. I have a bit of money in the bank, I think I can afford to buy you lunch.”

  “I find I really like hearing you tell me you love me.” He kissed her fingers and dropped the twenty in the tip jar. “I love you too, and I’ll see you tonight.”

  Erin watched him leave, nearly as much a pleasure to do as watching him come in. The man had a very fine ass.

  She moved to lock up and saw Ella sitting in her car at the curb and waved her in.

  Ella wiped her face and Erin realized she’d been crying.

  “Hi. You closing up?” Ella said as she came inside.

  “Yeah, lock the front, please. Have a seat while I clean up and tell me what’s making you cry.”

  She wasn’t close to Ella like she was to Raven, but she liked the other woman and enjoyed her company. Erin really didn’t like seeing her upset.

  “It’s just stuff at home.”

  Erin wiped the counter and cleaned up the pieces to the espresso machines as she listened.

  “Are you okay? Safe? Can I help at all?” Erin tried to keep her voice light. The last thing Ella needed was any more anger or upset. Erin knew Ella and her boyfriend had broken up recently. At least Erin could focus on this instead of the way she’d nearly lost her shit when someone set off a stupid firecracker outside.

  “I got a protection order today.”

  She looked up at her friend. “Okay. That’s a good first step. Do you have multiple copies of the order? Not photocopies but all originals? I want you to keep one here at work and also one at home and on you too. That way if he violates it you can show the police the order with the original signature on it. It helps.” Sadly, she had a bit of experience in this area.

  “Oh, good idea. And you listening helped. I’m staying with my parents right now. They just live a few doors down.”

  “All good things. Family support is important. We’re going out for pizza and pool tonight. You interested?”

  Erin bustled around, filling the dishwasher and starting it, wiping down counters while Ella mopped up.

  “Thanks, Erin. But I’m going to the beach with my family for a few days.”

  “Oh, that’s right, you have vacation. Good! Have a nice time and you’ve got my cell number if you want to talk. I’m your friend, you know that, right?”

  Ella hugged her as they walked out together.

  “I do. I’ll see you in a few days. Have fun tonight.” Ella waved, and when Erin turned to go to her car, Brody leaned against it.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m working on it. Every day I work on it. A year ago I would have lost my shit. Two years ago I would have had to go home for the day. Baby steps.”

  He hugged her and she let herself be comforted.

  “Not baby steps at all. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Still, I’m going to kick your boyfriend’s ass at pool. You should wear a tight shirt or something to distract him.”

  She burst out laughing, thankful for his presence in her life, not knowing what she’d do without him.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  17

  “Wow, this is some place,” Erin said as they pulled into his parents’ driveway a few days later. The large two-story house sat on about an acre filled with trees and all sorts of plants his mother had planted over the nearly forty years they’d lived there.

  “Lots of love here,” she said softly as he parked behind DJ and Renee’s minivan.

  He looked at it, trying to see it through the eyes of a kid who hadn’t been able to run all around the large yard, climbing the trees and watching the stars from the roof, but he couldn’t. It was simply his home.

  He glanced at her as he pocketed his keys. She wore a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt that buttoned down the front. Her hair was tousled but not spiky and at that particular moment, he realized she’d played down her otherness for his family. She still had her sense of unique style—she wore it like a second skin—but for all intents and purposes, she could have been a cop’s wife any day of the week instead of a woman who’d won Grammys and headlined Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza.

  “Don’t you dare get out.” He sent her a warning look as he slid out on his side and moved to open up the door to help her from the truck. “Now then.” He kissed her quickly and she blushed.

  “Don’t be all grabby in front of your family or I’ll neuter you.”

  He laughed. “Spunky.”

  “Yeah, that’s me all right. Should we leave the ice chest with the food here in the car since we’re going to be driving to the boat?”

  “Good idea. Ah, there’s my sister Liz peeking through the front windows. My mom will be hopping around in there, so let’s go before she bursts.” He took her hand. “You look beautiful and they’re going to love you.”

  “Hope so,” she mumbled as he tugged her toward the door.

  “Todd! There you are. Come on in and bring your lady. Your mother is about to pass out in there,” Todd’s dad called out as he walked around toward the porch.

  “Dad, this is Erin Brown. Erin, this is my dad, Dean Keenan.”

  Erin smiled at his father as he took her hand in his. “It’s very nice to meet you finally. Todd’s spoken of you a lot. Even Cope and Ben sing your praises. You put a smile on my son’s face. I like that.”

  “I like that too. It’s good to meet you. Todd speaks of you all so much, I feel like I know you already.”

  “Is that you, Todd?” a voice called from inside and Todd and his father both laughed.

  “Come on then, honey.”

  Holy moly was this nerve-wracking. His dad had a crew cut and had cop written all over him. More than Todd ever did. But his eyes had danced when he’d taken her hand and he’d been very kind to her.

  Now she had to meet Todd’s mother. Oy.

  “Hello! Oh, you’re Erin, I’m so glad to finally meet you.”

  No hand-holding this time. No, Lorie Keenan pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek.

  “I’m Lorie, Todd’s mom. Look at you! You’re every bit as pretty as Todd has told us. I saw you on a DVD, you know. Mercy, that’s our oldest granddaughter, she brought it ove
r a few weeks ago when she got home from college for the summer. Just finished her first year down at Evergreen. She may come out today. Not, of course, to be with her grandma, oh no. But you’re something worth the visit apparently.”

  “Mom, slow it down, you’re going to scare her to death.”

  Erin looked to the woman standing beside Lorie.

  “I’m Renee, DJ’s wife. The other Dean, that is. Junior.” She laughed. “Mercy’s my daughter and apparently you’re the coolest girl rocker ever.”

  Erin laughed and shook Renee’s hand. “I do try. It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Keenan, Renee. Thank you for inviting me today.”

  “And Liz is my sister,” Todd said.

  “And she can say hello if you give the woman some space.” Liz, looking very much like her mother, grinned. “Hi, Erin. Welcome. I hope you took a Xanax this morning. The rest of the boys are out back.”

  More noise as the house filled with people. Ben and Cope both gave her a hug and a kiss before DJ, Todd’s oldest brother, said hello, followed by Joe, the next youngest son.

  “Mom and Dad are out at the marina already,” Ben said, explaining his parents’ absence.

  There was a hell of a lot of testosterone in the living room and Renee laughed. “I know, it’s stunning, isn’t it? Lorie, Liz and I are grateful for you to hopefully even out the estrogen levels around here. Now that Mercy, our oldest daughter, is off at school and Marianne, our youngest, has declared hanging out with family to be the worst thing for her social life ever, we’re outnumbered big time.”

  They were all so normal. So happy and robust and filled with that connection you have to people who’ve seen you at your worst and love you despite that. Erin envied them their whole family but realized how lucky she was to have it with Adrian and Brody, despite losing their parents.

  She looked at the pictures on the walls as they all swirled around, chattering, loading things into cars. She stopped at a photograph of who she figured would be Mercy or Marianne and her stomach cramped. Probably all of a year old, toddling, fat little knees, one tooth in her smile, drool on her chin.

  Erin was transported to Adele’s first steps. They’d been visiting Maryland, where Jeremy’s parents lived. She saw her granny and wanted to be there, so she’d just walked right over. Erin had clapped, laughing and crying, and Adele simply took the cheers and clapping as her due for existing.