Ruining Me

  Ruining Me

  by Nicole Reed

  Ruining Me

  Copyright © 2012 by Nicole Reed

  Published by Nicole Reed

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the author/publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Find out more about the author and upcoming books online at www.nicolreed.wordpress.com orwww.facebook.com/RuiningMe.

  Cover art by Jes Richardson at https://www.facebook.com/#!/jesrichardsonphoto.

  ©Depositphotos/Rudyanto Wijaya

  Chapter 1

  Two years ago I learned the hard way how every moment of our lives define everything we are and everything we will be. These moments either bind us deeply with reality or severs us from all the ties that bind us to it and in those precious seconds we decide which path we will choose. The path of life or the path of death.

  My path has been chosen and my time on this earth is limited. I know this with every single breath I take, with every sunrise and sunset I see. I have total control of it. It will be my choice, my time and my decision, but today is not that day. Today I look around me at the same sight I have seen every morning for the past four years. The same brick building that I stood staring up at my freshman year of high school. The sign on the front reads Jackson Heights High School.

  Looking up at the massive two story building I can honestly say that I will not miss it. At all. It's my first day as a senior. By all accounts it should be the best year. The one you have waited for since that first day you stepped into the hollowed walls of a school building, but I’m not the same girl I once was. Now I see my old best friends, Molly and Reed, sitting on the entrance steps laughing. Turning back to the parking lot I spot JT Higgins, my ex-boyfriend, laughing and kissing the one that replaced me, Stacie Courtman, while leaning against his shiny red Ford truck. I guess we have all moved forward.

  Turning back, I look towards Molly. Her red hair shines brightly in the morning sun almost like it was on fire. I notice that she is glaring at me and then proceeds to lean down and whisper to Reed. He raises his dark eyes and stares at me. His look is challenging me to walk towards them. Looking down at my feet, the pain consumes me, because I know I’m not the only one remembering how close we once were. Our parents had all been friends in college and we all grew up on the same street. “Thick as thieves” my Dad used to say. There is not a childhood memory that I have that doesn't include them both. My heart starts hurting and my eyes glisten with tears I didn’t think I could still shed.

  Taking a deep breath, I compose myself. It's a muggy hot Georgia morning and if I stand here knee deep in memories any longer I may melt. Even in a yellow barely there t-shirt and blue jean mini (just long enough not to get me sent home) and a pair of yellow low top converse, I’m starting to sweat or as my southern grandmother would say glisten. At least I pulled my long dark hair up in a ponytail this morning and since I don’t wear make-up, only lip gloss, nothing is sweating off.

  Walking toward the steps I hear a deep voice from behind me.

  "Hey James. Wait up."

  Yes, I have a boy’s name. My mother named me after her grandfather who raised her, but all my friends have always called me Jay. I turn to see Caleb Myers smiling at me. Cal and I also go way back to kindergarten. Bonding over food because I used to feed him my lunch all through elementary school and somehow in his mind this equated that I was forever his best friend. Now he is a two-hundred pound plus (mostly muscle) big teddy bear. Cal is one of the starting offensive linemen for the Jackson Heights Bulldog Football team. He is also the one person that I still talk to for the only reason that Cal doesn't give up easily. When everyone else got tired of the cold shoulder and my bitchy ways and left me alone, Cal kept coming back for more. After a while, I got tired of being mean to him and decided that I would just have to get used to the big guy. Cal threw his massive arm around my shoulders and gave me a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.

  "Geez Cal, happy to see me?" I couldn't help smiling.

  "Yeah Girl, it's been a long hot ass summer and we are finally seniors. Rule the school and all that shit. Now tell me how much you missed me."

  I chuckle because I did miss him. I ignored his hundred million text messages and calls this past summer. Choosing again to keep only to myself which is pretty much the same as what I did last year. My motto was no lake, no parties and no people. My smile fades as I glance up at him. He looks serious all of a sudden. Cal takes his hand and gently lifts my chin to look into my eyes.

  "Jay.....I’ve been thinking and I need to get this out. This is our last year in high school. You can change things, it's not too late." I try to grab his hand to tug it away from my face, but he holds tighter to my chin. "Don't do this...don't continue to push everyone away," he says as his eyes plead with mine.

  The look of pain that I see there is heart breaking and it takes my breath away. Somehow it’s like he knows my secrets and my intentions. Shaking my head, I force his hand from my face.

  “You don’t know what you are talking about Cal. Just leave it alone,” I say to him.

  “It doesn’t have to be this way Jay. Everyone misses you and we want the old you back.”

  “We? As in your best friend JT? I don’t think so Cal. He was just making out with his new girlfriend in the parking lot. It really looked like he was missing me,” I respond sarcastically. Pain laced my voice.

  “What Jay? You want him begging at your heels even after you’ve screwed everyone else but him?”

  My eyes almost bulge out of my head. Cal looked shock that he had said that to me and before he could say anything else I turn away. Walking up the front steps to the school, I pass by Molly and Reed and through the front doors. Pushing the tears back as I've pushed them all away.

  I don't know what it is about the first day of school. There is so much anticipation in the air you can taste it and even I am not immune. Keeping my eyes down I walk directly to my first period class. I’m one of the first students to arrive for homeroom. My teacher, Mrs. Davis, glances up when I walk in and she smiles at me.

  "Well, Miss James Stevenson. How was your summer?"

  "Fine," I answer and smile back.

  Walking to the back of the classroom, I grab a desk and drop my book bag beside it. Pretty soon the class starts to fill up and the gossip of the summer begins. I notice when Cal walks in the class room, but thankfully there are no seats near me available. Bowing my head, I grab my notebook and begin to get ready for class. I've learned that keeping to myself is easier if I just avoid looking at anyone. Mrs. Davis finally starts talking and before I know it the bell rings and first period is over. I’m able to slip out without having to talk with Cal.

  Next I head straight to my second period class which is Biology. As soon as I walk in I look up and see that Rhye Clark is sitting in the back. Rhye is your average high school bad boy with his dark shaggy hair and intense dark chocolate eyes with a lanky long frame. He has his eyebrow and lip pierced plus super cool tattoos on both arms that complete his rock star image. He is wearing his band logo “The Mavs” on his black t-
shirt and faded black jeans. I’m pretty sure that his glazed look has something more to do with what he smoked this morning and not that his band probably played somewhere downtown until late last night.

  His eyes brighten as he notices me and then gives me that sexy grin. Trying to get my attention he nods his head to the seat next to him. I pointedly roll my eyes and grab a seat on the other side of the room. There was a time that I thought taking control of my life meant controlling who I slept with. My first conquest was Rhye. He had flirted with me for years and the moment that JT and I were over he quickly moved in. Rhye and his lifestyle quickly became like a drug and he loved corrupting me almost a little too much.

  I can feel his eyes are on me the entire class. In the couple of months I spent as his “friend with benefits”, I did learn the advantage of dating the bad boy. Unfortunately, that also included learning that even high school lead singers have groupies. I can be easy, but I don’t share and Rhye learned this lesson too late. When the bell finally rang I gathered my books and stuffed them in my bag.

  “How was your summer Jay?”

  His voice was low and sexy. Damn those dark eyes. I stood up and looked at him.

  “Great. Thanks for asking.”

  I walked out of the class room and could hear him following right behind me.

  “Did you not get the little messages I sent to you?”

  I stop suddenly and whirl around to face him. Does he have to be so freaking good looking? Stepping towards him to look into his eyes, I place my pointed finger directly into his chest.

  “Yes I did. I need you to be less stalkerish Rhye and more grow the fuck up and move on Rhye. You cheated on me. Remember?”

  He actually winces and pain fills those dark eyes, making me think he does regret what happened. “Damn Jay, it’s been almost a year. I messed up. Just let that shit die. I just want you to come out and watch us play.”

  Rolling my eyes I turn to walk away. I feel his hand circle my wrist and he gently tugs me back around pulling me closer towards him.

  “I wouldn’t mind if you want to stay the night afterwards either. I’m sure we could think of something to do.”

  “Dream on rock star. My groupie days are over.”

  This time when I turn to walk away he lets me go. I hear him chuckle and I groan. He is just too sexy for my own good. It’s getting harder and harder to turn him away and I think that’s his plan because he is slowly wearing me down.

  Third period was a study period so I passed that hour in the library hiding out. When the bell finally rang for lunch I was surprised that so much of the day had passed. Since it was a sunny day I decided to sit outside. Most everyone respects that I want to keep to myself. Only a few dare try and have a conversation with me. Usually one word answers deters them. I hear the whispers of “stuck-up” and “what a bitch”. Listening to them, I should be used to it by now, but it still stings. I catch myself smiling when someone smiles at me. It's hard to go from the school sweetheart, to well, whatever I am now.

  Looking up from reading my book I notice JT staring at me. His eyes are the perfect shade of a deep midnight blue. Sighing, I remember a time when I could look into those eyes for hours and see my future for miles and miles. Now I’m not so sure what I would see.

  Once JT had the perfect girlfriend and in a moment she was gone. He tried for weeks to talk with me and even camped outside my bedroom window, literally popping his old boy scout tent outside. I thought my Dad was going to kill him. I finally told him there was someone else and that was it. If I had known it was that easy, I would have lied earlier. Well, really it wasn't a lie.

  Glancing back down at my book I see a pair of black Nikes step next to me. I look up and have to shield my eyes from the sun to see JT glaring down. It’s hard to look into those eyes that I used to dream about so I look away because I just can’t bare it. He must have stepped in front of the sun’s rays because I can’t feel them on my face anymore.

  "What can I do for you JT?”

  My voice sounds breathy and my eyes shift back to him. He still does this to me. My body begins to slightly shake because he makes me nervous and at the same time I can’t help but to still want him. In that second I remember every moment. We shared our first kiss in seventh grade and the innocence of that kiss was what made it so memorable.

  "How was your summer, Jay?” His voice sounds so angry. It startles me for a second, but he continues to talk to me. "Kip says he saw you downtown at O’Malley’s a couple of times. Guess you were giving that fake ID a workout, huh?"

  Kip is JT's older brother who is in college. I still talk to Kip when I see him. We don’t ever discuss JT. He slowly lowers his body down to look me in the eye. "Are you too good to hang out with us kiddies?" I don’t think he realizes that his words are weapons and each one cuts me deep enough to bleed.

  "Wow, JT, I didn't know you missed me that much. I figured you were too busy screwing Stacie all summer," I say sarcastically. I couldn't help myself because I am bleeding from the inside out. The people I do hang out with like to gossip and through the grapevine I heard this from a friend of Kip’s this past summer, but as soon as I say it I wish I didn't. It shows that I care. JT's cheeks redden and he leans in closer.

  "Anytime you want that to be you, just let me know." He then stands up and walks away. There was a time that I prayed for that to happen, for me to be that girl, but that time is past.

  Before I know it schools over and I am walking out to my car thinking about my last couple of classes. I ended up in another class with Cal and fortunately for me he just shook his head and left me alone. Fifth period was my Art class and both Reed and Molly were in it. My Art teacher, Miss Kell, talked about our goals for this year so nobody had a chance to talk much in her class. Last period was gym and of course I would end up having it with JT He didn't say anything else to me.

  With my thoughts on everything that happened today I almost missed the piece of paper caught underneath my yellow Ford Mustang’s windshield, knowing what it was before I even read it. Damn, I was hoping this year he would quit sending them. I yank it off and start to wad up the paper in my hand. Last year I ignored his little notes, there were only a couple. Praying this year he would give me a freaking break, I realize now that's not going to happen. My mind knows I should just throw it away, but I open it anyway.

  I can't stop thinking about you.

  He's smart. The notes are typed. No way to trace it back, even if I wanted to do something about it which I don’t. Ripping it up and tossing it to the ground I get in my car and drive away.

  Not feeling like going home I head downtown. No one is at home anyway because both of my parents own and operate a small airfield outside of our town. My mother and father are both licensed pilots for the rich and famous. Georgia is the new Hollywood “It” spot for making movies and my parents are cashing in on that. Good for them and even better for me, because I'm home alone most of the time. It doesn’t bother me and it's probably for the best. When we do spend time together lately we just end up fighting.

  Traffic is light this time of day and I decide to drive to my favorite bar. We live in a small town that is right outside a big college town. So within twenty minutes I can be at some of the best college bars around. My cousin hooked me up with a fake ID a year ago. O’Malley’s is where the young college crowd hangs out and it’s my favorite. Eighteen to enter and twenty-one to drink and my ID says I’m both. O’Malley’s looks like an Irish pub during the day, but at night they have some great bands and it’s a cool place to play pool and dance.

  As I walk in I hear a Mazzy Star song playing in the background. Not many people are here at four o’clock in the afternoon. I’ve gotten to be friends with the day bartender Jill. She is about six foot tall and looks like she would be right at home on a volley ball court with her California girl looks. Jill is in her late twenties and currently finishing up her Master’s degree in Education. She smiles when she sees me sit down at the
bar.

  “Hey Jay, how was the dreaded first day of school?”

  “Please kill me now. It was that awful.” I cross my arms on the bar and lay my head on top. I groan and raise my head up and ask, “Can I get a Sprite?” Jill laughs at me and fixes my drink.

  “Sure Baby Girl. So, I haven’t seen you around these past couple of weeks. Have you met the new weekend bartender?” I shake my head no while gulping down my Sprite so she continues. “Oh my God he is hot. Seriously fuckable. He’s about six foot two with buzzed dark hair. He’s got amazing cut arms and don’t get me started on his stomach. One night he pulled his t-shirt up and he’s got a serious six pack. Oh, and his butt? You could bounce a quarter off of it.” I spit out my drink all over the bar at his butt description. Jill grabs a rag and starts to wipe it up as she continues, “I didn’t know that people could actually have eyes that green and he’s got the coolest tats on both of his arms and neck. The man is pulling in some serious tips from all the college girls. If I wasn’t in a serious relationship right now, I’d be right there with them,” she gushes.

  Jill is constantly trying to hook me up and she scouts all the beaus from the buttholes. She knows I’m only looking for one night stands and pretty much she is my safety net. I’ve learned that most bartenders know who and what is going down in their bars. Jill started talking to me again pulling me away from my thoughts.