Ruining Me

  Kane - Hopefully I didn’t make you too late this morn

  I wait until I get home and text back.

  Me - Not much, was your bro mad?

  Kane - He’ll get over it

  Me - Can’t wait for tonight!!! What should I wear?

  Kane - Something sexy ;)

  Me- I can do that. See you at 7.

  Kane – See U…btw…I know what they say about candy…..and it’s not true

  Me - ????????

  Kane – That it’s TOO SWEET……

  Me – lol…Glad I like sweets then… ;)

  Next I needed to text Cal.

  Me – Please tell JT that I need some time. Will NOT be at home, going to a friend’s house for the night.

  Cal – I’ll try Jay. What happened??? Coach B is pissed at him and JT isn’t talking to anyone. Coach B told Coach S that JT was harassing you and to back off. WTH????

  Me – Please help Cal….just keep JT away for now. I’ll explain later…K??????

  JT and I are over. We can’t go back and I’m not sure we can ever go forward. He would never let the past go. He can’t. After two years why was everything falling apart now?

  Leaving my house, I decide to pamper myself so I drive to have a manicure and pedicure. Since it’s a full spa, I decide to have my hair styled with big curls loosely placed on top of my head thinking Kane would like that. I arrive home in just enough time to bathe and dress picking a simple black dress. Well simple in the front, but with a low drop in the back and super short. I add a killer pair of black heels and my diamond pendent necklace. Not much make-up, but tons of lip gloss.

  Waiting for Kane to arrive, I wonder how indecent this skirt is going to look on the back of a motorcycle. When the doorbell chimes, I can see him standing through the door and well he is, WOW! Kane in a leather jacket and tight blue jeans this morning was sexy as hell. Kane dressed in black dress pants and gray knit shirt was panting dropping hot.

  When I open the door he was smiling as he looked me up and down. Looking deep into my eyes he says, “Damn Jay,” and pulls me to him. His lips softly caress mine and I feel his tongue tracing my lips. “God you taste good,” his words are whispered into my mouth. He runs his hands down both my arms, until they are holding mine. I start to pull him inside and he hesitates. “Now I’m the one who is not strong enough to come in, and be able to leave for dinner. C’mon let’s go.” He smiles at me and those dimples make my knees go weak.

  I lean into him and kiss first the right dimple and then the left. He groans and I smile, “Let me grab my purse.” Picking it up from the table, I follow him out the door.

  Instead of his motorcycle he had driven a silver Chrysler Crossfire. “I love your motorcycle Kane, but I really love this Crossfire.” He just smiles and opens the passenger door to help me in. After he sits down, he turns to me and pulls me as far as he can toward him. His body heat radiates to me and I can almost feel a tangible connection between us. His green eyes stare into mine.

  “Did you know your eyes are like molten silver when you look at me?”

  “I was just thinking how yours were like emeralds,” I return. We were both whispering as I place my hand against his face and caress his cheek.

  He grabs me behind my neck and pulls my lips to his. This kiss went from zero to sixty in seconds. My body went up in flames and I think I moaned or maybe it was him. His hands were in my hair and mine were holding his face. He gently pulls my head back, separating my mouth from his.

  “Jay, we are not going to make it to dinner like this.” I think I whimpered not in pain, but because I wanted to taste his mouth again. He pulls back a little harder on my hair, “Baby, I want to take you out.” It was like I was in a haze. I heard him talking to me, but my body was on fire and I had never felt like this. After a minute, I tried to pull out of his hold and he let me go.

  He pulls out of my drive way and ask me what my parents did for a living. I told him about them, my childhood, and all the trouble Molly, Reed and I used to get in to. He talked about growing up and how he and his brother were always super close. His father died when they were teenagers, but his Mom was still alive and he wanted to move her here. We arrive at a local Italian restaurant and before I know it, we are seated and our order is placed. I laugh when I notice the waitress checking him out. I’m sure he gets that everywhere.

  “I can’t wait to meet your friends.”

  My heart drops with his statement and I look down at the table. “I’m not close with them anymore.” After a couple of seconds I look up waiting for him to ask why, but he surprises me and doesn’t.

  Compassion fills his eyes and he says, “Must have been painful losing them.”

  “Yeah…I don’t like talking about it.” He nods and begins telling me more about himself.

  The rest of dinner we had light banter back and forth. After they remove our food he ask if I want dessert and I say, “Yes,” and look into his eyes, “You.”

  “Babe.” Just that one word from him with the smile on his face and I’m done. He finishes paying for dinner and helps me out of my chair. As we leave I hear my name and turn to look back at a table in the corner. Coach Branch and his wife were evidently having dinner.

  He stands up, “Hey James, you remember James don’t you Lisa,” he said talking to his wife. She just nods her head yes and continues to smile at me.

  “How are you James,” she asks?

  I look down at her and say, “Fine.” My answer must have come out sounding short because her smile dims a little. I turn toward Coach Branch when he speaks.

  “Well who do we have here Jay? Bruce Branch,” he holds his hand out for Kane to shake which Kane did.

  “Kane David.”

  Coach Branch cut his eyes to me. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone James.”

  “Sorry, we really need to be leaving.” Cutting off his question, I grab Kane’s hand and walk out of the restaurant pulling him behind me.

  As I was rushing out the door, I let go of Kane’s hand and run right into Rhye as he was coming into the restaurant. He put both his hands on my arms to keep us steady.

  “Whoa, slow down.” He rubs my arms up and down and he leans into me, “Looks like you are in a hurry Jay. Escaping from your date here?” He looked up at Kane behind me and Kane seems pissed.

  Pushing out of Rhye’s arms I tell him, “No, but if I was it wouldn’t be to you.”

  He laughs and looks at Kane. “She is fiery as shit and let me tell you it makes for a great lay.”

  Kane took a step toward him, but I grab his hand again and pull him toward me away from Rhye.

  “Forget you Rhye,” I said as Kane and I walk outside. We made it to his car before he exploded.

  “What the hell Jay? Want to tell me what just happened back there? Who was that first guy and his wife and who the hell was that jack-off at the door?” His face was turning bright red and he was clinching his jaw.

  Trying not to hyperventilate I try to slow down my breathing. Kane was so pissed about Rhye that I don’t think he noticed.

  “Damn Jay, when that Branch guy was talking to you I honestly thought you were going to puke on him. Your face turned solid white.” He was staring at me waiting for an answer.

  My voice broke when I answered him. “He’s just a coach at my school.”

  “Damn, did he fail you in PE or something?” He laughs at his own joke, but when he notices my face he ask, “What is it Jay? What is he to you?”

  “He is nothing to me,” I said as I turn away from him to open the door. Kane grabs the door and closes it before I can open it.

  “Look at me Jay, who was that other guy?”

  “An asshole,” I reply angrily. He watches me wanting me to say more. I sigh and say, “He’s just a guy that I unfortunately gave the time of day to once and now wish I hadn’t. Look I don’t feel good can you please take me home?” Kane starts to say something else and I look at him and ask, “Please?” He opens the door
for me and I slide into the car.

  Kane was quiet all the way home. He had Radiohead’s “Karma Police” playing in the car. I turn it up loud so I wouldn’t have to talk to him. Turning into my driveway I turn the volume down and notice that he doesn’t turn the car off as he glances over at me.

  He starts to say something but I was faster, “Kane, my life is so messed up right now. I can’t even begin to tell you how much. I know you want answers about the restaurant, but right now I can’t talk about it.” Tears start to fall down my cheeks, I couldn’t control my emotions. “You don’t need this extra drama in your life right now, and I come with a shit load of it. I know you’re not looking for anything serious.” I turn and open the door to get out, but before I can, he reaches for my arm and turns me toward him.

  “Jay, your right I don’t need any more bullshit in my life right now.”

  I wince when he says that.

  “So that is why you are going to let me help you work some of it out. I am not walking away from what we are starting here, so we will just deal with it.” He pulls me toward him, “I don’t know what it is, but you will tell me all of it, but not tonight.” He kisses me lightly on the lips. “I want you Jay, but I can wait for the right time for us and I know that’s just not tonight.” I know he could read the shock on my face. He kisses the tip of my nose and gets out of the car.

  Coming around and helping me out of the car he walks me to the door. I unlock it and step inside. When he doesn’t follow I turn and he says, “Lock the door and turn the alarm on after I leave. I’ll see you in the morning.” He kisses me lightly on the lips and turns to walk away.

  “Kane,” I call to him and he turns back around to look at me. “I thought you didn’t want anything serious?” He looks directly at me.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought too.” He smiles and turns around to leave.

  Grinning to myself, I close the door and turn the alarm on. My thoughts never leave Kane as I crawl into my bed that night and fall asleep.

  I was back in the room with the dirty white walls. This time I am alone. The cold hard metal seat I was sitting on was situated in the middle of the room. Looking down I had on a hospital gown, but my stomach was flat. I close my eyes tightly when I feel hot air being breathed on the back of my neck. My dark demon was here again.

  He gently lifts my hair and continues to nuzzle his nose deeper into the crook of my neck. “I do so love the innocent ones. They always taste the sweetest.” I feel him lick my neck and then his needle sharp teeth sink into my shoulder blade. They pierce my body and blood starts to run down my arm turning my white gown red. He picks me up and lays me on the floor. I hear him pull his zipper down and feel him push my gown up. The warm blood runs faster down my body. He shifts over me and starts to push into me painfully. I scream as he tears me and he laughs louder as I cry out for help.

  I wake again with warm tears running down my face and body. Alone in my torment. As I always am.

  Chapter 4

  I hit snooze the first time I think my alarm is going off the following morning. It felt like just minutes later it was going off again. Rolling toward the end of the bed I slam my hand harder on the snooze button, but the darn thing won’t turn off. Lifting my head up, I realize then that it was the doorbell. Damn, it was only 6:30 in the morning.

  The sun was just coming through my windows. I was in a cami and boxers and had some serious bed head and whoever it was at the door was going to get me just like this. When I went down, I could see JT standing in front of the door looking away. I thought about not answering it, but realize that if Kane came by this morning that could spell disaster. Turning the home alarm off, I open the door.

  “What the hell JT,” I ask? He was dressed in his running clothes and looked like he hadn’t slept. He looked me up and down and I crossed my arms over my chest. I was more covered than a bathing suit, but I should have put on a robe.

  “Can I come in so we can talk?”

  “No, you can’t JT. It is 6:30 in the morning. Did Cal not tell you I need some time?”

  He stepped into the doorway in front of me. “I gave you plenty of time. We are working this shit out today. I can’t take any more of this, Jay.”

  “Look JT, please don’t do this. I’ve thought about it and we can’t go back. You have to let me go.” I plead and try to push him back, but he grabs me and pushes me backwards into my house. His grip is tight and his face was harsh.

  “Fuck that Jay. I am getting some damn answers. I’m not that little boy you threw away two years ago.”

  My heart starts fluttering and the panic rose fast. When he barely shakes my shoulders, something in me snaps. I start trying to pull away and yell at him, “Let me go JT. Let me go NOW!” I was shaking and tears stream down my face while I try to jerk my hands free.

  “Jesus Jay, calm down I just want to talk.”

  My breath is caught in my chest and I try to kick his shin. He was blocking me and trying not to get injured. JT wraps his arms around me locking my hands and picks me up.

  “Please let me go,” I sob as he carries me into the living room and over to the couch. He laid me down and tried to subdue my hands and legs by using his body to pin me down.

  “Quit kicking me and calm down, Jay. This is ridiculous.”

  I couldn’t breathe, every breath was shallow and my vision started wavering.

  “Jay, what the hell? Calm down. Jay, JAY,” he was yelling at me.

  I feel him being lifted off of me. From far away I hear mewling and didn’t even realize it was coming from me. The sounds of muffled voices drift to me, but nothing was getting through my head and just like the last time the darkness consumes me.

  “Wake up James. Come on Jay, I need you to wake up for me.”

  His voice seems miles away. I feel him stroking his hands down my face. “Please baby, I don’t know what to do. Just wake up.”

  My eyes flutter open and my head is in Kane’s lap. His eyes were on mine. “Jay, you okay? Do I need to call the police? Talk to me, please.” His voice sounded more hoarse than normal and his beautiful green eyes were dark with worry.

  “I’m good,” my voice was weak, “please help me sit up.”

  As I sit up, I notice that JT was sitting on the floor in the corner staring at me. He had several scratches down one cheek and his face looks like he had gotten the hell beat out of him. There was a gash on his forehead and his nose was swollen and bleeding. His eyes were red where it looked like he had been crying.

  “I am so sorry Jay.” He kept repeating in a whisper. He continues staring at me as if he has never seen me before.

  “Shut the fuck up,” Kane growled at JT.

  JT closed both of his eyes tightly and tears streamed down his cheeks. When he finally spoke his voice was shaky. “Who hurt you Jay? Just name the bastard and I’ll kill him. This whole time I just didn’t get it. I knew you would never cheat on me. That answer always bothered me because I knew it wasn’t the truth. FUCK,” he yelled in anguish as he stood up. Kane pulled me closer in his arms.

  JT started toward me and Kane growled at him, “That’s close enough.”

  He stopped and tears continued to fall down his face. I hadn’t realized that tears were also streaming down mine, until I felt Kane wiping them away. JT drops to his knees again.

  “Please Jay, just tell me who it was. Oh my God, I think I know what happened. Just tell me. God I am so sorry. I never thought that would be why. I should have known. I should have known,” he cries and bows his head and starts sobbing.

  Closing my eyes tightly, I silently pray this is a nightmare and any moment I will wake up. I felt like I was being stripped bare and shredded to pieces. Wasn’t my soul slipping through the slashes of me? I couldn’t allow this to happen. Standing suddenly, I push away from Kane.

  “Get out of my house NOW! Both of you. Just get out,” I scream. I know I probably look like a crazy woman, but I didn’t care at this moment. Looking down
at JT, I snarl at him, “Get the fuck out of my house JT. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you keep your fucking opinions to yourself. You don’t know anything about me. Don’t you dare breathe a word of what you think “happened”. Just get out,” I scream at him and dive toward him swinging, but before my hand could hit him, Kane pulls me back. I jerk my body out of his arms and turn towards him, “Leave Kane. Just leave.”

  Kane looks at me and shakes his head. Standing he turns to JT, “Man, you need to leave.” JT didn’t even look at him. He stood just staring at me.