Always

  “Playing? I’m not playing, I’m trying to build a damned business! I’m busy, Hannah. She’s busy. She’s finishing up law school, taking extra courses to finish early as it happens. On top of that the girl works as well. I’m not chasing any skirts but hers, for the record. We may not be engaged but she’s the only woman I’m seeing and it’s been that way for nearly a year. Even with the distance. Surely I get some credit for that?”

  “What credit? That you’re not shoving your lad into every betty you see?”

  He burst out laughing at her use of slang. “I’ll have you know, I never shoved my lad into bettys indiscriminately. Thank you very much. She’s special. Ma is right about that, Laura too. She’s the kind of girl you’d bring home. But she’s not interested in it and neither am I. I didn’t move halfway across the world to tie myself to anyone. I have a business, a career to build. I’m not ready to settle down.”

  “Not ready to settle down? What will it take then? You’re being stubborn for no reason at all. You’ve been playing at house with this girl, well, sort of. And she’s only going to take so much. If she’s the kind of girl you’d bring home, why aren’t you? Because if you don’t, what’s to say one of those men she works with won’t? You’re going to look up and she’ll be gone, Eamon, and then what? You’ll move on? You two found each other again after four years. In another country by total happenstance. What if this is meant to be? Can you be so cavalier about something when it just might be the most right thing to ever happen to you? If she’s as special as you say, how can you be sure there’ll be another like her when this one moves on? Hmm?”

  “Much as I love you, Hannah, you don’t know what you’re on about. I won’t rip up my life like Michael did. He gave up everything for Laura. I’m too old and set in my ways to let anyone lead me by the nose.”

  Her brows flew up and he knew he’d gone very close to the edge of the ice with that one.

  “Michael had what here? A job and some friends. A flat. What does he have now? A great job, a home with his wife, friends and a life. A real life. You can take pictures anywhere, boyo, why feck around with this he-man bullshite? Rip up your life?” She made a sound of derision and he suddenly felt all of fifteen years old. “Yes, poor Michael the victim. He’s clearly lost sooo much in making the sacrifice to move to where Laura was. Sometimes, Eamon, one of the people in a couple has to make choices, choices that benefit the relationship as a whole. If all you want is a quick fuck, don’t mess around with nice girls like your Caitlin. You’re so much smarter than this.”

  Billy wandered in, saw the look on his mother’s face and laughed at Eamon.

  Eamon re-thought the skateboard he planned to send to his nephew for Christmas. “Go ahead and laugh. I’m getting on a plane to New York, you’ve got to go back home with her in this mood.”

  Billy just continued to laugh and his mother shook her head. “I want you to be happy, Eamon. And that’s worth more than just a job. You’re meant to share your life with someone. Love is a good thing. Stop running from it. Stop or you’ll lose her.”

  He wasn’t running from love, damn it. He enjoyed Caitlin, never denied it. He invited himself to her place next month hadn’t he? It didn’t all have to be marriage and having three kiddies. He had time. He wasn’t yet forty years old. He had time and there was nothing wrong with putting his work first.

  They shared a taxi to Heathrow, his nephew and sister going one way, he the other.

  New York was cold. It had started to snow and Eamon remembered what Caitlin had looked like with her fuzzy hat and coat on. He remembered making love to her slowly, licking every part of her on the rug in front of her fireplace as the golden light caressed her bare skin.

  He realized, even as he mixed and smiled at the party his host had invited him to, that he was lonely without her. He could have gone back home or to his hotel with several women he’d met during the evening but he didn’t. Briefly, he thought about what his sister had said, knew Caitlin must have been hit on, asked out, crushed on by multiple men all the time. She was beautiful, magnetic, she had a certain something that made a man take notice.

  The thought of another man wanting her burned in his gut, even as he smiled and nodded at something someone had said. He wanted to get to Seattle, to bury himself in her, to smell her skin and know she was his, even if just for the time he was there.

  Chapter Nine

  “There she is! The newest Assistant Attorney General!” He jogged to where she stood at baggage claim and swept her into a hug.

  She smiled, so obviously happy and he hugged her tighter, adding a kiss.

  “Thank you. It doesn’t seem real. I’m done with school. I have a job offer contingent on bar passage and wow, you’re here. I’ve missed you so much.”

  God she felt good, warm and squirmy against him.

  “Let’s get my bag and go back to your house. I have other ways to show you how proud I am of you.”

  She laughed and he realized his hand had found hers without his even thinking about it.

  “I’ve got a huge dinner planned for tomorrow and Anh and Vittorio have invited us for Thanksgiving. I told them I’d see how tired you were.”

  “Which is a very adorable way of giving me an out. Thank you.” He kissed the top of her head and grabbed his suitcase when it finally arrived. “Of course we’ll go. You speak of them so often, I’d like to meet them and I’m sure they’ll want to assure themselves I’m not out to rob you of your maidenhood.”

  Her laugh was one of a thoroughly debauched woman. So sexy a group of men standing nearby turned to look at her with appreciation.

  “Too late for that.”

  “Come along now. I have plans to continue your wicked, downward spiral once I get you alone.”

  He realized, as they drove back to her building, just how much he loved Seattle. Loved the cool green of it, loved the moisture and the color against all the gray of the sky. There were many comparisons to be made with his beloved Ireland, he had to admit. He found himself relaxing, breathing deep and slow, even in the truly heinous traffic.

  Part of that, a large part of that, was being with her again. With having her in his reach. He reached out and curled the softness of that ginger hair around a finger. Her lips curled up into a smile as he did it.

  “So it’s all over then? School?”

  “I have four finals left to take, but I’m not worried about them. I had a final paper to finish. That’s done. I’ll walk in June with the rest of the class but yes, other than the finals, I’m finished. I’ll start my bar prep class in January. Enough about me! How was Las Vegas?”

  He’d just returned from a trade show in Vegas the week before.

  “It was warm, colorful, larger than life. I ate a lot of great food. Took some great shots. Missed you. You would love it in Vegas. Maybe after you take the bar we can head down for a weekend or something. You need to lie out by the pool and be waited on a bit.”

  “I might just take you up on that. I have some time after the bar where I have absolutely no obligations.”

  “How long has it been, then? Since you’ve had no obligations?”

  “Eamon, don’t put me on a pedestal. To be honest, most of my life was when I had no obligations. I was spoiled as a child and into my teens and early adulthood. There’s a price to pay to be independent. I’ll gladly pay it. It’s been a hard few years but it’s all worth it.”

  “Spoiled,” he nearly growled the word. In reality, he’d pieced together from her comments that while she’d been surrounded by things, she hadn’t been paid much attention to. Children should be adored and cherished. You didn’t need to shove things at them, you needed to give them attention. “I don’t have you on a pedestal. I just know how hard you work.”

  She smiled again and he slid the backs of his fingers down the curve of her cheek.

  Back at her building they went straight to her apartment.

  “I don’t suppose you want a cup of tea first???
? she teased.

  “After.”

  He tossed off his sweater and T-shirt while she turned on the fireplace. The mid-day late autumn sun fell across the surfaces in the room, making pretty shadows but none as alluring as the one tossing off her clothes in front of him.

  The high, proud and not-quite-big curves of her breasts, the hardened nipples, the pale, sweeping indent and then flare of belly and hips—all parts of her he dreamed of. Her toes were painted a whimsical shade of purple. It made him smile, that concession to whimsy.

  “You look so shy there.” He opened his arms and she stepped into them. Her scent, clean, warm and a bit spicy, greeted him as he lowered his face to her neck, breathing her in.

  “I’ve missed you. Missed the way you smell. Come to bed then, so I can show you how much.”

  But it was Caitlin who did the showing, pushing him back to the mattress and scrambling over him, kissing him from ankle to the top of his head. His favorite parts were the bits in the middle.

  He looked up at her as she rose above him, reaching back to angle his cock. Her face lost its tension as she sank down, surrounding him with her snug heat.

  “Ride me then, Cat. Fuck me.”

  Her half-lidded eyes lit as she caught her lip between her teeth.

  She rose, leaving just the tip of his cock inside her. And then fell with a swivel, nearly blinding him with pleasure.

  Her hands gripped his biceps as she leaned forward to adjust his entry. Her nipples swept over his chest and she swallowed his groan as she bent to kiss him.

  Home. He was home again.

  She padded back into the room, drying her hair, still smiling. Sex, regular, mindblowing sex, was the best tension reliever she knew of. Holy smokes was Eamon hot.

  He sauntered out of the bathroom behind her, whistling.

  “I’m surprised your mouth works enough to whistle after the way you just used it in there.”

  He caught her from behind, hauling her against him. “Your shower head did most of the work, I just licked a bit here and there.”

  His breath against her ear sent a shiver through her. “Just when I think there’s no way I’m going to be ready for sex again after you leave me all boneless, you do it again. It’s like magic.”

  He laughed and kissed her temple. “You do say the nicest things. A man could get used to the flattery.”

  “Mmm. Incentive then.” She moved away, toward the kitchen. “I’m starving. How about something to eat?”

  Eamon’s trip to Seattle had come and gone and the year died out and bled into the next. He’d gone home to Ireland for Christmas and had stayed through the New Year, which sort of ruined her fantasies about licking champagne from his belly button at midnight.

  Her parents had actually invited her back home for Christmas but she’d refused after thanking them for the invitation.

  She needed to prepare, and adding a bunch of emotional beatdowns to her schedule didn’t sound all that appealing. On one hand, she appreciated that they’d called her and asked. The invitation sounded quite genuine. But on the other hand, she knew they still hadn’t accepted her choices and direction.

  Instead, she’d spent the holiday with Anh and Vittorio, eating far too much, playing on the Wii with the kids and knowing she was loved and appreciated for who she was. That was far better than what she’d have endured on a trip home.

  Still, they were her parents and try as she might otherwise, she still craved their respect. Much to her surprise, they did say they would come out in June for graduation. But it would be on her turf and something like that would be manageable and less laden with all the traps a trip home for Christmas would entail. Maybe they’d even come to a place where they could have some level of communication.

  In the meantime, Caitlin’s life had been consumed by the bar exam. She’d had classes at night and she took mock tests during her daylight hours. She spoke to Eamon often and had come to realize she felt far more than just like for him. He’d become hers in a very real sense. The problem was, she didn’t know if she was his. Or if he considered such things at all.

  A week or so before the bar exam, Caitlin realized she’d achieved a level of normalcy in her life for the first time in years. Yes, she was busy and studying a lot, but she had actual leisure time. Time to realize the situation with Eamon wasn’t going to suit her for much longer. She needed more from him. Just how much and when she wasn’t sure but she knew this part-time thing simply wasn’t enough.

  They’d tiptoed around the “what happens after the bar exam” issue. Well, she’d addressed it and he’d tiptoed. He planned to take her to Mexico in just a few days, right after the bar exam. He said it would be a belated Valentine to her as well as a graduation present. Who was she to turn down a trip with the sexiest, most charming man she knew? And she had missed the hell out of him. Missed the way he smelled, the feel of his hands on her shoulders as he stood behind her, the way he held her hand—tight, but not too—and kept pace so she didn’t have to jog to keep up.

  But it wasn’t enough. She said it out loud and it was like magic, she couldn’t take it back. There was no unsaying it, no unthinking it. There could be no more ignoring the elephant in the room.

  As if he’d known she was thinking of him, her phone rang and she rolled across her bed to pick it up.

  “Hello there, sexy.”

  He laughed and her insides warmed.

  “And how are you, love? I’ve been out and about all day and I’ve wanted to hear your voice. I feel much better now. The only thing that would be better was if I’d come home to see you in person.”

  “Would it? I’d like that. How can we make it work?”

  He paused and her heart pounded. “We’ll see each other in a little over a week, how does that work?” He said it lightly but it was clear he was dodging the real question.

  “You know what I mean. It’s really hard, being apart so much. I want to see you all the time, not just a few times a year.”

  “After you’ve settled in with your job and the bar is out of the way, we can visit back and forth much more regularly.” Another pause. “It’s not that you’re worried I’m after other women are you? Because I’m not.”

  She sighed. “No, I’m not worried about that but I appreciate the reassurance. It’s just that—”

  He interrupted, “Let’s just try out this new thing for a while, all right?”

  Anger flashed through her. “I’m not…don’t brush me aside, I don’t like it. Adam used to do that and I won’t have it. You can say you don’t want things to change. You can say you need to think. Whatever. But don’t fucking brush me aside like what I feel doesn’t matter or isn’t important enough to speak about. I’m hanging up now.”

  “Wait, don’t you fecking hang up in the middle of an argument! I wasn’t brushing you off and I’m insulted you’d compare me to that bastard.”

  “You interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to make a pronouncement. That’s brushing me off and I don’t like it. Most people don’t like it. I have to go, I’m in a bad mood now and I don’t want to be angry at you.”

  “Then don’t hang up on me. Adults can work things through by talking them out.”

  “That’s rich when that’s exactly what I was trying to do about our relationship when you blew me off.”

  He exhaled sharply and she nearly laughed, imagining the put-upon look on his face.

  “Let’s start over, okay? I don’t want us to be angry with each other either. I called you because I missed you. I said we could see each other more often after you got settled with your job. How do you know that won’t work if you haven’t tried it?”

  She knew because in the few months since she’d finished school she’d understood that she wanted someone in her life full time. Whether it was fair or not, she knew it in a way she hadn’t had time to know before.

  “Eamon, I don’t want a part-time boyfriend. You were just here a few weeks ago and in November before that. It??
?s not enough.”

  “We’ll talk about it in Mexico. You need to focus on the bar exam.”

  And she let him change the subject because she was afraid of not having him at all if she pushed too hard. And yet, for the first time when she hung up from a call with him, she was more nettled than comforted.

  The bar began in three days and she had far more to obsess on than her parents and their messed up dynamic or even what was going to happen between her and Eamon in the future.

  It was time to move to the hotel she’d be staying in for the duration of the bar exam. Just blocks away from the exam site so her entire focus would be on the test, studying and resting. To that end, she’d turned off her phone and put an away message on her email. It was time to focus on the test and only the test.

  For the first time in over a year, Caitlin had made herself unavailable and Eamon had to admit he hated it. In the wake of the argument they’d had in their last phone call, he felt even more edgy.

  Sure, there’d been times when they’d been really busy or had traded voicemails back and forth because he’d been traveling or their schedules hadn’t meshed but she’d never turned off her phone and left an away message on her email. He wanted her to come to him with how her exam was going. Wanted her to need the support from him, which admittedly was selfish but he wanted her to need him. At the same time, he had to admit that being needed by her freaked him out, a conundrum he feared would result in not having her at all.

  She’d told him she was going to go offline for the bar, of course. It wasn’t as if she’d just done it without telling him. It wasn’t in retaliation for their fight and it was for the bar exam after all. He understood she needed to put all her attention there.