Fair and Tender Ladies

  Ivy, pay attention! Geneva said.

  And then finely supper was over and Lonnie Rash follered me into the kitchen and said, Whats the matter Ivy? and I said, I will see you later. And Geneva and Judge Brack sang Alexanders Ragtime Band in the sitting room while little Johnny played the piano, he is getting to be a pretty good hand at this, he is learning it down at Hazels Entertainment from Blind Bill Smith, where Miss Torrington says he should not be allowed to go. Ludie and me and Mrs. Crouse did the dishes.

  When we were finely done I walked back in the sitting room, thinking now I must speak to Momma and Geneva about all of this, but I did not because there was Miss Torrington waiting for me. Usually she leaves the group and retires to her room as she says right after dinner. But that night she stood with her back to the rest of them, watching it snow out Genevas front window, she turned when I came and said Ivy, only that, but the way she said it given me kind of a start. It was like she owned me.

  But then she gave me a nice warm smile and said, while the rest of them were singing Shenandoah, that she was too wrought up to go right to sleep and consequently she thought it might be a good night for us to begin our drawing lesson.

  And I said, Oh yes immediately, for this was something I had been hoping for. So we went up the stairs to her room while the rest of them were singing, I could feel Lonnie Rashes brown eyes burning holes in my back. I did not turn around ether.

  I had never been in Miss Torringtons room, which is the large one in the front, right over the sitting room. It was neat as a pin. Miss Torrington was very businesslike. She moved her books and papers to clear a space at the writing table, and then from the wardrobe she took a lether box and opened it to reveal drawing pencils of every shade in the rainbow, it took my breth away! She layed the box open on the table, and come back with some thick white paper. Now then my dear, she said, and drew up the rooms two chairs to the table, and pulled the lamp over closer to us. She took a deep breth then picked up one of the pencils, charcole gray.

  Now then Ivy, she said, and she began to draw, and in no time flat her page was filled. Roses in a bowl, a horse, a house, a mountain, a girl who looked like me. Her pencil moved so fast on the paper I could not see it move.

  How do you do this? I said, How do you make the mountain seem so far away.

  Ah, said Miss Torrington, That is perspective. You will need to learn perspective, Ivy Rowe.

  Now, she said, and gave me a gray pencil like her own. Like this, she said, and we began. She drew, and I copied her lines, and the minutes flew past. We drew a house. Downstairs they were singing Alexanders Ragtime Band agian, I could hear Geneva belting it out and another high loud voice that I thought belonged to the woman who was from Lynchburg originally. We drew a tree. Yes, Miss Torrington murmured. Yes. I was very exited. Very good, Miss Torrington said. Now you just continue, and she stood behind me as I continued.

  At first I was not even aware of her standing there, I was so wrapped up in what I was doing, putting more gray on one side of the tree to show that was the shade. Oh yes, she said, Exactly, and as she leaned over my sholder to look, I felt her breth on my neck. She rested her hand on my sholder. Like this, she said, and took my pencil for a minute and began to shade the tree, and then I saw how and she gave me back my pencil and I continued.

  And then, Silvaney, Miss Torrington kissed my neck! I froze, Silvaney, right there with my pencil above the tree. I could not breth, I could not think what to do, but while I was still thinking it seemed, I found myself jumping up from there and in my haste I knocked over the chair and bumped the table so that all the drawing pencils went flying to the floor. And I flung the charcole drawing pencil across the room as hard as ever I could.

  Miss Torrington sank down on her bed with her mouth in a wide round O. Oh what have I done? she said, and her hands flew up to her face and she started crying. I think she was just as surprised as me. Oh Ivy please forgive me, she said but I could not see her face.

  Nor could I speak.

  I lit out of that room as fast as I could go, and didn’t even answer Geneva who had come to the foot of the stairs to say, Whats all the commotion?

  I was just helping Miss Torrington pack, I finely said, and Geneva said Oh and went back in the sitting room where Johnny was playing piano. I knew I could not go down there. Instead I ran up one more flight of stairs to the third floor where you know my room is, and there was Lonnie Rash sitting at the top of the steps by himself.

  Ivy girl, he said, Come here Ive been waiting on you for a hour it seems like. What is the matter with you, girl?

  Why nothing at all Lonnie, I lied, because I knew I could not say, and oh Silvaney, I can never say! And then because I could not think what else to do next I let Lonnie kiss me standing there in the hall, and I liked it, and he put his hands on my titties like he was used to doing. Whats the matter Ivy? You are shaking, Lonnie said, and I said, I think I am getting a cold, but the fact is that I was real exited. I was real exited from the drawing lesson and from what Miss Torrington had done, which was awful. So then when Lonnie said Come on now Ivy, oh come on honey please, let me go in there tonight, which is what he always said, I said Yes.

  And I took him in my room for the first time and closed the door behind us and took off all my clothes and layed down on the bed and let him do it to me. It hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I rember I layed there looking out across Lonnies hair and his white back in the light coming in the window, the light coming off the snow. It hurt a lot. But then Lonnie kissed me a lot and told me he loved me and said, We will get maried. Say you love me, Lonnie said, but I didnt say a thing, and then he tickled me and said Say it, say I love you Lonnie, and finely I gave in and said I love you Lonnie, but Silvaney I do not. Then Lonnie went to sleep but I could not sleep, I was as Miss Torrington said, too wrought up. I got up and washed between my legs with the water from the basin, in that light the blood looked black. But there did not seem to be too much of it.

  Then I went over to the window and looked out at the town, the way I always look out my window, at the Presbyterian Church steeple and the Methodist School where I go now and the backs of all the houses on Shady Lawn Street, and Genevas shed and our own backyard. Everything shone white in the snow, and the buildings looked all diffrent, and everything looked diffrent in the snow. The moon was about half full.

  Lonnie layed in my bed taking up nearabout all of it. He brethed slow and deep and peaceful, like a little boy. I looked out the window at the moon and the mountains and the black slash of the river in the snow. Nothing moved. Lonnie was brething. All the streets and roads were covered by the snow. I looked out my window and felt so sad, and then all of a sudden I knew why, because I have lost it now, Majestic Virginia which used to be mine. And this room in Geneva Hunts bordinghouse is not my own ether, not any more, I have lost it too because of bringing Lonnie up here. I do not understand this Silvaney, but it is true. So I stayed awake awhile and looked out on the town but it aint mine any more Silvaney, it is not. I have lost it now. And my boyfriend Lonnie is very sweet. And even though so many things have happened I want you to know that I will always remain your loving and faithful sister just the same as I was up on the mountain,

  IVY ROWE.

  Dear Miss Torrington,

  I recieved the letter which you left for me, and the fountain pen which is beutiful. Thank you. I am writing with it now. I am glad I knew you. I hope you have a safe journey back to Boston and a good life in the future, for I will always remain your grateful student,

  IVY ROWE.

  Dear Beulah,

  No I am not going to be maried. I know what you have heard, and it is true I have a boyfriend Lonnie Rash, but I am not going to be maried anyway. And I am having a real bad time right now getting everbody to believe me, and stop bothering me about it. The hardest one is my boyfriend Lonnie himself who says, Why not? Why not, Ivy? If you love me then we should get maried before I join up with Louis Judds Army in the bottom, a
nd go to War.

  But Beulah, I do not love Lonnie, believe me. There is a strong feeling I get when I am with him, it is true, but when I am not with him I do not have this feeling, and if it was love, I would. Or I think I would, do you? For I used to marvel at how you kept on loving Curtis when he wasnt even there. Jane Eyre loved Mister Rochester so much that she could hear him cry out Jane! Jane! across the miles. It was like she was with him all the time. And I think of poor Momma who goes on and on after death loving Daddy so much it will finely kill her I think. Well Beulah, when I am with Lonnie he gets me tickled, and he is good looking, and sweet and nice. But sometimes right in the middle of when Lonnie is talking to me, my mind will wander off to think of other things, mostly of when we were all living up there on Sugar Fork, of Daddy and Danny and Silvaney, and of all the old stories. Sometimes I worry Beulah, that I can not just pick up and go on like you and Ethel do. Do you know what I mean? Or I will think of a song or a poem. And one time Beulah, I got to thinking about how to make a marble cake which Geneva is teaching me!

  So I know I can not mary Lonnie Rash. But when he sits me down and looks me in the eye, I can not say why not. I can not say Lonnie, I do not love you, to his face. And it may be that I do love him in away, sort of as much as I love, oh Garnie. I love him about that much. I know I am too honnest for my own good so you dont have to say it, Ethel has said it already! But I can not lie straight to his face, I love him too much for that. And yet I know it is not a love to die for, not like Revel and Mrs. Brown, it is not a love to stop the heart. So I have said, I have to stay with Momma now and help her out, we will get maried after the war.

  I guess he will give up and join Louis Judds Army in the bottom before long, and I will be glad, believe you me! although I will miss him so. But right now I am living a lie which bothers me something awful. And this is not all. Lonnie Rash is not the only one bothering me about this. I am surprised to tell you that Geneva has told me I ought to go on and mary Lonnie while I have got the chance. I was surprised to death to hear her say it. You know she is one to talk! But Geneva says a husband is not a bad idea and may calm me down some and keep me from grabbing at straws, I am not sure what she means. She says Lonnie is as sweet as they come, and this is true I know, but Beulah I do not love him enough! Geneva says this will not signify, that love dont last long anyway, and I may as well get me a nice one while the getting is good.

  And Miss Maynard has said I am ruint and can not come to help at the school any more, that I have learned all they have to teach me anyway, and I better look for another position. Miss Maynard is so mean to me now that I think she has hated me all along, and was jealous of how much Miss Torrington favored me. Miss Maynard said I am ruint one day after she saw Lonnie going down the steps from the third floor, she said it to Judge Brack before breakfast who laughed and said Oh I would not say ruint my dear but merely compromised. And little Momma says nothing Beulah, she looks out at the mountains and smiles a little and says Well Ivy, you certainly have got yourself in a stew now but I must say you have got a mind of your own, you take after old Granny Rowe who never did one thing she did not want to. But it is like Momma is talking to somebody else, not her own daughter, it is like she moves farther and farther beyond us in her mind.

  So Beulah, what do you think? I am so curios to know. Do you think I am ruint or merely compromised? The only one on my side is Ethel who says I ought not mary Lonnie, he is too dumb! So I will stick to my guns agianst them all.

  And speaking of guns, this will tickle Curtis, here is a funny story in the middle of all my trouble. It is what happened about Louis Judds Army lately and Judge Brack told it on himself. Geneva said, I dont know if I would tell that, Judge, if I was you! But it is so funny. This is what happened. Louis Judd has been coming over to town and comandeering his provisions, as he calls them, and charging them all to the U.S. Army. He writes U.S. Army on the charge slips, and takes what he wants, and that is all. Everybody is scarred to stop him, or say anything, because his men are armed to the teeth and he has got so many of them camping out there in the bottom. Plus Louis Judd keeps getting promoted or promoting himself, nobody knows which it is. But every now and then he makes a trip out of town and then comes back with a higher rank and a brand new uniform. Right now he is up to Captain. And he has charged up money all over town until all the merchants feel that they will lose their shirt. So a bunch of them, the ones that Louis Judd owes the most to, got together in a body and came to see Judge Brack and asked him to go over there please and try to find out what is the story, and when will they be paid.

  So Judge Brack agreed to do it, and he went. He said that that camp is really something, very organized and military exactly like a real Army camp. He had to give his name twice to Judds men, once to cross the bridge and once to get to Judds tent where Judge Brack found to his great surprise, as he said it to us later, that Judd was inside seated on a folding chair and smoking a pipe while an orderly gave him a foot-bath.

  Now listen here Louis, Judge Brack said he began without preamble for he had known Louis Judd and his family all his life. Stoney Branham and the others have sent me over here to ask you just exactly when and how you plan to honnor your debts.

  It is good to see you Robert, said Louis Judd, We are honnored by your visit here today.

  I have come to inquire about your debts outstanding Louis, Judge Brack said. Dont be so goddam friendly.

  Now now Robert, said Louis Judd. I will respond to all your questions in due time. Right now I am having a foot-bath.

  I can see that, Judge Brack said shortly.

  Have you ever had a foot-bath, Robert? Louis Judd asked, and Judge Brack said that No, he had not.

  This here is a outstanding foot-bath, Louis Judd went on to say. My boy puts something special in it. What is it that you put in here boy? he asked, and his orderly said, Epsom salts sir.

  Epsom salts, Louis Judd said. I can highly reccomend the use of epsom salts in a foot-bath.

  So this foot-bath goes on, according to Judge Brack, for a quarter of an hour, and the upshot of it all was that finely Judge Brack took off his own shoes and socks, and the orderly fetched him a fresh pan of epsom salts and hot water, and Judge Brack started having a foot-bath too. He said it felt so good he scarcely noticed when Louis Judd dried his feet and put his own shoes and socks back on, nor did he pay much mind when Louis Judd stood up and walked to the door of the tent and stood there looking out at his regiment. Judge Brack said he never thought a thing about it until the minute after that, when Louis Judd who was standing by that tent flap big as life, just up and disappeared, and his boy with him! Judge Brack said it was like that boy had vannished into thin air. Judge Brack got real mad as you might immagine, but it was too late by then because Judd and the boy were nowhere to be found and of course they had taken Judge Bracks shoes and socks with them. He had to walk back across the bridge barefoot and all through town, cussing every step of the way, and it just as cold as cold could be that day with a freezing rain falling. By the time he got back to Genevas his feet were bright red, I saw them myself. And now he has got a bad cold. But Judge Brack says to everybody at the end of this story which he has told and told, By god it was a hell of a foot-bath none the less!

  And now the big news Beulah, which has just come while I was writing down the foot-bath part of this letter, the big news—Garnie came running in here first to tell it, and now it is all over town, so it must be true! is that Louis Judds Army is going to war, they are going for sure, they are packing up now and they will leave in three days, this is official. So Stoney Branham will be paid by the U.S. Army and Ethel will be so happy since she helps keep the books for him now, and everybody else will get paid too, and Lonnie will join them now I know, and leave here.

  Lonnie has just been waiting to see if Louis Judds Army was on the up and up as he says. Beulah I confess it, I will miss him so much, and yet I am glad he is going. I feel both these ways at exactly the same time, I know it
is awful! It is why I cannot mary him ether. I would end up acting like Emma Bovary which was awful, but I can see why she did it, I know I would do it too. I have said as much to Miss Maynard in fact who said Well Ivy you are an impossible girl, I guess this is true too.

  However I do NOT believe that if you make your bed, you have to sleep in it for ever. Do you? Anyway they are leaving, Lonnie is leaving. This is the big news for now.

  I remain your devoted but compromised sister,

  IVY ROWE.

  Dear Silvaney,

  Lonnie is gone.

  He joined up with the Army just before they left. I walked with him all through town to the river, down to the bridge. Lonnie was walking very stiff-like with everything he owns in his old cloth bag that was his daddys, the one he came to the bordinghouse with. He does not own much, Lonnie, he is twenty years old today. He turned and grinned at me, You are so pretty Ivy, he said, and I smiled but inside I was screaming at him. Dont leave, dont leave, I dont even know you yet oh God I never took the time but what a nice looking stiff-legged boy you are, oh Lord I hate to see you go. I will miss your hands on my titties and how you can make me laugh. I will miss you, I will miss you I thought. It all came over me in a rush as we walked along, for I thought, May be this is the last time I will see you Lonnie Rash, this is it. When you come back from the war you will be all different, you will be a man. I just smiled at him.

  The sun was real bright but skittish, sliding in and out of the fast-moving clouds. The sky was so blue. I thought, It was almost exactly a year ago, in March, that we came here. So many things have happened, it seems longer. It seems years. I have grown up I guess, although Miss Mabel Maynard would tell you I am no lady. Nevermind. In fact we passed Miss Maynard as we walked through town to the river, we passed right by the open door of the Methodist School just as Miss Maynard stepped outside to beat her erasers. She made an awful cloud of dust in the air and started coughing, then she turned and saw me and Lonnie Rash and stopped beating her erasers together and stood for a minute in the white cloud of dust with her hands raised up, not moving.